Work Text:
Tony knew he was dreaming. He had to be. It had to be a dream because he didn’t go through the wormhole in Afghanistan. His dad hadn’t been there in New York. So, logically, Tony knew this must be a dream.
In reality? It felt so fucking real Tony just wasn’t sure anymore. He kept seeing the Chitauri ship blowing up with the nuke, but at the same time felt himself being waterboarded in Afghanistan. He kept seeing Yinsen die, over and over and over again, while also seeing his dad throw tumblers of scotch at him but ultimately hitting the wall. He kept feeling all the times no one else was home, when the belt would come out. At the same time, he was felt like he couldn’t breathe, like he was in space again, with a suit that wasn’t prepared for that.
All of these thoughts, feelings, memories, kept flooding through his head in no particular order. They weren’t welcome. But Tony didn’t know how to make them stop.
.
.
Eventually, he woke up. Waking up was more along the lines of jolting awake in a cold sweat, feeling like there wasn’t enough air in the world. It was like having a fire underneath you, while being frozen in a block of ice. It was hot and cold, wet and dry, comforting and disconcerting. All of these feelings came flooding into his system.
Tony stumbled out of bed, towards the bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face, before telling JARVIS to turn on the shower, and to have coffee waiting when he was done.
.
The shower seemed to help a bit, but the coffee enabled him to get down to the shop. And the shop let him get back to work. Getting back to work felt normal, human, something that would never change. Tony thought that maybe going up to bed had been a bad idea. He hardly ever had night terrors when he fell asleep in the shop, but had them almost every time he went to sleep in his bed.
“That’s it,” he muttered to himself, “it’s the bed. Just can’t sleep there anymore.”
And so, Tony didn’t. He fell asleep in the workshop whenever he just couldn’t run on caffeine anymore. This solution seemed to work. That is until Steve found out.
.
.
”Tony?”
Tony heard someone calling his name. He was sitting next to the workbench with his head on the workbench. He must have fallen asleep again.
“Hmmm?”
“Tony why are you still down here? You said you were going to bed last night!”
Steve had been down earlier, just sitting and drawing. Also occasionally distracting DUM-E but that wasn’t the point. The point was it was now almost 8 AM, and Tony had said he was going to bed around 9 the previous night.
“I did? I just got up early and fell asleep again?” Tony phrased his statements less as statements and more as questions, knowing Steve wouldn’t buy the excuse either way, they knew each other too well.
Steve just sighed, giving him what Clint called “the eyebrows of disappointment.”
Tony looked at Steve sheepishly, “Hey! At least I got a decent amount of sleep last night!”
Of course, JARVIS, the traitor, decided to butt in, “Sir, the recommended amount of sleep per night is eight hours. I believe you’ve had as many hours in three days.”
Tony looked at the ceiling (damn it Steve!) with annoyance, “Okay fine you tattletale! You’re going to the nearest community college ASAP!”
“As always sir.”
Steve opened his mouth to speak but Tony beat him to it, “If you say one thing about my sleeping habits, I am revoking all of your security codes to get into the tower. Including the workshop and the gym. Choose your next words wisely.”
The look on Steve’s face looked like he was in actual pain holding back his words, but he managed.
“H-have you eaten to- in the last 24 hours?”
Tony just chuckled, “Hell if I know, just ask JARVIS. Unless someone drags me, I live off coffee.”
JARVIS responded, too sassily Tony might add, with, “Sir, it has indeed been approaching 48 hours since you ate anything substantial. Might I suggest you eat something soon?”
.
.
So Steve dragged Tony upstairs for lunch. Tony grumbled through the whole thing, despite the fact that his stomach had been growling the whole time Steve had been in the shop.
To his credit, Steve didn’t say anything about Tony’s sleep habits. Instead he talked about movie night on Friday (Clint wanted to watch Titanic again, no one else agreed), how he thought the suit could be improved (they had an argument over strength vs. flexibility), and some new coffee Steve had seen on his run (surprise! It wasn’t actually new).
Tony finished his sandwich and stood up, “Thanks for lunch Cap, but I have to get back to the shop. Suits to improve, deadlines to meet, yada yada.” Tony turned to head to the elevator.
“Are you sure you don’t want to watch a movie or something? Considering that somehow Clint always gets the movie he wants on movie night? Maybe we could watch something now to make up for Titanic?”
Steve was rubbing the back of his neck anxiously, waiting for Tony to give him a response.
Tony looked like he could see straight through what Cap was trying to do, “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing here Rogers. But. I’ll indulge you, only because we get stuck watching Titanic later.” After a pause, he added, “What movie were you thinking?”
A look of pure relief washed over Steve’s face, “Well, there’s a lot of movies on my catch up list that I haven’t watched yet. We could pick one from there?”
.
.
They ended up watching Grease. Steve didn’t understand why the movie was so important. Tony just gaped at him.
“How could you say that? I’ll have you know, this movie is a classic. I think it’s considered unpatriotic to not know it!”
Steve just laughed, “Ya know, not everything I do has to be uber patriotic. Captain America is just a name.”
Tony mocked back, “ cAptAIN AmeIcA iS jUst A nAMe.”
Steve just sighed and turned his attention back to Summer Nights.
.
.
A few weeks later, it had become a habit, more of a tradition really. Tony would spend too much time in the shop, and not enough time eating, sleeping, or socializing. Steve would appear and drag him to the communal floor for food and a movie after. This happened at least twice a week.
Tony was fine. As long as no one else figured out his problem with sleep, he wouldn’t have a problem. And they wouldn’t. Partially because he had banned JARVIS from telling anyone, and also, he was well versed on running on adrenaline and caffeine.
Until one day, his secret wasn’t a secret anymore.
.
.
Tony had been working in the shop for four days straight. He’d probably had two hours of sleep a night, if that. He told himself that he was just gonna lay his head down on the workbench for a few minutes. That didn’t work out so well.
Steve came down an hour later, knowing full well Tony hadn’t left the shop in days. He was fully prepared to have to drag Tony to eat. What he wasn’t expecting, was for Tony to be asleep on the workbench.
“I knew it was gonna catch up with him eventually.” Steve thought to himself as he approached the bench. “Tony?”
Tony was out like a light.
Steve decided that sleeping bent over the workbench wasn’t good for anyone. A bed was the best place to sleep. He picked Tony up and told JARVIS to take them to Tony’s floor.
.
.
It had to be a dream. This whole thing had to be a dream. There was no way dad could have been in Afghanistan. He hadn’t been,there’d been no beatings in Afghanistan, just the water. Obie couldn’t have been in space, the arc reactor wasn’t gone when he was in space, he just couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t paralyzed in space either. There was no way this was real. This feeling was familiar, but Tony couldn’t quite place it. He knew what he was seeing wasn’t real, but couldn’t find a way out. He felt the cold sweat of terror running down his neck. He felt the familiar shakes in his hands. He felt the air leaving his lungs for the last time.
He sat straight up in bed, screaming and sobbing.
.
.
“Captain?”
Steve was startled out of his drawing, “Yes JARVIS?”
It wasn’t unusual for JARVIS to alert him to something, he just hadn’t been expecting it. Usually, it was Tony needing help in the shop. Fury always just called.
“It appears Sir is in distress. I would advise proceeding to his floor immediately.”
Steve was already running for the elevator, “JARVIS? What is it? Is he hurt?”
“I would advise speed as well as caution.”
And that was all Steve could get out of JARVIS during the elevator ride.
.
.
As soon as the doors opened, Steve could hear Tony. He heard the screaming and suddenly began to think he should have brought the shield. Steve just started sprinting toward Tony’s room.
He burst in, expecting to find that someone had broken in. Expecting to see Tony being tortured. Expected to see blood. Expected to have to fight his way through.
The only thing he saw was Tony, screaming and sobbing, trying to break free of the covers.
“JARVIS? What is this? What’s wrong? Can I touch him?” Steve had to shout to be heard.
JARVIS responded immediately, “I believe Sir has woken from a night terror, I believe it to be safe to touch him, although I advise proceeding with caution.”
It took a split second for Steve to cross the room. Immediately, he drew the covers off. Tony’s cries seemed to lessen.
“Tony? Can you hear me? Do you know who I am?”
Tony had stopped screaming and blinked at Steve. He seemed rather groggy and disoriented.
His response came in a whisper, “Steve?”
Steve breathed a sigh of relief, “Yeah Tony, it’s me. What happened?”
Tony’s eyes went wide again, welling up with fresh tears, “N-nothing. I-its n-nothing.”
Steve gave another sigh, this one in frustration, “Tony, you know you can talk to me. I’m not gonna tell anyone anything you don’t want told.”
Tony went to get up, “I-i said i-it’s nothing C-cap. Sorry J bothered you.” He turned to look at the ceiling, “JARVIS, don’t do that anymore.
Steve caught him, his legs apparently not wanting to hold him up. “Tony, I know we haven’t been friends very long, but if something has you this shaken then clearly it’s
not nothing. Can you just tell me?”
Tony whispered something that Steve couldn’t make out, even with supersoldier hearing. He asked Tony to repeat himself. This time, he could make out what Tony said.
“Can’t. Stark men are made of iron. Can’t. Stark men are made of iron.” Tony was shivering as he said this.
Steve pulled away to get a blanket and maybe some water, but almost immediately, Tony latched onto him.
“Don’t leave. Please, don’t leave.”
Steve’s heart broke in two at that, “‘m not going anywhere Tony. Just getting a blanket.” He figured the water could wait.
Steve got the blanket, wrapping Tony as best he could. He ended up just tucking Tony into his side, trying his best to warm him up. Steve knew that Tony had issues, the whole team did. They tried not to ask questions about the past unless it was absolutely necessary, knowing memories could dredge up painful feelings that no one wanted to remember. Asking questions wasn’t always a good idea. However, in this situation, Steve felt like he had no other choice. Tony was visibly shaken by his nightmare, enough that he couldn’t really talk. And if Tony Stark wasn’t talking? That was the biggest red flag you could get.
Eventually, Tony’s breathing evened out to a normal rate. The shivering never quite stopped, but Steve was more focused on trying to get Tony talking.
“Tony?”
There was sleepy hum from the blanket bundle.
“Are you awake? Can we talk?”
Tony poked his head out from the blanket, “Do we have to? ‘S nice in here.”
Steve couldn’t help but huff out a laugh, “As much as I wish we didn’t, I really think we do.”
Tony sighed and paused before responding,”Okay,” he shrugged out of the blanket, “what did you want to know?”
“I’m not even really sure where to start, but I guess maybe start with the nightmares?”
Tony sighed again, “Well, first, of course, there’s dear old dad.”
Steve winced.
Tony continued, “And then Afghanistan and, consequently, Obie. And then after that, there’s the whole, I died going through a wormhole into space and was scared back
to life by the Hulk roaring thing. Anything else you want to know?”
Steve cleared his throat, “Why hasn’t this happened before? Have I just been oblivious or…?”
There was a chuckle from Tony, “Well, as oblivious as you can be sometimes Steve, this wasn’t you being oblivious. This is me not sleeping in bed because it causes nights like this. I’m assuming you’re the one that brought me up to bed from the shop?”
Steve nodded, unsure of where Tony was going.
“I’m sure you noticed how unlived in this room was?”
Thinking back on it, Steve thought the room seemed musty, so he nodded again.
“That would be because it hasn’t been used in - JARVIS, how long have I been sleeping in the shop?”
“I don’t know that what you’ve been doing constitutes as sleep Sir, but you have not slept in your bed in roughly three weeks.”
“Okay wow, longer than I thought, but anyhow. I’ve just been falling asleep in the shop, because if I sleep in bed I wake up with nightmares. Those got real old real fast, so I just decided the couch in the shop was comfy enough.” Tony ended his speech with a sigh, slumping back against Steve.
Steve tucked Tony tighter into the blanket before speaking again, “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped.”
Tony’s prolonged silence was answer enough for Steve.
He started out softly, “I know what Howard always said, but I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, that’s not true. If you’re struggling, I’m here, the team is here. You can talk to any of us Tony. Not one person on this team is going to judge you. No one. If you’re not sleeping, that’s important to us. It’s important that we know, because we all have to have each other’s backs. We work as a team, that’s the only way we defeat whatever’s out there. I know you’ve always been told not to rely on anyone else Tony, and I know that despite what I tell you, you’re always gonna believe that in some way, shape, or form. I just,” Steve paused, “I just want to be able to be there for you, no matter when it is, or what it is. I want to be the person you turn to.”
After a few minutes, Steve went to pull away, figuring Tony would want some space.
“Don’t go.” Steve thought he heard Tony whisper.
“What?”
Tony looked up at Steve with tears in his eyes,”Please don’t go. Stay? Here? With me?”
How was Steve supposed to say no to that?
“Of course,” Steve slid under the covers, Tony curled in his embrace, “I’ll stay for as long as you want me.”
“Forever?”
Taking a risk, Steve pressed a kiss to Tony’s head, “If that’s how long you want me, then yes, forever.”
And that’s how they fell asleep,Tony covered by Steve, getting the first real sleep he’d had in weeks.