Work Text:
Japanese figure skater Yuuri Katsuki sat on a chair in the hallway outside the large conference room. As other JSF figure skaters walked by casually greeting each other, the dark-haired man was hunched in deep concentration over the small, white sign, nervously twiddling his marker.
Yuuri’s coach, Victor Nikiforov, approached, flipping his silver hair out of his eyes and smiling down at him. “It’s almost time. Do you have your theme for this season ready?”
“I think so,” Yuuri replied. Holding up the sign, he asked, “Well, what do you think?”
Victor’s blue eyes widened for a moment, and then he burst out laughing.
“Oh,” Yuuri said hesitantly, looking down at the sign. “Did I spell it wrong?”
In the center of the white board written out in thick, black ink were the Cyrillic letters: сука блять.
“Sooka blet,” Yuuri sounded out. “I thought since I’m training with you guys in St. Petersburg, it would be nice to use the Russian phrase.”
Victor put a hand over his face, trying to stifle another laugh, his shoulders shaking.
“V-Victor...?” Yuuri asked, “That’s not how you say ‘Friendship’ in Russian, is it?”
“No, it’s not.” Victor laughed. “Next time you have a question about the Russian language, please come to me first.”
“Ugh, Yurio!” the Japanese man sighed.
At the Yu-topia Katsuki onsen resort, which was owned by Yuuri’s parents in Hasetsu, Victor and Yuuri sat on floor cushions at a low wooden table, picking up pieces of sushi with chopsticks from rectangular ceramic plates and happily chatting. They relaxed in comfortable cotton robes after soaking in the hot spring. At an adjoining table, Yuuri’s old dance instructor, Minako-sensei, was seated. Her long, brown hair and necklace swayed as she waved her glass enthusiastically at the pair. She was working her way through a bottle of sake, loudly telling Victor her opinions about this season’s Olympics figure skating picks.
The paper screen door at the end of the room slid open, and the skaters’ rinkmate, champion Russian figure skater Yuri Plisetsky, barged into the room. He slammed the door shut behind him, kicking off his sneakers before stepping up onto the tatami mats. The small, blond teenager wore tight, black jeans and a zipped-up leopard print jacket. The hood of his jacket was pulled up over his light blond hair.
“Hey, Yurio!” Victor greeted him warmly. “Do you want something to eat?”
“I told you to stop calling me that, Victor!” the boy snarled. Turning to Yuuri he said, “Hey Katsudon, how do you say ‘Cat’ in Japanese?”
Yuuri looked at the the boy for a moment, then gave him a friendly smile and responded, "Pantsu.”
Minako opened her mouth wide to say something, but Yuuri gave her a sharp look and and quickly shook his head. Minako’s mouth snapped shut and she stared at him.
Yuri wrote the word on the palm of his hand with a ballpoint pen. “Pant-soo ,” he practiced to himself. “Thanks!” he called over his shoulder, as he shoved his feet back into his sneakers and scurried out of the room.
Minako gave Yuuri a calculating look, then slurred, “Do I even want to know?”
“Nope,” Yuuri grinned, taking a sip of his green tea.
Yuri crouched down on the sidewalk, his arm outstretched. The skinny, orange-striped tabby cat eyed him warily from behind some potted geraniums. After talking to Yuuri, he had swiped some slices of raw fish from the kitchen when Yuuri’s mother, Hiroko, stepped out the back door to set some empty sake bottles out in the alley. He tossed the slices of fish over toward the cat, and then sat back on his heels, waiting.
Yuri called out softly, “Pantsu, pantsu.”
He heard giggling and looked up, annoyed. Three schoolgirls hurried by him on the sidewalk, tucking their school uniform skirts tight to their legs and whispering to each other. Ugh, stupid girls, he thought to himself, looking back to the cat, which still eyed him cautiously.
“Pantsu,” he called out a little more insistently.
Yuri heard a disapproving tsk, and looked up to see a woman glaring as she hurriedly dragged her toddler past him.
When Yuri looked back to the potted plants, he noticed with disappointment that the cat had crept away.
The three figure skaters were visiting Japan to perform in the Japanese Stars on Ice show, which had also given Yuuri Katsuki an opportunity to see his family and friends and to do a press tour.
That morning, they had taken a bullet train into Tokyo and sat for an interview on a Japanese talk show, which Yuri Plisetsky found to be absolutely bizarre. The set was brightly lit in bewildering colors, and Yuri could not follow all the Japanese banter from the multiple hosts or the laughter from the studio audience. He was relieved that they mostly wanted to talk to Yuuri and Victor.
After he felt like he had been sitting there in awkward silence for an eternity, one of the female hosts smiled at Yuri and asked him in English a series of the usual questions—what type of music he liked, where he got the clothes he was wearing, and finally, she asked him to describe his favorite thing. At least the last one was an easy question for him to answer.
“Most of my fans know this,” the boy replied, “but my absolute favorite thing is pantsu. If I could own all the pantsu in the world, I would!”
Over his shoulder, he heard Yuuri choke and then snort. When the host smiled politely and translated his answer into Japanese, the audience burst out laughing and applauding.
Ha! Yuri thought to himself. As usual, I am WAY more entertaining than old man Victor and his little piglet.
Normally, Yuuri Katsuki was a nervous wreck after TV interviews, but this time in the cab ride back to their Tokyo hotel, he seemed to be in unusually high spirits.
A few days later at the Stars on Ice performance, Yuri had skated one of his wild, high-speed routines to a hardcore metal mix his best friend, figure skater and club DJ Otabek Altin, had put together for him. As he completed his final frenzied spin and then struck his ending pose in time to the music, the arena erupted into even louder screams and cheers than he was used to. Making his way over toward the exit, Yuri was startled to see that the ice wasn’t covered with the usual stuffed animals his fans normally threw to him; It was littered with ladies’ underwear.
Wow! Yuri thought, Japan is such a strange place.
Standing over at the exit, Yuuri Katsuki clung to Victor, absolutely dying with laughter. Teenage Japanese figure skater Minami Kenjirou was standing with the pair, tears streaming down his grinning face. Victor had been clapping along with the crowd, and as the skater approached, Victor stretched out his hands toward Yuri and flashed him a huge, heart-shaped smile. Yuri Plisetsky skidded to a stop and stared at the three of them, suddenly comprehending.
Around him, underwear still rained down onto the ice. A pair of pink, lacy panties soared through the air and landed on the skater’s head. Yuri glared furiously at the hysterical group with pink lace draped across one eye like a veil. Yuuri completely lost it. He squealed with laughter, tore himself away from Victor’s embrace, and ran off down the corridor away from the rink. Minami was leaning on the wall, pounding his fist and shrieking with laughter.
Yuri icily fastened the plastic hard guards onto the blades of his skates, then he grabbed Minami by a fistful of his shirt and yanked him upright, staring into his face. Minami looked terrified, but he still held his sides, letting out little whimpering giggles.
Yuri growled at him, “How do you say ‘Cat’ in Japanese?”
His eyes wide with terror, Minami stared back at the enraged Russian skater and gasped out, “N-Neko.”
“Out of my way!” Yuri roared. “I’m going to murder that little piggy!”