Work Text:
Imagine this if you will: Two people sit across each other at a table. A warm, orange glow, emanates from the candle in the middle of a table. Both people are dressed nicely. One a fair skinned girl, with long brown hair and a messy bun, wearing a silky black dress she saves for special occasions. The other a boy, bulky, shy, dark skinned with short curly hair, wearing a nice black suit and tie. Both are well meaning, kind, attractive people, but they’re also both quiet. Not a lot of words are being said. There’s the occasional “How was your day?”, both work at the same office, so they can briefly vent about any griefs they have with their job, but otherwise? Nothing. Just silence. The girl drumming her fingers on the table, the guy awkwardly taking bites of his dinner. There’s just… no chemistry between them, scientifically speaking.
This has been my life for the past three months.
How pathetic right? Here I am, Ms. Ema Skye, whose only true love is forensic science, looking for love that doesn’t involve fingerprints or scientific data. Well, clearly, I’m not having that much luck. The guy I described is a co-worker who was interested in me for months, but I always turned him down. I only accepted his date now because I was getting desperate. Turns out, I made the right choice in turning him down earlier. He’s a nice guy, don’t get me wrong, he’s just… not very interesting. None of the guys I’ve gone on dates are. Even if we got past a first date, they’d always drop the ball on the second.
Haven’t had much luck with girls either. I THOUGHT I found someone, my college roommate’s sister managed to keep my interest past two dates, but on the third, she was rambling about her ex a lot, and a few days later I get a text from her saying that she was dating that ex again, and I was back to square one. Shame. She was fun to be around too! Her personality was really upbeat and quirky. Kind of like…
… ugh.
Thinking about it, I’m not sure why I bother looking for a relationship. I already proved I couldn’t do it when I dated Maya. I fucked up so badly with the one person I had feelings for, how the hell will it be different with people I like less? Am I really that desperate just to relive those brief moments of happiness?
It all happened so fast too. That first kiss we shared? I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a rush of joy in my life! I always looked forward to her visiting my apartment, listening to me vent about my job and the shitty prosecutors I had to deal with. I felt like my life had blossomed whenever she was around. I really wish I had her optimism and energy. It reminds me of how I used to be before failing the forensics test the first time. Even with how much she’s been through, she still always has a smile on her face. I always admired that about her. She’s strong in so many ways.
… Why did I break it off with her?
I don’t know. I think I was feeling swamped with work at the time. The cases kept piling on and on, and I was getting stressed every time Maya called me to say she was coming over. I thought I just didn’t have time for this anymore. As much as I hated to do it, I felt like I needed to do it. Yet, thinking back, I shouldn’t have. Maya was my relief from work. Someone to talk to, someone to relax me, someone to make me feel better about my busy life. I just… didn’t realize it until she stopped visiting.
I still remember the day I cut it off. We went to Maya’s favorite burger place she always drags me to. She was in her usual chipper mood, but when I started to bring the hard news, she started to question me.
“What are you trying to imply?” Maya asked, finishing her burger.
“I’m saying,” I replied, rubbing my temples, terrified of what’s coming next, “I just think… we might need to… you know…”
“Ema, are you breaking up with me!?” Maya looked at me in utter shock.
“Yes. NO! I mean, y-yes?” I didn’t know how to respond…
“Wh- why!? I thought we were doing well??” I really wished Maya kept her voice down to keep people from staring.
“We are!” I replied.
“Then why are you-”
“Look! I just- things are really piling on me at work…”
“I’m the master of an entire village Ema! And I still have time to be with you! Why are you any different!?”
“It’s a lot more work than just channeling dead people!” I was getting heated. Things were getting worse…
“You’ve never channeled a dead person in your life, don’t even!” Maya shouted.
“Look, all I’m saying is that you can be a little much, okay!? I don’t need that when I have so much shit to do!”
Now I did it.
Maya didn’t even respond. She looked at me in disbelief. It took me a second to realize my outburst. If people weren’t staring already, they’d definitely be staring now. Maya’s face shrunk, and she got up from her seat.
“Maya, I-”
“I heard you,” Maya uttered. “It’s okay. I understand.”
“I didn’t mean-”
“No, no, I get it! I’m a burden! I always am! It’s okay, I get it!” Maya was getting hysterical. She started heading toward the exit.
“Maya…”
She didn’t say anything. She walked out of the restaurant. I could hear her choke back tears she left. I was left alone, sitting there. Thinking about what just happened… God… what was wrong with me?
I couldn’t think straight for a while. Took me a month before I took up dating again. I turned myself off from everyone in that time. I was colder than I ever was, binging on too many Snackaroos. Wouldn’t blame people if they thought I was a bitch. That month was a blur. I’m not even sure what happened in that time.
Things certainly got awkward with Mr. Wright and the others. Mr. Wright confronted me and I had to clarify what happened from my perspective. He wasn’t angry, I think he knew there was more to the story then what Maya told him, but he was certainly concerned. Pearl was incredibly upset, so was Trucy. They might still be mad at me for it, I don’t know. Athena tried to get the two of us in some sort of therapy session of hers, but Maya wouldn’t budge. Athena told me that Maya’s emotions surrounding the break up were complicated, so it was better to just let this be for a while. And Apollo… Hm…
I see Apollo a lot. I still work with Prosecutor Nahyuta after all. He’s really helping Kurah’in rebuild itself, to the point where he’s practically a celebrity. Problem is, he’s more aware than anyone what’s been going on between Maya and I. Maya also sees Apollo a lot, as she constantly has to make visits to Kurah’in for spirit medium stuff. Occasionally she tags along with Apollo on his cases, and I’ve noticed that ever since they started doing that, they’ve been getting a lot closer. They barely knew each other before Apollo stayed in Kurah’in, but now, they’re practically best friends. After the break up, whenever Maya was with Apollo, she’d always either be completely silent and not even look at me, or hide somewhere or distract herself so we didn’t have to interact. Apollo tried to get her to open up, but it never worked. After a while though, things started getting suspicious. Last month, Maya was tagged along with Apollo again. No big whoop I thought, but I swore she was standing a lot closer to him than usual. Like, their arms were almost linked. And usually when they’d be far away or something like that, they’d be holding hands? As I noticed more and more of this kind of thing, I started to wonder if maybe they’d… No. No that’s ridiculous… Is it? I know Maya likes guys as well, but there’s no way she would go for someone like Apollo would she? Would she??
My fears were enhanced tenfold when the Glimmerous Fop told me that he heard Apollo had a new girlfriend, describing her as “a gorgeous fraulein in a strange dress and beautiful black hair”. That almost fit Maya to a T. It wasn’t until the Wright’s Christmas party where my fears were confirmed. I initially didn’t want to go, but Mr. Wright insisted that things would be fine. When I arrived, Trucy answered the door, and she didn’t seem that excited to see me.
“Oh. Hi Ema.” she said, expressionless.
“Hi! Uh… may I come in?” I asked. Trucy hesitated for a moment.
“Yeah. I guess.” She kept an eye on me as I entered the office. They didn't invite too many people. Mr. Wright and Athena were there of course, as was Athena’s girlfriend, some weird punk pirate girl who really didn’t know how to dress for the occasion. Of course, the person I immediately went to so that I wouldn’t awkwardly stand around idly was Mr. Edgeworth, who was in a conversation with Mr. Wright on the right. I talked to them, but I mostly stayed quiet and awkwardly looked around the room. As I tried to avoid the glares coming from Trucy and Pearl, I noticed two people sitting on a couch, talking to Prosecutor Blackquill. One was a guy with two hairs sticking out that looked like horns who was in a red vest, his arm wrapped around a black-haired girl wearing a long purple kimono, lying comfortably with the guy.
It’s exactly as I feared.
Maya turned her head and accidentally made eye contact with me, so I quickly turned my head back to Mr. Edgeworth and Mr. Wright, who were in the middle of reflecting back to one of the cases they dealt with together. I think it was the one where the defendant had an assassin hold Maya hostage, blackmailing Mr. Wright into getting him a Not Guilty verdict. Maya loved telling me that story, and how she survived nearly dying of starvation. Truth be told, it was an exciting story.
Awhile passes, and I’m looking out the window. The night was shining, and there were snowflakes drifting down into the fields of snow. Winter was always my favorite season. Seeing hills of fresh snow was like the patch of forensic powder before blowing it away to reveal the fingerprints. It also gives you that warm feeling as you watch the snow fall. Yet, this winter… I didn’t feel that warm feeling. Ironically, I feel cold and distant. Even at this party, where I’m supposed to be conversing with close friends, maybe contacting my sis, who couldn’t come to the states to celebrate with us this year. Instead, I’m an empty shell. Unable to communicate anything with anyone.
I look across the room. Maya was really latched onto Apollo. She was practically stuck to him like glue. Maybe it’s because I walked in, but I noticed how much more intimate she was with him. Whenever she caught me staring, she’d suddenly cling tighter to Apollo, maybe try to sneak in a kiss. She knew it bugged me. I think Apollo knows it too. Maya told Apollo something before kissing him on the cheek and leaving the room. Going to the bathroom I guess. When she was out of sight, Apollo made his way toward me.
“Hey. Guessing you know already?” he asked.
“I think the kiss gave it away.” I replied, sarcastically.
“I’m sorry. I knew I you had to find out sometime, I just couldn’t find the time to tell you.”
“It’s okay,” I replied “Pretty sure Maya was going to stop you by any means necessary.”
“That’s why I’m talking to you now,” Apollo said, “you holding up well?”
“Not really,” I replied, “every date I’ve tried to have has been a failure, and I feel like all I’ve done is make more enemies.” I could barely look Apollo in the eyes. I’m amazed he even wants to talk to me at all.
“I’m sorry about that,” Apollo replied, “I’m sure you’ll figure something out eventually.” There was a bit of awkward silence afterwards.
“So, how long have you two been dating?” I asked. Might as well give in to my curiosity.
“Three weeks I guess? It’s still fairly new, but it’s going pretty well!” Apollo remarked, “I used to think relationships weren’t all that cracked up to be, but ever since I actually got into one, it’s actually rather nice!”
“I’m glad to hear that,” I say, forcing a smile, “it really is great when you’re in one…” I fell silent for a bit.
“... Listen, I want you to cherish the times you have with Maya. She’s a wonderful girl, and you’re so lucky to have her! I wish I understood that before… you know... “ I don’t know what came over me. Suddenly, I almost felt like breaking down in front of him.
“Ema? What are you-”
“Don’t take her for granted,” I interrupted, She’ll always light up your day, and she’ll make you happier than you’ve ever been in your life. Please, please, PLEASE, don’t fuck up like I did! Please…” I was this close to tearing up. It was like every regret I had about the relationship was pouring out of my mouth. Apollo looked at me, taken aback by my sudden outburst.
“Ema…”
“Heyyy Pollyyyyy,” Suddenly Maya appeared and jerked on Apollo’s arm, “come on, I want to see Trucy’s Christmas Magic Special! Let’s go!” She pulled Apollo away and out the door. I heard Apollo say, “That doesn’t start for another hour, Maya!” before leaving my vision.
Now I’m here. Mid-January. Standing outside, late at night in the cold. Frustrated as the guy I’ve been seeing for the past week turns out to be a cheating asshole. I knew something was wrong the instant his apartment door was answered by a naked blonde girl holding a blanket against her chest. I lean against the wall, thinking about how much better off I’d be if I didn’t end things with Maya. Maybe people would hate me less. Maybe I’d be having less mental breakdowns at work. Maybe I’d still be happy. Ugh. It’s in the past. I can’t keep wallowing in it forever. Still, can’t help but feel the past is what led me here in the first place.
“Ema.”
I looked over to the voice who called me. I nearly fell backwards when I saw who it was.
“M-Maya!”
“Hey… um… How are things going?” I didn’t know what to say! After three months of ignoring and avoiding me, suddenly she’s asking me how things are going!?
“I… um… well… could be better I guess…” I answered.
“Yeah…” she replied. Awkward silence lingered in the air, as light snowflakes gently fell into the wet sidewalk we stood on. Maya broke the silence.
“… I’m sorry.”
“N-no, I should, um… be sorry.” I interrupted.
“I didn’t want to shut you out of my life. I really didn’t.” Maya said, “I was just… so overwhelmed and angry, I felt like I had no other choice.”
“I don’t blame you,” I replied, “I said some dumb things that day.”
“You really did.” Wow. Thanks for being the voice of confidence Maya.
“... Still, I should have talked to you sooner. I knew you didn’t mean it.” she added.
“... Maya… I…” Oh good grief. Here comes another mental breakdown.
“It’s okay, Ema. I know.” Maya interjected. She gave me a gentle smile. The same one she used to give me all those months ago.
“You have every right to be mad at me. Frankly, I deserve it.” I said.
“Doesn’t mean I can’t forgive you,” Maya responded, “besides, even if I wanted to stay mad, I knew I still loved you.”
“... You did?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Maya replied, “that’s why I stayed away from you. I knew I still had feelings, even when I thought you didn’t.” I was confused. I didn’t know whether to feel relieved, upset, happy, or sad.
“... Why didn’t you say anything until now?” I asked. Maya took a deep breath, looking at me with sympathetic eyes.
“I thought you hated me. I thought you couldn’t stand me. But a couple weeks ago, after the Christmas party, Apollo told me you nearly broke down telling him to be happy with me. Because you regretted breaking things off and wished you understood how much I meant to you.” Her smile widened. Her eyes shone brighter.
“I was so scared of you and what you thought of me for so long, I didn’t realize it was the exact opposite of what I thought. You really were that wonderful person I knew you were. I just… hope I didn’t ruin that by avoiding you for so long.”
I was speechless. I didn’t know what do say. Why is she so… forgiving of me?
“Maya… I’m so… I…” I looked into Maya’s blue eyes. Her wide smile. The way her hair shimmered against the night. And I just… couldn’t say anything.
Maya walked up and hugged me tight. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t do anything. I just let myself melt at the embrace of Maya’s hug.
…
I sat on the couch of my apartment. The TV was on to some cheesy late night sitcom. All I can focus on was what happened tonight. I don’t know what I did to deserve her. Even after all the shit we’ve been through, she still admits she has feelings for me.
Maybe that’s what love is. Forgiveness. Willing to give the other person a chance, even at the worst of times. I never really understood that until now. I just figured I could define love in some sort of scientific explanation. It’s more than that.
I opened up my phone and looked at my lock screen. Once when I took her out on a date, she stole my phone and took a picture of herself, setting it as my wallpaper. I never changed it. I didn’t know why, but I just… kept it. Even after the break up.
I think I know why now.