Chapter Text
Chapter 1: A Monster Conquered
“Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man.”
—Thomas Wolfe
It was a strange feeling; letting go of vengeance, hate, and misery. It was especially strange when it was the only way of life he knew for the better part of his life. While an empty feeling seemed to have taken root within his chest, from the lack of such a focused goal, Sasuke discovered that the lack of those heavy emotions was very...freeing.
He had finally been pushed, rather roughly at that, off his dark and misguided path. With that freeing feeling, however, came confusion, guilt, and tiny inklings of emptiness. He wasn't sure how to start over; how to live on the bright path his friends had cleared for him. Or rather, perhaps he felt he didn't truly deserve to walk that path.
As he looked around the small apartment and out the window where, although you couldn’t see them, a small detail of Anbu operatives kept tabs on Sasuke as he continued to move through his trials. He understood the necessity and the pressures Kakashi was under from the council, but that didn’t stop their vigilance from annoying him.
Huffing in agitation, Sasuke got up to pace the apartment for what was probably the hundredth time that day. He was allowed to come and go from the apartment as he pleased, however he was usually tailed by the ever silent, ever watchful band of Anbu assigned to him by the Hokage and Elders’ themselves. That is, unless, he was escorted by another shinobi who had the trust of the Hokage. These escorts seemed to be limited to the only three friends he had ever really known: Naruto, Kakashi, and Sakura.
Truly, these visits were the only social interaction he had during the passing of his trials. And, while he was annoyed at times by their presence, Sasuke was more grateful than any of the three would ever know, especially because it would rescue him from the dark thoughts that tended to consume him after an extended time of isolation. The crimes of his past, the darkness that had haunted him, the atrocities he committed against his friends, they all tended to start to creep up when he was alone for too long reflecting on his newly found path.
Kakashi didn’t stop by as often as the others, but Sasuke still appreciated his old sensei taking the time from his busy schedule to stop by occasionally. Honestly, Sasuke thought he had another motive behind his visits, as the stacks of paperwork within the Hokage’s office seemed to only be growing. Regardless, Sasuke found Kakashi’s visits pleasant enough. Usually, they consisted of the two of them quietly enjoying a cup of tea; an activity Sasuke truly never tired of, especially when it was in silence.
Naruto’s visits were never quiet and usually involved dragging Sasuke out of the apartment for what Naruto referred to as, “lessons in socialization,” where he forced Sasuke to sit with a group of his classmates from his genin days and eat ramen at Ichiraku. Sasuke was never a huge fan of ramen or large outings, but he felt the gatherings to be a nice distraction from the proceedings. Though he never admitted it out loud, he also always appreciated time with the shinobi whom he had grown to share the bonds of a brother with (even if he was always annoying).
Finally, there was Sakura. She seemed to drop by the most. At first, this surprised him. Though Sasuke had apologized for all he did to her, he did not expect such instant and complete forgiveness from his teammate. He had truly put that girl through hell and in his darkest hours, when his psyche was the most broken it had ever been, he even attempted to take her life. Just remembering that moment wracked Sasuke with guilt. Remembering the pain that crossed her face when he placed her in that genjutsu at the conclusion of their battle with Kaguya only elevated that guilt. In his warped way of thinking, he was keeping her safe, saving her, however, he knew now that it had been a great mistake.
And yet, she appeared every morning with a small smile during his short stay at the hospital. Both Naruto and Sasuke were brought there after their fight, but, of course, Naruto’s healing abilities put him on the road to recovery much faster and his stay was brief. Sasuke, however, did not have the advantage of sharing a body with a tailed beast and found himself in the hospital for a few weeks. These are when her visits truly started.
Sakura took to his care personally. She made sure to attend to his every need in the most professional manner. She would fill the time with chatter about the village and the hospital as she checked his progress and never seemed bothered by his silence. In fact, she didn’t seem to expect any type of response. Strangely enough, Sasuke wasn’t annoyed by this as he would have been in their younger years. He felt as though she were simply filling him in on the time he had missed. In some of these moments he would feel something akin to regret for not being there. As she worked her healing chakra over him, Sakura remained focused and utterly quiet. Sasuke used this time to study her and continue to ponder over how she had so easily forgiven him and how utterly different and yet similar she was from the girl he had known in their genin days. He realized at the end of those healing sessions that he felt oddly warm, comforted, and a ghost of a smile would pass his lips.
As Sasuke’s time came to a close at the hospital he had also learned a great amount about Sakura from chattering staff members and patients alike. It was interesting, during all the time Sakura had spent filling him in on what he missed during his absence, she never talked about her own achievements and growth. She had never mentioned her accomplishments or anything about herself during their time apart, at all. Sasuke pondered on this, but for the moment chalked it up to modesty, as Sakura still seemed to retain the shy part of her nature, despite her growth in character. He found himself slightly relieved at that. And yet, he felt a small bubble of irritation grow settle in his stomach at the thought of her excluding information pertaining to herself. This just sent him into deeper annoyance due to his confusion based on these new feelings. He didn’t push her on this and instead continued to listen to her as she continued her healing sessions.
After he was cleared and marked as recovered, Sasuke was given his small apartment and told he was on standby for his trials and that he should use the time to prep for those hearings. The next morning, Sasuke was surprised by a knock on the door. On the other side stood Sakura with that same bright smile on her face and a stack of papers cradled in her arms.
“Thought I’d help you prepare for your hearings,” she said as she shifted the stacks in her arms.
Sasuke merely quirked an eyebrow at this, but found himself stepping inside to let her in. He ignored the small stirring in his belly when her smile grew. He would have been dumb not to accept her help. Apart from Shikamaru, Sakura was Konaha’s most intelligent nin and would be a formidable ally in his fight against the Council of Elders.
And so, the next few days consisted of Sakura appearing in the morning and pouring herself over the files and folders for a few hours. She briefed Sasuke on what to expect and the best strategy to earn him a less severe punishment and/or a justified pardon for his crimes. Sasuke didn’t believe there would be such forgiveness for the crimes he committed, and even if there was he knew he truly did not deserve it. But, he would never say this to Sakura who was working so diligently to help him earn his place back in the village.
While he didn’t say much during these visits, he did begin to watch Sakura more thoroughly. She was certainly more focused and driven then when she was first assigned to their team. She was scrupulous in her work too, always crossing her t’s and dotting her i’s. He always was impressed by her intelligence, but he would never admit that. He would also never admit that this was when he first started to notice that she always scrunched her nose when she was figuring out an answer to a complex problem and that she always tucked her hair behind her ear when she became intensely focused. He couldn’t quite piece together why he was beginning to notice small details like this. For the time being, Sasuke chalked this up to his observant nature.
On the first day of his hearing he noticed a new folder in Sakura’s arms as she walked him toward the designated building. He pressed her on this, but to his surprise she simply stated it was nothing as a small blush began to bloom on her face. He didn’t press any further, but noticed the file disappeared after Sakura’s appeal and testimony; which he was not allowed to observe.
As his future was being debated by the Council and Hokage, Sakura began to visit in the evening on her way to the hospital. She would check up on him both physically and in the way of updates. She also made it a point to bring him food of some sort, insisting that he needed to eat well, or it would impede the rest of his healing. Sasuke would simply scoff at this, but took the food none the less. He noticed that while it never looked very appealing, it was still delicious and left him feeling quite content.
It was during these visits, the time of waiting for the decision regarding his future with the village, that Sasuke began to speak more to Sakura. On the nights that she didn’t bring food before her shift, she would quietly drink tea with him after her routine checkup.
“Why are you putting so much effort into helping me?” Sasuke finally asked the question that had been circling around his thoughts for the past few weeks. “I tried to kill you. I trapped you in that horrible nightmare. I’ve hurt you countless times. It just doesn’t make sense to me.”
He watched as Sakura’s eyes dimmed for a moment before she closed her eyes completely. She scowled momentarily and then a small smile spread across her face as she opened vibrant green eyes.
“Because, you’re my friend, Sasuke. I care about you just as much as Naruto does. And while I can’t forgive your actions, I can forgive them. Darkness and hate turn people into monsters that don’t truly reflect who they are. That monster was not the real you, Sasuke and you’re working to prove that now.” Sasuke didn’t have a chance to respond because as soon as she said this, Sakura simply smiled once more, waved, and then headed out to her shift at the hospital.