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“Shove the fuck over!”
The shout is punctuated with a hard nudge to the rib, and Dazai whimpers as he clutches his side. He falls to the ground dramatically, and Chuuya doesn't even care as he snatches the binoculars from him. Chuuya shifts so that he can peer out from behind the big tree they’re hiding behind.
“Chuuya,” Dazai whines as he rolls about. “It hurts. And don’t shout; you’ll let them know we’re here.”
“Shut the fuck up, bandages.”
Dazai pouts and sits up. “Hat rack.”
Chuuya ignores him in favour of focusing on Akutagawa and Atsushi. They’re currently sitting on a park bench and there’s maybe five inches too many between them but it’s okay. Atsushi is going on and on about something while he eats his strawberry ice cream. He laughs and his eyes twinkle with the shine of the sun. Akutagawa looks like he’s going to have a heart attack.
“Oh my god, man up and hold his hand.”
Dazai scoffs. “Akutagawa clearly spent too much time with Chuuya.”
“HAH? How is this my fault?”
Dazai folds his arms. “Isn’t it exactly your fault? You’re stingy with your affections too. It’s no wonder that Akutagawa became like this.”
“Excuse me, you were the one who raised him.”
“But he takes after you.”
“What the fuck does that even mean?”
“It means that you’re too mean to me!”
“You’re not making sense!”
“Chuuya, try saying that you love me ~”
“What the fuck! No!” Chuuya turns away pointedly but there’s a blush marring his cheeks, and that makes Dazai grin widely.
He inches closer to the redhead quietly, and Chuuya’s too busy trying to rid himself of his blush to notice.
“Hey, Chuuya,” Dazai whispers quietly, “I love you.”
Chuuya whirls around and startles when he sees how close Dazai is. The detective smiles softly and leans in slowly. Chuuya lets out a soft sigh and relaxes.
“Err, Dazai-san, Chuuya-san, is that you?”
Just as their lips are about to touch, Dazai gets a hand in his face.
“Akutagawa-kun! Atsushi-kun!” Chuuya exclaims. He kicks Dazai away for good measure. “What are you doing here?”
Wrong question. Akutagawa looks like he’s about to combust on the spot. Atsushi, on the other hand, takes it in stride. He beams brightly and reaches out to grab Akutagawa’s hand before holding their tangled hands up.
“We’re on a date!”
“JINKO!”
Akutagawa doesn't seem capable of saying much else, and Chuuya snorts. Dazai bounces back to them.
“I knew Atsushi-kun takes after me!”
Akutagawa looks very torn between wrenching his hand away from Atsushi and keeping it there. Chuuya knows that he should sympathise; he wants to laugh.
“You guys are such idiots,” he says with a scoff before he walks away.
Dazai catches up to him soon enough, and he smiles when the man slips his hand into his.
“As far as playing cupids go, I think we have it down.”
“Well,” Chuuya says with a shrug, “we’re double black after all.”