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“Destiny has two ways of crushing us - by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them.”
Henri Frederic Amiel
It all began when she entered his life. Saeyoung Choi - then known as Seven or Luciel - could pinpoint the exact moment where it all started.
At first it was just a normal day. He woke up from an involuntary nap, his head lying on his desk and his neck stiff as a rock. Up until this day he had a certain routine in his life. Work, chat, work, RFA and more work. What could be more in a life of a hacker, a super-agent, a god?
The answer: a girl.
During a break Seven allowed himself a little time with his friends and chatted; that was until the alarm went off and his monitor attracted his attention. There walked this ordinary girl into Rika’s apartment as if that was the most normal thing she could do. To add to it she logged into the RFA chat room just like this. Seven was baffled. And intrigued.
This was the point where it all began.
Somehow the girl got on well with Zen. They flirted in the chat, laughed together and made each other happy. It could be the love story of the century if there wasn’t the threat of an evil hacker hanging above their heads. More or less.
Seven hated this tiny feeling deep in his chest. He liked her a little. She was sweet, kind, endearing and caring. She smiled like the sun and he revelled in the fact that he was the only one who knew how she looked like. Until she met Zen and everything went downhill.
The hacker found them and meeting him Seven realised that behind the mask of Unknown was his other half; his one and only brother Saeran. He was heartbroken and Saeran was mad. He wanted to know why. What happened? He wanted a chance to speak with his brother. Get answers to his questions. He was on his way to Saeran, he didn’t even attend the party.
Instead he woke up from a nightmare only to find out that it was eleven days earlier. Just a dream, he thought, just a very bad dream. Until she entered the apartment again. And everything began anew.
He grabbed his red hair, his glasses resting on his desk. This couldn’t be. Was he having dreams like Zen had them from time to time? Maybe he could see into the future and this was his chance to change it. Better not, he thought bitterly when the picture of his mad brother crossed his mind. With a heavy sigh he turned around, looking at the monitor and watching her. Surprisingly, she was watching him, too. This was odd. She was looking right through the camera at him. Like she knew he would be watching her.
Just a coincidence, he thought and dismissed it.
Prepared from his dream Seven reminded himself to not feel attached to the girl. She would just fall in love with Zen, meet him and Seven would be prepared if Saeran was the hacker. If being the operative word.
Except she didn’t. Unlike in his dream she befriended Jaehee really fast and admired Zen from afar. Somehow, Seven’s heart felt a little bit easier, a weight was lifted from his shoulders. He wondered shortly if MC loved Jaehee like a partner or like a friend but reconsidered when they just wanted to start their own coffee shop.
The hacker was still a threat to the RFA but the only dangerous thing that happened was Jumin crashing his car. He was happy that his dream was only a dream (not about the car though; that hurt him deeply). MC could be happy and Saeran didn’t turn out as a crazy hacker.
Well… third time’s a charm.
He woke up like the last time, his head on his desk and shooting up as if he woke up from a nightmare. Again. Just this time his body hurt like he was run over the moment before. His joints creaked when he stood up, every muscle ached. It took him a few minutes until he remembered what happened. He was at the party, MC was standing outside and taking a break from the party. Seven followed her to talk with her, he cherished the strange humour she shared with him. He liked her as a friend. His heart laughed at his brain.
It was just then when she turned around, looking at him with a small smile, a car suddenly turned the corner and everything went fast and to hell. Next moment, he was lying on his desk with a stiff neck. He could only guess what exactly happened but he wasn’t too keen on knowing that.
Just when the alarm went off Seven figured out what was happening. He was reliving the same two weeks from the point on where this girl entered his life. He didn’t know why, just that it was happening. He was baffled when realisation hit him and he needed to sit down. At the same time, it was exciting. He could be the hero in someone’s life. He could defeat time and save the princess! For the first time Seven felt like someone who could achieve something. He could finally do something good. Only question was: what exactly did he need to do?
This time Seven tried to come online more often. Or as much as his work allowed. They got along very well, sometimes they flirted heavily, she even agreed on marrying on a space station! Seven was in heaven, she got more wonderful and funnier the more he talked to her.
In the end though she decided to court Yoosung. Or Yoosung her. Seven got the feeling that he (and Jumin in that case too) seemed to be unreachable. Many thoughts crossed his mind, maybe he could make a game out of his experiences. An otome game would be funny, he could assign to each of his friends a route and now he had the chance to get more information on Yoosung. Or how his route went along. His idea occupied most of his mind so that he accidentally slipped and reprimanded Zen on talking about his past in “Yoosung’s route”. The laughter he got out of her was worth it.
Yoosung opened up to MC. Stopped playing the whole night, decided to learn for his future and spoke about his depression. He never stopped talking about Rika and V’s suspicious behaviour. Now Seven thought about it, V was indeed suspicious. Too many details didn’t add up but he wanted to trust V. He had to trust this man.
This time, Seven thought, he would catch the hacker. What could go wrong with Yoosung’s help?
Apparently everything. His guilt was eating him away as he waited in the hospital. He couldn’t properly process what happened. Saeran, his brother, his other half, was the hacker he hunted for three cycles now. What went wrong? Why was Saeran like he was, why was he this mad hacker? Seven’s head threatened to explode. He felt like crying. His brother, Unknown, tortured Yoosung after he saved him, so Seven could escape and then rescue him. Yoosung was left with a severe eye injury caused by Saeran. He couldn’t look the RFA members in the eyes anymore. He couldn’t look into her eyes anymore. She trusted him with Yoosung and he was backstabbed by someone he trusted so much.
This was the first time his depression hit him hard again. He couldn’t enjoy the party without thinking about Saeran. He couldn’t bear to be near her. He disappointed everyone.
At least Yoosung got his happy end.
The read-head was awed by the wide ceiling and windows, light flowing through it in many different colours. It was his first time in a church, he never saw something as noble and incredible as this.
A man came to him, wearing a black robe and a wise face. His eyes shined with wisdom, his smile nearly as loving as his brother’s. The priest bent down to him, gentleness in his every move. He was talking to the man beside him while watching his small figure. At the end the priest turned towards him, a kind smile and words in his lips.
“God is with you and listens to you. Pray for your wishes and he may grant them.”
The golden eyes shone brighter with each of his words. “Can I wish for anything I want?”, he asked in wonder.
“You may. But never forget, it is not wise to only take. Life is about giving, too.”
With the priest’s words in his mind, he prayed that night for his wishes. “Dear Lord, I wish for my brother to return by my side, a kind smile on his face.” Quietly, he thought of something he could give. He looked at his small hands, a frown on his face. “I just wish for my brother’s happiness. One day, if I have anything that I can give you, I will do so.” Please grant my wish, his heart whispered.
When he opened his eyes he was confused. His head was lying on his desk, his glasses sitting crooked on his nose. He took a deep breath, his hands rubbing his face and stiff neck. Something was off. Any time now, MC would come into the apartment Saeran lured her into – he couldn’t get used to Saeran being the hacker – and soon enough she would join the RFA.
He never felt so helpless before. He needed time to think. He needed a plan. He took a deep breath, deciding it would be the best to get out of her life as much as possible. He couldn’t get too involved with her for many reasons. Beginning with his brother being his foe, then the disaster that happened with Yoosung and ending with him having too many feelings at the same time.
He said he didn’t want to be involved with her but he ended up chatting with her nonetheless. She was interested in him, too much interested. What he was doing, his work, hobbies, his actual name, anything. He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to hide.
In the end Jumin was interested in her. He even got her. Was Jumin Han gay? Probably not. Did he love MC? Probably yes. Was Seven too involved? Ding ding ding! 100 points to you readers.
Seven drank his Dr. Pepper and ate Honey Buddha Chips while Yoosung chilled on his sofa. He wanted to come with him to Mint Eye. To Saeran. He just couldn’t say no. Jumin turned Yoosung’s life on its head and the boy needed the distraction. Seven hoped he could postpone the mission. Or a wonder could happen so it was cancelled at the last minute.
He couldn’t. At least Yoosung promised him to be cautious. This time he didn’t need to prove someone he was a man who could protect the girl he loves. This time Seven needed to protect everyone.
Even Elizabeth. His one and only true love walked right into Yoosung’s arms according to Yoosung’s messages. Now Seven was sitting on his bed, his suit nearly completely on, him being nearly ready for the party. Everything went well. Yoosung, Saeran, Elizabeth and he were safe. MC was happy with Jumin and Jumin was a newborn man. There was just one man that he couldn’t get out of his head.
V.
The man he looked up to as a father. V just disappeared. Seven felt betrayed. Maybe this time he could get the answers he wanted for so long. Right after the party he would drive to his brother and ask him. Beg for answers. Beg for anything. He could hate him. He could loathe him. He didn’t care. He just wished for answers. He wanted to keep his brother safe and sound. Why didn’t it end up like this?
He looked up into the mirror. With a little help of hair gel he styled his hair for the fourth time. Why did time repeat itself? Why did he need to relive every moment again and again but not really again? Why kept things happening over and over again? Why did he remember? He felt like a glitch in a game and he could remember every route. Why would he even pretend every new route that he didn’t knew what was happening? He knew, he needed to protect his brother. He knew how to find him but he needed more information. A better plan must be brewed.
Now to his actual plan, driving to the party, attending, congratulate MC for her party and then off to his brother. The strong urge to talk with him was there for a long time. Since the first cycle, it caught fire and the more was revealed the more his fire fuelled. He was nearly there. He was so close.
And so far away.
A loud crash awoke him, a similar sensation as his third wake-up experience. A car crash, he concluded. Was this heaven or just another repetition? His computer answered yes to the latter. He took a deep breath, banging his fists on his desk. This was getting frustrating. What was going wrong?
He needed to think calmly for a moment. Time began repeating itself after MC came into his life. Each time she fell in love with someone else from the RFA. Maybe she needed to fall in love with the right guy (or Jaehee).
Another possibility would be the moment when time reset. Two times he died and the other two times... he couldn’t explain why. Conclusion: dying was one condition of resetting.
Thinking about it only caused a headache. He wanted to get over with it as the alarm went off. The first messages were tapped on autopilot. His mind wandered back to his brother, to the other cycles. He tried to come up with a solution. Maybe he should hook her up with the next guy.
She was flirting with him. He didn’t hate it but he wasn’t that happy about it. He was a dangerous guy who died two times in the last month, got Yoosung losing an eye and had a mad hacker as a brother. Adding salt to the wound he was a secret agent doing dirty work for bad people sometimes and not forgetting about his mask namely Seven Zero Seven or Luciel or whatever they wanted to call him.
He was tired. He was worn out from everything. His head kept working and his body ached from the last crash. That was the only explanation why it didn’t dawn on him earlier that he was the last guy in the RFA she hadn’t court yet.
Somehow Seven got lost in their chats. Seven Zero Seven, Defender of Justice’s brain worked at full blast and charmed their way into her heart. He nearly forgot over the course of the days about the earlier instances he flirted with her and her ending up with another guy nonetheless. His programs were screening Saeran, his work demanded too much of him and suddenly Vanderwood appeared. Seven couldn’t describe this feeling in him. The giddiness of Seven that arouse, Luciel’s happiness he nearly could feel for real for the first time since ever and the simultaneous panic that pumped adrenaline into his body. What was this feeling?
Love?
Maybe? No. Yes. Maybe? He didn’t know. He kind of couldn’t concentrate anymore, he thought about all the four earlier cycles, about Saeran and now he even thought about her every second. He built a cat with thoughts full of her. Maybe this cycle would go better because this time he knew of all the possible outcomes.
Life wasn’t nice to him. When the alarm of Rika’s apartment went off and MC was in there his heart stopped. He never thought about the possibility of Saeran breaking into the flat. The apartment was the safest place on earth, he even deposited a bomb there! Maybe not his and Rika’s wisest moves but that wasn’t the point right now.
Of course Saeran could break into the apartment. He knew the address, he knew the code and further, he knew of all security measures. How could he be so blind and underestimate his brother?! Seven felt so guilty, that couldn’t be! He prayed for her safety, he prayed to god for Saeran’s good heart. Please, don’t do anything stupid, he thought.
Looking into his eyes was more difficult than he anticipated. After so many times (it was not as many times as he wanted to depict it now) confronting his brother, he could sense that something was off. This whole cycle was off. His brother, MC, him, something didn’t add up. He did see something in his brother’s eyes. Questions were asked, surprising (and not really surprisingly) answers were given and the tone was just slightly off.
He was on edge. He didn’t like it at all. He kept his distance to the girl. He wanted to keep her safe, he wanted to feel nothing, he just wanted to save his brother. Get answers. Get out of this god damn (forgive me father) time game. He couldn’t take it anymore.
The cycle lasted longer than anticipated. Saeyoung counted hours, then minutes, then seconds until midnight struck and he dozed off. When he woke up MC’s brilliant smile greeted him from then on every morning.
The morning he won against the agency. The morning he destroyed Mint Eye. The morning of V’s funeral. The morning Saeran got back home. The morning he planned the engagement party. He was happy for the first time ever. He was happy and MC was happy and Saeran was on his way of being happy. The reset stopped and Saeyoung could slip off into warm dreams.
“God is with you and listens to you. Pray for your wishes and he may grant them.”
Saeyoung’s golden eyes glinted as the priest told him those sacred words. It was his first time in church and he was awed-struck by the first impressions. “Can I wish for anything I want?”, he asked in wonder.
“You may. But never forget, it is not wise to only take. Life is about giving, too.” The priest reprimanded him with a warning finger.
Saeyoung only shook his head and hurried to the bank where he could say his prayer. V kneeled next to him, folding his hand to a prayer. His eyes closed and his lips formed words. Saeyoung imitated him, thinking about a wish.
“Dear Lord,” he whispered, “I wish for my brother’s happiness. I wish for his health and a good meal every day. I wish for him a good life. I wish to give my happiness for him.” He thanked god and looked up to the crucifix, hoping god granted him the wish. He even payed attention to the not too greedy part.
When Saeyoung awoke MC didn’t smile. She wasn’t even there. No one was. And Saeyoung realised that time reset again – this time it began one and a half year earlier.
It was odd. It was the same procedure again. He was resting at his desk, sleeping and waking up from a nightmare. He nearly forgot about the feeling when it reset. Why? Everything ached, not physically though. His body felt well rested unlike other times, his mind went haywire. He had been free from the agency. He had his brother back. The RFA had been his friends, his real friends. He’d been finally rid of Luciel. He had been engaged with the most beautiful and kindest woman on earth. He couldn’t have been happier.
Maybe that was the problem. He didn’t deserve to be happy. God didn’t want him to be happy. He’d done too much wrong in his life. Saeyoung didn’t deserve to be happy. He deserved to be the pathetic existence named Luciel. There couldn’t be any other explanation than that.
Tears escaped his eyes. His hands grasped his hair, pulling and hurting. He wanted to scream for his loss, this wasn’t fair. It never was.
He was too greedy. He couldn’t accept any other explanation. But his brother wasn’t happy either. Did god deny his wish? Did he commit a horrible sin that god couldn’t forgive? Maybe that was why the cycles happened. They wanted to show him how happy he could be, then rob him of everything he had. He didn’t deserve love. Friends. Happiness. Maybe now was time to start things anew. Without MC.
There was this book sitting next to him on the desk. Jumin‘s book. The RFA was chatting about the book while he read it. It felt like Jumin would read it to him. He could hear his voice. It was somehow soothing to listen to. His heart jumped a little when he saw V. He lived. At least Saeran wasn’t a killer anymore. Or V didn’t have cancer. Or anything else that went wrong in the past.
That also meant Saeran was in Mint Eye again. Alone, unhappy, mad. And Rika was alive like Yoosung assumed. Was this another game? Seven thought about cutting off the contact to the RFA, finding Saeran und disappearing with him.
This was his plan until he caught up with the chat. Someone was there. MC was there! His heart jumped under his ribs and panic began to rise. What happened? Something’s wrong. Why was MC here? It was one and a half year too early. Why did Saeran change his plans? Why did Rika change her plans?
He couldn’t leave anymore. He needed to know why. Get answers.
And his heart broke into thousand pieces when he saw how well MC and V got on. She was endearing to him, understanding and trusting. He loved her, she loved him, there wasn’t any other possibility of what should happen.
He knew jealousy was speaking out of him. He didn’t deserve to be happy. His heart needed to be shattered.
Even more so when Yoosung finally saw the truth about Rika. He was the one to stop Rika. He let the police take Rika with them. Seven wanted to help his brother. He needed to.
He was on his way to Saeran when someone stood in his way. MC was looking at him with sad eyes, so old and knowing. Seven loved her eyes at the same time he hated it. She looked lovingly at V with them. She wasn’t his anymore.
He just walked further, passed her, when her small voice said his name. Not Luciel, not Seven, but…
“Saeyoung,” she repeated.
His heart stopped, his whole body froze. She said his name. His real name. He never told her except for the last cycle. Maybe…
“Do you remember?” she asked.
Finally he turned to her, his eyes wide with hope. Did she remember? Did she relieve everything either? But then why? Why did she do it?
“Why V?!” he cried. His fingers balled to fists, his legs shaking. “Why didn’t you tell me or anyone?”
Her hands wandered to her lips, hiding a sad smile. “I saw him dying.”
He saw it too. With his own eyes and a bloody arm and a brother to protect.
“Maybe I need to rescue him. Maybe that’s why… time keeps repeating itself.”
Maybe yes. Maybe that was the explanation. But that wouldn’t explain anything. It didn’t add up. And more importantly…
“I always love you,” he whispered. His eyes looked at the ground, realising that he indeed spoke the truth. He loved her in every timeline. Seven loved MC in every route, he joked internally. “But maybe I just don’t deserve you.”
“Don’t!” Suddenly she was by his side, catching him as he was falling, cracking, lost. She always caught him. How couldn’t he love her. How could he deserve her? “Don’t you ever dare to say that again!” she cried, tears slipping off her face, her angry and pretty face. “I always love you, Saeyoung.” Her hands grabbed his face, her lips nearing his.
He couldn’t. He freed himself from her. She was V’s and not his anymore. “If time resets again,” he began slowly, “Don’t save V.” It was so hard telling her this. Asking for his. “Save Saeran.”
He awaited her answer. He couldn’t look into her eyes and see what was happening inside them. He wished to but he didn’t dare to wish for anything anymore.
“Okay,” she promised.
And that was all he needed. He ran to his car, he couldn’t see her anymore, he didn’t want to see her eyes. He felt betrayed. He felt lonely. He didn’t deserve her. He deserved to be unhappy.
When he reached Mint Eye‘s headquarter, everything was on fire. Was Saeran in there? Seven fell on his knees. Despair written on his face. His shoulders slumped down, his whole body felt so empty. He lost MC. He lost his brother. This cycle was a nightmare. His legs moved from alone. He didn’t process what happened. He just did it. He ran straight into the fire, shouting Saeran’s name each second. His skin burned, his lungs burned, his clothes caught fire. He couldn’t see anything, he couldn’t breathe anymore.
Was this the end?
It was the coughing that woke him up this time. His lungs burned and hurt immensely. He was heaving by the time it stopped. Apparently, his theory that him dying resets time was correct. He was sitting in his chair, the computer working and the date showing him eleven days earlier.
His mind started working. He could only think about his lost conversation with MC. They both remembered the last cycles. Both lived through it. But unlike her, Seven never changed anything. MC changed each and every timeline. She tried to find the solution, switched from guy to guy, falling in love with each of them.
I always love you, Saeyoung.
Did she lie? He couldn’t imagine her lying to him. She peeled Luciel off and showed him that Saeyoung was a human worth fighting for. Loved him, cared for him, stayed for him. He pushed her away and she pulled back harder. She touched his heart in a way no one ever did.
Then she ran to V and tried to save him. Like all the other times. She always tried to save each of them. Was this fair? No. But he deserved it. All of it. That’s what he wished for. Hopefully, she would keep her promise and save Saeran. So they could be happy and Saeyoung’s wish would be granted. He could live in peace forever.
And she did.
Seven’s heart was already broken throughout the last weeks. He couldn’t bear it anymore. He looked up into the sky, alone but with a peaceful mind. Saeran loved her. Was willing to get better. MC kept her promise and Seven felt like his wish was granted. He should go and leave his life behind. Leave Luciel alone on the way and just be… anyone. He couldn’t be Luciel anymore. He couldn’t be Seven anymore. He couldn’t be Saeyoung again.
With a plan and peaceful mind, he just disappeared where no one could find him. Hopefully, he could be content forever. Not happy but content.
Tiny hands clasped together, preparing for the prayer. A priest talking about god and the sins. About wishes and wonders. His hands blessing people on their way.
The child stayed back in wonder. The tiny hands ready, the knees red from kneeling. The eyes closed as the lips formed silent words.
“Dear lord, please let me find my one true love. Let me stay by their side until my time arrives. Let me be happy with them and laugh with them. I want them to be happy even after I have to go. If you grant my wish,” the eyes opened and searched for the Lord’s son on the crucifix, “I won’t fight nor complain about my passing.”
Satisfied with its prayer, the child stood up and bid goodbye to the priest. A last time, the innocent eyes fell on the coffin sitting in front of the altar, decorated with flowers.
Something stirred in him. His eyes opened slowly, his vision blurred. His neck felt stiff, his body didn’t ache. He didn’t raise his head. He knew exactly where he was. He felt empty at first, then angry and eventually despaired. Tears spilled out of his eyes, he cried and screamed. He couldn’t even lead a peaceful and solitude life with his brother’s happiness in mind.
It should stop. Now. Please. Stop.
He couldn’t die. He couldn’t live. He felt so helpless in this moment. God hated him, he knew it. He didn’t deserve to live. His punishment was to abide this endless cycle forever.
Why though? What went wrong? When? Did he commit so many sins that living was denied him? His heart ached. He was empty. He was no one.
His phone vibrated. He didn’t want to talk. It didn’t stop. He answered.
“I love you, Saeyoung,” she whispered.
He looked up and there she was, looking right at him. Tears streamed down her face, the phone pressing onto her ear. His hand reached out with his eyes wide, touching the screen and watching her standing in this apartment. Rika’s apartment.
The cycle started one and a half year later again, he realised. She was talking to him, she didn’t search for a new man, she straightaway called him to declare her love for him.
“I love you, too,” he answered quietly.
His hands trembled. He was relieved. She was there. With him. With her, he would live the same day again and again forever. He would do everything for her. Just to be with her. His only wish.
Wish?
“I don’t deserve you,” he realised, “I am not allowed to be happy or else…”
“What, Saeyoung?” Her kind smile encouraged him. “You can tell me.”
“Saeran…” was the only thing he could say.
She only smiled at him. He didn’t deserve her. Saeyoung wished so. Luciel complied. Seven suffered.
“I want to be with you,” she said, “Until my time comes.”
“I don’t deserve to be happy,” Seven answered.
“I want you to be happy,” she replied.
“I can’t,” Luciel responded hollowly.
“I wished for it”, she tried a last time.
“So did I”, Saeyoung confessed.
He hung up before she could say anything else. He turned his back to his screens, he couldn’t look at her. So many times he couldn’t look at her. Was there an end? Or was this eternity? Was this hell?
Suddenly, someone was at his door. He heard banging and cursing and someone calling his name. Seven rushed to the door, opening it. His eyes widened the moment he recognised the person.
“Saeran?”
Saeran passed him and went inside, pacing through his living room. He looked upset with his hands tugging his hair, his eyes seemingly mad.
“Saeran, what’s up? Calm down first.”
Seven made the mistake of touching his brother’s arm, so Saeran pulled away sharply. But he stopped pacing.
“It’s happening again. And again. Again and again and again and again and…” Once more his hands found their way to his head. “I finally felt at peace with her at my side. Nearl... I was somehow happy.”
Saeyoung’s heart broke at his brother’s face. Saeran was broken, upset, angry; he could see so many different emotions inside those eyes and neither were a good one.
“And then I wake up and I’m back. I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want to play with her anymore. I don’t want to kill anyone. I don’t want to be… I don’t…” Saeran fell down on his knees, tears falling onto the floor. “I don’t want to be Unknown anymore…” His hand reached out and tugged at Saeyoung’s pants. He looked up with a face Saeyoung hadn’t seen for a long time. “Stop it, please!”
Saeyoung sank down on his knees either. He tried to smile but his eyes were sad. Because he couldn’t say his brother what he wanted to hear.
“I can’t,” Saeyoung told him, “Because I don’t know the solution. If I knew,” Saeyoung reached for his brother’s hand cautiously, “then I would have stopped it right after you both were back in my life.”
Saeran’s hand was abruptly withdrawn. They were balled to fists, his teeth clenched. “I… love her, too.”
“I know.” Saeyoung turned his head away from Saeran, taking a deep breath. “I thought it would stop if you are happy. With her.”
“It didn’t,” his brother stated, “because I…” Saeran sat down, looking down and worn out, “I died. And time resets when I die.”
Saeyoung’s eyes widened. “Exactly the same happened to me. When I died time had reset again!”
Both pair of eyes met after Saeyoung spoke his words. Both thought the same thing.
“Maybe if we don’t die-“
“The last death was an accident. And I assume that you didn’t killed yourself,” Saeran interrupted him, “So fate wanted us death.”
Now Saeyoung was taken aback. Did he hear right? “You… committed suicide?” His heart raced, his stomach plummeted. Why did he…? Was he so upset that he didn’t see any other way than end his life? “Even after I tried to prevent you from doing it?”
“I did bad things. I didn’t have a purpose in life. And last time I… killed someone, so why not…” Saeran looked ashamed during his confession. Because Saeyoung realised that Saeran was the reason time reset during his route. When he thought Saeran was happy. When he thought everyone in his life could be happy.
“She isn’t mine”, Saeran whispered, “otherwise I wouldn’t have an accident. The longest cycle was yours.”
Silence hovered between them. It was like both knew what to do and neither wanted to act. Heavy words hung between them, neither wanted to speak up.
“I wished for you to be happy and have a good life,” Saeyoung confessed.
Saeran looked up confused, hesitating. “I wished for you to return back by my side. And being happy.”
“Did you?” Saeyoung asked hopefully.
“I was a child,” Saeran muttered defeatedly.
Saeyoung laughed. He laughed for the first time a heartful laugh. He felt somehow freed to know that his brother felt once like this in his life.
“The priest told me to be not too greedy,” Saeran said as afterthought.
Saeyoung hummed. “Yeah, heard the same warning.”
“Because life is not about taking but also about giving,” an angelic voice added.
The brothers turned towards the door they left open. MC was standing there with a smile, catching her breath. It was Saeyoung’s reaction to jump up and hug her. He wished to never let her go. He would protect her. He would love her and give her anything she wanted.
“I wished to be by my soulmate’s side, Saeyoung,” MC spoke softly, “until time arrives. I wanted to make him happy.” He hugged her harder as she spoke, tears forming again in his eyes. “Thank you, Saeyoung.”
He never wanted to let her go.
But he had to.
It wasn’t a long time. Years passed until he needed to let go. He looked up into the sky, feeling sorrow and peace at the same time. The spring wind breezed through his hair. A flower rested in his hands. It was time. He walked towards the coffin, looking with agony at her small and young frame. He put the flower between her hands and gave her a last kiss on the forehead.
Eventually his brother awaited him. Next to him, they looked like the twins they once were. His golden eyes looked into mint green one.
“Let’s go home, brother,” Saeyoung spoke softly. Saeran nodded and followed him.
They both knew what would come. They knew what time promised them. But neither would change a thing.
Happiness could be achieved in so many ways. Sorrow was an obstacle in its path but it should never stop from living life to the fullest. Life was equally about taking and giving.
Saeyoung understood now.
And time never repeated itself again.