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Deeply breathe in and slowly breathe out. Catch your breath only for a few seconds. This world is never gonna change.
Close your eyes and let the world around you to die for a moment. It’s rotted to the core. Pseudo-hysteria. You and him are not needed. You can’t feel the pain anymore. You’re burning down on well-measured, un-dying fire and it won’t stop until the end of the world. Did you hear them saying it’s near?
All they want from you is headlines and scandalous interviews. But their letters are just shadows, stains of the ink on a paper.
All they want from you is newsbreaks and you give it to them with generosity of the king. Take it and turn into money.
“He cursed at the referee and at the same time he cursed all hopes for Argentina to go to the World Cup".
“He dictates his terms to the club”,
“He irritates fans of Real Madrid on purpose”.
They won’t even need to waste their precious time to come up with brilliant headlines. You’ll do the job for them. But you won’t do the most important thing for yourself.
They never gonna find out whose name is branded on the back of your heart. They never gonna find out whose name will be the last one to breathe out. They will never know what it tastes like – sweetly sick like his perfume, prickly and sharp like crashed glass down your throat. It’s strangling and suffocating you. You’re not allowed to say his name out loud the way your heart pronounces it because they won’t forgive you this. This world rather shoot kill than offer a helping hand.
They never gonna find out and it’s more than just beautiful. It's your private territory and the only one person has access to it. The one that has access to something more than just your body.
Deeply breathe in and froze. Keep your breath, don’t loose his warmth that is still left inside you since your last date. It’s melting even faster than a night in Madrid. The merciless wind steals it like a thief, groping inside your pockets. The life steals what is the most precious to you in trivial rounds of days.
This world will never accept you being together. And it’s like a sad mistake, like a bug in a well-programmed game named “happiness”. The game which you’re already lost.
Slowly breathe out and stop. Don’t breathe. Let your heartbeat to slow down or even stop completely. Wait until the world slows down too. Did you hear them saying you’re living out your life?
He’s always been stronger than you and your greatest weakness is that you won’t admit it. And it’s not about feints and goals. Leave it for analysts who think that their greatest achievements in their lives is to count up your successes. His answer is a contemptuous smile. Your answer is two steps back.
He’s stronger than you because he let the story of you two being together started. Because you didn’t have enough courage for the first step. You can make your team win in the most dead-end match, attacking and cornering your rivals like a predator, make archenemy kneels down in front of you. But when it comes to your life you’re shifting uncomfortably at the edge of a football pitch, finding dozens of reasons for pros and millions of reasons for contras.
He’s stronger than you and your greatest weakness is him.
Deeply breathe in and sharply breathe out. The room under the stadium is filled with quiet and muffled voices. The air is stifled like before a thunderstorm. It’s choking and making clear thoughts get stuck in an absurd flow inside your head. Calmness is the first sign that the fight will be up to the last drop of blood. You know it, just one step outside and the stadium will burst out with discordant hum. Eventually you’ve become used to it. But you never get used to the thought that a match like that has started it all. It’s the fight of the greatest for them. It’s the starting point of the personal hell for you.
Your heart is in the color of the bottomless sea but it scratched with CR initials and pierced with a piece of gold that makes it bleed with pomegranate drops.
The intensity of such passion is measured by other systems. Let’s wait until the world flares out and burn to the ground with it. Did you hear?.. But you are not listening what they saying. Hysteria. They think they know you.
He says to you that it’s going to be better soon and for some reasons you believe him.
Deeply breathe in and slowly breathe out.