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James was still laughing at what Sirius said when the other man started walking away with the paperwork they’d just completed. James sighed wistfully and may or may not have checked out his arse-- it wasn’t his fault that Sirius had such a fantastic one, alright?
He heard Peter make a noise beside, so he turned towards him. “What?”
“You know not everyone thinks their partner is the most gorgeous bloke to walk the face of the earth right?”
“Mind your own business Pete.”
“I am,” he grumbled, but let the subject drop. For the moment at least. Remus and Peter needled him about his attraction to Sirius every few days, and all he could do was thank the gods they hadn’t decided to do it in front of him.
It only got worse from there, not that James had really thought that possible before now.
He and Sirius were stood by the printer-- James actually doing the copying and Sirius just keeping him company-- when he saw Dumbledore out of the corner of his talking with Remus, Peter, Lily, and Marlene, all of them looking at the pair of them.
He would have been a little worried about them getting in trouble except Moody was notably absent from the group, which was growing to include McGonagall and even Flitwick and- when the hell did that happen? Anyways, he would have ignored them entirely, except when Sirius glanced over at the group, half of them made little smooching faces and the other half looked at James pointedly. Sirius rolled his eyes, and James pretended like he didn’t see any of it happen.
He thought that maybe Sirius didn’t notice, but when they were walking back to their desks and the group dispersed, he murmured, “Hogwarts PD, more like Hogwarts Dating Service, if they had their way.”
“Ha, yeah.”
Sirius gave him a look, but it was too quick for James to decipher.
Sirius groaned and James couldn’t help but stare. “Minnie is trying to kill us with all this paperwork. It’s the perfect crime, she’d never be convicted.”
“Right,” James said absently, still staring at the line of Sirius’s throat where he was leaning back in his chair.
He didn’t come out of his trance until Peter coughed, very loudly and very obviously fake. (He mostly came out of it because Sirius changed his position to ask Peter what the buggering hell that was.)
“Oh sweet gods above, I love you,” James said, staring at the open box of donuts Sirius had set in front of him. Still looking at the raspberry filled pieces of heaven in front of him, he grabbed Sirius’s hand and pat it. “That’s it, let’s go next door and get a marriage license.”
“If I’d known all it took was some jelly donuts to get you, I would’ve done it months ago.”
“I’ll bet,” Remus snorted, not bothering to lower his voice at all.
James frowned at him and went to look at Sirius, only to find that he had moved to his own desk and was staring at the fake wood lacquer with pink cheeks. He ate the donuts and made sure to thank Sirius again, but he was thinking about Remus. That hadn’t been on; it had made Sirius uncomfortable. He’d talk to him soon.
“Are you serious right now Peter?” Sirius shouted through the door. “Let us out!”
“No,” Peter yelled back. “Not until you two deal with this!”
“Deal with what?” James asked. Being locked in a literal closet by his coworkers was easily in the top five of the most ridiculous things to happen to him. Well. Maybe top ten.
“There is too much unresolved sexual tension in the air every damn day of work, and I refuse to deal with it anymore,” Remus said.
That made James shift uncomfortably, but-- like he’d said before-- literal closet, and he just ended up pressed to Sirius in a different way than before. “There’s no way Dumbledore sanctioned this,” James tried, only to bang his head against the wall a moment later.
“There is a way,” Dumbledore said.
“Oh you’ve got to be shitting me,” James muttered.
“Okay, but eventually McGonagall’s going to pass, and she will let us out.”
“No I won’t.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” James yelled at them.
“No,” they said in unison, and apparently ‘they’ was a lot more people than they’d originally assumed.
“Tv tropes has never let me down before, and it’s not about to now,” Lily said.
“It was a team effort,” Moody said when they tried to argue back, and that was when Sirius and James knew they were well and truly fucked. If McGonagall and Moody were both behind this, there was not a single person on the force that would free them.
“Right,” Sirius growled lowly, and James had to swallow because he could feel the rumble of it in Sirius’s chest against his own.
“We’re leaving you in there until you talk this out,” Marlene said. “Sirius still has his phone, you can call us when you’re done.”
“And don’t even think about lying,” Remus added. “We know you better than to believe that shite.” With that, the group left.
…
“Sorry about this,” Sirius said, trying to give James some space, but there wasn’t really room for it, and two centimeters of space between their chests made their hips and legs press together. He gave up the position after a minute.
“I don’t recall this being your idea.”
“Yeah, just. I dunno. If I’d been less obvious, they would’ve left it alone.”
“If you’d been less obvious?” James repeated in confusion.
Sirius sighed. “Are you really going to make me say it? This is embarrassing enough as it is.”
“I have no clue what you’re talking about. I was under the distinct impression it was my fault we were in here.”
“How might it be your fault?”
“Er, you know, the whole can’t stop staring at you, offering to marry you and only half-joking thing.”
“You… you do that too?”
“Well, I mean, I do that, but I don’t know about this ‘too’ business. I think I would remember you proposing.”
“Are you really acting like you don’t notice me staring at you all the time? You’re bloody gorgeous, mate, and I’m not subtle.”
“I’m not subtle either. I mean, have you seen you?”
Sirius laughed quietly, like it was a secret between the two of them, and kissed James softly, too quick for him to respond. “I don’t want to tell them it was a good idea to lock us in a cupboard.”
“It wasn’t a good idea if you don’t get back here and give me a proper snog.”
“As you command,” he said jokingly.
“That’s a little kinky, don’t you think?”
“Shut it,” Sirius said, then made sure he did by kissing him again, properly this time.