Work Text:
Catherine had been working late again this night, September 22, 2552. This wasn't unusually for the woman especially with everything going on ranging from the Battle of Fumirole. Global Insurrectionist attacks. Funerals for many unfortunate fallen soldiers, many having been great assets to the UNSC and others too young to die. Moving from base to base, to assure Dr. Halsey's safety, discovering more data involving the forerunners and being scared half to death by the hellish escape from reach, including when she'd successfully revived Linda.
Some of the biggest events recently, but currently, her nightmare involved: The Human-Covenant War, researching the forerunner technology and her overall crazy work schedule.
She'd already been suffering enough stress, emotionally and physically. Carrying along the things she'd never be able to take back, and events she didn't avoid even when she'd have a chance... every bit of hell since her childhood up to her adult life.
As proud as her accomplishment made her, the thoughts still pained her. How much better she could've been. How many lives she could've saved. And lastly, the one she'd carry to her coffin. Was it all a mistake? She'd been particularly proud with the spartan II program, and as successful as it turned out to be. It'd forever be a reminder of her failure.
It shouldn't hurt, but it did, even if it'd been over 20 years. It haunted her nightmares and some days consumed her thoughts. She kept her facade up, wrapped in a pretty pink bow, many considered her behavior to be cold and cruel, but didn't even know how deep, those children's deaths ate her alive. She could never take any of it back... Damnit. Your lost in thought.
Your mind is drifting wherever it wants to go. She hadn't slept in a few days? Roughly a week maybe? She wasn't sure. She never was when she'd be consumed by her many projects. Running on mostly coffee and her own imagination.
She needed rest... she was readying to turn in for the night, but was interrupted by a knock on her door. "Dr. Halsey, I need a word with you." Ugh, Mendez. As much as she wanted to ignore him and rest, she couldn't ignore him.
So she'd force herself to get up, pulling her lab coat on. "Come in Franklin, there's no need to be so formal." She teased. They are friends after all.
Mendez walked in relatively fast as soon as the doors opened. It was odd for the man to have showed up this late at night, usually he'd send one of his soldiers in. But judging by the blank look on the man's face, something terrible must of happened.
They are both used to death.
They'd both seen people they cared for or loved die.
But this one, this one was one hell of a kicker.
Words she'd never expect to hear.
Words that hurt her more than any insult.
"Jacob, Jacob Keyes is dead."
He'd only learned this from John and Cortana after he'd been radioed in.
Catherine felt every little bit of hope she had left dry up, then crumple into dust.
Is this what death feels like?
Mendez keeps his head hung low. Waiting for you to process his words. Nothing makes sense. Your throat feels dry, and you skin visibly pales. Tears welling up in your eyes. Heart thumping hard in your chest.
If this was a joke, it was a cruel one.
When you see the grown man before you turn away, sniffling, clearly crying at this point...
You know Jacob, your beloved Jacob is dead.
You know your relationship wasn't as close as either of you wanted to be, but you loved him.
You hate yourself for not telling him this, one last time.
You didn't know he'd die, it was inevitable, but you never thought it would happen.
You knew it wouldn't happen, but you saw yourself with him, when you both hopefully retired. On a beach someplace, or even at home, maybe even with grandchildren, and your daughter, Miranda Keyes with you.
But you know these are only dreams.
You and your daughters relationship is on thin ice. You weren't there for your daughter much. Another thought that pains you to this very day.
But is much better than when you started.
You hardly realized you'd been crying. Your visibly blinded by the pain his death has brought. Your failure has brought.
You weren't supposed to be perfect.
But you were also supposed to save lives.
Another thing you hide from the public
Only Mendez can read you. He was your friend after all.
These thoughts break you...
Mendez, still visibly upset, walked over to your trembling, crumpled form. He held you that night, even though he probably had work. He stayed with you, and hushed you as you cried yourself to sleep. Feeling as if the whole world has crashed and burned around you.
You slept as you should've, but as you suspected. Guilt and failure chased you through your sleep. Haunting you even as pray for forgiveness.
You signed up for this.
This was your decision.
And you will live with whatever pain it brings.
Your eternity remains in this prison you've built for yourself.
You know you deserved this, especially after all those parents you've hurt with your experimentation's on their children.
You did this to yourself, and will have to live with these failures till your last waking breath. Stuck in your thorny cage, and your castle of ice. Hanging yourself, and burying the deaths of many.
You've trapped yourself.
You can only leave if you forgive yourself.
Which you never have and never will do.
This is your fault Catherine Halsey, nobody else.