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Clary was certain that she was experiencing the worst Valentine’s Day ever. She was crammed into a booth next to her best friend, Simon and his boyfriend, Raphael who were laughing as they were telling the story of how they met a little over ten months ago. Simon had accidentally spilled his coffee on Raphael because he was too tired from late-night studying to pay attention, but Simon now claimed that Raphael was attracted to him on the spot and was only pretending to be mad. Raphael insisted that it was only after Simon tracked him down and surprised him with a brand new expensive jacket that he started having romantic feelings.
Across the table, her other close friend, Izzy, who was leaning her head on the shoulder of her girlfriend, Lydia and enjoying the banter but enjoying Lydia a little more, her attention mainly focused on rubbing circles onto the other woman’s hand with her thumb.
Clary loved her friends, she really did. She’d met them when she started college over a year and a half ago, Izzy as her assigned roommate and Simon being in many of her Freshman classes, always acting as a ready and willing partner for projects. She had bonded quickly with both of them, and was so happy to see them both falling in love with their significant others, but when they are all together like this, she just always felt so lonely.
Clary had tried dating in the past, but she had come to the conclusion she doesn’t really feel attraction to people like that. At first she thought it was a problem with men, that she was just gay, but her attraction to women either fizzled out too fast to build a relationship or was barely there in the first place, and she started to think that maybe she just would never have a relationship like Izzy and Lydia’s or Simon and Raphael’s.
Her perspective changed when she finally met someone who she had felt genuine attraction to about four months ago. She met a woman who was kind, funny, beautiful, and genuinely amazing. Her laugh was the most beautiful sound Clary had ever heard, better than any musical piece ever composed. Her hands were soft and always warm, which felt nice when held in Clary’s own eternally cold hands. Clary could swear her smile could bring the sick back to health. It was so big, bright, and beautiful.
If she had developed a crush on anyone else, it would have been great news. She would have a Valentine’s date like both of her friends, and she wouldn't feel so alone watching everyone else experiencing love other than her.
However, the woman that Clary had begun to like was unattainable, a woman from her dreams. Literally.
One night, four months ago, Clary was visited by a mysterious woman in her dreams. There wasn't a big introduction involved, Clary was just relaxing in a field under a single tree when the woman arrived to join her. She can never remember exactly what the woman looked like or what she was wearing, but Clary could remember that every time she saw her, especially the first time, she was struck by how beautiful she was.
The first dream they shared together was spent in comfortable silence. They sat next to each other against a tree in the shade, just feeling each other’s presence.
The next dream in which they saw each other, the woman initiated a conversation.
The dream had begun with them sitting next to each other, left off in the same place, but Clary was aware she was dreaming and that is was in fact a different night than before. Apparently the other woman was aware as well, because she started speaking by addressing it.
“Why didn't you talk to me?”
Clary removed her gaze from her own hands and looked toward her companion in confusion.
“When?”
The woman rolled her eyes, but she was smiling, so it was obvious that she wasn't too annoyed.
“The last time we were here,” she clarified, staring at intently.
Clary blushed, swallowing and trying to find her words. “I guess I just liked the silence. Everything is so hectic and loud all the time. It’s nice to…” She glanced away, clearing her throat. “Enjoy someone’s company without worrying about any noise.”
The other woman was quiet at first, causing a little bit of worry to bubble up in Clary’s chest, before she heard three soft words spoken with understanding.
“I feel that.”
Clary looked over at the woman again and she smiled, causing the woman to smile as well. Clary couldn't remember the woman’s eyes when she woke up, only that smile.
Most of the dreams went like that. They were always in the same place, the same field with yellow-green grass and a single tree in which they would talk under. They even started to hold hands after the first month, and would sometimes go silent, just feeling each other.
There was a special kind of peace, a sense of home and belonging that Clary felt with this woman that she had never felt with anyone else. And it hurt that she would never feel it in the real world.
When she’d returned her attention to Lydia and Izzy, they hadn't noticed her spacing out, completely absorbed in each other. The couple had cuddled in closer, enjoying each other’s warmth and were even whispering to each other, not even pretending to listen to Simon anymore.
Clary wanted that. Maybe not exactly, every relationship was different, but she wanted to be completely absorbed in a relationship, if just for one romantic evening outside of her dreams.
“So long story short, Raph can never not resist me,” Simon finished with a proud smile. Raphael chuckled and ruffled Simon’s hair before standing up from the booth.
“You’re right, I can't resist you. Which is why I am letting you take me home to watch one, and I mean one romantic movie for Valentine’s Day.”
“Really?!” Simon struggled out of the booth and stood up as fast as he could, beaming.
“Yes, but I get to pick what we do next time, okay?” Raphael bargained, stroking his boyfriends cheek softly.
Simon was nodding enthusiastically when Izzy spoke up.
“Are you guys leaving us so soon?”
Raphael rolled his eyes. “Like you aren't dying to take Lydia home any minute now.”
Izzy let out a giggle, snuggling into her girlfriend. “You all know me so well.” She kissed Lydia’s neck once, before grabbing her hand and sliding out of the booth, standing up.
“They are right. It’s really fun being with you guys, but I think it’s time for our special romantic evening.”
Clary was disappointed, but said nothing as she watched Lydia nod and agree to leave her alone for the evening.
Izzy seemed to have sensed that Clary would feel left out, addressing her as she put on her coat in preparation to leave.
“Are you okay being alone for the rest of the evening?” She looked genuinely concerned, but Clary could also tell that she couldn't wait to leave.
Clary forced a smile onto her face before she replied. “Yeah! Totally. I had a really great time with you guys, and we can always do this again, the food here was great!”
Simon looked relieved that he was morally free to go, but couldn't help but engage in more conversation.
“Yeah, I liked the burger, but next time I'm going to go for the Caesar salad. The menu sai-”
Simon was interrupted by his boyfriend gently pushing him towards the exit. “Let’s go, cariño. Before I change my mind about that movie.”
He turned back to give Clary a soft smile and a wave, and despite her bad feelings about being a fifth wheel, she was happy for Simon. Raphael was often in a bad mood and was very blunt sometimes, and made an effort to not seem as soft as he was, he was very caring and passionate.
Blunt, caring, and passionate. Just like- no. That woman wasn't real. Raphael was real, and she wasn't. Simon had someone special to enjoy the night with, and Clary didn't.
Izzy leaned awkwardly into the booth to give Clary a hug before she and Lydia said their goodbyes to her. Clary let out a deep breath as she watched them exit, leaning her head back against the booth.
She was the worst person ever. She was miserable watching her best friends in love, and then she was miserable watching them leave. She even let Raphael and Izzy pay the bill without her chipping in. And after that, she didn't even listen to her best friend talk about his love experiences because she is jealous and miserable.
Clary sighed and shifted out of the booth, putting her coat and scarf on. She had nowhere to go, but she would rather be home alone than in a restaurant alone.
She grabbed her purse and left for home. Thankfully there was a bus stop nearby, with a bench, even. She sat down and looked at the bus schedule on her phone, frowning when she saw that the bus wouldn't be there for another 20 minutes.
She didn't really mind waiting, but it was more proof that Valentine’s Day was a day intent on making her suffer.
A couple of minutes later, it was raining. Clary really tried to ignore it, but soon her hair and clothes were sopping wet, and the cold air and cold water combined made her shiver uncontrollably.
Why didn't she read the weather forecast and bring an umbrella? Either she was to blame, or Valentine’s Day was, but either way she was freezing and wet and just wanted to go home.
“Hey.”
Clary’s head turned in the direction of the voice, and her breath caught in her throat. Standing next to her was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. She had warm brown eyes, pretty lips turned up into a small smile, and a slight blush warming her cheeks.
“I can share if you like,” she continued, her smile brightening as she stepped closer to Clary.
Clary realized that the woman was talking about sharing her umbrella, and was relieved to be covered by it when the woman had moved closer.
“Thanks,” Clary responded, her cheeks warming considerably. “I'm Clary.” She offered her hand to shake.
The woman sat down next to her on the bench, and then gently grabbed Clary’s hand and shook it. “I’m Maia.”
Everytime this woman spoke, Clary felt soothed. Her voice was so distinct and comforting. It was unique, but Clary could have sworn she heard something like it before, something similar.
“That's a pretty name,” Clary replied, inwardly cringing while outwardly beaming. It wasn't a lie, but she wished she could find the proper words to convey how she felt, while also not seeming creepy. The name ‘Maia’ felt right , but it was kind of inappropriate to say so to a stranger.
Maia didn't seem to mind Clary’s bland reply, continuing to smile as she shielded her from the rain. Her smile was so bright, and beautiful, and familiar .
“I just got off work, I saw you when I was leaving. I work at the bar right there.” She pointed at the place behind the bus stop with a sign that said ‘Hunter’s Moon’. “I don't mind sticking around for a bit. Do you want to go in for a drink?”
Clary bit her lip, pretending to think about it. It was honestly a no-brainer. She needed company, and here was a gorgeous and kind girl offering it.
“I would love to,” Clary answered honestly. “But I have a question.”
Maia grinned. “Anything.”
“Have we met before? Maybe a long time ago? Distantly?”
Maia’s smile faded into a smaller, more playful one. “I don’t think so. Not in this lifetime anyway. Or...” She placed her hand on Clary’s, and Clary couldn't help but notice how soft her hands were. “Maybe we have met. Once or twice. In a dream.”
Clary froze in shock, not knowing what to say. Was Maia her mystery girl all along? Now that she thought about it, she sounded like her, had the same smile, she even felt li-
Maia stood up, making sure the umbrella was still covering Clary. “Are you coming?” Maia asked, reaching her hand out for Clary’s.
Clary paused her panic in favor of looking up adoringly at the other woman. She place her hand in Maia’s and stood up, grinning. “I wouldn't miss it for the world.”