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Cycles in which both Taako and Barry died in were agony. That didn’t happen often, maybe no more than two or three times in the entirety of their century, but they did happen. The first time had to have been the worst cycle Lup ever experienced.
Taako and Barry left on an exploration for the Light that would take a couple days, maybe three at maximum with how close Lup and Barry were able to get the ship to it with their triangulating. The area seemed pretty safe, too, or at least empty due to it being in the middle of the forest somewhere. It was nothing that they couldn’t handle, nothing that they hadn’t done before. At least, that’s what everyone on the Starblaster thought.
However, a couple of days turned into three days, and while it might’ve taken that long, Lup found herself worrying. She hadn’t been away from Taako for more than a couple days at most- if they knew that a mission would take longer than that, they would insist they go together. She had a harder time sleeping without Barry, too, the bed seemed colder and emptier while he was away. It was an odd feeling that left her tossing and turning, settling on meditation instead of sleep.
The morning of day four, Lup found herself on the deck of the Starblaster, nervously waiting for them to return. After an hour she got tired of standing and shifted to sit on the railing no matter how uncomfortable the position was. Eventually, other members of the ship started to wake, stopping in the doorway when they saw Lup just… sitting there. None of them really knowing what to do or how to approach her. They mostly kept an eye on her, ready to go to her if she needed it.
It was noon when Lup hopped off the railing and stood back on the deck, a bit surprised with herself- she had sat still for so long. She stretched, back popping as she lifted her arms over her head. She hesitated a moment before trailing back into the Starblaster and made herself a sandwich. Every sound she heard made her snap her head back toward the door to see if they were back.
But they weren’t.
It was sunset when someone, Magnus, finally came out onto the deck to talk to her. The plane’s sunsets were gorgeous, the best that the IPRE had ever seen. True gold seemed to have spun itself with the clouds and the sky turned beautiful shades of pink and orange. The sun itself turned the same shade of gold that made it look as if the mineral itself was melting there in the sky. It would slowly fade into purples and soft blues as the golden sun dipped under the horizon. It was breathtaking and Lup loved to watch it, she loved to watch it with Barry.
Magnus walked over to where Lup had situated herself sitting on the railing again, suddenly wishing that someone else had gone to talk to her instead, Lucretia, maybe. He wasn’t at all sure what to say to her. In the end, he settled for a semi-awkward “hey Lup.”
She jumped slightly, hands grabbing at the railing tight, and his own went to steady her in case she was to fall. She looked at him with wide eyes and laughed nervously before she regained her composure.
“Magnus! Fuck, you scared me.” Lup said, shoving him lightly.
“Sorry about that, but, uh… I just wanted to come check on you, y’know? Everyone’s been kind of worried. You’ve been sitting here for a while.”
“Yeah, I’m just… waiting for Taako and Barry.”
Magnus frowned at that, fidgeting with his robe before smoothing it over again. Lup didn’t like the feeling that his doubt gave her, and anxiety started to climb up her throat from her stomach.
“Um… Davenport thinks there might’ve been a complication with their mission, that they could’ve gotten hurt-”
“No.” Her voice is cold, and the way she looks at Magnus sends a shiver down his spine. “They’re fine, it’s just taking longer than they thought it would. They’ll be back soon.”
“I know. I think so, too, but Davenport wanted me to tell you that, so…” He trailed off and stood up straight, taking a couple steps back. “Yeah. If you need me, you know where I’ll be.”
Lup nodded slightly, body rigid from the implication that the two most important people to her weren’t okay, that they might not come back. She slipped off the railing a moment later, once the stars started to peek their way into the sky, and headed back to her room, alone. She curled up in bed, wrapping the blankets tight around her, clutching them like they were the only thing holding her there.
They would be fine. They would be back the next day.
The thing is, they weren’t.
Lup waited day after day for them to return, repeating her routine that she followed that fourth morning. She waited until a week had passed before she started to lose hope of them returning to the Starblaster. What Magnus had told her sunk in, slowly, and the chilling realization that the two of them were probably dead made her want to scream. She could feel the eyes of the other crew members, their sympathetic glances at her as they passed the doorway to the deck- it made her feel like she was suffocating.
It was the eighth day that she returned to her room before sundown and screamed into her pillow, breaking down in the emptiness of the space, the loneliness.
From then on, Lup rarely left her room, barely spoke to anyone else on the ship for the remaining month that were left in the year. She left to eat when she couldn’t stand the loud growling of her stomach any longer, and when she left, she stayed quiet and kept to herself. It was an odd thing, to see Lup act in such a way. It was an extreme change from her usual loud and bright self, and the rest of the crew couldn’t help but feel a bit… disturbed. Lup was one of the larger personalities on the Starblaster, and she was suddenly as quiet as Lucretia could be.
Any attempts to cheer her up were met with another thing that unsettled the rest of the crew. Lup snapped, harsh and rude at anyone who tried to talk to her, let alone cheer her up. Whichever crewmember usually shied away from the conversation after that, retreating quickly to the others sitting together in the makeshift living room they had. Her message was loud and clear: She wanted to be left alone.
(That didn’t mean the other members of the IPRE didn’t worry about her. Their worry only increased when they could hear her crying herself to sleep at night- if she ever slept in the first place.)
The months before the reset were agony for Lup. She wasn’t sure she ever felt so isolated before- no, she knew she never felt so isolated before. She always had Taako with her, every step of the way, always at her side. They were never without each other for more than a day, maybe a couple days at most. Usually, if they knew that a mission would take three days or more, they would insist on going together. She had never been without him for so long, not until the cycles started. Without him, she felt like a part of her was gone, that her heart was ripped out of her chest. She ached, physically, longing for her brother. Sometimes she forgot he was gone and she would go to say something to him, to give him a shared look, but he wasn’t there. It always made her dissolve into tears.
If she didn’t have Taako, she had Barry. When they started the mission, Barry tagged along with her and Taako everywhere. Neither of them really minded, and as they grew closer, she came to find comfort in his presence at her side as well as Taako’s. It felt nice to have someone on either side of her. That presence became even more important, more intimate after their song at the conservatory, after they confessed their love to each other through song. She started not to go places without him either, him as important to her as Taako was. Being in his arms, she wondered how she could have ever lived without his embrace, and now she got the painful answer to that question.
Eventually, The Hunger came and loomed over the plane, and without the Light recovered by Taako and Barry, the plane would be destroyed. Lup found a sickening sort of relief, excitement in the fact that The Hunger was finally there. It being there meant that it was time to leave, that it was time to reset. As soon as they were out of the plane, her boys would be back. She would have Taako and Barry back.
Davenport steered the Starblaster out and up into the sky, soon returning to the black inkiness of space. The familiar feeling of resetting washed over the crew and suddenly everyone was there again, standing in the positions they were in when they first left their home plane.
More importantly, that meant Taako was standing by Lup’s side.
Lup let out a sob when she saw Taako and she wrapped her arms tight around him. She felt him wrap his arms back around her in a hug, holding her just as tight as she was holding him. She cried into his shoulder, looking up only when she felt a hand on the small of his back. She looked at the person to who the hand belonged to and she gasped when she saw it was Barry. She shifted in her brother’s arms to throw hers around Barry’s neck with another sob. She finally had her boys back.
“I’m.. I’m so sorry, Lup, we didn’t mean to leave you alone for so long,” Barry spoke after a moment.
“Yeah Lulu, fuck. We didn’t want to, but shit happened and...” Taako frowned and squeezed Lup a little tighter.
She shook her head and sniffled. “You’re here now. What.. what happened out there?”
Barry and Taako both took turns explaining what happened in the forest. Apparently, it hadn’t been as empty as they thought it was- when they had gone to collect the Light, it had already been snatched up by a small civilization that lived up in large treehouse homes. They tried to convince the people to give it to them, but words didn’t work. Trying to steal it back didn’t work, either, and only ended up in their deaths. The people of the civilization had trained much more in combat than the two thought they were, and as two wizards, they didn’t stand much of a chance. They were dead within minutes. (Lup made an unhappy noise when they brought up the conditions of their death.)
The three of them had moved to the couch sometime during the boys’ explanation, and Lup tugged them both close to cuddle. She had spent months without one of the next to her while she slept, and she wasn’t sure she was going to let them go again for at least another couple of cycles. Though, neither of the boys would actually mind that- they would gladly spend every second with Lup.
“What about you?” Taako asked.
“Yeah. How was it, uh, without us?” Barry finished. Lup couldn’t help but smile, just a bit, at how the two of them did that. Bonding did them good, she supposed, even if it was only a couple of days before their death.
“I don’t even want to think about that, babes,” Lup responded, letting her eyes shut. “Right now, I need a nap with my two favorite people. You don’t get a choice in that, mmkay?”
“No complaining here,” Taako laughed and snuggled into her side.
“Yeah. None here either.” Barry wrapped an arm around her middle, one hand absentmindedly carding his fingers through her hair. Lup leaned into his hand with a happy hum.
She took a deep breath. She had her boys back.