Chapter Text
“I love you” Albus said, his voice higher than normal. He swallowed once. They were both sitting in the Slytherin common room, in front of the fireplace. It wasn’t really cold, but he guessed that it was lit for the aesthetic touch. Scorpius and he had been playing chess, enjoying the fact that they had the common room all by themselves, the way they always did when it was this late at night.
He hadn’t even intended to say it, but he had been keeping it in his head for a while; and looking at his best friend laugh while they talked and played chess was so domestic it hurt. He had to, he couldn’t keep it in. This was their sixth year, it was about time.
“I love you too” Answered Scorpius, looking at his friend as if he had grown a third head. “I mean, you are my best friend” He said, as if he was trying to point a reason to say it. “What’s wrong?”
“No” He had to stick to it. “I’m IN LOVE with you” He clenched his jaw, holding Scorpius’ gaze.
“You are…” He blinked. “Oh…”
“Yeah…” Albus tried to stay calm.
“That’s….”
“I know…” He was not going to cry.
“…Okay…”
“Okay.” He had to keep it cool.
“I….” Scorpius started. “I don’t…”
Fuck. “That’s okay. That’s totally okay, I mean-I… It’s not even… Look you don’t have to…” He was really going to cry. Why the hell did he do this to himself?
“Albus…”
“No, really, you don’t have to say anything I’m sorry I’m making it weird…”
“No. No, it’s not weird.” Scorpius looked as if he still couldn’t believe any of it. To be fair, Albus couldn’t believe it either.
“I just… I do…. I had for a while… And I- I thought” He took a deep breath and sighed, but it came out a little shaky. “Fuck Scorp I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I thought, I just…” 'I thought that you felt the same' Thought Albus bitterly. He was mad at himself for it.
“I do love you.” Scorpius said “It’s just…”
“You don’t wanna date me.” He added, quickly, way too quickly. Damn it.
Scorpius opened his mouth and then closed. He did it a couple of time, and if it wasn’t by the fact that Albus wanted to crawl under a rock, he would have laughed. “No… I don’t” He finally said “I-I’m sorry I really don’t know what to say.” He looked mortified. “You are my best friend Al, and I love you dearly, but…” It was obvious that he was struggling with words “Please don’t be mad at me.” Scorpius opened his eyes, realizing what he said “I mean, no, you can. I mean it’s your right to be mad at me, but please don’t. I just… I never thought about you that way. I don’t know…”
“And if you had time to think about it?” Albus bit his lip, in for a Knut, in for a Galleon, he thought.
“I don’t know…” Scorpius looked at him, really looked at him. It felt as if he had a trillion of thoughts in his mind at the moment. He swallowed. “I’m sorry…” He began, and Albus could feel his heart breaking once again for the second time in this 5 minutes. “…you know that I would do anything for you, Al, especially if it means it’ll make you happy, but…” He sighed “I don’t think it’d be what you’d want…”
Albus looked horrified. “No. No, no I would never force you Scorp, I’d hate that. I just…” His voice broke. Merlin, he was making a fool of himself.
He could feel the tears running down his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m making this all awkward, I…”
Scorpius opened his eyes, shocked. ‘’Al…’’ He looked as if he wanted to cry too. Great. 'Good Job, Al. Now you are making him feel guilty, you big piece of trash' He damned himself.
“No…” He tried to reassure his friend. “No, it’s not…” Shit. Seeing Scorpius cry was making it all worse. ‘’Look, Scorp…” His voice cracked one more time, and before he could notice, Scorpius arms were around him.
“Please don’t cry. Don’t” Scorpius almost crushed him. He could tell his best friend was trying to comfort him, but being this close was making no good.
He hid his face in Scorpius’ shoulder, taking a deep breath and smelling his familiar scent. Fuck. It hurt so much.
“You don’t think…” He rested his cheek against his friend’s shoulder instead, trying to calm down. “…that maybe we could… in the future?” Salazar, Merlin and all the famous wizards in the world, he was so lame.
Scorpius was now running his hand in circles on his back. He stopped for a second before continuing. “I’m sorry Al…” Albus could feel his fingers moving against his skin, through the thin layer of his shirt. “If I had the smallest hint of it, I would. You know I would, but…” He could feel Scorpius shaking the tiniest bit. “I do love you.” He said, and somehow that wonderful phrase hurt Albus so much. “Please don’t hate me because it’s not the way you want me to…”
Al pulled away quickly. “No. I don’t hate you, I could never.” They still had their arms against each other’s, and Albus focused his sight on his own hand, the one that was touching Scorpius’ bicep. He tightened his grip the tiniest bit, trying to hold his feelings.
“Do you need space?” Scorpius sounded genuinely concerned. He was such a good friend, anyone else would have cut the conversation short and left Al to deal with it alone. And probably never talk to him again. Albus panicked at the idea of it.
“No.” He looked at Scorpius again. “Please don’t do that. I understand if you want to get away from me for a while. This must be all so weird for you, but please… if you can still stand me, don’t go.”
“I would never. You are my best friend” Scorpius tightened his grip. “This isn’t weird, just… unexpected…”
“Thanks,” Albus smiled softly and finally letting go of Scorpius, resting his back against the couch and stretching his legs on the rug.
Scorpius looked at him confused, but followed his lead and did the same.
“You know…” Scorpius started “I always thought we would deal with each other’s…. ‘dramas’… when the moment came…” He was looking at the ceiling and playing with the sleeves of his sweater. “Crushes, heartbreaks…” He turned his head to look at Albus. “I never thought I’d be the one causing them.” He finished with a sad smile. “I’m sorry”
This time, Albus laughed softly in spite of everything. He then proceed to put his best drama Face ‘’Ugh, Scorpius you won’t believe what happened today?”
“Please tell me everything” Scorpius continued the act.
“So I got all this courage of mine, which isn’t much, mind you not, and confessed to my crush. And he rejected me. Bummer.” He put on a real smile, despite the tears filling his eyes.
Scorpius smiled back, his eyes shining too. “He must be a real idiot, then.”
“Nah, not really…” Albus kept eye contact “He is great, actually. All smart and kind”
“Not so kind if he hurt you.” His eyes were filling with tears too now.
“He didn’t meant to.”
“Doesn’t matter. I guess I’d have to hex him after class.”
“And get in trouble for a boy? Not worth it.”
Scorpius smiled. “No, I guess he is not worth it.”
“Men.” Albus finished, and they both laughed like they hadn’t just be crying on each other two seconds ago. This was nothing. Crushes come and go. He wasn’t going to lose Scorpius because of it, he had to get a hold of himself.
He turned his head to his best friend, watching him finish his laugh. His blonde hair fell in front of his eyes, and the glow of the fireplace made his skin look soft and silky.
Albus felt his heart skip a beat. And despite thinking that all those books that talked about love were lying, that they were exaggerating, the hurt in his chest felt worse than a punch.
This wasn’t going to be easy.