Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I got you a room for free, you just have to cook!” Tauriel was speaking with enthusiasm. “It’s an old friend of mine, and he’s got a huge apartment so you won’t be bothering each other much.”

“For real?” Kili was stunned hearing the news. So far he was overwhelmed, no matter how hard he tried to make his scholarships stretch the fees were still the same. He was considering a part time job, but that would come with a detriment to his studies.

“For real. I’ll text you the address in a moment, and his phone number.” She assured him. “I wouldn’t advise calling him he’s usually very busy, just send a text.”

“Thank you...” Kili tried to express just what he felt.

“Don’t worry much, I know lots of rich people... a good artist could use good sponsors especially at the beginning of his career.” She seemed amused.

“Thank you a million!” He inhaled deeply.

Once he got the text, he quickly texted with the date of his arrival and estimated time he would get there. He booked a bus and finished packing all his things. He sat on his bed and in his mind imagined what it would be like... He still had a few hours... He checked all the shelves, drawers and wardrobe, but everything was cleared out.

“Did you pack everything?” Beorn asked from the doorway.

“It’s cleared out.” Kili told him.

“I’ll send the rest of your things when you need them, they can stay in the garage for now.” Beorn told him gently. “If New York won’t work out, call me. I’ll organized something.”

“You’ve already done enough...” Kili felt ashamed.

“Take care!” Beorn did not dare touch him. “I’ve made you some food for the trip, do you need some cash?”

“I’ve got my savings from the diner.” Kili told him.

“If you find yourself in a tight spot, just call me.” Beorn reminded him.

“I’ll keep in touch...” Kili mumbled.

Suddenly his phone made a funny sound. ‘I’ll be waiting, if you need a ride text me.’

“My accommodation just confirmed.” Kili told Beorn.

“Good luck!” Beorn smiled. “I’ll drive you to the bus stop.”

------

The road was long and boring. He read a book, and he stopped longer on the pictures. It was his meager method of preparing for the unknown subjects, reading the right books and trying to remember the patterns and methods. When his book ended, he kept his eyes on the horizon, taking in the shapes and colors of towns, taking in the countryside, the forests and fields. Wondering about what might happen and what might be his fate. Soon he had a stop, ate two of the sandwiches he got, and the bus drove on. The second stop he ate the rest of his food, and he bought some water.

He suddenly felt worried. What if the address would not be safe? Did he have enough money to pay for a hotel if he got screwed over by Tauriel’s friend? What would happen later? Will he manage with all the difficult subjects?

Soon it was getting dark. The cities were full of lights and people. A world foreign to him, but the thrill of seeing something new was already churning in his body. He wanted a new life, he wanted to experience more, to get to know the world.

The last stop brought a darkness and crowds, and for a moment he stood there stunned, unsure what to do. But he tried to gather his senses, he could manage in the most vast forests of the world, he would manage with New York. He had the map in his mind. A few turns and a few kilometers. But when he made it at the right address he looked up in shock. It was huge, a skyscraper in fact. All glass and elegant and the huge sign Arkenstone was shining on the wall.

‘I made it, what now?’ He texted anxiously.

‘Walk in, there is a reception area but just go by, when you get to the gate type in the code 178340, use the same code in the elevator. I’m waiting with dinner.’ The message came in a blink.

Kili breathed in deeply, and walked in. The reception area was worse than he imagined. Red thick carpets, golden decor and fancy armchairs. It was decadent and in a style Kili only saw on TV. A style he really didn’t like, but he felt overwhelmed anyway. There was an elegant woman in a uniform at the desk, but he walked by to the gate. There was a keypad and a panel, and after checking his text message he tapped it in.

The gate beeped and suddenly opened, letting him in.

The elevator. He breathed in a walked in that direction. He had to wait a few minutes for the elevator, but when it opened he swiftly tapped in the code again. He didn’t have to give a floor or anything, the elevator immediately began going up. He tried to breathe, but when it reached floor fifty, his heart was in his throat. After one hundred he was dying. One hundred and ten. And then it just stopped.

Once the elevator door opened he saw just one door in a square corridor. And a keypad again. He tapped the code with shacking fingers, but there was no going back now. He knew Tauriel’s friends were crazy and rich but this was simply insane...

“Come inside...” The warm voice startled him. Kili was stunned with a pair of the most beautiful blue eyes.

The man standing in the doorway was a few years older than him, short and buff. A beautifully shaped regular face, framed with golden locks. The man was so handsome Kili forgot how to breathe.

“I’m Fillip it’s a pleasure to meet you!” The man reached out and Kili immediately took his hand.

“Kili, it’s a pleasure, thank you for having me over.” The right words followed.

“No problem, let me show you to your room!” The man flashed a shy smile, and the sight of the cutest dimples in the world made Kili draw breath again.

Soon Kili found himself staring into nothing. They were far above the city, the lights down there far away, and there were stars... Kili wanted just to have something to paint with and he wanted to stare forever.

“I hope you’re not scared of heights!” The man laughed.

“I love it...” Kili whispered.

“I’m glad you like it, your room has the same view...” The man  showed him the way. The room had a whole glass wall with exactly the same stunning view. A moment later Kili realised there was a huge double bed there, a desk and some bookshelves and two doorways.

“You’ve got a wardrobe and a private bathroom.” The man opened the doors.

“Thank you...” Kili suddenly felt overwhelmed and shy.

“Dinner is ready.” He reminded him.

Kili was still staring as he was shown into the dining room, with the same beautiful view.

“It will get boring in time...” The man assured him.

“It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen...” Kili whispered.

“You look tired, why don’t you go and rest and we’ll talk about the details tomorrow morning.” The man told him with a smile.

“That sounds great...” Kili flashed a weak smile.

When he found himself in a huge white marble bathroom he had another daze attack. In Beorn’s house there was only one bath, and all the regular bathrooms had showers. Now he could choose whatever he wanted... After a moment he decided for the shower, he was getting sleepy and tired and the huge bed seemed more tempting.

-------

Waking up he had a funny feeling, the sky was endless and vast, and the sun rise was even more breathtaking than the night view. He stretched lazily and sat up. He had no idea when he pulled out the sketchpad and his pencils. Once the picture was ready he put it away and decided to peak out of his room to get some water.

“Hey!” The blond was already sitting in the kitchen the smell of aromatic coffee all around.

 “Good morning!” Kili smiled.

“I have no idea what you’d like, but you can take anything from the fridge.” The blond told him.

“Thank you...” Kili reached for the coffee machine and set it, and rushed to the fridge. He pulled out a few things, and made some hot toast with cheese. He saw the blond glare at him with a strong longing.

“Would you like some?” Kili asked.

“Could you please?” The blond begged. “I’m hopeless in the kitchen.”

“What about last night’s dinner?” Kili asked him making more toast.

“Ordered from the restaurant downstairs.”The blond admitted with ease.

“So you want me cooking full time?” Kili asked with a smile.

“If that’s not a problem.” The blond seemed shy.

“Tauriel said something about cleaning...” He remembered.

“I got a cleaning service, so just put anything in the laundry basket and it will get washed and cleaned. They come in twice a week, you’ll meet them soon.” Fillip shrugged. “But cooking is something more difficult... Tauriel said you could go pro...”

“I was actually considering it, but I got accepted to college.” Kili admitted. “So what’s your normal rhythm of the day?”

“I get up at six go to the gym, and eat at seven, I usually eat lunch at work, so some take out would be really nice... I come back at six or seven...” The blond explained.

“I think we’ll work it out...” Kili felt shy.

“Let me show you around.” The blond got up. “On this floor we got the living room, dining room, kitchen, and bedrooms, but there is another floor.”

“Another floor?” Kili was stunned. “Are we going to use the elevator?”

“No, we’ve got a internal staircase.” The blond led the way. “I actually like this floor better...” He smiled. “This is the swimming pool.” Kili stood dumb folded in front of a huge pool with the same stunning view.

“The wall is actually a bit scary.” Fillip showed him the end of the swimming pool reaching the outer wall.

“Stunning...” Kili was shocked.

“This is the gym” he pointed to the second room, “and a sauna.”

Kili had no idea what to say.

“This is what I call the fun zone, although it was designed to be a relaxation zone.” Fillip led him towards a dark room. “This is the cinema room, and this way we have the library.”

Kili just stared.

“You can use whatever you’d like, use the gym or the swimming pool...” The owned told him calmly.

------

Kili had no idea how he got used to the posh lavish elegance of the penthouse, but in just a few days he felt at home. The kitchen was his territory, his room was comfortable, and having access to all the fancy entertainment was thrilling.

He would meet the blond only a few times a week. Usually the blond would show up for breakfast, take out the lunch, and later Kili would just leave dinner in the fridge. The blond would work most of the day, and he would come back very late in the evening. Sometimes Kili would heat the food for him, but many nights they wouldn’t meet at all.

Kili had all the time in the world, he browsed the books in the library and read a few of those on art. He walked to galleries and museums, finally having in reach the wonders of world’s best artists. He spent time drawing, trying to go into fine art, instead of the usual comic book and manga drawings he did in high school.

He couldn’t wait to start lectures and drawing classes, but this environment was inspiring. His absent landlord was inspiring. Kili had no idea when he began drawing those blue eyes, those golden locks and firm muscular arms. He found himself dreaming. And when eventually sat down to pour it all out, he found himself drawing manga again. As much as when a teen he had no idea what stories to write, this felt easy. The story easily forming, but one he would never show anyone. A story of the value of any porn film. He loved the ease it was born in, unlike many of his previous drawings.

Then the day came, his first classes. He took some lunch with him and he rushed to the right building.

“A pleasure to see you again!” Galadriel was Beorn’s old friend, and she was the one who gave him a solid recommendation. It was her victory that he was accepted. “I’ll personally supervise your development, you’re in my painting class.”

“Painting?” Kili hissed, he never had the chance to try it.

“Come to my office this afternoon and I’ll give you some basic equipment and tips.” She smiled. “Have you read the books I recommended?”

“Most of them...” Kili admitted.

“Good.” She flashed a smile. “I’ll see you later and our class is on Thursday.”

“Thank you for everything!” He told her.

“No need to thank me, I’ll take credit for discovering you!” She smiled and walked away.

He stood there stunned for a moment, but as more and more students were rushing, he realised it was time for his first class. It was history of art, and as much as Kili always thought he was well read in the subject, now he realised he wasn’t. Many students were discussing and taking active part, while he felt he was left behind. He walked out even more determined, and he rushed to his next class.

At the end of the day, he was grim. His small town high school did not prepare him for this. And as much as Galadriel herself recommended him, he had to narrow down the distance.

“So how was it?” She asked him.

“Difficult. I’m not sure I should be here...” He confessed.

“You’ll learn, you have a lot of talent and skills, the book knowledge can be learned.” Galadriel assured him. “Did you find good accommodation? I could arrange something if needed.”

“My friend convinced her friend to let me crash...” Kili mumbled. “So for now I’m fine.”

“If anything changes, give me a call.” She handed him her card.

“I already owe you too much...” He was shy.

“Rubbish...” She flashed a very happy smile. “You deserve all the help you can get. Just learn and grow. Try to gain new experiences, taste life in all its shades and flavors.”

“Thank you for all this...” Kili pointed to the heavy bag.

“Read this before you start, the title is a bit stupid, but it gives good basics.” She handed him a funny looking book. “I know it’s for kids, but it’s one of the best textbooks.”

“Do you recommend it to all your students?” He hissed.

“Only the ones I personally supervise.” She didn’t lose her charm.

“I’d better get going and try it all...” He whispered.

“Good luck!” She bid him goodbye.

--------

‘Let go of your imagination, and everything can be done.’ Kili read the stupid book for kids. The blank canvas were waiting, the paints were waiting, everything was ready but not Kili.

He had billions of ideas, billions of visions. But he never painted in oil. He never did water coloring, he never did things like this... His heart paused, but his hand already made the first move.

‘Let go...’ And Kili did. His hands moving without any logical order or system.

When he stopped painting his heart stopped again, and his mouth went dry. He painted the one person he shouldn’t. His landlord. In his favorite chair in the living room, in a semi causal pose, with a cute dimpled smile. The painting was hypnotizing.

“There is no way I can show her this...” Kili set the painting away, and put on a clean canvas. “Imagination... think of animals and the forest...” He tried to focus.

And his hands followed the images from the past. The beautiful forest, the sunlight dawning on trees and flowers.

He glanced at the time.

“I need to make dinner...” Kili realised and rushed.

-------

He didn’t see the blond in the mornings anymore, but instead he kept getting short messages on the fridge. ‘I really liked lunch yesterday.’ ‘Thank you for another 5 star dinner!’ ‘I love your ravioli!’ The short messages always made Kili smile and gave him a purpose to rush to the fridge whenever he came back home. His schedule was getting really busy, but he tried to make time for the gym and the swimming pool, to keep fit. He tried to make time for reading, to freely paint, to breathe.

And things began falling into place. He got used to the lavish extravagance of the apartment, to New York, to college and Galadriel. He got used to the busy schedule and vast city.

He got used to the occasional blonds waiting for breakfast in the kitchen. Ashley, Amanda and Jasmine. Gwen and Jane, a much rarer sight. He got used to the occasional parties, or when the blond would come back drunk and want to talk in the middle of the night. As if the whole weeks of absence and silence never happened.

He loved the sunrise and sunsets, the apartment giving him an unrivaled view to paint. He loved the smell of oil paints and the newly found talent for large scale painting. And every moment he could just stand there and create, felt like flying.

He learnt to set the alarm clock for almost everything he did, especially when he was painting. Hoping to always meet the deadlines for breakfast and dinner. To never be late to classes.

-----

“I want to see more of your paintings.” Galadriel insisted, but Kili looked away. “Even those you consider private...”

“I just got a few more...” Kili mumbled.

“Have you been drawing mangas?” She asked in narrow eyes.

“Just a bit...” Kili looked away, sometimes she was pushing him way too hard.

“Bring them in, I want to see them...” She hissed, evidently disappointed he still followed those low class styles of drawing.

The next day Kili dropped them on her desk, and ran away. With cold eyes she reached for the notebook.

-------

“Kenzo, do you happen to have some time?” Galadriel asked on the phone.

“For you? Always!” He assured her.

“I’m waiting in my office.” She hung up, not letting him set the time and date. Her eyes were still on the notebook she got. And even though she generally hated manga, she couldn’t stop reading it.

“What’s the rush?” He came in with a smile.

“You’re a modern Asian art expert, you tell me...” She passed it to him.

“Is this a translation?” He sat on the comfortable armchair and began browsing.

“It’s an original.” She pulled out a few more works. “A student of mine went a bit far off and created it.”

Kenzo looked at her and glanced at the other works on the table, then he just leaned back and focused on the book in his hands.

“Can I analyze this?” He told her slowly.

“What’s your first thought?” She demanded.

“Well, I’m not sure yet... but it might be the first time we’ll actually translate a manga to Japanese!” He smiled and reached for the other three notebooks.

“You have till tomorrow, and I expect those back in my office!” She hissed.

“Roger Boss!” He smiled and left her. The strange smile on her face made him smile back as the door closed.

Galadriel got up and laid out the other works on the long table, and she couldn’t stop smiling.

-------

Kili came back a few days later only to find Galadriel unusually pleased.

“Sit down...” She smiled her charming elusive smile.

“I have more works...” Kili whispered and put the large folder on the table.

“That’s good, but today I want to talk about this.” She pushed the four notebooks at him.

“I’m sorry for disappointing you...” He whispered.

“Don’t be.” She smiled and she pushed a sheet at him. “This is your first offer.”

“What?” He mumbled with incomprehension.

“One of the key manga publishers will publish your manga, of course after it gets translated to Japanese.” She smiled.

“I will get money for this?” Kili was stunned.

“For these four parts, but if you draw more, you will get a hefty sum for each.” She smiled.

“And a percentage from the income.” Kili mumbled.

“Of course! And if it gets filmed you’ll be in charge, just like with regular books and publications.” She assured him. “Now the real questions is... do you want to publish something so off-art using your real name?”

Kili stared at her, and finally he nodded. “Dare.”

She smiled. “I should have known.”

--------

Sometime mid semester Kili found himself surprised to actually find a friend. Nori was downright crazy, he was studying industrial design and he had the craziest tattoos and clothes you could ever imagine. His brother Ori was his opposite, timid, shy and reserved. But as Ori worked in the library, and Kili spent a lot of time there, they met very often.

“So have you ever thought of getting a tattoo done?” Nori’s question came out of the blue. They were sitting over designs from the beginning of the twentieth century for one of the classes they had together.

“Not really...” Kili looked away, the thought did dawn on him, but it always was out of his financial reach.

“I work part time in a tattoo studio.” Nori smiled.

“What?” Kili was shocked.

“I have to pay the bills... my scholarships suck...” Nori complained.

“I get the picture, I have the same problems...” He confessed. “I’m freeloading off my friend’s friend in return for cleaning and cooking.” Kili did not add he was actually only cooking and the place was more than rich.

“Life sometimes sucks...” Nori hissed. “Anyway I could get it done half price after hours, just for the cost of ink.”

“Really?” Kili was surprised.

“Why not! I need to challenge myself and I have a strange feeling you’ll want something more ambitious.” Nori winked at him.

“I’ll think of a design...” Kili whispered.

A few days later he slipped the sheet into Nori’s notes during the history of art lecture.

“You’re fucking crazy!” The red head declared and smiled like crazy.

Kili had no doubt when they met late on Tuesday in the studio, but the pain made him regret it a tiny bit.

“It’s going to be my best design ever!” Nori was eager to get it done.

 -------

‘Tauriel is coming to visit next weekend. I’m planning a huge party on Saturday so don’t worry about the food. You’re invited too.’ The unexpected message made Kili hesitate a tiny bit. ‘I can prepare something really special for the occasion.’ He declared.

‘You may, but I’m going to order some food from a restaurant, we’re going to have a crowd over here.’ He got the message.

“Just fucking great!” Kili hissed and made sure his room looked presentable, Tauriel was bound to break in.

“So is it healing?” He asked Nori at the library later on.

“It looks just fine, the swelling is going down nicely.” Nori assured him. “So what’s the hurry?”

“My landlord is organizing some crazy huge party and I don’t want to look like an idiot.” Kili mumbled.

“Will you let me dress you up?” Nori suddenly grabbed his hands.

Kili just stared at him.

“This is my address, come around noon and I’ll make sure you’ll look amazing!” Nori smiled eagerly.

“Thank you...” Kili smiled. “You’re doing too much for me!”

“I’ll bill you later, when you become famous... Then I’ll be cleaning your house and cooking you meals.” The red head winked with a sleazy smile.

-------

“You’ve overdone it...” Kili had no idea how visiting Nori and Ori for the first time ended like it did. He knew them a few months, but he never realised just how crazy both of them were...

“You look beautiful! And you’re almost the same size as Ori!” Nori grinned liked crazy.

“Almost...” Kili hissed and tried to pull the dress down.

“You’re going to rock the party!” Ori was finishing his makeup.

“Have fun!” His friends bid him goodbye once he was ready.

When Kili arrived back home the party had already started. He rushed to the kitchen and set the oven and slowly he made his way towards his room.

“You look amazing! I always knew you had it in you!” Tauriel embraced him with a huge smile. “Next time we’re going shopping together and you can always raid my closet!”

“Great to see you! Thanks for getting me in touch with Fillip.” Kili told her with a smile.

“No problem!” She beamed a radiant smile. “Show me your room and I want to see your latest works! One of my father’s best friends is Galadriel’s friend... word is you’re growing big!”

“What?” Kili was stunned.

“The Rivendells from the Rivendell galleries, if you get it right, Galadriel might push you at exhibiting.” She winked at him.

Kili was simply stunned.

“So show me!” She pulled him towards his room.

Kili pulled out his works, and he had to listen to her chatter about it. She seemed thrilled and piece after piece she was looming over his works.

“You’re the best!” She hugged him again. “Now let’s get drunk, drugged and laid!”

“Laid?” Kili grimaced.

“You wouldn’t have dressed this way otherwise! Let’s go fishing!” She winked and pulled him into the noisy crowded living room.

Chapter Text

Fili woke up with a strange feeling in his chest. The warm hand on his chest, the pleasant smell lingering on his sheets. He could feel the warmth of the body leaning against him.

He screwed up, he realised the moment he concluded it wasn’t his bedroom. The faint smell of paint, the thrilling paintings all around. He fucked his roommate.

Fili closed his eyes and immediately was invaded by the vision of the slim extremely cute boy standing in his doorway. When he agreed to help out Tauriel’s friend, he never envisioned inviting in a person so attractive. He spent most of his life desperately hiding, trying to please his uncle and mother, trying to live according to the rules. Trying to act normal. To live according to what his family name demanded.

But every morning when they would sit down and drink coffee together, he couldn’t stop feeling a strange sensation in his stomach. Those charming black eyes, the deep thrilling voice, chatting about ordinary stuff, not overly intrusive. Fili rarely met people who didn’t think only of his money. Most wanted to be friends at any cost, pretending to be interested in him. But Kili was just nice. He gave Fili space always keeping to the rules Fili set. It was like living with a ghost, not counting the food magically appearing on the table or in the fridge.

He gave Fili space, and after a few weeks Fili decided he didn’t really want that space. Something in him was saying it was ridiculous to even consider that path. It would ruin him. The other side of him kept whispering that he could keep it hidden. But it didn’t feel right at all...

He had no idea when he became addicted to the delicious food, the day when he couldn’t just leave without leaving a tiny note on the fridge. He tried to limit his presence even more, staying at work late, getting up earlier, finding reasons to go away and not see him. To avoid the temptation. Later he tried dating all those girls who kept swarming him, just to forget and put something in between. But it didn’t feel right...

Sneaking into his room when he was away didn’t feel right either. But Fili worked just a few floors downstairs so it made sense to come back for lunch on days he had lots of classes. On those rare events Fili roamed his room, looking at his new works. Every time the funny feeling in his stomach and chest would get worse. The boy was extremely talented, and after having a fair share of art lessons himself he could tell the difference.

The party didn’t feel right either, but Tauriel insisted and when Ashley caught news it was done. Soon he was flooded with plans and ideas and a whole guest list. He hesitated a whole week before telling him. Speaking in person terrified him, so instead he left a message.

‘Tauriel is coming to visit next weekend. I’m planning a huge party on Saturday so don’t worry about the food. You’re invited too.’

Fili had another strange attack when he saw the answer. ‘I can prepare something really special for the occasion.’

‘You may, but I’m going to order some food at a restaurant, we’re going to have a crowd over here.’ And he didn’t get an answer.

The week before the party was crazy, it felt strange to know he had to see him and know they would have to interact. Nothing seemed to be right, his work gave him headaches, coming back home felt difficult.

“So how have you two been getting along?” Tauriel arrived early, all glamorously dressed and energetic.

“Okay, I guess.” Fili grunted.

“Only okay?” She glanced at him suspiciously.

“What were you expecting?” He hissed passing her a drink.

She grimaced and looked away, clearly unhappy, as if she was expecting something different.

Soon more and more people began arriving, so she didn’t torture him more, but Fili felt uneasy. Especially that his roommate was late. The alcohol in his hand wasn’t helping, but in his current state he couldn’t refuse.

And then his heart stopped and restarted rapidly. Tauriel was embracing the most beautiful girl at the party. Dark curly hair reaching way past her shoulder blades. Perfect figure and a darker complexion. The dress was black, and a bit too short, revealing long slim legs. Until she turned around. Those unique pitch black eyes. And he knew.

He glanced at the tattoo on his hands, the intricate wings reaching up his forearms. He was beautiful, and Fili... just wanted more.

He gently slipped out of bed and rushed to the door as if something was chasing him. As much as he wanted him... he simply couldn’t.

-------

Kili woke up alone. He reached towards the other part of the bed, but there was no one there. He felt puzzled, he recalled an amazing party and even more thrilling night. But he was alone... And when he got up to make breakfast he realised he was alone in the apartment. Fillip was gone.

He was gone for three weeks. The food left in the fridge, all meals untouched. And suddenly that night had a different underlying context. He must have regretted it. He must have... Kili tried to stop the strange feeling in his stomach. His heart beating like crazy. He realised he was crying when he saw drops on his newest drawing. A broken heart really sucked

But what sucked even more was when he came back. As if nothing happened. Talking as if nothing happened. Avoiding him, because now Kili knew it was avoidance.

“I got your pay for the manga.” Galadriel announced. “Call this man and appoint a meeting, he’s going to represent your interests for now, and believe me he’ll get you the best deals possible.” She handed him a card.

Kili glanced at the strange name and nodded.

“Continue painting, I’m going to talk to Elrond Rivendell soon.” She flashed a very happy smile. “But to have a real exhibition you need more works, Elrond is picky and likes to get a selection between forty and fifty, just to set up one.”

Kili nodded holding the card really strongly.

Coming back home he dialed the number and appointed a meeting, and as he made it to the apartment he realised one crucial fact. He couldn’t stay there any longer. As soon as he got the money he had to find a new place.

“A pleasure to meet you in person!” Aragorn greeted him with a smile and asked him into the elegant office.

‘Thank you for finding time...” Kili was lost for words.

“Sit down, I hope Galadriel told you what kind of services I provide.” Aragorn began.

“Just a bit...” Kili hesitated.

“I’m an agent, some people call me Strider, because I can scout offers and get the best ones.” He flashed another smile. “The deal is simple, I work for you, and you only work for me. I’ll arrange the best shows, exhibitions and extra jobs possible, and I’ll make sure they pay you the best salary possible.”

“What do you get?” Kili mumbled.

“I get paid by the contractors, so you as the artist won’t pay my fees.” Aragorn assured him. “We will have to sign a contract, and then once I get the green light, I’ll give you a few propositions.”

Kili looked at the complicated document.

“Normally I don’t take new clients, but Galadriel showed me a few of your works. And honestly, if you sign it, I could get you four jobs even today. They might not be the most prestigious, like an exhibition in Rivendell Galadriel is arranging herself for you, but they bring a solid profit right here and now.” Aragorn continued explaining. “And I know the down sides of being an artist, lots of passion, but also a lot of problems maintaining a stable financial situation, that’s why my business is booming.”

“What do you mean by solid profit?” Kili mumbled.

“The job Galadriel arranged with the manga, will bring from ten thousand to twenty five, provided you draw more, and later 3% of sales and if something more happens, we’ll get a good percent as well. But the extra jobs I’m taking about will make around five thousand each.” Aragorn assured him. “So if you find all four doable, that would mean twenty.”

“So at least thirty?” Kili grasp the number with emotion.

“For a start.” Aragorn smiled.

“But...” Kili looked around hesitantly. “Even if I make that kind of money... I know little of investing... and banking...” He became scared, making a lot of money was great but loosing it would feel bad.

“Don’t worry, if investing is your goal, I know a person you could trust, after all he’s also my investment manager.” Aragorn admitted. “And Galadriel’s.” He added. “With our recommendation he’ll take you on as a client.”

Kili hesitantly took the pen and in one swift move signed the contract. He knew he had to trust Galadriel’s judgement, and somehow this man seemed honest.

“Can we talk about those four jobs today?” He glared at Aragorn feeling strong for a change.

“Of course!” Aragorn pulled put a file from his desk.

--------

Kili found himself working day and night, but the perspective of getting actually paid was making it all worthwhile. Just a few weeks and he would have enough to rent his own place, and move out, that one goal overshadowing everything else. He tried to find time to paint, but all his paintings were now gloomy and dark.

“I love it and so will the company that ordered this!” Aragorn with thrilled when he saw the first design ready for sending to the buyer.

“I’m glad you like it...” Kili was shy about it.

“In reality I’m a bit surprised, most artists only paint and draw what they want... and you adapt your huge talent to accommodate. It’s a rare trait. Now I’ll be able to get you lots of jobs... the fashion industry needs new designs, so do people making furniture, architects, interior decorators... not to mention to movie and advertisement industries...” Aragorn was thrilled. “You’ll make a fortune if we guide you to the best jobs.”

“Did you contact Dunland?” Aragorn asked.

“Yes... he’s preparing an investment plan.” Kili told him.

“Good, he’s a man you can trust.” Aragorn assured him yet again, so did Galadriel when he asked about Gloin Dunland.

“Now once you get these four done, take a break, we also need you painting, and after two or three weeks I’ll show you what I’ve procured for you.” He flashed a happy smile. “Do you have any questions or issues you need help with?”

“I was thinking... now I’m living with a friend of a friend... and I’d like to get my own place...” Kili admitted shyly. “But I’m not sure what I can afford...”

“Talk with Gloin, he invests a lot in real estate and he’ll be able to propose something to your mutual benefit.” Aragorn made him realize.

“Thank you for your help...” Kili was lost for words.

“It’s a pleasure to help a rising star.” Aragorn was warm and welcoming.

-------

After talking to Gloin, Kili found out that if he rented from the fund Gloin was commanding, he could get a fifty percent discount as a client of the fund. So later he found himself with four addresses, and he had to inspect the proposed properties.

“I’m Gimli, Gloin’s son.” A red head short man was waiting for him at the entrance of the building not far away from his college.

“Kili!” He held his hand for a short moment.

“Come inside! This is the first address Dad selected for you.” Gimli welcome in him. “The view is really nice and you’ll have a great studio for painting.” They took the elevator up.

“How much is it?” Kili was worried.

Gimli gave him a sheet with estimated costs of rent, estimate bills and fees.

“Is there something cheaper on the list?” Kili asked him worried, the apartment was nice, but it was really big and expensive.

“Come with me, we still have three more to visit.” Gimli assured him. “Are you here by car?”

“I took the subway.” Kili mumbled, he hated it but it was a cheap and fast way to move around the city.

“Let’s go, I parked my car in the garage.” Gimli led him towards the elevator again.

The other three were indeed smaller and less glamorous. But all had the qualities he needed, big windows, great light and space for painting.

“I like this one best.” Kili told him at the last address, it was an old brick building with lots of character and charm. And it was the closest to college and cheapest. And it was fully furnished.

“Fine... so I’ll call the manager to get rid of all this junk and rubbish and I’ll call you when it’s cleaned out...” Gimli began talking.

“But I thought it’s all included...” Kili was spooked.

“We were actually going to throw everything out... the last tenants left it and refused to remove it.” Gimli admitted. “You want it to stay?” He looked at him stunned.

“I like it...” Kili shrugged.

“Fine! You want it, you keep it, it’s all yours, and when you grow tired of it just call the manager to organise the throw out.” Gimli assured him.

“So I could paint it?” Kili glanced around again.

“Do whatever you want! You can just throw it all out!” Gimli laughed.

“I’d like to keep it for now.” Kili decided. “So when can I move in?” He asked slowly.

Gimli without a word handed him the keys. “Get a moving company to help you.” He gave him a card. “Just say dad’s name and to bill him.”

“So?” Kili felt nervous.

“You can move even today, you’ll sign the papers at the next meeting with Dad.” Gimli told him.

“Thank you!” Kili felt a huge weigh on his shoulders. Moving out felt so final...

“You’re welcome! I’ll drive you home!” Gimli smiled and showed him back to the car.

-------

Kili was packing with a heavy heart, the moving truck would come the next day in the morning, and he needed help with moving the biggest paintings and his equipment. He didn’t really want to leave, but he was aware he couldn’t stay longer. He wanted something he couldn’t have, he didn’t want the person he loved to feel suffocated by his presence.

“Can we take these things downstairs?” The crew asked pointing to the boxes and bags.

“Be especially careful with the paintings.” Kili insisted.

“We got instructions from Mr. Dunland, we know the drill.” The man assured him calmly.

Kili stopped at the kitchen counter and pulled out an envelope he prepared. He left a note about dinner and put the envelop in plain sight.

As he arrived at the new location he felt cold and strange. When the crew put all his things there, he didn’t find the strength to actually unpack. He sat down on the old sofa and felt tears. He hadn’t cried in years, but now it felt as if the world had ended. He would probably never see him again.

Chapter Text

Fili walked into the apartment with a strange feeling in his gut, some kind of strange chilling dread. Everything seemed fine, he didn’t get robbed, and everything was clean and in order. There was a note on the fridge about dinner.

He stood there looking at it, and then he turned around to notice the letter. With trembling hands he reached it.

There wasn’t much inside, just a note. ‘I’m sorry.’

On a spur of adrenaline he rushed to his room, just to find it clean and empty. Nothing was left. The faint smell of pain was lingering, but without the magnificent paintings it would diminish soon. He felt a sudden emotion he had never felt before, and before he realised tears were falling. The clutching feeling of losing the most important thing in his life... on his own doing. He could have... but he didn’t do anything.

He was gone without a trace, and now... the world had officially ended.

“Are you coming to work?” Thorin’s voice sounded angry. Fili glanced at the time, only then realizing he spent two days on the bed in the spare bedroom crying.

“I’m not feeling well...” He mumbled.

“You never get ill... I’m call Oin to visit you!” Thorin seemed surprised and angry. “I’ll handle things for now, but get back on your feet as soon as possible.”

Fili felt even more weak after the conversation.

------

Half a year later he got an invitation he wasn’t expecting. In fact Thorin got the invitation, but he mumbled something about how much he hated Elrond and dropped it on Fili’s desk.

“Go if you have time.” He mumbled and walked back to work.

Fili glared at the leaflet about the exhibition without interest, until he saw the name. With trembling hands he flipped the brochure and read the details. The last months he worked harder than ever in his life and he didn’t remember when he did something he actually wanted.

“Cancel all my meetings for Friday afternoon.” He called his secretary.

When the day came, but he felt butterflies in his stomach all day. He walked there feeling nauseous and with a funny feeling in his chest. But once he did walk in, he could barely breathe seeing himself.

The painting was huge handing in the middle of the lounge as the main exhibit. His eyes were standing out.

“I’m jealous.” Arwen’s voice sounded right next to him. “This is his only portrait.”

Fili had no idea what to say.

“Are you going to buy it?” She suggested.

“The sign says not for sale.” Fili reminded her.

“I thought you had some arrangement with him.” She smiled an all knowing smile.

Soon many people were passing him, looking at the painting and him. As the crowd thickened he slowly walked to see the whole exhibition. He came far. From the first works he saw, to the new ones he never saw before. But those new ones were different, their output way stronger. They were dark and gloomy, even menacing.

He had no idea what he was doing but then he just walked up to the front desk.

“I want them all.” He told the startled woman.

“But Sir...” She tried protesting.

“You Durins always had a great taste in art.” Elrond’s voice stopped her. “How much is your offer?”

Fili just glared at him.

“I’ll arrange it.” Elrond decided swiftly. “Mark all paintings as sold.” He instructed his employee. “I’ll call your office on Monday.”

Fili walked out with a funny feeling in his chest.

--------

Kili glared at Elrond when he heard everything was sold.

“Only one painting remains, the one you didn’t want to sell.” Elrond reminded him. “The collection went for one hundred million, but offers for that one painting are reaching absurd levels.”

“It’s not for sale.” Kili reminded him. “No matter the offers and price.”

“So what do you want to do with it?” Elrond asked him.

“Send it to this address.” Kili passed him a paper.

“At what price?” Elrond asked.

“No price, for free.” Kili decided.

“I wouldn’t advise that...” Elrond began but then he glanced at the address and name.

“Just send it.” Kili rushed out as if someone was chasing him.

-------

Fili saw them carry in the paintings and he made sure they were all hanging all around his apartment. But when he saw the last parcel he stood stunned.

“Are you sure?” He asked the delivery crew.

“Orders from the boss.” The man shrugged and rushed to finish his job.

Fili glared at the portrait, for that one he didn’t prepare a wall.

“Can you carry it downstairs?” He asked.

The man didn’t look happy, but eventually he got another guy and on Fili’s instruction took in to the main office.

“I want it over here.” He pointed to them.

“As you wish Sir.” They hung the painting happy they could go away.

Fili glared at his own face, and the strange emotion in his chest grew.

“I love the painting.” His mother told him on arrival to the office on Monday.

Fili thanked her, but didn’t know what else to really say.

“I regret not going to the exhibition myself, I heard all paintings were sold on the spot!” She began chatting away despite his withdrawn reaction.

“It was nice.” He mumbled not really wanting to talk about it.

“I’m flying out to Australia in the evening, remember to call Mirkwood and settle the contract with Dunland.” She instructed.

“Yes, Mom.” He assured her.

“You know I’m proud of you?” She was unusually friendly that morning.

“Well...” He had no idea what to say.

“I’d like some grandkids one day!” She kissed his cheek.

To that Fili had absolutely no idea what to say, the chance of him having kids... He didn’t want a girl, woman or wife, he didn’t want kids... any kids in fact... He wanted...

Later during the day Thorin also peaked into his office.

“What a grand portrait! It’s hypnotizing!” Thorin sat down comfortably.

“Thank you...” Fili mumbled.

“Now that your mother is going away, I want you to take over a few responsibilities.” Thorin admitted.

“Isn’t she coming back?” Fili felt strange.

“Eventually, but for now it’s just me and you. And I think it’s high time you step up.” Thorin complimented him. “You’ve finally focused and the last year proved you’re finally ready.” He smiled.

“Fucking great...” Fili grimaced at the very idea.

“Are you tired?” Thorin suddenly became concerned.

“Everything is just jolly fine... I’ve got lots of work to do.” Fili admitted.

Thorin looked at him puzzled. “Do you want some time off? Maybe you should got away for a bit and rest?” He finally saw something was wrong.

“No... I need to focus.” Fili insisted.

“What are you running away from?” Thorin pin pointed.

Fili inhaled deeply and looked out of the window.

“Would you like to be doing something else?” Thorin gently asked standing right next to him.

“It’s not that... this job... I just feel like my life is just stalled in one point.” He admitted.

“So just go and change something.” Thorin advised.

“I can’t.” Fili whispered.

“You can do anything you want. We’ve got all the money in the world to make almost any dream or wish come true. If you don’t like something, and it’s not about the job... then just change it.” Thorin told him.

“I wish it were that easy...” Fili wasn’t certain at all.

“It is.” Thorin assured him. “Whatever you decide, whatever path you take, as long as it’s legal, I will have your back.”

“What if it’s not legal?” Fili mumbled.

“I’ll still have your back.” Thorin laughed. “You’re my beloved nephew after all! We had some real scoundrels in our tree line, so as long as you work hard for Erebor... Erebor will stand with you.” He held him tightly.

“Thank you...” Fili whispered.

“If you need to talk, you can always come to me.” Thorin reminded him. “We’re family.”

-------

Fili walked back to his apartment just to do a round of sightseeing yet again. The collection was fabulous, thrilling and breathtaking. It was so like him, exotic and charming. He missed his cooking, he missed the rare chances to talk when at home. He missed everything about it, and at night he was haunted by the dream of night that shouldn’t have happened. The night that ruined their chances to be friends...

They would have never been friends, not it was evident. He didn’t want him as a friend.

Most of his life he felt he didn’t have a choice. Most of his life he felt this path was not an option, not for him... But now he knew he couldn’t pretend he wanted a normal life. He couldn’t take a wife and have kids, despite his mother’s best wishes, and despite all the women he actually had. He wanted to see those deep dark eyes every single day of his life, even if the price was no having his own children. Even if the price was anger from his family and rejection.

He reached for his phone and slowly found the number he needed, but he didn’t know what to say. He tried to find the right words, but every time he began writing a message he deleted it.

‘Can we talk?’ Those short words were the ones he actually sent, but they felt hollow and meaningless.

The answer didn’t come all evening but eventually he got a short text with an address.

He had no idea what he was thinking but he actually found himself in the car in front of the old warehouse type building.

‘You can come inside.’ The text startled him.

But when he actually left the car and arrived at the door he didn’t have to courage to knock.

“Come inside...” The voice was warm and hesitant.

Fili walked in not really knowing what to say or what to expect, but he was speechless seeing the fancy decor inside. The furniture was in crazy patters, the walls covered with drawings, and countless paintings all around.

He walked around slowly taking in the new style and the decor all around him. Glancing back at him he realised this time he was dressed as a girl again. A long colorful tunic and tight fitting black leggings. He looked dazzling, but also scared and worried.

“Thank you for the portrait.” He whispered the only words that seemed logical.

The sadness in those eyes was unspeakable. “You’re welcome...” The voice sounded depressed and weak. “Would you like some dinner?” He heard concern in his voice, and Fili knew why, the last six months he was never hungry and he did lose quite a few pounds.

“I’d love some...” He mumbled and was shown to a bright blue table with dark blue chairs. Each chair was different, but had the same paint and pattern.

He to admit he missed his cooking, and as the hot dish landed on the table he inhaled deeply.

“I’ve seen your exhibition.” He admitted slowly.

“What did you think?” The question was said in a trembling emotional voice.

“I loved it... you’re extremely talented.” Fili told him gently. “Even what you did with this place...”

“Do you like it?” The question was shot swiftly.

“It’s you.” He mumbled.

“My landlord almost got a heart attack.” He admitted shyly.

“It’s dazzling.” Fili smiled a small hesitant smile, still uncertain how to talk with him at all.

“Are you preparing for a new exhibition?” He asked glancing around.

“I’m taking some time off now... got a few smaller jobs lined up.” He admitted. “I can take thing slowly now, my paintings sold so I’m going to step back and find new inspiration.”

“I can’t wait to see what you paint this time...” He left his real thoughts slip.

The silence was sudden and suffocating. Their eyes met and stayed locked for a longer while.

“Will you stay tonight?” The words were hesitant and barely audible.

“I’d love to...” Fili found himself trembling with agitation.

------

Kili awoke not really knowing what to think. The moment he got the text in the evening, he felt like suffocating. He wanted to see him and didn’t want to see him at the same time. Sending the painting was the last real goodbye, after half a year of silence.

But the warmth, the admiration in his voice, softened him. He swore he wouldn’t linger on the past, on the emotion that almost drove him to suicide.

Strong arms, the warm smile, and feeling of the live body right next to him. The hope that awoke in his hear that night, was now beating strong in his chest. As dawn struck he didn’t dare hope, all the negativity of the last months hitting back again.

“I’m sorry...” The words sounded like doom. “For not having the courage to face you back then.”

“Nothing to talk about...” Kili prepared for the worst.

“We have too much to talk about... but I have no idea what words to use... Next to you I lose my head and rationality...” He confessed.

“What do you mean?” Kili mumbled not sure what he meant.

“Come with me.” He whispered and kissed him tenderly, as if actions were easier than words.

When they got dressed again, Kili didn’t even bother with breakfast, he made two cups of coffee and walked to his car on trembling legs, agitation killing him.

They drove back to the building he loved and dreaded at the same time, and as the elevator took them up he felt his heart in this throat.

The strong hand was holding his, fingers entwined in an emotional demonstration. Waking in he had no idea what to expect, but reality did not match his thoughts.

“You...” Kili had no idea what to say.

“They had to be here.” He confessed.

“But... why would you?” Kili walked around as if in a daze.

“I love you!” Those sudden strong words, made Kili’s heart skip a beat.

“I’m sorry I’m so horrible at talking... and at showing what I think or feel... I’ll try to...” Kili stopped those words with his lips, his arms immediately going around his neck.

“I love you too...” He confessed and saw a breathtaking smile.

THE END