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Yuzuru wasn't sure why his legs were shaking when he walked out of the backstage area into the roaring stadium, mindlessly following the footsteps of his teammates. The first thing he saw were the lights. It was bright; so much brighter than the flashes in the arenas he was used to or the blinding spotlights he would have to stand under. It was colors, vivid and wild, changing and intertwining with one another, drowning the stadium in their luminosity.
Then there was the music, the traditional song echoing against the walls and floating in the air, becoming alive in the voices of the thousands surrounding him. He felt like floating, body submerged in it, the melody reaching his very core and seeping in, slowly but surely.
There were rarely times when Yuzuru felt so awestuck. He had things he loved and adored like every person, and sometimes these things would become his weakness. Yuzuru was never fond of losing control of himself, be it concentration before an important competition or a moment of childish excitement when a new chapter of his favorite manga would be released.
In that moment, however, he let it take over. Among the crowds of people and waving flags, chanting voices and fireworks painting the sky, Yuzuru felt mesmerized.
He was glad he refused the duties of the flag bearer. As honorable as it was, he wanted to feel this. Eyes glistening in wonder, Yuzuru raised his hand and waved to the world, taking in every moment and storing them deep inside. Securing for the times he knew he would need this the most.
It was beautiful, he thought. Every experience in life had its flavor, and the exploding happiness of PyeongChang tasted sweet on his lips. He watched over people, his teammates and friends, performers and volunteers, heart full of gratefulness to every single soul surrounding him. His PyeongChang was full of life, and Yuzuru was smiling at the sky in a mute thank you.
The speeches were told and the flame went out, leaving the stadium in a bustling bliss. Something twinged in his chest. It was always hard to see it end like this, passing by in the blink of an eye after waiting for so long. It was bittersweet, but it was life.
After all the hard work done and sweat spilled, people were celebrating, uniting in a thrill of dance for one final time. Yuzuru was there too, drowning among them. For a second he felt light-headed. To the world he might have been Yuzuru Hanyu, the star shining brighter than any other, but in that moment he was a just a boy who felt lost.
That was until in the sea of people, his eyes found Javier. The man was standing alone, frame still and face turned up. He was eyeing the night sky, and Yuzuru thought his gaze was looking for the stars hidden beneath the vail of neon. Something about the sight made the world around him slow down.
His eyes closed and opened slowly, lips curling into a small smile as they met Javier's.
Yuzuru didn't allow his feet to run but rushed his steps as much as he could, until he was clinging to his friend's frame.
"There you are," Javier's voice was soft against Yuzuru's earlobe, hands around his waist pulling him close. Happy.
When they parted, the smaller boy's fingers remained clinging onto the sleeves of Javier's jacket.
"So proud of you, flag bearer Fernandez."
"You're always proud," he retorted, hand travelling to tousle the wild strands escaping from behind Yuzuru's hat.
Something about this made the boy feel steady again. It was as if he had found his oasis or a long lost home. His safe space, here and now. It was nothing much, just two people pulled away from their worlds coming together, so different but somehow the same.
Their sleeves brushed as they pushed to fit in the crowd, and Yuzuru smiled to himself. He was still small and he wasn't the brightest star here. He was just another kid of hundreds, standing beneath the open sky and celebrating his dream with his heart full of every feeling he could imagine.
As the final shower of lights dyed the open air in hues of gold, Yuzuru felt Javier wrap his fingers around his own. It was unexpected, but Yuzuru didn't dare to ask why. Instead, he squeezed his hand back, fingers warm and assuring.
Sometimes they didn't have to say a word to understand each other better than anyone else could. Gazes lost in the endless sky speckled in sparks of fire, they held onto one another and smiled.
Home always remains home, no matter how far away.