Chapter Text
It had been a month and a half since he and T had said goodbye. Since they last spoke. Since they had last seen each other. (H went to the Nissen Revue – alone this time, with the hope that he and T could find a moment together – but all he got from T was a one-armed “bro hug” and a “thanks for coming.”)
In the past month and a half, so much had happened and, yet, nothing had changed.
After their last text exchange, H threw himself into being the other half of “Norway’s It Couple.” He and Lea went on vacation with his family. He was Lea’s date for the Costume Awards (and he took part in a terribly awkward interview during which he had to admit that he didn’t have any acting projects lined up.) He and Lea did a photo shoot for Costume magazine and ended up on the cover.
He was the perfect boyfriend – but he felt totally suffocated.
Thinking T was right – that he had to get away from his “security blankets” - H made a rash decision to take a ski vacation in the States. He had a fabulous time, and enjoyed being a bit more anonymous than he was in Norway – or in Scandinavia, or in Europe in general. That is, until he fractured his wrist in a snowboarding accident. (He opted for a bright red cast – figuring if he had to wear one, he might as well do it with style.)
Coming home was a major buzz kill. Being back in Oslo only reminded him that he still didn’t have a clue about what direction to take his life. He also was frustrated with Lea for putting a photo of him on Insta where he was clearly drunk off his ass. (He thought it odd that she chose THAT picture of the two of them to “show off” their Valentine’s Day “love”. He looked completely out of it and she appeared to be throwing herself at him. Was that the best photo she could find?)
*****
But more than everything else, what was really bothering H was that he missed T so fucking much. It had been radio-silence since their brief meeting at Nissen, and every day that passed the pain and sense of loss got a little worse.
H had to stop himself a dozen times daily when he was about to text T a funny thought or just wanted his opinion about something. He wanted to ask him a million questions. How was it meeting William and Kate? How hilarious was it that Morten swung him around on stage at the Gaygalla? How is Grease going? (H had probably watched a hundred clips from the show. He was so incredibly proud of T – and he was dying to tell him.)
And he missed just BEING with T. He missed the feeling of “home” that he had whenever they were together. The simple joy of sharing hugs and smiles and chatting about whatever. No expectations. No pressure.
But then H had gone and messed it all up. He wanted too much. Although he tried to fool himself with labels (they were “just good friends”) – in reality, H knew that his feelings for T were more intense than that, and were not – if he was being completely honest with himself - strictly platonic.
In his head, H knew that this forced separation between him and T was necessary – so that they could each move on with their lives. But, in his heart – which pined for T – he could not let him go. He missed T. He needed him.
*****
Ultimately, though he knew it was probably a selfish decision, H couldn’t help but reach out to T again. If there was any hope to rekindle their friendship, H had to at least try. He realized that he might get shot down again – but that was a risk he was willing to take. He had no other choice. Giving T up willingly was not an option.
Just a simple text. An opening. He didn’t want to overwhelm T, or scare him away. Just let him know that he was thinking about him.
H: Halla, Tar. How are you?
It was a few minutes before H saw any response. Then the speech bubbles appeared – and then disappeared – and then reappeared. That happened a few more times before:
T: Hi Henrik. I’m fine. How are you?
H exhaled a breath that he did not know he was holding.
H: Eh. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster. Did you know I went to the States? I took your advice to leave my “security blankets” – but I ended up fracturing my wrist when I was snowboarding! Ha! Serves me right, I guess, trying to assert my independence.
T: Don’t say that! These things happen when people snowboard. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be independent. It just means you should be more careful ;-)
H: Yeah, I guess so. What about you? How is Grease? I watched some clips. You are amazing!
T: Grease is so fun. I still can’t believe that I am doing it. It’s like a party all the time. And the other cast members are really great and have been super nice to me. I’m like everyone’s little brother.
H: That so great, Tar! I’m so happy for you.
T: Yeah. Thank you. It keeps me super busy, of course, which is also good. The past couple of months have been so crazy – I just keep moving and doing. Not thinking. Which is probably for the best.
H: Ha. I have the opposite problem. I am thinking too much. A lot about you and about how I fucked up.
Silence.
H: Tar. I miss you so much. You have no idea.
I am so so sorry. I wanted too much. I demanded too much from you. I wasn’t fair to you. And now I am so afraid that I have lost you forever.
T: Henrik, you haven’t lost me. I miss you too. I’m scared though. I can’t go through that drama again.
I don’t suppose anything has changed on your end?
H: No. Things are just as confusing and fucked as always.
T: Huh…
H waited. And waited. Several minutes passed.
H: What are you thinking?
T: I’m wondering how we are supposed to do this. Or, If…
H: Don’t say “if”. I can’t handle not having you in my life.
Ok. Fuck, I am selfish. I admit it.
I guess I should ask you, do you want me in your life?
T: You know I do. I just don’t know how.
I refuse to go behind Lea’s back again.
H: I know. And we won’t.
What about if we just, like, talk? Or text? Like, communicate?
I can’t tell you how many times over the past month and a half I wanted to text you.
Or call you – just to hear your voice and shoot-the-shit.
T: I guess we can try that.
H: Yeah?
T: Yeah
H: That’s great, Tar! Thank you! You’re making me so happy!
Just knowing that you are out there, and that I can call you or text you whenever makes me feel so much better… Of course you can call and text me, too. Anytime.
T: Let’s come to an understanding though. If one of us doesn’t answer right away, it doesn’t mean anything except we are in the middle of something and can’t talk. Ok? I hated the “not knowing” whenever you went silent on me before. I always thought that you were ignoring me again.
H: Of course. I understand. No games.
T: And if we don’t hear from each other for a while it doesn’t mean anything except that we are both really busy. Ok?
H: Yes. Ok.
T didn’t immediately respond.
T: So, what now?
H: Now I can ask you all the questions I have been dying to ask you for the past month and a half! Like, DUDE, you met William and Kate! How was that?......
*****
They spent the next two hours texting about every little detail of each other’s lives until their fingers started cramping and they both started drifting in and out of sleep.
T: I think I need to call it quits for tonight Henrik. I am seriously falling asleep.
H: Yeah, me too. But catching up with you has been amazing. Now I know why I missed you so much ;-)
T: You didn’t know before?
H: Just kidding! Of course I did.
T: Let’s do this again soon, ok?
H: Anytime. If you ever need to talk, I’m here.
T: Ditto.
H: Goodnight, Tar <3
T: Goodnight, Henrik. <3
*****
H could not wipe the smile off his face. His heart felt so full. He knew that he had just been given a gift; another chance. This time he would not mess it up.