Work Text:
9-6-20xx
Hi,
Happy birthday. If you even receive this on your birthday. If you even receive this at all. If you even bother to read it without discarding it to the trash. And if you are reading this, you probably already know who it is from the fact I’m bothering to even write this. Because I can’t let go. I miss you. I really, really miss you. I don’t know why; I shouldn’t miss you. You treated me and my friends like shit. You betrayed my trust. You didn’t care for me as a human. You threw me aside for your own selfish goals. But I still love you. I can’t understand why you chose to do this. Was I not good enough? Or did you value the people you terrorized into submission over me? Are you going to go about your life living a lie? Do you even care about what you did to me? Do you even miss me? You treated years of friendship and memories as firewood for you to burn. And you watched those flames without a trace of remorse. But, maybe you are remorseful. Maybe I just don’t see it. But then again, that’s just me wishing, isn’t it? Wishing you could feel the pain I feel. The kind that feels like a molten hot drill shredding into your chest. It may just be a dull ache at this point, but it’s still there. It’ll never leave. Do you just expect me to let go over a decade of love and friendship like it meant nothing? I honestly believed we’d be friends forever. That we would have a big house we could live in together. That we’d spend the rest of our days drawing and going on adventures. That I’d look look into your eyes and see warm compassion, and not cold depravity. Words will never describe what I felt for you, or what you made me feel. But still, after all this, after everything you’ve done to me, I don’t hate you. I just wish I could’ve done something. Maybe if I were better. Maybe if I cherished the time we had a little more. Maybe something could have been different. Maybe we’d still be here. Maybe you’d still be right next to me watching some shitty movie. We’d still be laughing, talking, bonding. But those are just dreams that you’ve thrown away. You probably don’t even care.
But I never stopped caring. I don't think I can. I've tried so damn hard to forget you, to tell myself I have better people who care about me, but you lurk in the back of my mind. I can't understand how much a human can change in one day. I can't understand why you did any of this. I know I'm rambling but I seriously can't wrap my head around it...I just want closer. I just want to know. But I know you'll never tell me.
But even now, I’m still stubborn. Because I’m writing this to you. I can’t let go. But maybe, I finally can now. Maybe writing this to you will free me of this burden. Even while writing this I feel nothing. I’ve become so numb to the thought of you. Despite all the memories, it doesn't even feel like you're the same person. You're a stranger to me.
...Anyway, happy birthday. Take this picture. I can’t stand seeing it in my room every morning. I don’t fucking want it anymore.
