Chapter Text
“Hey bitch cmon, we’re going to be late!” My sister hollers from the bottom step, the shout accompanied by the stomp of her foot.
“Jesus Christ I’m coming!” I scream back, throwing a shirt over my head and dragging a towel through my hair before snatching my backpack over the knob on my bedroom door and stumbling down the stairs.
“Finally.” She scoffs, flipping brown hair over her shoulder and tapping her foot.
“Oh my gosh Kara take a chill pill it’s only 7.”
“Oh my god Brendon,” she mimics my voice “it’s a twenty minute drive to school.”
I toll my eyes with a huff, darting into the kitchen to grab a banana muffin and a tiny bottle of juice before chasing Kara out the door like a puppy.
”If you don’t want to take the bus from now on you need to learn how to wake up at a reasonable time.”
“I figured 6:30 was good enough.”
She gives me an incredulous look “that’s when my bus came last year.”
“Yeah but you could drive for most of last year anyway.” I say pointedly and she shrugs
“you’re lucky you’re getting a ride your freshman year many people don’t.” She argues and I shut up about it this time.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.” She says slightly sarcastically.
“I mean it, thanks Kara.” I say “No one else will ever give me a ride again so I appreciate it.”
“That’s so not true.” She says as she starts the car, the engine growling and coughing until it’s fit enough to pull out of the garage and onto the dew crusted streets.
“Yeah it is, I barely know any upperclassmen besides the ones you talk about.”
“You know some of them, I have people over all the time.”
“Yeah well...” I trial off, slumping in the car seat as she fixes her hair in the mirror.
“You know a lot of people by face.” She counters, giving my sulking face a quick glance in the mirror. “You know Ryan.”
“Yeah like Ryan would ever talk to me.” I say with a roll of my eyes.
”He likes you Brendon, he says so everytime he comes over.”
“Like he even notices me.”
“Yes he does, you’re so dramatic. He says he likes the music you’re playing, that he would want to be friends.”
I scoff “yeah probably after you two are done making out.”
She fake gags “as if. Ryan’s a friend.”
“Mhmm.” I mumble in a way that sounds unconvincing and she turns down the music that had started playing a while ago.
“Ryan and I have been friends for the past five years and you know that. It’s nothing more. Sure I’ve fallen for him a few times but that’s just what comes with being best friends with a guy. You get close with them and then you start to fall for them. But I’m standing two feet on the ground right now so don’t get any ideas.”
I look at her for a minute, the way her lips purse when they’re not being used, her eyes squinted slightly as she drives with patience and skill. Ryan fucking Ross has been over to our house more times than I can count, has walked past my rooms more days than there are in a year, and has tried to have a conversation with me a handful of times.
So that's how it's been so far.
“Ok ok, I get it.” I say eventually.
She nods and continues to drive "So are you going to sign up for any clubs?" I shrug. It's only the second week of school, and it's already been as hectic as a mall on black Friday. People are everywhere, it's too crowded, fights are always around the corner, and at the end of the day you're left exhausted and unsatisfied.
"Maybe. I was going to try out for the concert choir and maybe do the musical."
She smiles "Of course they do, you should."
"How would I know when it is?"
"They will most likely say it over the announcements." she informs me, taking sharp turns left and right until we are at the Dunkin Donuts next to the school.
"I thought you said we'd be late." I give her an annoyed look and she shrugs.
"I'll drop you off at the gym entrance since your homeroom's right next to it. I'll go park they won't care if I come in late." She explains and I roll my eyes.
Upperclassmen.
All you have to say is that there was terrible traffic, or an accident. Even parking trouble will excuse you from being a few minutes late if you word it right. I've seen it more times than I expected to the first week of school, people are still in summer mode.
"Fine whatever." I mumble as she orders two medium iced coffees.
"Here asshole." She hands me the freezing drink that I gladly accept, and two minutes later I'm being dropped off like a toddler at Palo Verde high school. I enter through the heavy double doors and try and look as nonchalant as I can speed walking to my homeroom. My teacher, as I've learned, is a senior history teacher and is one of the least compassionate, cranky people I have ever met.
Good thing I stumble through the door thirty seconds before the bell rings.
One of the most bat shit crazy, annoying unfair things about Palo Verde is that all the clocks in the building are two minutes late. So If the rest of the town says it's 7:28 inside the school it's already 7:30, which means you're late.
Complete and utter bullshit.
I slump in my desk and put my head in my hands as I sip my drink, staring at the grainy beige desktop.
Kara says highschool goes by fast, too fast she insists.
I don't think it could go by fast enough.
I cram my earbuds into my ears and hit shuffle, Arcade fire suddenly blasting through and I flinch slightly because it's too loud. The lead singer's voice is crackling, unable to battle the electronic beat and I rush to turn it down before my earbuds shock me because yeah, they've done that.
A loud beep not coming from my phone goes off, and I lift my head to see the TV in the corner of the room turn on.
"Good morning Palo Verde! Here are your morning announcements." A girl with curly brown hair and a huge smile exclaims, the smile faltering as the camera crew struggles to pan to the next announcer.
"Anyone interested in Cross Country this fall should go see...." A boy starts and I look back at my phone, texting my friends to see which day of the cycle it is because I need to know whether I have study hall or a study session. Once I try out for Concert Choir and make it, I'll be able to transfer in from my study hall but for now my second period is literally just time to throw away.
"Palo Verde's highschool will be hosting auditions for this year's musical on Wednesday in Mr Leed's room, break a leg!" My face flies up and I see the girl and guy look at each other with fake smiles before saying "Have a great day Verde!"
I tilt my head and stare at the blank TV until the bell rings again and everyone is ushered out of the room like lazy cattle.
As soon as I exit the room the stream of people in the hallway start to lead me the way I want to go which is upstairs. A girl with crutches wobbles to the elevator and a freshman maybe half the size of me trips, and gets shoved into a locker.
"Haha loser." someone mutters and I stifle a smile in fear of getting totally murked by an upperclassmen.
I'm only a freshman after all.
A 5'7 scrawny little piece of meat with glasses that I never wear in public and “too long for a boy” black hair.
One of Kara's favorite insults is "Doe eyed baby child,” which really isn’t that much of an insult yet it still makes me feel young and dumb. I know I have huge almost black eyes like a puppy and I know I give the impression of being an innocent young child because of that.
But that’s simply not the case.
I keep my head down walking through the junior hallway, knowing Kara is on her way to calculus and she has no mercy for teasing me in front of the whole school.
Sooner than later I hear it “Brenny boy! Bubba!” She calls and I reluctantly turn to face her.
“Kara...” I whine desperately, watching as she smiles evilly and flips her long brown hair.
“Sorry, I had to.” She giggles, fixing her backpack and then leaning forward to brush my hair out of my face.
”you look so much cuter like this.” She comments, backing up and looking satisfied.
"Wow. Thanks." I grumble, looking up at her with a sour expression.
"It's alright Bren no one cares what you look like until next year. That's when everyone glows up and-"
"-She's lying, I still haven't glown up." A voice behind Kara chuckles and all the sudden I’m being faced with Ryan fucking Ross, who’s grinning as he puts an arm around my sister.
“Oh now you’re the liar.” She counters, wiggling out of his grip and I groan.
“Can I just go to class?”
Kara gives me a weird look, eyes flickering over my face before she nods “yeah sure, I’ll...see you later.” Her voice is quieter and almost apologetic.
“Yep.” I mumble, turning and walking down the hall.
“What’s up his ass?” I hear Ryan mutter and I turn quickly, giving him a look that could kill.
“Shut up Ross.” I spit and he smirks.
”Or what, Bubba?” He shoots back, looking almost annoyed at the fact I referred to him by his last name and my mouth falls open.
“You shut your mouth Ryan-“ I start and he just smiles. I finally did what he wanted thank god.
“Calm down.” Kara interjects. “Ryan, let him go to class for God’s sake.”
“I was only teasing,” he whines, not even looking at me with his fucking golden whiskey eyes and raspy low voice. “Not my fault he got all twisted.”
I roll my eyes and cross my arms.
“Ok whatever. See you later Bren.”
”Mhmm.”
“Yeah, see you later!” Ryan calls sarcastically and I scowl, trudging to Bio.
“Fucking Ryan Ross,” I whisper under my breath, looking at all the tall juniors and seniors around me “perfect fucking hair and eyes and body and-“
What.
No.
No I don’t think he’s attractive. He’s my older sisters best friend, I’ve known him for years, literal years he’s watched me grow up and I’ve watched him as well...
I halt suddenly, face heating up and I duck into my class, slapping my cheeks and shaking my head.
“Get ahold of yourself.” I spit, walking to my seat with a frown.
"What's wrong?" A voice behind me that I recognize as my friend Patrick asks and I groan in response, slowly turning in my seat and placing my head on his desk.
"I don't know." I mumble into the cold surface and he plays with my hair.
"You seem irritated."
"That's a good word to describe it." I say bitterly and he laughs.
"Did Kara do something?" He asks and I shake my head, sitting up and rubbing my eyes.
"No no it was...Ryan, Ryan Ross?" I look at him for conformation and he nods.
"Yes I'm aware of who that is." He says jokingly and I roll my eyes.
"He's such an asshole. Like, he thinks he's my friend or something just because he's close with Kara. I mean it's been what, five years? Yeah five and they've been best friends since but that doesn't mean he's my friend you know?" I rush out and Patrick just stares at me.
"Hold on," he tilts his head."You're complaining because Ryan Ross wants to be your friend? You know how many people would die for that?"
"Oh please," I shake my head "I doubt it. Just because he's attractive and talented doesn't mean-"
"Attractive?" Patrick makes a face and I feel my cheeks reheat.
"No! I didn't mean it like that! I just meant...like, the girls all think he's hot." I exclaim and Patrick nods.
"Well yeah he's not horrible."
"Mhmm." I slump in my seat again. "It's just obnoxious. He thinks he has the right to be all buddy buddy and call me nicknames and shove his way into my life."
"Now I doubt that," Patrick sighs "he's probably just trying to be friendly. You're gonna be seeing more of him these next two years ya know?" He explains and I realize that he's right.
"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw." I groan, rubbing my face "I can't deal with that....oh my god wait...Kara drives him home! Oh my god I'm going to kill myself!" I yell and a few kids turn around to look at me.
"sorry," Patrick mutters in their direction. "Look it's not that bad, you have earbuds, Kara will want to talk to him, just sit in the back and disappear. Or you could take the bus?" he raises an eyebrow and I shake my head.
"He'll know it did it on purpose just cause he's gonna be there. Trust me, he's smart like that and he'll use it against me."
"Oh my lord Brendon," Patrick sighs, laughing slightly "It's not that big of a deal. You're acting like you have a crush on him or something." He chuckles and my eyes grow wide, face blushing.
"I..." I look around the room "I do not have a crush on him."
"I wasn't saying that you did, geez." Patrick laughs. "Look dude, its fine you just have to chill out about this."
"Chill out." I mimic his voice "I can't stand him. He's terrifying-"
"-Hold on hold on," Patrick holds a hand up to my face. "Which one is it? Do you hate him and every fiber of his being, or are you intimidated by him?"
I open my mouth but no words come out. Intimidated? Me? Am I intimidated by Ryan?
"No, of course not." I spit "He's just confusing the shit out of me."
"Then why is it such a big deal. Just take a step back and let things play out. Patience."
I sigh angrily and slump in my seat "I'll try, I doubt it'll work."
"Maybe you'll be surprised." Patrick suggests to which I respond with a sulking face and I turn around and face the teacher who's just walked in the room.
Surprisingly, the rest of the day went by fine, and it felt like the past few hours had sped past when I was walking up to my dark green locker in an almost empty hallway and trying to unlock it with struggling fingers.
"Twist and then pull." A voice says from my left, and I turn quickly to see Ryan sauntering up to my locker and leaning against the one next to it.
"Buzz off." I mutter, trying once again and this time it opens, giving the opportunity to throw my algebra textbook inside and grab my windbreaker.
"Kara had to get something from the band room, she sent me to get you." he says, voice quieter than normal.
Why though. Why the fuck would she send you to come get me I have a cell phone.
"Ok."
I turn to leave, slinging my bag over my shoulder, remember what Patrick told you. Just calm down. This isn't a big deal it's just fucking Ryan you've known him for years I don't understand why all the sudden you're-
"Is something wrong?" Ryan cuts off my thoughts and my pace as I try and walk away from him.
"Don't touch me." I whisper, suddenly aware that his hand is wrapped around my arm.
"You seem so uptight." He says, letting go of my arms but now standing in front of me.
"I'm fine." I mutter and he sighs. I can hear him above me. It's low and long and disappointed.
"Then why won't you look at me?" This catches my attention and I look up immediately, met with his eyes.
His fucking eyes.
The connection is lost as soon as it's happened and I'm staring at the ground again.
"...Just...stressed." I bring myself to say and I feel his body language shift above me but my eyes can't see what it's indicating.
"Ok. Let's go find your sister." He says in a lighter tone, as if i had just finished crying or something and I nod, following him through the hallways like a puppy and I feel someone yank my arm back.
"What the hell-"
"-Brendon!" Patrick laughs, popping up from behind me with a smile and I roll my eyes.
"You almost scared the shit out of me!" I exclaim and I hear Ryan chuckle.
"I think I already did." Patrick laughs and looks at me, then Ryan, then back to me with a cringe.
"What?" I snap at him and he makes a face that tells me he's trying not to laugh before he looks at Ryan again.
"I'll see you tomorrow Bren, later Ryan."
"Yep." Ryan smiles, too fucking charming for my liking and Patrick walks off, giving me a quick thumbs up when Ryan turns his back.
"What was that all about?" He asks as he’s steering me in the right direction by the shoulders as I try to walk the wrong way. I blush furiously and turn to the right with him
"He's just annoying." I try and blow off the situation.
"Ahh...friends teasing you alot?" He asks, sounding genuinely interested.
I shake my head "Not usually."
"Mm." he makes a noise of acknowledgement and I nod in solidification.
"Yeah they're usually fine with me and stuff. Alot to make fun of but they control themselves."
Ryan snorts "Yeah sure."
My cheeks heat up and I resist the urge to slap either myself or him in the face. "What?"
"Just thought it was funny." he says
"What was funny?"
"You saying there's alot to make fun of."
"Oh." I don't realize that the grip on my backpack strap has increased tighter and tighter ad I let it go slightly.
"I think t's funny because you're only a little bit wrong."
"Huh?" I look up at him and he laughs.
"You aren't that bad." he explains and I make a face.
"Wow. thanks."
"No I mean," he bumps me with his body and the heat doesn't cease. "I don't see how people would have alot to make fun of you for."
I want to bring up the fact that I'm 5'7 with "too long for a boy" hair and ugly glasses I never wear out of my house.
“I don’t know, it doesn’t matter.”
“Ok.” He murmurs, giving up and I kind of wish he didn’t.
Yeah, I wish he didn’t just give up like that.
We make it to the music hall and Kara skips towards us. “Sorry Bren just looking for something.”
“It’s no problem.” I say and she nods with a smile.
“Alright let’s go.” She motions for Ryan and I to follow her out into her old beat up “mom car” and I climb in the back seat for obvious reasons, trying to slip away and out of the spotlight for at least a minute.
The drive goes by smoothly, me sitting in the back texting Pete and Patrick in our friendly groupchat and Kara complaining to Ryan about a teacher they share.
“Oh Brendon,” Kara says, glancing at me in the mirror. “Did you hear the announcements this morning?”
“Mhmm.”
“They talked about auditions, I told you they would.”
“Yeah.” I mumble.
“For what?” I hear Ryan ask her quietly.
”Brendon wants to do something with music this year. He was thinking about trying out for the choir and musical.” She informs him and Ryan turns around in the passenger seat to face me. I look up from my phone trying to look as uninterested as I can staring at the face of god.
“You should do both! It’s so much fun. The group of kids is so nice and you’ll make friends for life, it’s an essential.” He talks quickly and rushed, it’s obvious he’s excited about it. I almost forget that he’s been a complete star child since I met him, and that theater geek is one of the ways people describe him. Holy shit I can’t believe I forgot that.
“You did one show with Ryan back in middle school remember?” Kara laughs “When you were twelve”
“oh god,” I groan “don’t talk about sixth grade.”
Ryan laughs “The old productions weren’t that bad.” He makes a mock sad face.
“Yeah well you got leads in practically every show so I wouldn’t expect you to complain.” I snap and he shrugs.
“I can sing. Not one for dancing, but I can sing and that’s really all they need from a guy.”
“Bren you should, your voice is incredible.” Kara interrupts and I shake my head.
“No. I’ll sign up for the ensemble or something.” I say quickly and Ryan frowns for real this time.
“You should at least try. Who knows, you might get a good part.”
“Eh.” I shrug and look down at my phone.
“If you have a good voice, which I think you do, you should try out.” Ryan says firmly.
“How would you even know?” I laugh, looking up at him.
Fucking hell he’s gorgeous.
Not that I’m attracted to him, no that’s not the case. It’s just that he’s literally perfect. Curly long brown hair, thin and structured face shape, pinched nose and I look up a little bit.
His fucking eyes oh my god.
They're like a cup of warm honey tea, sloshing around in the slits of his face that light up when he smiles.
“You don’t shut your bedroom door when I come over,” He says simply, making eye contact I’m scared to break. “I can hear you singing along to your records.”
Fuck.
“Oof that must be a major ear rape.” I chuckle, looking over at Kara who makes an unamused expression.
“You’re a good singer Bren.” She says and Ryan nods, my attention directed back to him.
“Really good, better than most of the guys in choir that I know. You should do it, we might get parts together.”
Like I want to have a part with him.
I wouldn’t be able to breathe oh my god holy shit.
“I’ll think about it.” I say finally, trying to get off the topic and he grins.
“I hope you do.”
Fuck.