Work Text:
Kawanishi felt lost. Their loss against Karasuno had been widely unexpected, by everyone, but especially the team. No amount of words from Washijou and Saitou could smooth the cracks in their hearts and their wills. They had been crushed, but had put up a good fight.
That’s what confused Kawanishi the most; he had no idea what they had done wrong . Most of their plays were flawless. They gave as many sets to Ushijima as they could. Ushijima’s stamina was seemingly endless. Goshiki was in his top form, Reon, Tendou… All of them. Every single one of them had functioned at 100%, some at 120% even.
Then why…
Kawanishi chucked the ball blindly and as hard as he could across the gym. Everyone else had gone, packing away their uniforms and trudging to the dorms. Kawanishi just needed a moment to be alone, to let his emotions fall freely without Shirabu having to hear his sniffs from the top bunk. He was sure Shirabu needed some alone time as well; Shirabu was taking the loss harder than the lot of them. Goshiki too was especially forlorn, blaming himself. It was hard for Kawanishi to reflect on it all.
“You trying to kill me?”
Kawanishi tilted his head towards the voice that echoed off the walls of the gym. He had thought he was alone, that was what he was doing after all.
Semi stood across the linoleum floor, holding the ball in between his hands and looking at him. Kawanishi sniffed and turned his head away. He hadn’t realized Semi was in the gym at all when he had thrown the ball. Not his fault that Semi had gotten in the way of its trajectory.
“You know we were dismissed right?” Footsteps grew louder as Semi stepped closer. Kawanishi tensed a bit but made no moves to walk away.
“Yeah,” came his solemn response.
Semi huffed a laugh and stopped in front of him, a small, sad smile on his face. His eyes were bloodshot from crying and his cheeks still held a little bit of a blush to them from the act. Kawanishi was sure he didn’t look much better. They had all angrily cried into their hands the whole bus ride back to Shiratorizawa. The revving of the engines and the sniffs and muffled sobs accompanied them.
“Come on.” Semi deposited the blue and yellow striped ball into the basket before wheeling it back into the closet it had came from. Kawanishi’s brows furrowed as he watched his upperclassman lock up the closet and usher him from the gym. Semi locked up the gym and began leading him from the premises. All students had a curfew of eleven pm and it was nearing ten. Kawanishi wasn’t one to strictly follow the rules but Semi was currently leading them off of campus entirely.
He could have chosen to not blindly follow but Kawanishi often did things against his better judgement.
He chose not to ask any questions, keeping his eyes on the back of Semi’s head. He was a few inches shorter than him and Kawanishi enjoyed watching the few tufts sticking up on top of Semi’s head bounce as he walked. It was kind of cute and Kawanishi kind of wanted to reach out and touch it but knew that would be weird. Besides, he didn’t want to be touched in that moment and was sure Semi didn’t either.
They traveled the streets of Sendai for a few more moments, letting the night air weave between their clothes and caress them in a cold hug. Kawanishi found himself shivering on more than one occasion and wished he had a scarf or a heavier jacket than the one he was currently wearing. The only semblance of warmth he had was Semi’s close proximity.
Semi stopped in front of a small bakery and took one quick glance back at Kawanishi before pushing the door open. It smelled divine like freshly baked pastries even though it was so late. Kawanishi could smell the powdered sugar and the cream and everything in between. His eyes sparkled looking at all the treats inside the case.
“Go sit.” Semi ordered, sweeping his arm in a grand gesture to one of the many tables across the bakery. Some were filled but most were empty. Kawanishi shoved his hands into his pockets and slowly glanced over the shop before looking blankly at his senpai.
“Why?”
“Do you trust me?”
There was something strange in Semi’s eyes. Their gazes locked for one heavy beat and then Kawanishi turned on his heel, practically marching to one of the empty tables near the window. He had always enjoyed people watching, preferring it over verbal communication with people. Kawanishi wasn’t much of a talker unless prompted with something funny or sarcastic. It’s why he and Shirabu got along so well.
He wasn’t sure about how he would get along with Semi, who had a lot of flare buried under a heap of kindness. Semi’s eyes were soft and warm outside of the court, and outside of any situation involving Shirabu’s blase attitude toward taking Semi’s spot on the team.
Kawanishi hadn’t noticed his eyes wander to outside, multitudes of people littering the streets of Sendai still. It was a busy street and one would think it was a bigger city like Tokyo if they didn’t know better. It was almost a rarity to see so many people on the streets. He wondered briefly if something was going on but the scent of sweet treats wafted towards him and he looked to see Semi sitting down across from him, setting down two plates filled with desserts.
“What is this?”
“Dango, mochi ice cream, daifuku and taiyaki. Take your fill.”
Semi leaned back in the chair and placed his hands behind his head. It was an open invitation for Kawanishi to take first pick; however, he was mostly just confused.
“I don’t understand.” His brows furrowed and he lifted his gaze to fall on Semi’s face. The veins in his eyes were no longer bloodshot and his brown irises popped against pale skin.
Semi’s face lit up with laughter and he tilted his head back a little bit. He exhaled when he was over his fit, resting his elbows on the table and resting his chin on the back of linked hands. There was a lingering smile on his face. When had Semi-san become so nice?
“You looked like you needed a pick me up. You threw that ball pretty hard.”
“So you buy me desserts?”
Semi shrugged. Kawanishi was still a little skeptical but Semi didn’t elaborate but he decided to just go for it. He grabbed the dango and slowly peeled the ball off the stick with his teeth, chewing slowly. They practically melted in his mouth and it took everything in him not to moan at the sweet delight in his mouth. He didn’t want to weird Semi out after his act of kindness.
He watched Semi reached for a spoon and dive into the mochi ice cream, smiling a little as he put it in his mouth. It was kind of cute to see the delighted look on his face. It made Kawanishi avert his eyes back out the window, but Semi’s happy little reflection was there, staring back at him. Kawanishi could not escape the sight before him.
“It sucks losing.” Semi said from across the table when his mouth was no longer filled with the mochi. He was reaching for one of the daifuku and ripped it in half, examining its innards for a moment. “I hate losing.”
Kawanishi slowly peeled the ball from the stick, waiting for him to continue.
“It sucks knowing now that this is my last game ever. I don’t get to play in an official match again, not with you guys. And even if I was a pinch server…” The venom was evident in his voice yet his face held no hardness, “Even if I was a pinch server, the moments I did get to play, I felt… free. It was fun . And it sucks knowing I won’t get that again.”
“Well, are you going to play in college?” Kawanishi asked, swallowing around his food.
Semi picked apart the daifuku more, taking some time to eat and ponder his response. “Probably not. It won’t be the same.”
“Hm.” Kawanishi hummed and finished his second dango. There was still so much food to be eaten but he found himself losing his appetite. He didn’t want to think about their loss, or the upperclassman graduating. He… didn’t want to think about losing Semi and not having more moments like this one, even if this is the first time something like this has happened. “I guess there isn’t a reason to dwell on what could have been then.”
Semi huffed a laugh and nodded. “You’re right, Taichi. I wanted to do something nice for you and then I took over with my shitty mood, sorry about that.”
Kawanishi shrugged. “I got free food, so it’s cool.”
Semi snorted and kicked him under the table. It elicited a smirk from Kawanishi. The snort was one of the ugliest noises he had ever heard a human make it but it was cute coming from Semi. His cheeks were once more tinted pink and his eyes crinkled when he laughed. It was adorable. Kawanishi wanted to kiss him.
To resist the urge he shoved a taiyaki into his mouth, hoping it would also cover his smile.
Everything Semi had purchased was delicious, as expected. The whole joint was very cutesy and if Kawanishi didn’t know any better he would have thought that this was a date. This was definitely not a date.
Was it bad if he wanted it to be? If he wanted more moments like these, like he wanted to be on the court again with his teammates? These teammates, not the nameless first years who would take the places of the current third years next year.
Kawanishi didn’t want to think about that. He was here with Semi, right now, and Semi had bought him treats to make him feel better about their loss today. They would still play volleyball together. The third years would still come to practice. They always did.
The two of them devoured the rest of the desserts and check their phones, seeing that it was close to their curfew. Neither felt panicked; they would gladly take the reprimandings from the coach and the dean of the school if it meant they could be together a little longer.
They took their time exiting the bakery, enjoying the night around them. Kawanishi always loved how he could see the stars above. He thought about how he wouldn’t want to live in a smog-filtered city, where the skies were too polluted and the lights too bright to see the stars. It made him wonder if Semi was going to go that far for school, or stay close by.
“What do you think about the stars?” Kawanishi asked as they walked shoulder to shoulder back to Shiratorizawa.
“Huh?” Semi tilted his head up to look at Kawanishi, then up at the night sky. “They’re alright I guess.”
“You guess?” Kawanishi tilted his head to the side a bit.
Semi shrugged. “I haven’t really thought about it much. I don’t spend a lot of time outside.”
“Is that why you’re so pale?” Kawanishi bit. He couldn’t help himself and he definitely couldn’t stop the tiny snicker that escaped his mouth.
Semi’s mouth opened to make the little ‘o’ shape, as if he hadn’t expected that from his underclassman. Then the snort returned and Semi was pressing the back of his hand to his mouth to try to cover it up but the damage had already been done. Kawanishi grinned a little crooked at him which only spurred Semi into more hysterical laughter. Kawanishi wasn’t sure why Semi was laughing as hard as he was but it elicited his own laughter, tiny little hiccups of noises.
The two of them stopped on the sidewalk, holding on to the other as they giggled. Kawanishi felt a little ridiculous; he was shivering, hiccuping, and nearly crying. It was absurd. There was no reason for any of it.
“Man…” Semi sighed happily as he wiped the tears. “Who knew you could be so funny.”
Kawanishi only shrugged and turned his head away. He could feel Semi’s eyes and the goofy grin lingering on him. Semi only nudged him and they continued their journey back. Miraculously they were able to get back onto school grounds without any trouble. Kawanishi figured that the curfew was a myth that the administration told them to scare them into staying in their dorms. Kind of like a prison.
The third year dorms were a little ways away from the second year’s and the two of them stopped in front of Kawanishi’s building. Awkward silence settled over them and Kawanishi began to whistle, looking up at the stars. He could see the Big Dipper, then the Little Dipper. He wondered if Semi could identify the constellations but from his response earlier it was unlikely.
“Do you think you’ll come to practice tomorrow?” Kawanishi asked, finally looking back down at Semi, who had followed his gaze up to the stars.
“I have to, it’s mandatory.”
“And if it wasn’t?”
Semi clicked his tongue on the inside of his teeth. “I would still come.”
Kawanishi nodded and scuffed his shoes against the dirt. “Good… It’ll be different without you.”
Semi scoffed. “As if you’ll miss us.” There was some sadness behind the words and Kawanishi reached out, grabbing Semi’s wrist. He thought it was too intimate to grab his hand.
“I’ll miss you… Um…” Kawanishi snatched his hand from Semi’s. “Thank you for the… stuff you bought.” He turned on his heel and marched into the dorms before Semi could even think to respond. It was so awkward and terrible and Kawanishi kind of hated himself for it. He really hoped Shirabu was asleep by the time he got back up to their room.
The lights were thankfully off and the lump of Shirabu was under the covers in the middle of the bunk. As Kawanishi shut the door behind him, his phone buzzed in his pocket. Pulling it out he saw a message from Semi and his heart thrummed in his chest.
I’ll miss you too , it read, next time don’t run away, idiot
Kawanishi bit his lip to hide his smile.
Before when thinking about next time, it was only in relation to volleyball. Next time he would block out the other team from scoring points. Next time he would make sure to get the ball instead of letting it fall.
Next time he would have the courage to say “okay” to Semi’s face.