Work Text:
Undyne wasn't really sure how this ‘arrangement’ of theirs had started, but if she had to guess she’d bet it happened last month during her birthday bash. If she recalled correctly, she had drunk copious amounts of tequila, probably more than she should have honestly, and didn’t remember much past Papyrus dragging her out of the...third bar of the night? Or maybe it was the fourth, who knew. What she did know was that ever since that night he had come to her house every other weekend, shampoo and conditioner in hand and an eagerness to wash her hair for some reason or another.
The first time he came over and --loudly-- stated his intentions to her, she had immediately slammed the door in his face. Was he some sort of pervert or something?! Why the hell would he be suggesting something so…
lewd,
otherwise? She endured his determined knocking for the better part of an hour before
retreating
strategically retiring to her bedroom for the rest of the evening, because she was tired, of course! In either case, in the morning Papyrus was gone, so Undyne just brushed it off as some sort of weird skeleton thing.
The next time it happened, Undyne had the sense to ask Papyrus what the hell he was doing. That’s when he reminded her of the conversation they had from her birthday, a conversation in which she complained about how much effort it was to wash her hair. He had sympathized with her plight and offered to help her, which she apparently had accepted boisterously, and so now he was, in his words, ‘CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED BY SKELETON LAW’ to keep up his end of his promise.
Of course, Undyne had kicked him out, again.
Attempt number three was an interesting one though.
Undyne had gritted her teeth as the telltale sign of Papyrus’s appearance entered her senses in the form of his own secret patented knock: which had just been a series of knocks from some old human television show. She was just about to take her shower! Undyne wrapped her robe around her, securing it with the belt as she ran to the front of her house and forcefully opened the door.
“What do you want, punk?!” Undyne had all but growled, fists against her hips as she stood in an intimidating pose.
“GOOD MORNING UNDYNE!” Papyrus saluted with such vigor that the basket jostled in his arm, sending a bottle of shampoo to the ground. “WHOOPSIE!” He quickly scrambled to pick it up, and Undyne had to fight the urge to slap her forehead in anger. Be calm, Undyne, and listen to what he has to say before kicking his ass back to Snowdin.
“Again, what do you want, Papyrus? I was just about to take a shower.”
Papyrus straightened up, taking in her appearance with wide eye-lights. “PERFECT, YOU REMEMBERED. LET’S GO GET STARTED THEN!”
“Started with what?!” Undyne asked aggressively, magic itching under her skin to form into her spears.
“THE HAIR-WASHING, OF COURSE!”
“The--Papyrus, I don’t need you to wash my hair, I’ve got it covered! Get out of here before I kick your ass!” Undyne took a step back and grabbed the doorknob, using all of her strength to slam the door closed so that she could lock it, but at the last second Papyrus pushed his boot into the path. “Move out of the way, punk!”
“ I CAN’T LEAVE,” Papyrus stated calmly. “SKELETON LAW SAYS--”
“I don’t give a damn what your skeleton law says, and I don’t give a damn about whatever I said when I was drunk. All I want to do is go shower IN PEACE.” Undyne emphasized the last couple of words with a hard push against the door, but to her chagrin, Papyrus wouldn’t budge. She stared at him with the intensity of a thousand suns in the hopes that he would get intimidated, but he only smiled back at her.
“YOU KNOW, THIS WOULD BE EASIER IF YOU JUST LET ME IN.”
“Hell. No.”
“DON’T YOU WANT TO FEEL THE EUPHORIA THAT IS MY BONY FINGERTIPS AGAINST YOUR POOR, ABUSED SCALP?”
“That’s the last thing that I want. Shoo already!”
“UNDYNE, YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT I COULD STAY HERE ALL NIGHT IF I HAVE TO.”
“I--” Undyne groaned, running her fingers through her hair in aggravation. She wanted to argue, but of course, she remembered the day he camped out in her front yard for a chance to be in the guard, as well as a month ago when he first brought this shit up. Would it really be all that bad to let someone else who was willing to wash her hair?
If she was being perfectly honest, the whole process really did suck. Because of its length, it took forever to shampoo and condition, and somehow she was never able to get all of the soap out in one go, no matter how thorough she was. Loath as she was to admit it, Papyrus probably had a better eye (or two) than she did, and the determination to actually make sure all the suds were out.
She flicked an eye in his direction, baring her teeth; it was still really weird.
“Ugh, get in here, skeleton.”
Papyrus smiled fully, waiting for Undyne to open the door before walking inside. He immediately took his boots off (as was the custom in her house, especially with the mud that liked to stick to the bottom of his shoes in particular) and followed Undyne into the rest of her home. “AS USUAL YOUR HOUSE IS PRISTINE, AND NOTHING IS BROKEN, WOWIE! I’M VERY PROUD OF YOU.”
“Uh, thanks, I guess,” Undyne muttered as they entered her bathroom. She turned around to face Papyrus, wrapping her arms around her middle as she stared him down. “So, how do you want to do this? Should I just like, crouch over the tub?”
Papyrus tilted his head in confusion. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT WHEN WE COULD JUST GET INTO THE SHOWER TOGETHER?”
“ Papyrus , are you listening to yourself? ‘Get into the shower together’, doesn’t that sound a little weird to you?!”
“WHAT’S WEIRD ABOUT IT? SANS AND I SHOWER TOGETHER ALL THE TIME.”
“That’s weird, Papyrus!” Undyne pressed his fingers to her temples, rubbing them in a motion that she hoped would be soothing. She tried not to picture Papyrus showering with his brother but of course, her brain couldn’t give her a break today, instantly supplying her with the image of the two bare-boned and wearing shower caps.
Papyrus shrugged. “HE’D NEVER HAVE A CLEAN COCCYX WITHOUT ME THERE TO DO IT.”
“I don’t need to hear this, I really don’t need to hear this,” Undyne muttered. “Okay, Papyrus, what you and your brother do in the privacy of your own home is no concern of mine, but you can’t just go jumping into showers with strangers.”
“YOU’RE NOT A STRANGER THOUGH.” Papyrus pointed out.
“Yes, I am!”
“I KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU THAN I DO MY OWN BROTHER. I EVEN KNOW WHERE YOU KEEP YOUR OLD BABY TEETH.”
Undyne’s single eye widened. “Papyrus, what the fuck, don’t go spreading that around! Ugh, fine fine, you’re right, we’re not strangers. We’re like, friends or something I guess.”
“ BEST FRIENDS,” Papyrus insisted. “AND WHAT KIND OF BEST FRIENDS WOULD WE BE IF WE DIDN’T ENGAGE IN A LITTLE SKINSHIP EVERY NOW AND AGAIN.”
“Papyrus--”
“A BIT OF NUDITY BETWEEN BUDS.”
“Oh my god--”
“JUST LETTING THE BONES AND--WELL, WHATEVER IT IS YOU FLESHY MONSTERS HAVE HANG OUT.”
“Please stop--”
“DO YOU NEED ME TO STRIP FIRST? I DON’T MIND--”
“Please!” Undyne flung her hands out, grabbing Papyrus as he was mid-way through unbuckling his armor. “Okay okay, we can do this, just--fuck, stop being so fucking weird about it.”
She ignored Papyrus’ salute, turning around to turn on the water. As she waited for the water to reach her favorite lukewarm temperature, she took a moment to try and rationalize what the hell she just agreed to do. She was going to get into the shower with Papyrus, naked. And he was going to wash her hair, while also naked. God, that was so fucking weird!!!
When the water reached the right level of warmth Undyne pulled up the knob, switching the overhead shower on. She stood up, brushing off the front of her robe as she looked at Papyrus, who was just...standing there. What the heck? “Papyrus, what the fuck; if we’re doing to do this, then get undressed!”
“RIGHT, CAPTAIN!” Papyrus exclaimed, unbuckling the top of his armor and carefully pulling it off. He placed it on the floor in front of the bathroom door before reaching for his bottoms, and that’s when Undyne realized that she would have to get undressed too.
“Wait wait wait! Fuck, turn around or something, I don’t want you to see me naked! YET!” Undyne tacked onto the end when Papyrus gave her a dubious look. He turned around regardless, allowing Undyne to let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She turned back towards the tub herself, hands hovering over the strings that kept her robe closed. She just had to...take it off. With Papyrus in her bathroom.
This is ridiculous, Undyne thought, quickly shedding herself of her robe and letting it fall to the ground as she stepped into the tub. The water hit her body instantly, cascading down in a soothing motion that eased the tension from her muscles. Between that and the white noise that it provided, it was easier to pretend that she was alone in her bathroom. She sighed happily as she dunked her head under the water, tilting her head to the side so that the water could glide over her gills. God, yeah, that was the stuff. Feeling that her back was still a little cold, she turned around to warm it up, coming back to back with a very naked Papyrus behind her. Undyne definitely did not screech in terror. How did he get in without her noticing?!
“UNDYNE, DO YOU REALLY SHOWER WITH YOUR EYEPATCH ON? THAT’S SO UNSANITARY,” Papyrus tsk’ed, reaching out towards her.
Undyne scrambled as far away from Papyrus as she could in the small bathtub, grabbing the closest thing to her --a bar of soap-- and brandishing it out like a weapon. “Don’t touch me, skeleton!”
Papyrus sighed, rubbing the area between his sockets. “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WASH YOUR HAIR IF I CAN’T TOUCH YOU?”
“...”
“PLEASE TAKE YOUR EYEPATCH OFF AND TURN AROUND SO I CAN DO WHAT I CAME HERE FOR.”
Undyne slowly relaxed from her tense state, placing the soap back in its place before reaching up to untie her eyepatch. Mist rushed to her scarred eye as she pulled the material away, sighing in relief from the heat. She placed it beside the soap and turned her back to Papyrus, uncertainty bubbling up inside. “Okay, I’m ready for...whatever.”
She felt a sudden gust of cold air as the shower curtain opened, followed by a clatter as Papyrus rustled through something, the basket probably. Something was set down on the rim of the tub with a small plop, and then suddenly hands were stroking the ends of her hair. “Whoa, give a girl some warning, why don’t you?!” She shouted.
“SORRY, IM JUST INSPECTING YOUR ENDS,” Papyrus answered, the bones of his hands skimming the surface of Undyne’s back as he lifted the bottom of her hair away from her body. “THEY’RE POSITIVELY AWFUL, YOU NEED TO GET THEM TRIMMED.”
“How do you even know when ends are good or not good? You don’t even have hair.”
“I LEARNED FROM METTATON’S SHOW: HAIRCARE WITH METTA.”
Undyne scoffed. “Ahh, what does that hunk of junk know about anything--” Before she could finish her statement Papyrus had gently but firmly pushed her head under the water.
“LET’S GO AHEAD AND START!” Papyrus said cheerfully.
Undyne grumbled but otherwise didn’t answer, listening to Papyrus squirt something from one of the bottles--shampoo, probably. The scent of flowers filled her nostrils as Papyrus squeezed out more and more shampoo, getting more on the floor of the bathtub than his actual hands no doubt. How was he supposed to do this with all those holes between his god-damned fingers?
“Papyrus, please, just--I don’t know, apply it directly to my hair.”
“HMM I DON’T KNOW, METTATON--”
“Mettaton doesn’t have bones for fingers, just do it.”
Papyrus muttered as he moved behind her, and she felt the cold liquid pool at the top of her head, causing her to shiver. Before she could complain Papyrus hands were on her hair, smoothing out the shampoo over her scalp. He began to hum as he began to softly massage the tips of his fingers over her scalp, something that itched at the back of her mind as something familiar. “What are you humming?” She asked, leaning into the head massage.
“MY THEME SONG, OF COURSE.”
“You have a theme song?”
“WELL, OF COURSE, I DO!” Papyrus proclaimed, moving his fingers to a different area of her scalp before proceeding. “YOU HAVE A THEME SONG TOO.”
“Oh yeah?” Undyne asked absently, closing her eyes and relaxing into the sensations. It’s been a long while since someone else washed her hair, probably since she was in stripes, so she had forgotten how nice it felt. “What’s it, uh, sound like?”
“HMM...IT’S KINDA IN YOUR FACE AND ENERGETIC, LIKE--” Papyrus hummed out a few notes, emphasizing the stressed notes with a tap against her head-- “KINDA LIKE THAT.”
Undyne nodded along with Papyrus, feeling her SOUL bubble up with excitement. “Yeah...YEAH, I can feel it! It's got me pumped!” She shrugged her shoulders in a circular motion, stretching out the muscles near her shoulder blades as she grinned. “Man, I feel like I gotta punch something!”
Papyrus tapped her on the head again, harder than before. “HOW ABOUT INSTEAD OF THAT YOU CHANNEL YOUR ENERGY TO PASS ME THE SHOWER HEAD?”
“Oh, uh, sure.”
Undyne reached up and grabbed the shower head, dislodging it from its hold and passing it along to Papyrus, who took it with a word of thanks.
“OKAY, MAKE SURE TO SHIELD YOUR EYEBALLS. I HEAR THAT IT HURTS FOR FLESHY MONSTERS TO GET WATER THERE, AND I WOULD HATE FOR YOU TO INJURE YOUR ONE GOOD EYE.”
“Yeah, it stings like a bitch,” Undyne said, tilting her head back slightly for Papyrus. She felt him place the side of his hand against her forehead, and then the rush of warm water as he directed it at her hair.
“IS THE TEMPERATURE OKAY?”
Undyne nodded, crossing her arms over her naked chest. The awkwardness of the entire situation crept back to the front of her mind, and she couldn’t help but address it again. “Papyrus, how are you so comfortable with this?”
Papyrus took a moment to answer. “ARE YOU SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO ME, UNDYNE?”
“Wha--no! You’re not my type, and like, you feel more like a brother than a boyfriend.”
“THERE YOU GO.”
Undyne sat in silence as Papyrus rinsed her hair, moving when directed so that he could get the sides near her ear fins. The anxiety and embarrassment in the pit of her stomach dulled to something more akin to sheepishness as Papyrus handed her the shower head to hold as he grabbed the conditioner. She made such a big deal out of the whole thing when Papyrus was right: it was just best friend bonding. Sure it was weird, but neither of them was attracted to one another and that probably wouldn’t change anytime soon, so why get so up in arms about it?
“Where did you get this stuff anyway?” Undyne finally asked as Papyrus squirted conditioner halfway down her hair. It smelled of the same sort of flowers as the shampoo, but as far as she knew this stuff wasn’t in Gerson’s store, and Snowdin didn’t have any flowers to locally make it either.
“AFTER I DROPPED YOU OFF AFTER YOUR BIRTHDAY, I REALIZED THAT I DIDN’T HAVE ANY OF MY OWN HAIR CARE PRODUCTS, BECAUSE OF OBVIOUS REASONS. SO, I THOUGHT ‘WHO HAS HAIR?’, AND THEN I REMEMBERED THAT GOOD OL’ KING FLUFFYBUNS HAS A TON OF IT!”
“Wait, you’re telling me you went all the way to the King for shampoo?”
Papyrus laughed. “OF COURSE! MY BEST FRIEND DESERVES ONLY THE BEST, AND BESIDES, FLUFFYBUNS ONLY LASTED FIVE MINUTES BEFORE LETTING ME IN. IT WAS EASY.”
Undyne snorted, imagining Papyrus parked outside of the castle, basket in one hand and knocking on the door with the other. The more she imagined it, the more she chuckled, and soon she was laughing hard, bracing herself against the shower wall. “My god, Papyrus,” She gasped out between quick breaths, “You’re such a good friend.”
“OF COURSE I AM!” Papyrus preened, and Undyne didn’t even have to look to know that he was in his dramatic pose. “OKAY, TIME TO RINSE AGAIN!”
Handing over the shower head, Undyne relaxed as Papyrus ran it over her hair again, gently parting it this way and that to make sure all the suds were out. After a few more minutes Papyrus passed the shower head back to her, and she put it back into its hold, before looking over her shoulder back at him. “We all done here?”
“YOUR HAIR IS SQUEAKY CLEAN. WELL, IT’S NOT SQUEAKING BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE ODD, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.”
“Right, um. Thanks, for all of this I mean. I really appreciate it.”
“IT WAS MY PLEASURE! ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR SHOWER, UNLESS YOU NEED SOMEONE TO SCRUB YOUR BACK?”
“Yeah, that’s too far; get out of here.”
Papyrus left the shower, closing the curtain behind him as he went, and after a small bit of time, the bathroom door opened and closed. Undyne sighed as the water ran over her body, cold from running so long for her hair. Not wanting to freeze in her own bathroom, Undyne quickly washed off the rest of her body and jumped out of the tub, noting two fresh towels had been placed on the toilet seat for her. Smiling to herself she dried off with the larger one and wrapped it around her body, before doing the same with the smaller one for her hair.
When Undyne exited her bathroom, she couldn’t say she was too surprised to see Papyrus sitting on her bed, dressed in his under armor and holding a hair dryer in his hands. “AH, UNDYNE. I HOPE THE REST OF YOUR SHOWER WAS PLEASANT?”
She shrugged. “S’alright. A bit cold.”
“A SHAME, BUT NEVER FEAR, PAPYRUS IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY WITH A HAIR DRYING IMPLEMENT,” Papyrus said, showing off the hair dryer happily.
“It’s called a ‘hairdryer’ ya nerd,” Undyne teased, taking a seat beside him and unwrapping the towel from her head.
As Papyrus began to dry her hair, Undyne decided that maybe this was an arrangement she could get used to.