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For a team that began as a bunch of strangers who didn't trust each other in the slightest, the Avengers had changed a lot. They had slowly grown together, evolving from a team to what anyone would call a family, as each of them found a spot to call home. The inclusion of Coulson when it turned out he was alive, Pepper and Bucky had only solidified them into a functioning unit.
No one was more aware of that than Tony, because he watched it all happen from the outside.
It started with Pepper and Natasha. Or maybe it began with Thor and Bruce, or Coulson and Clint. Certainly it was already in the works by the time Steve brought Bucky home. In the end, it didn't really matter. What counted was that Steve, Thor, Coulson and Pepper were all caregivers, and Natasha, Clint, Buck and Bruce were all Littles. It was a match made in heaven.
Originally Tony suspected that the pairings had been more traditional, but over time that had changed. All of the Littles called Pepper "Mommy". Steve was "Dada". Thor was "Daddy". Coulson was "Papa". These titles had been decided upon unanimously, and it was now to the point where Tony could literally go days without hearing the four of them be called anything other than those titles - unless, of course, Tony was the one speaking.
Because he was the outlier. The one who didn't fit. Not a caregiver, not a Little (so far as anyone knew anyway). To the world at large, Tony Stark was a neutral. And while that didn't mean he couldn't be a part of the family, Tony had purposely kept himself on the outside. He wasn't "Uncle Tony" - none of the Littles had ever tried to call him that, thankfully - or a big brother figure. He was just Tony, their teammate, and that was all he could ever be.
Sometimes the caregivers looked at him like they knew that wasn't true. Those moments were terrifying. Tony had spent his whole life hiding this, ever since he'd been tested in secret and his parents found out the results. Howard hadn't forced him to hide, which was the natural conclusion someone might draw, but it had been made perfectly clear that Tony's life would be a hell of a lot easier if he did.
And it was true: his life was easier. Little rights had evolved a lot over time, to the point where capable Littles were making their mark in the business world. Tony could probably come out now and, while he would receive some flack, it wouldn't rock the foundations of his company or anything like that. Now that Stane was dead, there was no one who would be able to oust him from his position - well, Pepper probably could, but Tony didn't really see that happening.
But he was comfortable hiding. It was what he knew. He didn't know how to let himself go. Clint and Bucky always made it look so easy. Natasha and Bruce struggled sometimes, but that wasn't surprising considering their backgrounds. Tony would be the one throwing a wrench into the machine, and he refused to do that. The family was happy, and he wanted to protect their happiness.
So he kept to himself, ignored the subtle invitations sometimes offered to him, and pretended that he wasn't jealous over the rest of the Littles, while making it clear that he didn't want to join in. He was good at acting, having had lots of practice. And if he let himself look longingly at Bruce every once in a while when Bruce was being rocked to sleep or drinking from a bottle, he wasn't hurting anything. It was just nice to dream.
Because that was the other major problem. Natasha, Clint, Bucky and Bruce all fell into the same ages in their headspace, more or less. All toddlers, though Clint was the oldest, probably around three: he only used pull-ups sometimes, because most of the time he was pretty good at letting someone know when he needed the potty. Bruce was the youngest at about one and a half, old enough to use pull-ups most of the time but in need of diapers on the day when he feeling a little younger. Natasha and Bucky were somewhere between.
Tony wasn't in that range. He was the cog that didn't fit. He couldn't pretend to be a toddler. If he let himself slide that far, he would unquestionably slide the rest of the way. And then no one would want him. He knew that for a fact. Babies were work. A lot of work. He couldn't ask that of any of his teammates. So it was easier not to bother trying. That was his philosophy and he was sticking to it.
The day that fell to pieces around him was a normal Tuesday. Tony had woken up early for a series of meetings with Fury, who wanted very specific updates done to the communication system that the Avengers used. By the time that finished it was well after 4:00pm, and he was tired and hungry as he trudged out of his workshop and up to the main floor.
"Hey Tony," Steve said as the elevator doors opened. He, Pepper, Thor and Bruce were sitting in the living room together. Tony blinked at them and wondered where Bucky, Natasha, Clint and Coulson were. Maybe Coulson had taken them out. It was rare for Bucky to leave the tower without Steve, but Tony knew that Steve had been trying to get him more used to doing that.
"Hi," Tony said. "What are you doing?"
"We're doing an experiment," Pepper said. She was unbuttoning her blouse. Tony drew to a stop and stared at her, baffled. He thought that Steve, Coulson, Thor and Pepper might have sex sometimes, but he wasn't sure. If they did it was only ever behind closed doors, well out of sight of any Little eyes or ears. But Bruce was sitting right there.
Thor said, very kindly, "Nursing."
Oh. Oh. Tony's heart flipped over and he swallowed hard, watching as Pepper opened her blouse. She wasn't wearing a bra today, so her breasts were visible. They were round and full, more so than Tony could ever remember them being. She cupped her hands beneath them, wincing a little.
"Does it hurt?" Steve asked her.
"A little. It feels strange," Pepper said. "I think I'm ready to try. They feel full."
"Swap places with me, Thor," Steve said. He stood up and moved so Thor could sit behind Pepper with his arms around her. Tony wasn't sure why until Steve helped Bruce to stand and move to the touch. Bruce laid down, his lower half on the couch. Then Tony understood: Bruce leaned across Pepper's lap, and Thor rested his arm around Bruce's upper back to support and lift Bruce up. Though caregivers were much stronger than neutrals, Pepper wouldn't have had the strength to do that for a long period of time.
"Are you ready, Brucie?" Pepper asked. Bruce nodded, opening his mouth. Pepper lowered her breast and slid her nipple into Bruce's mouth. Bruce's lips closed around her nipple and he began to suck, throat moving. A weird look crossed Pepper's face and she squirmed.
"How is it?" Thor asked.
"It feels weird. But good," Pepper added, lifting a hand and brushing a stray curl out of Bruce's face. Her face was so open and tender as she gazed down at Bruce. Thor leaned over her shoulder to look down at Bruce as well, and his face was just as affectionate.
Tony ached. He wanted to know what that would be like so badly that he was breathless with want. He knew he should walk away. He couldn't even remember what he'd come upstairs for, but he needed to walk into the kitchen and get something - anything! - and then leave. Then he needed to go back down to the workshop and bury himself in work until his brain forgot this image.
But he couldn't move. His feet were frozen. He stood there the whole time, probably about ten to fifteen minutes, until Bruce was done. Thor stood up and picked Bruce up as well. Tony thought he might turn Bruce around so he could nurse from Pepper's other breast, but he didn't. He started walking out of the room with Bruce in his arms. He'd only drunk from one breast, but evidently that was enough.
"Oh, that felt good," Pepper said with a sigh. "But he didn't empty my other breast, and it hurts a little."
Steve frowned. "I knew we should have bought you a breast pump."
"I didn't think we'd need it, but Bruce gets full so fast..." Pepper trailed off and looked up. "Tony, I don't suppose you'd do me a favor..." She indicated her breast.
Tony's mouth went dry. "But Steve?" he squeaked.
"Steve and Thor suck too hard. I'm very tender," Pepper said. "Come here."
It didn't sound like an order, but Tony felt helpless to obey anyway. He drifted closer, staring down at Pepper as though he was mesmerized. She kept smiling at him, and it was a smile that Tony had never really seen directed at him: like she not only knew all of his problems, but she knew how to solve them. He wanted to sink into that smile and never leave.
"Lay down," Pepper said softly. "Let Steve help you, okay?"
Tony was vaguely aware of Steve standing up behind him, but couldn't bring himself to shy away as Steve guided him down onto the couch and across Pepper's lap. Steve sat down behind Pepper, exactly like Thor, and wrapped an arm around Tony this time, lifting him up so that his cheek skimmed Pepper's breast. Pepper sucked in a breath at the feel of his goatee against her soft skin, and that jolted Tony out of his daze.
"No," he said, suddenly panicked. "I can't, I -"
"Tony, it's okay," Steve said before he could finish. "Really, baby, it's okay."
The nickname shocked Tony into silence. His shock must've been evident, because Pepper and Steve both smiled down at him.
"We know, sweetie," Pepper said. "And I'm tired of not being able to cuddle with my cute little baby. I'd really like it if you would join us."
"I can't," Tony whispered.
"Yes you can," she said reassuringly.
Dozens of thoughts raced through Tony's mind, but the prevailing one was, "I don't know how."
Steve sighed, leaning down to kiss Tony's forehead. "Then let us show you how, okay? Don't be afraid. We won't hurt you. We're just - "
"We're worried about you," Pepper cut in. "You work so hard. Always work. It's killing you." Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them away. "You've never let yourself have this."
"No one wanted me," Tony said thoughtlessly. A tear spilled over, rolling slowly down Pepper's cheek, while Steve got an angry look on his face. In spite of that, he spoke to Tony gently.
"We want you. We all want you. Let us prove it. Just let yourself go. You'll be in your headspace for a while this first time, but we can talk as much as you need to when you come out of it. Just... let us show you what it can be like, okay?"
Tony couldn't have this. This wasn't meant for him. But the ability to speak seemed to have fled his mind. All he could do was open his mouth when Pepper lowered her nipple. His heart started to pound and his eyes darted between Pepper and Steve, seeking comfort. They both smiled at him, and, with the hand that wasn't supporting Tony, Steve took his hands and squeezed them.
"Go ahead," Pepper murmured. "Just suck. I know you know how. I've seen you suck your thumb."
Tony flushed. He hadn't realized she'd seen that. He started to suck, using only his lips, keeping his teeth well away from Pepper's delicate nipple. It took a few seconds before liquid flowed into his mouth, thin and a little sweet, like sugared water. He kept at it, sucking harder, and was rewarded with milk that was creamier, with a faint vanilla taste.
He loved it.
Steve chuckled. "Look at the little guy go," he whispered, nuzzling Pepper's cheek. "This was a brilliant idea, Pepper."
"Most babies love to nurse. I remember my mother telling me that a long time ago," Pepper replied. She was beaming, her eyes never leaving Tony's face. "It's different enough from bottles that I thought it would be a good first step. You know Tony. Curious as a cat." She stroked the side of Tony's face, just like she had with Bruce, and Tony felt that touch down to his soul.
"Do you think you'll keep it up?"
"For as long as Tony needs it, yes. I don't mind it. The ache is a pain, but maybe I will pump," Pepper said. "It would be good for those days when I'm at work."
"I don't think he's going to want to give it up anytime soon," Steve said. "He's loving this."
Much as Tony wanted to say that was a lie, he couldn't. He couldn't have torn himself away from Pepper's breast for anything. Her milk was so sweet and creamy, and it flowed effortlessly down his throat. And while it had been terrifying at first to lay in their arms and feel how vulnerable it made him, it had turned into the good kind of terrifying - his insides felt all trembly, but he also felt more relaxed than he had in years.
He closed his eyes, because the feelings were too much, and focused on drinking. The real world fell away, until all that was left was Pepper's hand on his face and Steve's rubbing his belly. Eventually the milk stopped flowing, but Tony continued to suckle until a hand carefully turned his face away. He whined a little without thinking and felt Pepper and Steve chuckle.
"We have a hungry baby on our hands," Pepper said softly. "Yes, we do." She skimmed her fingers over Tony's mouth, brushing away a few drops of milk.
"I'll get him dressed if you want to make him a bottle," Steve said.
"I'm just going to clean up and rub some cream on first. My nipples feel dry."
"Here, let me take him."
The couch shifted as Steve got up. And then, for the first time, Tony experienced what it was like to be picked up. It was world-changing. He'd always known Steve was strong, but it was a whole other experience entirely to be picked up as effortlessly as though you weighed ten pounds. It made him feel overwhelmingly little and he shivered, a little panicked.
"Hey, it's okay, baby boy," Steve murmured, patting his back. He had Tony on his hip, exactly how he'd carried the other Littles dozens of times. "It's just me and Pepper, Tony. We won't let anything happen to you."
Tony did know that, and the knowledge was comforting. He wrapped an arm around Steve's neck. "But I'm - I'm not..." he mumbled.
"Shhh. You can be as old as you need to be," Steve whispered back. He carried Tony down the hall. Though they all had their own floors, each Little had a nursery on the main floor as well. Tony was floored when Steve walked into a nursery he'd never seen before. Looking around at the pictures on the walls, lovingly crafted murals of Dummy and the other 'bots, it really hit just how long they'd been planning this.
Steve, following his awed gaze, smiled. "You weren't taking any of our other hints, and the one time Coulson tried to talk to you about it, you literally ran away. Pepper thought you needed something shocking to take you out of that zone, and we wanted to have everything ready in case it worked."
"You tricked me," Tony said, but there was no heat to it. He felt that same flash of fear when Steve gently set him down on top of what he realized was a changing table.
"We didn't trick you, honey. We just want the chance to love you," Steve said. He started removing Tony's clothing. Tony could've stopped him, but he didn't. He did tense up a little when Steve took his undershirt off and exposed the arc reactor, but Steve avoided the area entirely. And if Steve noticed the special underwear Tony was wearing, which was remarkably similar to pull-ups, he didn't comment.
In no time, Tony was stark naked on the table. Steve hummed softly as he bent down and picked something up. Tony's blood ran cold when he saw what it was. A diaper.
"Steve," he said, desperately.
"I know it's scary," Steve said, setting the diaper down and hugging him. "But I'm right here. So is Mommy."
Mommy? Tony jerked in surprise when Pepper's hands touched him from behind. She hugged him too, smelling wonderfully of powder and the vanilla perfume she loved so much.
"Please, Tony. Let yourself have this," she whispered. "Let us have you."
He knew Pepper well enough to recognize the genuine desire in her voice. She really wanted this. And when he looked up at Steve, he saw the same sentiment replicated in Steve's expression. Tony didn't know what to do. The idea that they really wanted him was foreign. He knew he wanted this, couldn't even remember the reasons why he wouldn't, but it was terrifying.
His breath hitched, tears burning at his eyes. Pepper shushed him, holding him close, and motioned for Steve to get on with it. Tony buried his face in Pepper's shoulder as Steve expertly diapered him, rubbing on cream and dusting him with powder as thought he'd done it thousands of times. Then he got Tony into a blue onesie that snapped at the crotch.
"It's gonna be okay," Steve said, picking Tony up. He sat down in one of two rocking chairs, or maybe a more accurate term would be a double rocking chair: it was easily large enough to fit Steve and Pepper, with Tony curled up on their laps. Pepper squeezed in beside them, holding a white stuffed bunny in her hands. She put the bunny in Tony's arms. He clutched at it, relieved to have something to hold. Somehow, the thumb of his free hand found its way into his mouth.
"Mommy and Dada are here," Pepper cooed, running her hands through his hair. "We're right here with you, sweet boy." She started to sing, her voice low and sweet and soft. Tony rested his head on Steve's shoulder and listened, helpless to do anything else when he wanted it so badly. He wasn't sure yet, not at all, about anything, but he needed to have this moment at least.