Chapter Text
Edward opens his notebook. He holds his pen poised above the paper. Crosses his legs under the table. “So,” he begins, offering the client a polite, professional smile, “you think your girlfriend is secretly a wood nymph?”
“Yes,” the client says, nodding his head gravely. “I’m almost sure of it.”
“Can you tell me what led you to that conclusion?”
“She loves plants. Her feet are always dirty. And… she never wears a bra.” He says this as if he just blew the whole case wide open.
“…Okay.” Edward makes a note—Hippie feminist—continuing to feign a smile. “Anything else?”
“Is that not enough?” he asks, seeming genuinely confused that the information he gave wasn’t enough to definitively diagnose his girlfriend as a supernatural woodland creature.
“No, no, that’s… perfectly sufficient.” He closes his notebook, setting his pen down on top of it. “I can take it from here. Do you have the deposit?”
“Deposit?”
“…Yes. I require a forty dollar non-refundable deposit when taking a case.” He clears his throat. “It’s in the fine print.”
“Oh,” he says slowly. He digs around in his pockets, producing a handful of crumpled receipts, a tangled pair of headphones, and a two dollar bill. “Um… Do you take Venmo?” he asks sheepishly.
Edward sighs, leaning back in his chair. “Yes. I take Venmo.”