Chapter Text
“Blast this thing!” Rey’s frustration echoes inside of her sparse room on board the Millennium Falcon. The two identical broken pieces of Luke’s blue lightsaber clatter against the floor as Rey hurtles them against the opposite wall.
The entire Resistance, compromised of 20 people, is on its way toward an Outer Rim planet, Bespin and had been on board the Falcon for the past five days. While the infamous Cloud City no longer existed, Leia had revealed a hunch about an old friend and a possible secret base location. From their reconnaissance reports, the city was more or less abandoned; its main resource of carbonite no longer deemed valuable to the First Order. Lando Calrissian may not have answered their cry for help during the Battle of Crait, but Leia was confident that they could have a chance of rebuilding and reigniting their rebellion spark.
I don’t have time for this Rey admits, desperately to herself. For five days she had attempted to bring the lightsaber back to life.
Her hair sticks to her skin as the sweat collecting at the base of her neck trickles along her back giving her an all too familiar sensation of being back on Jakku. Rey moves to sit on her small bunk and places her head against the wall closing her eyes, feeling the familiar hum of the Falcon against her back. She’s exhausted. In between meeting with the Resistance leaders and blundering miserably at reconstructing the lightsaber, Rey hasn’t had time to think about…
She squeezes her eyes shut, a miserable attempt to will the tears from pooling in her eyes. She sucks in a deep breath.
I failed. I failed everyone. I failed him.
The guilt eats at her. Maybe shutting the Falcon door and consequently their unexplainable bond was a mistake. Being alone is the worst thing that could happen to him... that is happening to her. When she extended her hand to him on Ahch-To, Rey felt the most hope for Ben Solo. Seeing a vision of his future had felt so clear and secure. Now, Ben was most likely a shell of himself, with Kylo Ren taking full claim.
She shakes her head, furiously brushing the few tears that escaped onto her cheeks off of her skin, reminding herself to forget about the past and look toward the future, the one that would exist without him. She glances over at the Jedi texts she took from the tree on Ahch-To that she had hidden under her bunk. Rey had tried to read them whenever working on the lightsaber became too infuriatingly complicated. There were illustrations of fighting stances and defensive techniques but nothing explaining how to repair a broken lightsaber.
Rey rolled her shoulders back, turning away from her bunk, and took a step toward the doorway. Instantly, she tensed. The thrumming sound of the Force immediately drowns out any sounds made by the Falcon. Stealing a look over her shoulder she saw an outline of a man, all too familiar to her. She turned away, refusing to look at his face, confusion and anger coursing through her veins.
“I thought I made it very clear that I don’t want to speak to you,” she says, choosing to talk first. She can feel his intense stare, surely filled with longing, as she continues. “Go away!”
Rey reaches out with the Force for the useless lightsaber pieces and grasps them in each hand, readying herself for a fight she knows neither of them wants.
“You think I have a choice.” He didn’t ask a question; it was merely a statement. “I felt you, and then I could see you. That’s all I know Rey.”
Ren’s voice shook slightly, his emotions betraying him.
Rey abruptly spins around; she had to steal a look into his eyes.
The deep circles under Kylo Ren’s eyes appear almost purple, deep and violent. His would-be intimidating stance is slumped over, as if he hasn’t slept well in ages.
“For a light-side user, you seem very angry,” he admits, his dark eyes never leaving her own.
Rey looks down at the lightsaber pieces in her hands and sighs, tossing them to the side and relaxing her posture slightly. “I’m not angry with you, I’m angry with myself.”
He looks away, eyebrows furrowing. After pacing slightly, he finally stares back at her, his gaze scanning her from head to toe. He nods at the broken lightsaber. “You’re not doing it right. You’ll have to try something else.”
Rey almost laughs at his absurdity. “Now you’re giving me advice?”
“What do you want me to say, Rey?”
It unsettles her: how easily he calls her by her name rather than the name appointed to her at their initial meeting: Scavenger. She is unsure of how to address him. Finally, Rey responds, “You could start with an apology.”
“The last thing I owe you is an apology; I saved your life!” He juts out a finger at her, accusingly.
“AND I SAVED YOURS.”
He raises an eyebrow, taking a hesitant step away from her.
Rey recalls his mention of her anger and pauses. “A life for a life; I guess that makes us even.”
Two firm knocks on her door disrupt their conversation, causing Rey to jump back suddenly. Ben immediately moves into a defensive position, unsure of the potential danger that lies on the other end of the bond.
“Rey? General Organa would like to speak with you.” Rose’s muffled voice is heard on the opposite side of the door.
Rey tears her gaze from Ben’s. “Thank you. I’ll be right out,” she shouts back.
Moving back towards her cot, Rey carefully picks up the broken lightsaber parts and puts them back in her bag under the bunk next to the Jedi texts.
“I don’t think we’ll ever be even. Not since you refused to join me and you find me irredeemable.” Kylo Ren responds, remembering that he is supposed to despise her.
Rey stares at him incredulously, and stands up to her full height, “You decided that for yourself with the choices you’ve made! I can’t compel you to change sides, Ben!” She stops suddenly, realizing she had just uttered his given name aloud.
She senses a slight shiver creep through him as he looks down at the floor pointedly. She knows she’s struck a nerve. “If anything, I’m choosing to fight for you,” she says softly but defiantly, reaching her hand out almost identically to that fateful night on Ahch-To.
When he hesitates to reach back, Rey takes ahold of his hand in hers.
Aghast, Ben breathes deeply through his nose. His entire gloved hand dwarfs hers. He wants to rip his gloves off and feel her skin against his. He wants to take her determined face in his hands and feel the warmth on her cheeks.
“The way we keep meeting like this… this bond… it couldn’t have been Snoke. There has to be another reason. It’s getting stronger.” Rey says, plucking up her courage to bring her other hand to rest on top of their intertwined hands.
Ben clears his throat, “Why would you fight for me?” It comes out as a gravely, unsure whisper.
Before she can reply, the tether around their bond snaps and everything is instantly still. The familiar hum of the Millennium Falcon hurtling through hyperspace returns to Rey’s ears and Ben is gone.
She recalls his question and knows her answer: Because no one else will.