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Not being good enough doesn't hurt as much as some think. What truly hurts, and traumatizing, it's being good enough, but failing in the end.
Being good enough just shows the world that you are a failure. It shows everyone around you that you are capable of doing great things, but you just never do it. You fail yourself, you fail your friends, strangers, and people that are depending on you.
You see, Lance McClain is good enough. He is an highly esteemed paladin, capable of performing many highly skilled tasks, he can carry the world on his shoulders if someone let him.
He could be the best hero in the eyes of every civilian. He's agile, a great strategist, flexible, persuasive, compassionate, thoughtful, kind, loving, the list goes on and on.
Lance is a capable person. Underestimate him once, he will blow away all of your expectations.
There is no limit to this young man.
Or at least, that's how it usually seems. Honestly, there are limits for him.
He hates gross things like bugs, hairy armpits, mysterious sticky objects, brute strength, and being emotionally vulnerable.
His gimmicks push him away from others. He is seen as a flirt, a fool, a weakling, a follower.
He doesn't trust in himself, so he doesn't give out his ideas.
With his significant other, he refuses to admit his weaknesses, so when they point it out, he gets hurt. His insecurities drown out the love and warmth from his boyfriend. No matter how hard Keith tries, Lance can't love anyone until he is able to love himself. Lance went ever allow himself to feel and bask in another's love.
So when the friction starts, blame can't be placed on anyone for sure. The rift had started as a crack, and it only started to grow.
Lance can fail at loving someone, it certainly shows with Keith and his relationship.
Lance stares a Keith, a cold glare that could freeze a man if they could.
A pair of burning eyes glared daggers in return at the Cuban boy.
Lance was the first to speak.
“I'm tired, Keith. I'm so tired of handling you and your anger problems. I didn't sign up for this!”
“Yes you did! The minute we got together, you said you would stay with me! You said you could handle me! You promised me you wouldn't leave me!”
“I'm not leaving you! I just want to end things. I can't handle this, Keith! I can't do this anymore! You're getting worse and worse, and I can't keep calming you down! You are changing from the guy I love, to some stranger!”
“Dumping me and moving onto some alien prince dick, is practically the same thing! How the hell am I supposed to know you're not dumping me because I won't hop on your cock like you do for that bastard! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU'RE NOT LEAVING ME BECAUSE YOU NEVER LOVED ME, AND KEPT TRYING TO GET INTO MY PANTS!”
“KEITH, YOU KNOW I LOVE AND RESPECT YO-"
“THEN WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME FOR HIM?!”
“BECAUSE I LOVE LOTOR, TOO! I LOVE AND I LOVE HIM, BUT WHEN I'M WITH YOU, YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO MISERABLE!”
Lance could see the exact moment in which Keith's heart broke, and which syllable he spoke when the tears started to flow from the others eyes.
He could tell he said too much. Lance felt so much regret pile up in his mind, he tried to go and comfort Keith. His outstretched hand was smacked away by the other. It broke his heart, but he didn't care. He shouldn't act like he was the one hurting the most right now. He wasn't the one being dumped in the training deck of the castle. It was Keith.
Just when Lance was about to speak, Keith beat him to it.
His voice was a mixture of an ugly sob, and a trembling whimper.
Keith looked so broken.
“S-Stop, don't touch me. You aren't allowed to touch me anymore. Don't come anywhere near me, I don't want to make you feel miserable anymore. That's all I'm good for, making others feel like crap, and being angry. That's it. Nothing less and nothing more.”
Lance recoiled a bit at Keith's words. As the other was about to leave the training deck, Lance spoke one last thing.
“I love you, Keith, but you're more than just being angry. You're an amazing guy, I would do anything for you, and I still want us to be friends. Maybe if we do, you can figure out more about yourself than when we were together...you're always going to more than what others think...what I think…”
With that said, Keith left without another word. Lance could feel the tears run down his cheeks. He didn't know he was crying, he hadn't realized it. When did they get there? When had his voice started to tremble?
At what moment did he realize he broke his own heart? Which syllable did he utter that made his voice shake? Which sentence had him crying?
Did Keith know?
Who knew?
You see, not being good enough doesn't hurt as much as being capable enough.
Both hurt so much in the end, not matter which side of the coin you land on.
Lance McClain, was good enough to be able to love Keith, yet he couldn't bring himself to.
He could not bring himself to face the others overbearing and smouldering love.
Lance wasn't able to allow himself the happiness he could have shared with Keith.
In the end, the cycle of being ‘enough’ was broken.
At some point, enough had to be enough.