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Emma turned over in bed, restlessly searching for the warmth from her lover. When her arms fell on nothing but mattress and covers, she opened her eyes and looked around the darkened bedroom.
“Regina?” she called quietly.
No response. Emma sat up, rubbing her eyes. She glanced over to the en suite, but the light was off in the bathroom and she couldn’t hear any noise from it either. Emma tugged the covers off and walked quietly through the hallway, careful not to wake their son, whose bedroom door was ajar. Henry had always been a light sleeper, and Emma and Regina had tried to get him to close his door so he could have quiet, but he always opened it again as soon as they went to bed. Emma supposed he felt safer that way.
When she reached the bottom of the stairs, Emma saw Regina’s figure silhouetted in the window of the living room. She was curled up on the window seat, her arms around her knees, gazing out the window. Emma walked up behind her and whispered “hey,” as she wrapped her arms around Regina’s waist. Regina hummed in greeting and leaned back into Emma’s chest. Emma kissed her cheek, then settled her chin on Regina’s shoulder. Regina ran her hands over Emma’s arms, hugging them to her in silent appreciation for Emma’s presence.
After a couple of minutes, Emma kissed her cheek again.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she murmured.
Regina shrugged. Emma squeezed her arms a little bit tighter, content to sit in silence for a while longer. She and Regina gave this gift to each other - space and time to just be with their feelings. Emma had never felt so safe and loved as in these moments, whether she was the one giving or receiving the gift of space.
Eventually, though, Regina spoke up.
“It’d be his birthday tomorrow,” she said quietly.
“Right,” Emma breathed. “I forgot.”
“I don’t know why it still bothers me so much,” Regina said with a tremble in her voice. “It’s been two years.”
“It’s OK, Regina,” Emma responded. “It’s OK to still be sad sometimes.”
She felt Regina’s back start to shake, and though she made no sound, Emma knew Regina was crying.
“I’m sorry, Emma,” Regina whispered.
Emma furrowed her brow and unwrapped her arms so she could spin Regina around to look at her.
“Hey,” Emma said, wiping the tears from Regina’s cheeks. “You don’t need to apologize for anything. It’s OK.”
Regina pulled Emma towards her, wrapping her arms tightly around her neck and burying her face in Emma’s shoulder. She stayed there for a few moments, breath coming out in uneven sobs.
“You know how much I love you, right?” Regina said after a while, her voice partially muffled in Emma’s pajama shirt.
Emma pulled back so she could look Regina in the eye, searching out her gaze until Regina returned it.
“Of course I know how much you love me,” Emma said gently; she knew what this was about. She pushed Regina’s hair back from her face. “And I know that you don’t love me any less for still loving Robin, and missing him. He’ll always be a part of you, and I love all of you - even the part that stays up at night missing him on his birthday.”
At that Regina began to cry again, and she clung to Emma, weaving her fingers into Emma’s long hair, holding on tight. Emma rubbed soothing circles across her back. Eventually Regina calmed down, and she sat back on the window seat, taking Emma with her. Emma rested her head on Regina’s shoulder, her eyes closing as Regina absent-mindedly played with her hair. Emma was almost asleep when Regina kissed the top of her head and whispered, “Let’s go back to bed.”
Emma nodded and sleepily took Regina’s hand, walking upstairs together. They got into bed, and Emma rolled over so she could gather Regina up, spooning her comfortably.
“I love you,” she whispered, and fell asleep before she could hear Regina reply.
***
The next morning, Emma wasn’t surprised that Regina was once again gone by the time she woke up. It was Saturday, but the sun was streaming in the window, and she figured her wonderful family had let her sleep in. She stretched and turned over. On the pillow next to her was a single yellow daffodil. She picked it up with a broad smile. She knew Regina worried that her complex feelings about the lover she’d lost would make Emma feel jealous. But how could she feel anything but loved when Regina was always finding little ways to show her affection? Regina loved deeply and completely, and Emma wouldn’t ever want her to forget the love she’d had for Robin. Emma understood, after all. She had mostly been able to put her own grief behind her, but she would probably always keep a part of her heart for Killian. These days her heart felt full of Regina and Henry, but she knew what it was to have a pang of sorrow unexpectedly flare up.
Emma went through her morning routine, and then picked up the daffodil to walk downstairs. She found Regina alone at the table, drinking coffee and paging through some files from work. Emma leaned over to kiss her, placing the flower next to her coffee cup.
“Good morning,” she said with a big smile. “Thank you for the flower.”
Regina returned the smile, cupping Emma’s cheek for a moment, and Emma was pleased to see that she seemed much more calm this morning.
“Did you sleep?” Emma asked as she bustled around the kitchen making herself breakfast.
“Enough,” Regina responded. “Much better after you came and found me,” she added. Emma glanced over her shoulder to grin at her.
“I’ll always find you,” she teased, and laughed at Regina’s eye roll. They liked to make fun of her parents’ frequent use of that phrase, and Emma was happy to see Regina laughing along with her.
Emma got her breakfast together and sat down next to Regina to eat it. She nudged Regina’s knee with her foot until Regina turned and pulled Emma’s legs into her lap, gently rubbing her calf muscles as she finished her coffee. Emma playfully batted her eyes at Regina, who laughed and then leaned her chin on her hands. Emma couldn’t read the look on Regina’s face; she looked like she wanted to say something, but then decided against it. After a couple of back and forth looks, Emma couldn’t hold in her curiosity any longer.
“OK, Regina, out with out,” she said, still in a playful mood.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” Regina responded immediately. Emma just raised her eyebrows at her, though, and she caved almost immediately.
“OK, fine. I have an idea. And it’s kind of … wild.”
Emma pulled her feet down to the ground to sit up taller. “I like wild ideas,” she responded eagerly.
Regina laughed at her. “OK, don’t get too excited. It’s nothing like that…”
Emma blushed and Regina smirked at her.
“No, it’s … It’s about Robin. I’ve been thinking about what you said last night - that he’ll always be a part of me.”
Regina paused and Emma took her hand in encouragement.
“I think I want to make that … visible.” Regina finished.
“What do you mean?” Emma asked.
“I want to get a tattoo,” Regina said in one breath, clearly embarrassed by this.
Emma’s eyes widened, but she grinned.
“OK, that was definitely not what I was expecting you to say. But I think it’s a great idea,” she added hurriedly as Regina began to shrink away from her. “What do you want to get?”
Regina rubbed her thumb across Emma’s hand thoughtfully. “A feather, I think. To remind me that he’s always with me.”
She turned Emma’s hand over, tracing her own tattoo with a gentle finger.
“And I think I want it on my wrist, just like yours,” Regina said quietly. “Because we fit together.”
Emma barely let her finish before she was reaching forward to pull Regina into a deep kiss. She scratched lightly at the back of her neck as Regina hummed contedly into Emma’s mouth. Emma looked up when she heard footsteps on the stairway.
“Ew, moms,” Henry complained as he walked into the kitchen. “Take it upstairs.”
Emma and Regina both laughed, but sat back in their respective seats for the sake of their teenage son’s comfort.
“What are your plans today, kid?” Emma asked.
Henry was about to answer through a mouth full of food when he caught Regina’s warning glare. He quickly chewed and swallowed.
“I was gonna go over to Grace’s house to work on our science project,” he said.
Sure, thought Emma, ‘science project.’ But she let it go.
“Want a ride? Your mom and I are headed out of town for a bit.”
Regina looked at her. “We are?”
Emma nodded. “No time like the present,” she said, turning her wrist up so Regina could see the tattoo. Emma was pretty sure there was a tattoo parlor in the next town over, and also that Regina didn’t want to go to whats-his-name that ran the really sketchy looking place in Storybrooke. As soon as she’d heard Regina’s reasons, Emma had latched onto the idea. Her own tattoo had been a whim was she turned 16, but since she’d found out that the little flower in fact matched the ones on her father’s family crest she had treasured the simple line drawing on her wrist. It reminded her that she belonged to a family - even before she knew who they were. And frankly, that felt like it included Regina as well. She and Regina belonged together in a lot of ways, even if at first that had seemed impossible.
***
As Emma had suspected, Regina was happy to go to the place out of town, and it was no surprise to Emma that Regina barely flinched when the needle pricked her skin. She simply held Emma’s hand with her free one and closed her eyes, the two of them sitting there silently while the tattoo artist inked a delicate feather on the inside of Regina’s wrist.
When they got back to Storybrooke, Emma drove them over to the beach where they had walked together so many times. They strolled along the sand, and Emma was careful not to bump Regina’s hand, in case the skin was sensitive. Regina kept it close to her body, too, but at some point she reached out her pinky finger and slipped it around Emma’s. Emma smiled at her, then turned to gaze at the sun sparkling on the ocean. Yes, she thought, I belong here.