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Liv hesitated from where she was scrolling aimlessly through her Facebook feed. She looked up through the darkness towards her door that was cracked open and listened.
Seb was awake.
She glanced down at the time on her phone and sighed. It was only 3am. He wasn’t due a feed for another two hours at least.
She waited for a second to see if either Robert or Aaron would get up. Seb wasn’t screaming yet, so maybe they hadn’t woken up. Just as she thought that Seb gave a soft cry and Liv sighed, sliding out of bed before he could start screaming. The least she could do was let Aaron and Robert catch up on some sleep after they’d spent the last few days not sleeping as they stressed over her sentencing.
She slid her phone into her, well, Aaron’s, hoodie pocket as she pushed open the nursery door, her lips quirking as she stepped up to the cot.
Seb was lying on his back, waving his arms and legs aimlessly, his chubby fist knocking against the side of his head. He caught sight of her and giggled loudly, wide awake despite the early hour. He reached his hands towards her with another shriek.
Liv shushed him lightly, reaching forwards to lift him up into her arms, bouncing him lightly.
“You gotta shush or you’re gonna wake up your dad and… your other dad I guess,” she murmured as she paced from side to side in the way that she’d seen both Aaron and Robert do a million times when trying to get him to sleep. “They need to sleep. They say they slept last night, but their faces said something else today. Aaron’s starting to look post-breakup again and when Robert gets tired ‘nd stressed, he acts like a muppet and brings home kids of his.
“You’re lucky though. Your biggest problems in life are having to wait five minutes for a bottle. Well, that and your mum having a brain injury.” Liv winced, suddenly grateful that Seb had no understanding of what she was saying. “But your life is alright. You’re basically a Dingle which means you have a whole bunch of people looking out for you… or dragging you into their mess. But it does mean that when you get into mess and being related to Robert you will, they’ll all be here for you, no matter what you do and it’s weird sometimes, really weird. Because they don’t give up on you, no matter how many times you screw everything up. They’re just here for you and they love you, no matter what you do. And you’re never gonna know any different.
“You are gonna grow up happy and loved.” Liv tried to ignore the way tears trailed down her cheeks as she thought of her own childhood after her mum ran away. Cold, alone, terrifying. “Ya never gonna worry about the rent or what’s in the fridge like I did. And you have three parents and a few aunts and uncles to make sure of that. You’re gonna have home cooked meals every night, except when it’s Aaron’s turn for dinner. Then I’ll get ya take out. You’re gonna have your own room, or two, when your mum’s better.”
Seb cooed softly, recognising the word mum and Liv gave a watery smile as she continued to bounce.
“And ya know, despite what Aaron and Rob say, I’m a really shitty sister and sometimes I think you’d all be better if I weren’t here. But I can’t go anywhere. I’m too selfish to go back to my mum’s ‘coz I kinda hate it there. So, if I’m sticking around. I’m gonna be better than I have been. Because I love you and Aaron and Rob… even Robert. I’m gonna be better so Aaron and Rob’s sleepless nights are 'cause of you, not me. And I’m gonna be better for you.”
Seb stared up at her, blue eyes drooping and she sniffed.
“And I’ll do it for me too. I don’t ever wanna do today again,” she said, remembering standing in court, her heart hammering as she waited for the judge to deliver her sentence, knowing that it could be months until she got to go home again. But she got lucky. Unbelievably lucky. A suspended sentence for a year, to be reviewed in six months with some community service. She got to go home without ever having to see the inside of a prison. Gabby got it harder for lying to the police, but Liv couldn’t bring herself to care. Maybe it was justice after everything.
“But it doesn’t matter, ‘coz I’m gonna be a better auntie than I am a sister. And you’re gonna have a happy home with a family that loves you. And they do love ya and they won’t ever let you doubt it, not even for a second.” Liv’s lip trembled, but there was something about talking to a baby that made her not want to stop.
“We love you too.”
Liv whipped around, braids flying away as she looked to the door. Both Robert and Aaron were standing there, seeming half asleep as Robert leant against the doorframe and Aaron leant into his side.
“Knew you were soft under all them gobby layers,” Aaron said with a teasing smirk on his face.
Liv’s initial reaction was to snap at him. But with drying tears on her cheeks and a baby in her arms she could hardly deny it.
So instead, she gave a one shouldered shrug.
“That’s what happens when someone hangs around you soft lads for too long,” she said in return and they both smiled but a wave of insecurity washed over Liv and she glanced down at Seb, who was nearly asleep in her arms, just so she didn’t have to watch their reactions. “How long have you been awake?”
“For a bit,” Robert said, holding up the baby monitor from their room and Liv cursed herself for not turning it off. “Though it wasn’t Seb that woke us up.”
Liv gave them half a smile. “Sorry.”
Robert shook his head, pushing himself away from the door to step towards her. One hand resting on her back as he brushed a knuckle over Seb’s cheek with the other one.
“Don’t worry about it,” he murmured, “thank you for getting up and seeing to him.”
Liv found herself leaning back into his touch slightly and his arm just slid around her more securely as Aaron stepped up on her other side, mirroring his husband’s position.
“I was awake," she said with a shrug. “You two looked like you needed the sleep.”
Aaron scoffed, tugging on one of her braids lightly. “Rude.”
“What?” she teased, “so you’re not two old men who are losing their beauty sleep for stressin’ too much?”
“Wow,” Robert laughed, looking to Aaron, “remind me again why we keep her around?”
“Because ya love me?” Liv looked up at him with a grin and Robert chuckled, ducking down to drop a kiss on the top of her head.
“Yeah,” he said again, “we do.”
“You’re stuck with us,” Aaron said, holding her tighter as she leant against his chest with a soft smile of her own.
“I’m really sorry, you know,” she said after a minute, “for being so much trouble. I meant what I said. I wanna be different now. I don’t wanna do this again.”
“Okay,” Aaron murmured against the top of her head.
“We’ll help you,” Robert added, “That’s what the three of us do isn’t it? Help each other change.”
“Only now Seb’s here encouraging the whole thing,” Aaron said, and he looked down at the sleeping baby with a fondness on his face that Liv never thought she’d see when he looked at Seb. He looked back to Liv with the same soft look. “I’m proud of ya for today, to owning up, taking responsibility and I love you. Nothing you say or do will ever change that.”
“I know.” Liv smiled, a fresh wave of tears coming to the surface as she pressed herself closer to her brothers as she held Seb tighter; taking comfort from her little family. “I love you too. Both of ya.”