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Color, is probably what Sam misses most about seeing. The colors of a sunset, of birds and flowers. The ocean, the sleek black of a car, bright red strawberries. He misses looking into someone's eyes, every person's different, and marveling at the colors incased inside. He'll never see the eyes of every new person he meets.
As he thinks, Sam lets his fingers skim across the keys of his keyboard, idly picking out notes, trying to find the right ones. Music always calmed him, he always loved it, the ability to create something so beautiful with nothing but sound still amazes him, has, from the very first time he heard classical music, to when Dean used all his pocket money to buy Sam piano lessons when he was ten.
A knock comes on his trailer door, and Sam pauses his playing to call, "Who is it?"
"Castiel, Sam. May I come in?"
A smile breaks out on Sam's face, as he calls back "Come on in, Cas."
The door opens and he hears the heavy thud of Castiel's black dress shoes. He turns to face Cas, smiling in his direction. Cas comes closer, till he's beside Sam and Sam can tell he's smiling too, by the gentle hand his bodyguard places on his shoulder, and hear it in his voice as he asks "What are you playing?"
Sam mourns everyday he doesn't know what Castiel's smile looks like, that he's never looked into Cas' eyes. He know's they're blue, just like he knows Cas is good at glaring, and has messy hair, but he's never seen them. That bothers him, more then it should. He'll never be able to gaze into the other's eyes, never be able to see Castiel look at him lovingly.
Although, Sam knows he wouldn't get that last thing anyway. Castiel may have known him for two years, ever since Sam decied to start touring with his music, going around the country and playing and singing for the crowds, meeting the people who he had inspired. Sam just couldn't do that alone, once he become at least a little well known, he needed someone to keep him safe. So he got a bodyguard. It was a little humiliating at first. Sam was big, and had known how to beat people up since he was eight. But he didn't have his eyes now.
Over the years they had known each other though, Cas had become much more then a bodyguard, he had become a close friend. They were around each other all the time, and Cas was always there for him, protecting him not just from would be attackers (which hadn't actually happened) but he was also there when the crowds got too overwhelming. He was there to guide Sam, to help him through the unfamiliar. He had learned to recognize when Sam was uncomfortable or overwhelmed, and would sweep in to help him.
And he cared about Sam, more then just a client, he would go out of his way to make Sam happy. He never treated him differently despite not being able to see. It made everything in Sam feel different, different in a way he didn't think he ever could again four years ago after the girl he loved had died screaming a fire, Sam pounding at the door to their tiny bathroom where she was trapped. Sam didn't hear her last scream, a falling beam had struck the back of his head hard enough to permanently damage his occipital lobes.
The ring in his pocket had melted, not that it mattered, Sam hadn't needed it anymore.
"Sam?" Hushed breath on his ear pulls him out of his daze and he shakes his head.
"Just trying to find the right melody for something I'm working on." He doesn't mention that something is a song he might never even get to sing, because he might never have the courage. Cheesy of course, professing love in song, but Sam is cheesy, and he's a musician. Sam reaches up to squeeze Cas' hand on his shoulder. His bodyguard had learned quickly that sometimes it was easier to speak with touches for Sam, since he couldn't observe with his eyes, he read people by their bodies and voices.
He turns his face up to Cas next to him, and Cas is so close, Sam could lean up and kiss him. He won't though, not until he knows how his song goes.
"Do you want me to listen?" Cas askes, tangling their fingers together, so apat and in tune with Sam even after only two years, able to know what Sam needs so easily. Ready to listen as he sometimes does to the melodies Sam's fingers pluck out on the piano, keyboard or guitar. Sam knows, somewhere in the back of his mind that bodyguards and the people they protect don't act like this. Sam also doesn't care.
Sam shakes his head though, removing his other hand from the keys, and getting up without disconnecting their fingers. "Nah, thanks though. What's up?" He askes, questions what Cas' doing here, it's nearing dusk, and Cas tends to like being in bed reading on the nights they don't have shows.
They're in North Carolina today, right on the coast, and Sam has a show tomorrow night. Dean's along this time, as he sometimes does to pick up drums and background vocals. Dean likes to joke the only reason he learned drums was because he likes hitting things. Sam hears Cas exhale and then speak, "Do you want to go to the beach? It's not far to drive."
The question is out of nowhere, he never thought Cas would be the go to the beach type of person, but he wants to, he wants to so much. "Yeah," Sam murmurs, a little choked up.
"Come on," Cas says, his hand finding Sam's again, and they make their way to Cas' car.
They have to let go of each other's hands when getting in the car, and Cas likes to drive with both hands, so they remain disconnected for the car ride. They're quiet, but not awkwardly so, just a comfortable silence they learned when they first met. Cas doesn't talk unnecessarily, and Sam was too awkward to say anything. Since they've learned how the other ticks, and are able to rest comfortably.
There's something in the air though, that Sam can't quite identify, after all, they've never gone to the beach before, and Sam's mind is still filled with the words in rhyme he can't bring himself to say.
He starts a little, at a hand on his arm, giving it a soft squeeze before returning to the steering wheel. "Hmm?" He asks, turning to his bodyguard.
"You're thinking too loudly." Cas grumps, the car slowing down as they pull into some parking lot or another, Sam assumes. "Relax."
Sam laughs, it's such a Cas thing to say, and as usual, makes absolutely no sense to him. "What does that even mean?"
The car comes to a halt, and Cas turns the engine off, shifting in his seat, Sam guesses to be facing him. "It means you're thinking too loudly. This is the time for a break, you have shows every night this week, you need a nice beach vist, and to stop thinking."
Sam unbuckles his seat belt and gets out of the car, realizing somewhat belatedly that he forgot his cane in the trailer, but he can just use Cas, anyway. "How am I supposed to stop thinking, smartass?" He inquires, with mock seriousness, but he doesn't doubt Cas can hear the laughter in his voice as he moves around to Cas, using the car as a guide.
His bodyguard hits him lightly on the arm, and Sam would bet his favorite guitar he's rolling his eyes. "I'll figure something out. Just relax, Sam." Cas makes some sort of rustling noise, and says "And take off your shoes, so you can feel the sand."
Sam obeys, still smiling; the rustling turns out to be Cas taking his coat off, as Sam feels it brush by his arm as the other puts it along with his shoes in the car. When they're both de-shoed, Sam reaches for Cas' arm, following it down with his hand til he reaches Cas' own, and intertwines their fingers.
He turns his face down to Cas', smiling. "Take me to the water."
Castiel does, guiding him by their locked hands, as he has so often now. It wasn't always like this of course, Sam doubts that most friendships start with gentle hand holding and listening to the other play music late into the night, and he really doubts most bodyguards are able to or allowed to have such a close relationship with their clients. Of course Sam isn't really under terrible threat of abduction. He's a minor celebrity, but he doubts lots of people care about blind indie rock solo artists, so Cas probably doesn't have to deal with his feelings for Sam compromising his bodyguard abilities. Or something.
His friendship feelings, Sam reminds himself, though it's hard when said friend is holding his hand while taking him to a beach, right at the time for a sunset. Not that Sam can see the sunset, but still, romantic.
He stops thinking a little when he feels water lapping at his ankles and he grins, stepping out further, bringing Cas with him. Cas' laugh echoes his ears, and suddenly Cas is touching his face with the hand not holding Sam's, brushing his hair out of his eyes.
Sam turns his face to Cas, laughter gone, feeling suddenly scared. "Cas?" He asks, "What is it?"
"You look so beautiful." and it's said so softly if Sam hadn't spent the last four years of his life depending on his hearing to navigate the world he wouldn't have caught it.
He does though, and he must have a look of disbelief on his face, because Castiel pulls him in until they're pressed against each other. "I didn't mean to say that." Cas breathes against his neck, and Sam's heart sinks, because maybe it was a fluke, maybe Cas didn't mean it how Sam wants him to, maybe this doesn't mean what he let himself hope it might mean for a second. "But I mean it. You are beautiful." Cas says with a stronger voice, and Sam can tell he's looking at him, can feel Cas' eyes looking into his vacant ones.
Sam just sort of shudders, shaking his head. "Cas- you- I don't understand."
"Maybe this will help." Cas whispers, pressing their lips together. Sam can't move for an instant, too shocked, still disbelieving, that he could have this again. That he could have this with Cas.
Before he can kiss back though, the other man pulls away, reaching down to grasp Sam's other hand and bring it his face, letting Sam map out the shape of it, feel Cas' smile under his fingers. "I'm afraid," he says "That I'm just sort of the unprofessional bodyguard that falls for his client."
Sam laughs a little at that, and Cas laughs back. "Really?" Sam asks, still a little shocked. "Because I've been in love with you for so long I just-" He shakes his head laughing again. "God, I was going to tell you in a song. I'm such an idiot, what a sappy thing to do."
Cas kisses Sam's palm. "No you're not. If I weren't tone deaf I'd sing you a song too, but I opted for the beach thing which is just as sappy." Sam feels Cas grinning against his hand. "We can be sappy together."
"Honestly," Sam mummers, moving the hand not on Cas' face to his chest, feeling his steady heart beat under Sam's palm. "That sounds perfect."