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When Minghao doesn’t make fun of Mingyu for getting food stains on his shirt, that’s when he knows that the jig is up.
Junhui or Wonwoo must have said something because the only time Minghao doesn’t bicker with him is when he knows that Mingyu is having one of those days. The days where all Mingyu wants to do is scream at the top of his lungs because he isn’t good enough, he will never be good enough, and he doesn’t deserve the love that others give him. But on these days, Mingyu doesn’t let himself show it because he knows that it’ll worry his boyfriends and Mingyu does not deserve to make them worry about him.
Which sucks because this is one of the few dates that Mingyu has had with just Minghao in a while and he really wanted to make sure that his younger boyfriend was enjoying himself but now Mingyu’s ruined it because he’s a worthless excuse of a human being.
Why does Mingyu always seem to fuck up the most when things are going well? Is it really his brain doing it to him or is just Mingyu doing it to himself because he’s afraid of what’ll happen if he got used to something good for once? Mingyu doesn’t know. All he knows is that Minghao is definitely not enjoying their date anymore if he’s being cautious just for Mingyu’s sake.
Mingyu pouts and hunkers down into his seat, something clogging his throat as he tries to eat the rest of his food. Minghao too is quiet, occasionally chirping with the usual comment about what someone is doing on Instagram before he goes silent again. And now it feels awkward but Mingyu doesn’t know how to fix that so he does nothing instead.
When they’re done, Minghao refuses to let Mingyu pay and stretches his arms out above his head before he takes Mingyu’s hand in his own and leads them out of the restaurant. They walk down the busy sidewalks, aiming for their usual subway route to get back home and Mingyu really wishes he knew what to say to make Minghao stop worrying so much about him.
It’s pointless to worry over Mingyu when he leads a perfectly okay and normal life filled with love and happiness but still battles his own demons on certain days when he can’t name even five things that he likes about himself.
Now, if he was asked about what five things he likes about his boyfriends, Mingyu could come up with twenty each, but with himself it’s different. It’s different because Mingyu knows just how awful of a person he is sometimes, how annoying he can be and how freakishly tall he is. How dark his skin is when compared to the norm and how some people say he looks like a giant puppy, which he wouldn’t usually think so badly about until he really starts getting into it and realizes that he doesn’t want to be a dog. And Mingyu just isn’t all that handsome when compared to Junhui or as smart as Wonwoo and he’s much too friendly to be as blunt as Minghao and sometimes, that just isn’t okay with him like it usually is on his good days.
Minghao squeezes his hand like he knows what he’s thinking and Mingyu follows after him, his body going on autopilot as they reach the subway and start their little journey home. Minghao’s hand is warm around Mingyu’s and skinnier, frail enough that Mingyu worries he might snap Minghao’s wrist without meaning to but Minghao’s grip is strong and Mingyu can already imagine the pissed off look on his boyfriend’s face if he even so much as let that thought slip past his lips. The younger’s skin is only a tad shade lighter than Mingyu’s and Mingyu pulls himself closer to Minghao’s side, thinking of how beautiful Minghao’s tan skin is and if Mingyu were to hate his own then he’d have to hate Minghao’s by default but that sure as hell would never happen because it’s beautiful just like Minghao’s fiery spirit is.
Minghao leads them home, his presence keeping Mingyu grounded as they reach their apartment. Mingyu knows that inside Wonwoo is waiting with Mingyu’s favorite movies and Junhui is going to wrap him up in a blanket the second he walks through the door and then it’ll just be one big Mingyu love-fest that makes Mingyu’s skin crawl with nerves, but it’ll be okay. Minghao runs his thumb soothingly over the back of Mingyu’s hand and they silently make their way inside, the sweet aroma of Wonwoo’s special soup greeting them as soon as they step through the door.
Mingyu kicks off his shoes and hangs up his jacket, waiting until Minghao has done the same before they walk into the kitchen and find Junhui pushing Wonwoo into the counter so he can kiss him properly. Minghao laughs at them, causing Junhui and Wonwoo to jump apart in surprise then blush when they realize how silly their reactions were. Junhui’s eyes immediately bore into Mingyu, but he only ducks his head and stares at their kitchen tiles. Minghao pats his back and steps away to kiss the other two in hello and then all three of them are looking at Mingyu, waiting for him to join them.
“Gyu-ya,” Junhui prompts, his voice silken and soft and Mingyu feels a half-hearted sob catch in his throat as he finally looks up. “Take a deep breath. You’re allowed to take a breather, Gyu. You know we love you, even when you don’t love yourself. We do.”
Mingyu nods, blinking away tears and takes a step forward, sucking in a raspy breath before he speaks. “I’m sorry. I just ー sometimes I feel like I… I don’t deserve you three.”
Wonwoo shakes his head and reaches his hand out for Mingyu to take. “That’s nonsense. We all have our problems but don’t ever think that Mingyu. We work best together, okay? If even one of us was gone, we wouldn’t fit exactly right like we do right now. Never doubt that.”
“Yeah, what they said,” Minghao adds on, but then he smiles and grips Mingyu’s other arm to pull him into their tiny circle. “You’re an idiot sometimes, but you’re our idiot and we don’t mind that.”
Mingyu gives him a watery smile, his chest feeling like it’s about to explode but then they’re all there, hands grabbing hold of him and tugging him forward, welcoming him with their long limbs and soft embraces and even softer lips. And it’s a bad day for Mingyu, one of those days, but this makes it better.
This makes it okay.