Chapter Text
“Not now, Lance.”
He shook his head and scoffed, backing away further from Keith to the edge.
“How about now?”
It was the gasping and retching heaves that tore sobs from his throat. It was the silent night walks around the castle and visits to his lion at odd hours. It was the carding of hair that turned too tight leaving strands to fall to his cold bed.
Because you can’t hide from your thoughts.
You can’t run from the truth.
You can’t be fixed by a title.
“Lance... No, what are you talking about?”
“Can you stop goofing around for once? Be serious.”
“You could easily be replaced so don’t take your paladin place as a chance to act out.”
He paused. Then laughed. “I want to stay.”
“Go away, Lance, not now, we’re busy.”
“You cost us that! Do you realise how bad you keep messing up?!”
“You almost got Pidge killed!”
Keith’s face was frozen in unaccepted fear and desperate confusion.
The boy only sniffed and moved away from the timidly outstretched hand.
“Then whats stopping you, Lance?”
“I didn’t mean to! I didn’t know Blue’s mechanics wouldn’t—“
“Enough!”
It was the timeless days when life truly felt looped in nothingness. The keeping in his own hurt and missing his family. Doing stupid antics because silly annoyance at such trivial things was better than his crew being caught in dark memories and sadness.
But did he push too much? Was his help always holding them back?
“I want you all to improve. To get Zarkon and have that team bond that makes you unstoppable.”
His explanation only angered his fellow member. Even on an edge, nothing changed. He still caused the wrong things he didn’t wish to.
“And leaving helps with that?! You only get one shot, Lance! We’re a team, you can’t change that! Stop kidding yourself and come back inside, Shiro will be worried.”
Keith still didn’t get it.
But he will.
Once they see for themselves how much better they’ll be.
“Hey, Blue... Voltron will always have paladins, right? Like how we had amazing ones before us?”
“Oh shut up, Hunk! I may not have been the smartest at the garrison-“
“Oh, yeah? And what can you do better than me, huh?”
A shiny tear left a light trail down his cheek. “Well, I wouldn’t want to worry Shiro again.”
This will be last time he causes unnecessary pain again.
Something akin to pure relief washed over the older’s face. He stepped closer and clasped Lance’s shoulder, beginning to lead them towards the castle.
He wouldn’t fail this.
“Phew. You had me worried there for—“
“Lance, be a good boy, won’t you?”
“If you keep this up you’ll be grounded!”
“Lance... why?
Maybe a few weeks ago Lance would have followed him in and even silently relished the rare moment he wasn’t being frowned at.
Maybe if he was on good terms with his team like a true member he would have confided in Keith.
Maybe if he were a good paladin he wouldn’t be making Blue lose another, told him to be good boy with a pat to the nose just an hour ago.
Jolted forward a step but held his ground. The hand fell off easily in surprise. “Lance?”
Turned around and smiled freely at the pretty swirling depth. What truly beautiful planets the universe had.
“You’ll protect it well,” he whispered almost absently to himself. The legendary defenders.
It was fun while it lasted. To experience being part of something even if it wasn’t the right cut.
“Sorry, Keith.”
Maybe we could have been friends.
An almost silent swish of the night air.
And Keith in his daze didn’t register fast enough. Didn’t reach far enough.
But he messes everything up anyway.
The stars were pretty as he gazed towards the sky while he dropped further into the swirling cold winds.
Would he turn into a star?
Like his mother read to him as a child?
Hmm.
“Goodnight, my little lion...”
And he would close his eyes to sleep.
“Goodnight, mama.”