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Despite knowing that the digital clock on his nightstand is a non-sentient piece of electronic equipment incapable of emotion, Angus can’t help but feel like it’s mocking him. Judging by the faint green glow of its numbers, it’s been a little over two hours since Taako read him a chapter of Caleb Cleveland, tucked him in, gave him a high five, and said goodnight. Angus still hasn’t slept a wink.
The insomnia isn’t new, and sleeping has never been particularly easy for him, even when he was very small. Some of his earliest memories are of adults becoming cross with him for that same reason. He remembers this one time-
He blinks, shakes his head a little bit to clear it of the thought. Better to think about something else.
In any case, he knows Taako must still be awake, because he can hear the soft sounds of him cooking in the kitchen down the hall. Angus wonders what he’s making.
He sighs, rolling over to flop on his back, staring up at the ceiling and the glow in the dark stars scattered across it. He had put them up with help from Magnus over the weekend as a finishing touch, perched on the man’s shoulders, pressing each star up to the ceiling with his palms. He remembers Taako watching the process, leaned up against the doorframe with his arms crossed and a smile on his face.
Between the light from the stars, his alarm clock, and the night light plugged in by the door, there’s just enough light in his room to cast away any especially deep shadows, but not enough to read by without getting a headache. He’d have to turn a lamp on first.
This is his first night sleeping here, which might be why he’s having so much trouble getting to bed. Taako has been sleeping at the new house for the past couple weeks, testing out different shades of paint on the walls, picking out matching curtains, unpacking and decorating, finding places for all of the new furniture. Angus had been by the house several times before, and Taako had refused to even put in an offer on it until Angus had been over to tour it and give his opinion. It was a beautiful house, a light blue bungalow located a few minutes’ walk from the school Angus will start at in the fall, down the street from Lup and Barry’s apartment and a short drive from the forest cabin that Magnus and Lucretia shared. It was big enough to have two extra guest bedrooms and an office for Taako’s work, yet small enough to still feel cozy, with a big front porch. Now that everything had been unpacked, the house looked even more like a home. Magnus had brought Angus over a few times during the moving process to see Taako and help him with the heavy lifting. He remembers Taako answering the door once in a pair of paint-splattered overalls rolled halfway up his calves, barefoot, his hair held up haphazardly with a pencil stuck through it. There had been a smudge of dried paint high on his cheek, the light sunny yellow that Angus had chosen for the walls of his bedroom. Angus remembers Magnus wolf whistling, making a joke about how Taako must be nesting, remembers Taako glaring and flipping him off in response.
Up until tonight, Angus had only ever spent a few hours in the house at a time, and never at night. Taako had insisted that he stay with Magnus until everything was perfect, so he had spent the past couple weeks with Magnus and Lucretia and their dogs and cats.
It was strange to watch how dramatically their dynamic had shifted immediately following the Day of Story and Song. Over dinner one night, Lucretia had told him the story of her and Magnus adopting each other as siblings back in IPRE training. Lucretia as Madame Director and Lucretia as Magnus’s little sister were worlds away from each other. Despite their newfound and artificial age difference, he was clearly still her big brother, and she eagerly embraced her role as well. She seemed happier these days, brighter now that they had been reunited. They both did. Watching the two of them banter and squabble about decades-old arguments never failed to make him laugh.
Sometimes it made him wonder if he and Taako would ever be like that someday, so in sync that they couldn't be read by strangers as anything other than family, even despite the lack of resemblance. So close that their link would be obvious to everyone, even before they overheard Angus call him-
He hoped so.
He has a lot of thoughts like that.
He sighs and rolls over onto his side again, the clock blinking up at him. Make that two and a half hours of tossing and turning since he went to bed. He hears Taako moving again in the kitchen. Maybe he could go and- no, he thinks, he doesn't want to make himself a nuisance. Better to just stay put, wait it out.
Except... Taako did say to come find him if he needed anything, and he knows that having trouble sleeping is nothing new to either of them. Taako will understand, right?
Angus sighs and climbs out of bed, picking his glasses up off his nightstand and padding into the dimly lit kitchen with them in hand. Taako is at the stove, singing along softly to the quiet pop music coming from his stone on the counter. He doesn't hear Angus enter, too absorbed in thought and focused on whatever he's making. He's barefoot, his hair down, wrapped in a red cotton robe worn thin with time and use. Angus can hear something bubbling gently in the pan. The kitchen smells spicy and faintly sweet.
“Um, hello sir,” he starts, clearing his throat, but the second the words leave his mouth, Taako startles, flinching and dropping his wooden spoon.
“Shit, Angles, we gotta put a bell on you or somethin’! You scared me, kid.” Taako glances at him for only a moment before turning back to his pot.
Angus smiles at him sheepishly, stepping closer to join him at the stove. “I'm sorry! I didn't mean to startle you.”
“Nah, nah, it's all good, don't sweat it. It's the middle of the night though, pumpkin. What are you still doing up so late?”
Angus looks away, fidgeting with his glasses. “I couldn’t sleep, sir. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to bother you.”
Taako huffs a faint laugh. “You and me both, Angus. It happens. Nothing to apologize for, okay? You did the right thing by coming out here and telling me. This is your house too, y’know. Nothing’s off limits, and I’m always here if you need my help. We talked about that.” His voice is soft, warmly reassuring and genuine, not stern or scolding.
That makes Angus feel a bit better, and he nods, unfolding his glasses. The room comes into sharp focus as he puts them on. “Okay. Thank you, sir.”
“We talked about that too, Agnes. You don’t need to call me sir,” Taako reminds him gently, and he sounds fond, almost amused. He reaches down with his free hand to tussle Angus’ hair lightly.
Angus blushes and draws his shoulders up, ducking his head a little in embarrassment. “Sorry, s-” He catches himself right as Taako turns to point at him, a grinning sort of “Gotcha!” They both laugh. “Sorry, Taako,” he corrects himself, and Taako hums.
“There you go. Tell you what, since you’re already awake, how does a cooking lesson sound?”
Angus grins. “That sounds wonderful! What are you making?”
Taako pats the counter beside the stove. “Hop on up here then, boychik. I’m making chai.”
“I’ve never had that before,” Angus says as he struggles to pull himself up onto the counter. He finally succeeds, scooting back until his legs are dangling off the edge at the knees.
“Well, we can fix that. The best chai is homemade anyways, the stuff they sell at Fantasy Starbucks is nowhere close. That’s fake chai for cowards. Don’t fall for it.”
“Noted,” Angus says, nodding. He can see Taako’s face more clearly now, facing towards him on the counter, with his glasses on, closer to eye level. He looks different from how Angus is used to seeing him. If he didn’t seem to be in such high spirits, he would wonder if Taako might be sick. His eyes are underlined with dark circles, the texture of his skin is different, the line of his nose is a bit off, the slope of his mouth has changed. He still looks like himself, the same hazel eyes, the same freckles across his cheeks, the same gap in his teeth. But the differences are obvious.
He doesn’t say anything, of course. That would be very rude, not to mention mean. Talking about someone else’s looks is always mean, unless you’re giving them a polite and appropriate compliment. Angus knows that. Besides, there’s nothing to say, really- Taako looks a bit different, that’s all. Different doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Taako catches his eyes though, and a perplexed crease forms between his brows for a moment before his expression smooths out into one of recognition and understanding. “Shit,” he says softly, scrubbing a hand over his face. “You haven’t seen me like this before, have you?”
Angus hesitates for a moment before shaking his head. “I’m sorry for staring, I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s okay,” Taako tells him, stirring the pot, tucking a strand of bleached blonde hair back behind one ear. “It’s not what you’re used to, I get it. Sorry. That’s my bad, I just...forgot about it.”
Angus cocks his head, frowning in confusion. “What are you apologizing for? I’ve just never seen you without your makeup on before, that’s all! We usually see each other earlier during the day. It’s late at night, it makes sense that you would have washed it off by now. I already washed my face earlier. If I wore makeup, mine would be gone now too.”
Taako blinks at him for a moment, wide-eyed. He gives him an odd look, and then he starts to laugh. “Wow, okay. That’s precious. Are you serious? You really just thought I didn’t have any makeup on? Cosmetics are incredible things, Ango, but even they have their limits.”
Angus shrugs. “I don’t really know how makeup works.”
Taako snorts. “Jeez, no kidding. I’ll teach you sometime, if you want. But nah, bubbeleh, this goes way past that. I keep a glamour going most of the time.”
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. It’s none of my business, really. I think you look...” Angus pauses, considering. “Beautiful? Handsome? Whichever you prefer, regardless.”
“Pretty works,” Taako says, sounding amused. “And that’s sweet of you, kid. Thank you. It’s fine, though, I’m good to talk about it. You’ve already seen everything there is to see. Cha’boy got banged up pretty good in Wonderland. Word of advice, boy wonder: don’t trust elf twins. Unless they’re your Aunt Lup and I. Even then, probably a good idea to take it with a grain of salt.”
Angus nods, remembering what Lucretia had told him about how she lost her youth to Lydia and Edward. Taako must have wagered his looks, or gotten unlucky. He’s so busy connecting the dots that it takes a moment for Taako’s words to sink in. His heart does something funny.
“Aunt Lup?” he asks. Taako’s never called her that in relation to him before.
Taako blanches, snapping his mouth shut so fast his teeth click. He looks back down at his pot. “Okay, so! Chai.”
Angus gets the message and chooses not to press it further, but he can’t help feeling a little rush of shock and happiness. Aunt Lup. Taako thought of him as family. For someone so reluctant to trust, Angus knows that means a lot. “Right,” he replies. “Chai.”
Taako looks up at him, and he looks almost grateful that Angus chose to let it go. “Yes. This batch is almost done, but we can make another so that I can actually show you how. While we’re waiting for this to come to a boil, can you work on the mise en place for your batch? Spice cabinet’s to your right. You’re looking for peppercorns, cardamom, nutmeg, a cinnamon stick, and tea leaves. Ginger too, but that’s in the fridge. Other than that, it’s just milk, water, and sugar. Equal parts milk and water, one teaspoon of tea leaves and one teaspoon of sugar per cup. Let’s go for three cups.”
Taako guides him through finding each of the different spices, and Angus carefully measures the proper amounts out into little glass bowls with a set of teaspoons. He has to hop down from the counter and walk to the fridge to measure out the milk and water and grab a piece of ginger root. Taako watches him carefully as he chops off a knob of it, setting it aside and putting the rest back in the fridge. Lastly, he measures out the right amount of sugar from the jar in the pantry.
The chai on the stove starts to bubble, and Taako scrambles to turn off the heat. He grabs two mugs and a strainer down from the cabinet and divides the chai between them, straining it first. “We’re gonna let these cool off a little while you make yours. You want to throw everything in the pot and slowly bring it to a boil, stirring it while it heats up. The second it starts to bubble up, you’ve gotta take it off the heat so it doesn’t boil over. And then you just strain it and you’re done. Think you can handle it?”
“I think so!” Angus says, moving to stand at the stove. Taako hands him the wooden spoon. He pours the milk and water in, followed by the tea leaves and sugar, and then he adds each of the spices before turning on the heat. “It smells good,” he says. “I’m excited to try it.”
Taako nods, pulling a hairband off his wrist and tipping his head back a little, gathering all his hair up into a loose bun. “Most cooking does, if you’re doing it right,” he jokes. “I think you’ll like it. This is Lup and I’s recipe. It’s pretty standard, but this is how we always made it on the Starblaster. I must have made gallons of the stuff for Lucretia.” He goes quiet, and sighs softly. Angus frowns. He hopes they can work their disagreement out sooner rather than later, but that’s a problem for another time. Taako washes the dishes they’ve used and cleans up the kitchen while Angus keeps an eye on the stove.
They wait in companionable silence, and eventually his chai begins to boil. Angus quickly shuts off the stove, and Taako helps him strain most of it into a big mason jar that he puts in the fridge for later. He saves them each a spoonful to see how it came out.
“Not bad, Ango,” Taako says after trying it, tossing his spoon in the sink and hopping up to sit on the counter cross-legged. “You nailed it. C’mon up here, these mugs should be cool enough to drink by now.”
Angus tries his own spoonful. Taako was right, he does like it. He likes it a lot, actually. It’s delicious, sweet and rich and spiced. He puts his spoon in the sink and climbs up carefully to sit with Taako, picking up his own mug. It warms his hands and fogs up his glasses, and when he sips it, it warms him from inside out.
“This is fantastic,” Angus says, “I love it.”
“Had a feeling you might,” Taako says, nudging Angus’ knee gently with his own. “Might help you sleep, too. Hot drinks help sometimes. That’s why I decided to make it in the first place. Some people just drink plain hot milk, but the rest of us have things called taste buds and dignity.” Angus laughs, and Taako grins at him, sipping his own chai. “If that doesn’t work, you could try taking a hot bath. If this keeps being an issue in the future, we can see about getting you some sleeping pills or something. Just let me know, yeah?”
“Okay,” Angus says. “I’ll tell you if I keep having trouble, I promise. Thanks for helping me, Taako. You’re so nice to me. I was...When I was younger, my parents and my nurses always got pretty...upset, with me, if I couldn’t get to sleep on time, so I was worried that you might be mad.”
“That’s bullshit,” Taako says. “You can’t help it, it’s not like you were staying up on purpose. I’m not mad at all, kid, don’t worry. You can always come get me if I’m still up and you can’t get to sleep. Hell, you can come wake me up if you need me, if you have a nightmare or somethin’. Don’t hesitate. I don’t want you to feel like you’re hiding from me, okay?”
Angus swallows, his throat suddenly feeling tight. He nods. His vision is a bit blurry. He sniffs. “Okay. I’ll do my best, Taako,” he says. “It’s just hard to remember that, sometimes. I’m used to staying out of the way.”
“Fuck,” Taako says. “Damn it. Hey, hey, c’mere. Can I hug you?” Angus nods, and Taako sets his mug down and wraps an arm around him. “Hey, hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to spook you.”
Angus sniffles, clutching his mug. The warmth is grounding, in a way. This is the first time he’s ever talked to an adult about this. “It’s okay,” he says. “You didn’t upset me. It’s just a big adjustment. Growing up, it was just...you know how people say children should be seen and not heard?” His voice feels small, and he feels a bit far away, but he sneaks a glance over at Taako.
“Let me guess,” Taako says, “It was more like “children should be neither seen nor heard, or else?””
Angus nods. Taako swears under his breath in Elvish, closing his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. He looks quietly furious.
“You have the right to take up space in this house, Angus. You don’t have to feel guilty about being here. I want you to know that. I wouldn’t have offered to take you in if I was bothered by the thought of a kid living with me. Kids are loud, they make messes, they don’t always go to bed on time. That’s okay. That’s part of growing up.”
Angus takes a gulp of his chai and hiccups. He gives Taako a shaky nod, and he feels Taako sigh.
“I...look, pumpkin, I don’t always know what I’m doing when it comes to this stuff. Hell, I probably won’t ever know what to do. I don’t know what to do right now. Lup and I...we didn’t have parents growing up, we pretty much just raised each other, but I guess we turned out alright enough. Point is, this whole legal guardian thing is new and weird for me too, Angus. I’m not used to taking care of people. You and I are gonna have to figure this all out together, as we go, okay? I can’t promise that I won’t fuck this up. I’m probably gonna make a lot of mistakes, if we’re being real here. But what I can promise you is that I’ll never be cruel to you, or hurt you. At least not on purpose. I don’t think punishing you or getting mad at you or yelling at you for shit is gonna get either of us anywhere. You’re a good kid and you’re trying your best. That’s all I care about.”
Angus gives a weak, watery laugh. “You’re already doing a much better job than my par- than my birth parents ever did,” he says. “You’re going to do just fine. I’m invested in my own upbringing. I wouldn’t have agreed to you being my guardian if I thought you couldn’t handle it.”
Taako laughs too, a nervous, fragile thing. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, kid.”
Angus takes another sip of his drink, tilting his head to lean it tentatively against Taako’s arm. He feels him tense for a moment before relaxing. “You earned it.”
They’re quiet for a moment, drinking their tea in silence. Taako speaks up again a moment later. “If you think it would help, Angles, we can see about finding you a therapist. You can always talk to me, about anything, but I haven’t been trained in the best ways to help people or anything. I’m actually kind of shitty at it. I’m letting you know that right outta the starting gate.”
“That...that might be nice, yes. I’ve never seen a therapist before, but I know they can be helpful.” Angus closes his eyes. His eyelids feel heavy all of a sudden.
“We can start looking for one tomorrow, okay? I also wanna talk about some house rules in the morning. Nothing bad, I promise, don’t worry. Just stuff like always taking your stone with you if you leave the house, and letting each other know when we need time to ourselves. Stuff like that. Is that okay with you?”
“That sounds good, Taako.” Angus finishes the last of his chai and hands Taako his mug. “I hate crying. My face always feels weird after.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Taako says, gently pulling his arm away from Angus and leaving the counter for a moment to get a paper towel damp at the sink. He hands it to Angus, joining him back up on the counter. “The good news is that I always sleep really well after a good cry.”
“That’s true, I’m really tired now.” Angus wipes his face and successfully tosses the paper towel into the trash can several feet away.
“Kobe!” Taako cheers, and Angus gives a wet laugh. Taako ruffles his hair, then smoothes it back from his forehead briefly. “You look tired, kiddo. Let’s get you off to bed now, yeah?”
Angus nods, and Taako grabs his hand to help him hop down from the counter. He pauses for a moment to put both their empty mugs in the sink before leading Angus by the hand back to his room. Angus feels his eyes trying to close of their own volition. He climbs sleepily into bed and closes his eyes, and Taako pulls the blankets up around him to tuck him in. Taako gently plucks his glasses off of his face and sets them on his nightstand.
“Would it be weird if I kissed your forehead?” Taako asks, and Angus shakes his head.
“No, go ‘head,” he mumbles, and he feels Taako’s lips brush his forehead for a fraction of a second.
“Goodnight, bubbeleh,” he says as he turns to leave the room. He’s a couple of steps from the doorway when he hears Angus whisper from behind him, slurred and half-asleep, faint and under his breath. If Taako didn’t have elf hearing, he probably wouldn’t have even heard it.
“Night, Dad.”
Taako closes his eyes and lets it hit him like a suckerpunch. He stands in the doorway, a silhouette against the light of the hallway.
He listens to Angus as his breathing slows and levels out, waits until he hears him snoring softly.
He takes a deep breath of his own, lets it shake on the way out.
“You too, kid,” he breathes. “You too.”