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It was hard to ignore the sense of impending doom that loomed heavily over the little western town. They only had about fifteen hours left until Mallus’s minion army would arrive and while Sara would like nothing more than to curl up in the bed the saloon had provided and sleep for the next ten hours she couldn’t for the life of her just fall asleep.
She felt like her brain was running a thousand miles a minute, trying to make plans, strategize. Worry about her team and all of the innocent people in the town depending on her to help keep them safe. Not to mention the fact that if they failed the entire world could (and probably would) crumble into chaos given their track record.
And then there was Ava. Ava, who she had been sure she was never going to see again, Or at least not a version of her that wasn’t hiding behind several layers of emotional walls to protect herself from her quickly escalating identity crisis. But she had shown up, giving Sara the soft, caring look she had always used to save for when they were alone and she’d made her feel worthy of the totem resting against her chest with just a couple of well-worded sentences.
She’d been ready right then and there to drag the other blonde literally anywhere, just break down and bare her heart to the other woman. That entire plan had been put on hold though when Ray had arrived out of nowhere with none other than Nora Darhk in tow and any tentative plans she might have been making flew out the window instantly.
But in the cool darkness of the room, it was all she could think about. The urge to seek the Director out and just be near her was almost crushing, the need to be comforted in a way Sara hadn’t quite figured out how to articulate but she craved nonetheless.
Sara sighed, resigning herself to a sleepless night just as there was a soft, but firm knock on her door. She didn’t even think twice about getting up and crossing the room to answer it, a million scenarios rushing to her head at once as she half flung the door open, expecting someone on her team to be on the other side.
“Please don’t give me any bad news right now. I’m so not in the mood for...” Sara stopped dead as she realized just who was behind the door. “Oh, Ava. Hey.”
“Is this a bad time? Cause I can go, it’s not really important…” Ava had already taken a step back, her eyes glossy and slightly panicked as she went to put some distance between them.
“Don’t go,” the words were out before Sara could even think about them, slipping past like a silent assassin. Ava paused, her eyes lifting off the ground though still not quite meeting Sara’s gaze. “Please.”
Sara reached out, gently unclenching the fists Ava had locked in front of herself and carefully entwined their fingers. Her thumbs softly brushed over Ava’s knuckles in what she hoped was a comforting gesture for the other woman.
“I-I just… I don’t know…” Ava took in a deep, shuddering breath, her hands shaking in Sara’s. “Can we talk?”
“Yeah, of course,” Sara nodded, gently squeezing Ava’s hands in her own, trying to subtly get her to meet her gaze. “You wanna come in or…”
Ava nodded, her jaw wobbling slightly as Sara dropped one of her hands in order to properly open the door. Sara pulled her into the room with a small tug, their sides brushing as Ava moved past Sara towards the center of the room, her eyes still downcast. Sara clicked to door shut, sliding the deadbolt into place.
“Did you mean it?” Ava’s eyes finally met Sara’s for the first time since she arrived and Sara’s heart clenched at the nearly heartbroken look reflected in her eyes.
“Mean what?” Sara was fairly certain she knew what Ava was referring to, there weren’t many things she could be talking about and only one of them was particularly relevant to them. But still she wanted to be sure, just in case, this wasn’t the conversation Ava was wanting or ready to have.
“What you said on the Waverider last time…” Ava swallowed hard, once again averting her gaze away from Sara. “You know… When you said… About…”
“When I said I love you?” Sara offered and Ava nodded slightly in response. “What do you think?”
“That I really, really hope you did. Even if I have trouble believing it,” Ava curled in on herself slightly, somehow managing to look much smaller than her taller frame would normally allow. Sara felt the urge to hug her and quickly decided not to fight it, gathering the taller woman up in her arms and pressing a soft kiss against her temple. “I’m a clone, Sara. I’m not even the clone of a real living, breathing person either. I’m just part of someone’s sick, twisted genetics experiment. World’s first built-to-order super slave.”
“Hey,” Sara jerked back slightly, her fingers coming up automatically to cup Ava’s jaw, tilting it up so she’d have to look at her. “You’re so much more than some mindless bot. You’re kind and so, so brave and loyal to a fault. And you’re super smart and witty and a total badass. And maybe some of the memories you have aren’t real, but they don’t have to define who you are. You're real, and you have your whole life ahead of you to figure out exactly who you are and who you want to be.”
“And if I want to figure it out with you?” Sara gave her a soft smile at the question.
“Then you’ll have me.”
There was a beat in which Sara wasn’t completely sure if she’d said the right thing, Ava’s face remained a blank slate, barely concealing the torrent of emotions she was feeling. Then she moved, grabbing Sara’s face gently and pulling her in for a soft, emotion-filled kiss.
It felt almost the opposite of their first kiss. That one had been rough and passionate and essentially the equivalent of having a million tiny fireworks going off inside her body nonstop the entire time they were touching. This one was soft and gentle and while there was a certain amount of passion involved it didn’t make her head spin or her knees weak. Instead, it felt more like curling up in bed to keep warm during a bad winter storm, warm and comforting.
Ava pulled back, her arms staying wrapped snugly around Sara’s waist. She started to press several kisses across her face, deliberately covering every inch of skin she could reach before she pulled back again.
“I-uh… I did some digging in the Bureau’s databanks, trying to see what I could figure out about the other me’s that had died… see how much of my life has actually been my life and all… turns out you’re actually really good for my health. Before you showed up I managed to get myself killed on average every five and a half months…”
“Ava…”
“I haven’t died since I met you though. June 18th will be a year since the last time,” Ava laughed. “I’m almost a whole year old now!”
“Aves,” Sara watched as Ava seemed to somber slightly.
“There are a lot of things in my life right now I don’t know how to make sense of. I mean, I don’t really know what’s real and what’s not anymore… but if there is one thing that I’m not completely confused about it’s my feelings for you. You’re one of the only things in my life that I don’t doubt even for a second is completely real,” Ava let out a small, breathless chuckle. “I love you, Sara. And I’m so sorry I…”
Sara pulled her back in, pressing their lips together as the tension drained out of both of their bodies.
“Don’t,” kiss. “Doesn’t matter,” kiss. “I love you too.”
“Can I stay with you tonight? I don’t want to be alone right now,” Ava asked even as Sara hugged her tightly, burying her face in the taller woman’s neck with a sigh.
“You have to ask?” Sara kissed her neck, causing Ava to melt farther into the embrace. “Come cuddle with me, you goofball,” Sara tugged Ava towards the bed, refusing to break apart even as they stumbled. “Let’s at least try to ignore the impending apocalypse for a couple of hours.”
“I do like this plan so far. May I make a suggestion?”
“Go for it.”
“Let’s lose the clothes. I kind of want to be naked right now.”
Sara hummed in agreement, pausing right before they got to the bed and slowly moving to unbutton Ava’s jacket.
“I like the way you think, Director Sharpe.”
“Glad you approve, Captain Lance.”