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The restless beating of his heart, and how sweaty and clammy his palms are small tale tell signs that let him know he’s nervous. He’s also a little scared and so embarrassed that his hands are trembling, and his lower lip is quivering so hard it’s got him thinking that maybe it’ll snap off like a Lego brick.
He swallows thickly when a warm thumb brushes over his wet and trembling lips, and he raises his gaze to look into the eyes he adores. They’re brown and larger than normal, and there’s a flicker of the same hesitation and the same fear he feels. The same emotion in them brings him comfort and tells him that he isn’t the only one with nerves dancing about.
This is a big step for them, and they’ve talked about it red-faced, stumbling over their sentences and struggling to find the right words, barely able to look into each other’s eyes after. His cousin says it’s nothing (he’d caught Jungkook red-handed one night with his hand down his pants as he spoke to Taehyung on FaceTime. That had brought on a painfully awkward talk with Taehyung occasionally humming in embarrassment on the other side of the phone) and that if it’s with the right person and the right time– it won’t matter.
Only his cousin’s words had been more to the point, and until this day, Jungkook is unable to look him in the eye because now his cousin knows he’s thinking about having sex constantly, and he was mortified more so when his cousin left a packet of condoms under his pillow the next time he came over for a visit.
Jungkook leans into the hands cupping his face, eyes fluttering shut as he whimpers lowly as the thumb continue to trace all over his lips. Taehyung’s breath is all over his face, and soon enough the lips he has been waiting for are pressing against his own.
He throws his arms around his neck pulling him even closer and letting his mouth fall open into the kiss, he gasps as Taehyung’s tongue explores his own, his hands still caressing gently at his face. He suckles at Taehyung’s tongue and it’s a sloppy and wet kiss and his fingers are sinking themselves into his recently dyed ash grey hair and tags at it.
They spend long minutes sucking face, and occasionally snickering into the kiss, and Jungkook makes a face when Taehyung pulls away from him. He stares at Taehyung through lidded eyes before tilting his head away in embarrassment. “We can wait a little longer if you’re not ready,” The gentle voice of his boyfriend causes him to look back at him and he feels his cheeks heat up more. His hands clutch the front of Taehyung’s red baggy hoodie, stopping him from pulling away completely. “We don’t have to do this today.”
Jungkook nods his head along, but he wants to do this. He’s still a little nervous and still stupidly embarrassed even though they’ve talked about this. They had to talk about it especially after his cousin walked in on them during FaceTime. He clears his throat and when he tries to speak, the words die on his throat, and then he squeaks out a sorry that’s so loud they both wince.
“Sorry,” He stutters out again, and turns his head away. They’re the only ones in his grandparents’ cabin– his brother and cousin decided to camp outside in the woods (it’s obvious his cousin had dragged his younger brother out with him to give them some time alone after they’d bravely asked).
But this is not supposed to be scary or embarrassing– so why is he so nervous? He turns back to face the features that make his boyfriend and Jungkook wonders how he, still with baby fat on his cheeks and evident bumps on his face and too big a nose his beloved grandmother says he’ll grow into someday, has managed to capture and score the attention of a senior and the most known pupil in their high school.
“I want to,” He breathes out finally, “Do you want this?” He blinks when Taehyung holds his wrist pulling his hand away from grasping his hoodie, and slowly lifts the red hoodie with his free hand before guiding Jungkook’s cold palm to his chest. The pounding of his heartbeat under his palm and the obvious lust in his eyes when he looks at him despite the shy soft grin have Jungkook smiling back.
“I’m scared too,” Taehyung whispers to him, and then he brings his hoodie down along with Jungkook’s hand and interlocks their fingers. For a moment, they lay curled against each other, in a mess of limbs and Jungkook melts under him, it’s almost comical. They continue to share sloppy kisses and pecks, their teeth bumping a couple of times when they do.
He gasps in surprise when Taehyung humps into him, and the hardness between his own thighs is hard to overlook. He tries to catch his breath as Taehyung continues to grind and hump him, and it’s a little hard– he holds Taehyung by his sweatpants and pulls him even closer and starts to follow Taehyung’s actions with an eagerness and need to please him.
The humping and soft kisses go on for a while, and finally, “I’m ready,” Jungkook says, panting harshly and struggling to catch his breath, and he appreciates the fact that he isn’t the only one sounding like he has been jogging about. “Are you ready?” He waits and when Taehyung nods in response, they both fiddle around the bed like toddlers with awkward bumps here and there as they try to undress each other while still lying in bed, and it’s a complete mess.
They climb out of bed, stripping down and Jungkook feels stupid when they both shy away from each other. They have seen each other naked, they have had their cocks pressed against each other before, but this feels different. He thinks maybe because they’ll be doing a lot more than rubbing against each other. “Ready?” He questions, looking down at his feet and placing his hands over his naked genitals with his back turned to him. “I’m going to turn around now,” He says, but makes no move to do so because his heart is acting all sorts of insane.
He shudders when he feels Taehyung’s arms circle around his shoulders, and he leans into the touch. Taehyung’s naked skin is pressed up against his own and Jungkook allows himself to be spun around.
Taehyung’s gentle fingers lift his chin up and Jungkook’s bores into his. They’re roughly the same height and he has more weight on with a smaller waist, but Taehyung has broader shoulders, larger hands and as lanky as they come with a soft abdomen Jungkook enjoys drumming his fingers on when they hang out together.
Getting back into bed is awkward, they trip into it because of all their fiddling and Jungkook finds himself face first and laughing into the pillow before Taehyung turns him onto his back. His legs fall open easily allowing Taehyung to settle between them like he was earlier on.
This has been on his mind for months, to take their relationship to the next level. They’ve done the first and second base (if people still even call it that), and now they’re moving to the final stage. It’s only now that they have this much time alone– they can’t do this at his house because his younger brother is often home after school hours, and his cousin enters the home uninvited, several times a day. And Jungkook doesn’t really have his dad’s new schedule fully memorized.
Taehyung’s house isn’t an option either because he has little siblings, and his grandparents are almost always home.
Their movements that follow are graceless, the kisses are more desperate and hungry, and Taehyung’s movements are more careful now, treating him like he’s glass and Jungkook loves every minute of it, and mimics his feather-like touches.
The condoms his cousin got him are under the pillow and so is the lubrication he and Taehyung bought after slipping into the drugstore with flushed faces and stuttering like a bunch of foolish children before running out of the store and laughing till their stomachs hurt on the sidewalk.
Taehyung brushes the fringe away from his forehead, pecking at it and moving back and he stares at him with a shy smile. “What are you thinking about?” He asks him after stealing a kiss.
“Nothing,” Jungkook smiles back as Taehyung keeps his intense eyes on him. “Tae?” He calls out to get his attention even though he hasn’t once looked away from him. “I love you,” He tells him quietly as he turns away to reach for the condoms and lubrication under the pillow, the blush on his cheeks more evident and only darkens. He sets the condom packet and lube on his stomach and watches as Taehyung moves them away with a laugh.
/
Jungkook’s hair is matted against his sweaty forehead and the breeze coming from the window is causing him to shiver. He feels a bit strange, the soreness on his backside has his eyes watering when he moves too quickly, and he feels strangely vulnerable.
Not a lot of people mention how messy sex can be, or how strange you can sometimes feel after the first time, or maybe Jungkook didn’t do enough research and he’s overthinking this. He’s suddenly too embarrassed to look Taehyung in the eye and there’s a lump in his throat. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling emotional, like he might cry or something and it’s dumb.
“Kookie,” Taehyung calls quietly, and Jungkook blinks rapidly to rid himself of the tears. “Are you hurt?” Jungkook shakes his head at that and lets out a shaky breath. “Then what is it?” Taehyung’s concern only grows and Jungkook wants to hit himself.
“I don’t know,” He says, “I’m fine– I’m just feeling some type of way,” He trails off and stares back at Taehyung whose brows are furrowed in confusion.
“Was it that good?” He asks slyly and Jungkook makes a move to push him off by pressing his hands on his chest. He finds himself gasping and groaning in discomfort when Taehyung slips out of him.
“Google didn’t mention it being this messy,” Taehyung mumbles as he looks down, and Jungkook looks away when Taehyung begins to tug off the used condom off his flaccid shaft.
He brings his legs together and winces at the dull ache, his hips hurt, and his backside is starting to feel a little funny. “Tie it and see if it broke– Tae!” Jungkook groans because before his sentence is even over Taehyung has tossed the condom into the bin beside the bed. “Pick it up and check,” He orders, and Taehyung shakes his head stubbornly with a laugh.
“It’s fucking disgusting,” He mumbles into the direction he threw the condom in before turning back and pressing his lips against Jungkook’s, “Love you,” He whispers against his lips when he pulls back. “Let’s get cleaned up before your cousin and brother get back.”
/
They spend the rest of the hot afternoon (after quick showers and clean clothes) lying on top of each other like sardines on the couch, enjoying each other’s presence and embraces and occasionally stealing kisses. The weekend and Easter break is over after today and Jungkook wants to enjoy this last day with Taehyung, and the sound of nature outside the cabin.
“We should put on our hiking gear and head out. We haven’t been outside since we got here,” He says quietly, and Taehyung sleepily shakes his head on his chest. Jungkook presses a kiss in his hair and smiles into it.
“Let me enjoy this,” Taehyung croaks out breathily. And it’s so hot having him this close, but Jungkook decides he’s fine with it.
He sends the we’re done now message to his cousin before settling back on the couch with Taehyung, and he hears his baby brother, Junghyun, only a few months younger than him, and his cousin, Seokjin, before he sees them. They’re fighting and soon barge into the cabin looking like they’ve been rolling around in mud.
“I’m never again spending time alone with him in the woods!” Junghyun huffs and puffs about before heading over to the kitchen area that’s divided by the kitchen island and opens the fridge, rummaging through it like a starving boy– and Jungkook winces at the loud slam before he sprints to the other bedroom in the cabin and slam the door.
His cousin is laughing heartily, he spares Jungkook a glance and wink that has him blushing furiously before he follows his brother. “I’m calling uncle to pick us up. I don’t think we’ll survive another night with him like this,” He announces and Jungkook smiles as Taehyung waves him off dismissively.
“So much for enjoying our last moments here,” Taehyung says and looks up at him where he lays.
/
They all pile up in the old car when his dad pulls over on the side of the road (they have to walk about half an hour out of the woods with both Taehyung and Junghyun whining at the heat and the insects) before finding the road.
He settles in the backseat with Taehyung and sneakily holds his hand after they put on their seatbelts. The backpack he took with his is hiding their intertwined fingers and they both share secret glances. He hasn’t told his dad about their relationship, he isn’t ready and isn’t quite sure of what the response will be.
“Did you have fun?” His dad asks as he looks at him through the rear mirror and Jungkook nods hastily. “That’s nice. Call grandpa and granny when you get home and thank him for letting you four borrow it,” He orders before turning his attention back to the car and road.
The silence in the car is filled with the soft radio that Junghyun keeps tempering with and his dad’s conversation with Seokjin, they bring Taehyung into the conversation, but he’s knocked out a few minutes into the ride back – this is always something that happens, he gets lulled to sleep every time he’s in a vehicle and it’s almost ridiculous and hopeless trying to keep him awake.
Jungkook rests his cheek against the window, eyes the scenery, his hand still holding into Taehyung’s and he doesn’t care how clammy it is now because of the heat outside. His squeezes his fingers gently and smiles to himself as he thinks of the afternoon they spent together and what they’ve shared.
He doesn’t remember falling asleep. He startles awake when it’s dark outside and there’s no one else, but him and his dad in the car, in the apartment complex’s basement. “I dropped Taehyung off first,” His dad explains over the radio and Jungkook nods as he rubs at his eyes and fights back a yawn, “Junghyunnie is staying over at Seokjin’s tonight.” He adds as he kills the engine and pulls out the key.
The stillness falls around them and Jungkook wonders if he should say something more. His dad is a quiet and cautious man. It’s a little difficult to understand what he’s thinking, and sometimes he’s so unapproachable it makes talking to him tough.
There’s a rift that has been growing between them over the years. Jungkook remembers being closer to him at a younger age, it’s become different and more obvious ever since he entered high school. He likes to think that maybe that’s what happens with most kids his age and their parents. But he has observed Taehyung with his parents and has seen how comfortable they are around each other.
Jungkook also knows the rift between them has to do with the divorce, and the fact that he’s still a little more than upset and hurt. They’ve never really explained the details of their divorce to him and he’s always gotten the simple version from his father dad and I don’t love each other anymore, Jungkook, please try to understand.
He didn’t understand it then and he doesn’t understand it now because he can’t picture suddenly not loving Taehyung one day. The idea makes his stomach churn and he scowls.
He tries to rid himself of the thoughts as he falls into step behind his dad as they enter the elevator. “Has your father called recently?” His dad asks and Jungkook frowns as he shakes his head and keeps his eyes trained on the closing elevator doors. His father hasn’t called, and it doesn’t bother him as much as it used to. He’s seventeen and hasn’t seen his father since he was fifteen and the phone calls are shorter each time.
The rest of the journey up is in silence, and soon they’re getting off and heading over to their home. He watches his dad enter the code, the door clicks open. He freezes in the process of slipping off his shoes when he notices his dad hasn’t gone further into the apartment.
“What?” He asks as he slips off his shoes and drops his backpack to the floor. He takes off his jacket and hangs it before turning to face his father.
“You’re being safe?” It’s weird and for a moment Jungkook blinks foolishly at him.
“What?” Jungkook stares at him in confusion.
“I’m talking about Taehyung,” He finally answers and Jungkook splutters for a moment before facing away from his dad.
“We’re only friends,” He whispers to him, and exhales shakily.
His dad looks tired when he says, “I hope you weren’t fooling around in your grandparents’ cabin–,”
“We’re just friends!” Jungkook snaps and picks up his backpack.
His dad blinks slowly and nods his head, he looks distracted for a moment, “Okay. Calm down.” And Jungkook can feel his ears burning as he quickly stalks past his dad and enters his bedroom. He leans against the door and he’s ashamed over his short outburst. The thought of his dad knowing he is out here having sex makes him uneasy, and Jungkook just wants to keep this detail to himself.
/
He sees Taehyung during lunch, had seen him before their classes started and they shared sneaky kisses before separating. Being in different grades, years and sides of the building makes it difficult to see each other during school hours. They meet briefly during their breaks and sometimes don’t see each other until after school.
“You look happier,” Yugyeom, his closest friend, remarks with a dry smirk on his face. He bites into his lunch, “You’re practically glowing.” He adds with a mouth and tries to duck when Jungkook throws a balled paper at him. It’s their lunch break and Jungkook peeks around the packed and noisy cafeteria every few seconds hoping to spot fluffy grey hair. “Something happen during Easter break that you aren’t telling me about?”
Jungkook considers him for a moment before grinning widely and shaking his head. As much as he trusts Yugyeom, he’s not ready to spread the fact that he’s had his cherry popped. His cousin knowing is more than enough, and he’s surprised his little brother (his brother goes to a high school at the opposite side of town. They didn’t want to be in the same high school or share classes) hasn’t blabbed to their dad and father.
“I don’t know what you–” He starts when an arm wraps around his shoulder, and sudden he’s being embraced. He leans into the familiar warmth and smiles silly. “Hey,” He whispers into Taehyung’s neck and presses a soft kiss against his cheek, “You surprised me,”
“Hey yourself,” Taehyung laughs and Jungkook loves him so much he thinks his heart might burst from happiness. “Came running as soon as my class was done. Missed your face,” He says at the same time Yugyeom loudly says how fucking gross. “Hey, Yugyeom.” Taehyung greets with another laugh.
“Hey yourself,” Yugyeom imitates Taehyung’s voice and it’s exaggerated and he’s ignored.
Taehyung pulls away from him, their fingers are interlocked and resting on his lap. They talk about everything and anything (except the sex), and Yugyeom is included in their conversation. When they mention being at the cabin together, Yugyeom has this look in his eyes, but he makes no comment on it.
“…summer is in a couple of months,” Yugyeom starts when they get on the topic of school, away from the topic on their activities during the weekend and plans for later after school, and Jungkook blinks at him. “Have you applied for university?”
Sometimes Jungkook forgets that Taehyung will be gone from high school in a couple of months. He doesn’t like to think about it too much because it has his chest feeling tight and uncomfortable. They’ve been together going a solid eight months now, and Taehyung going off to university is petrifying and he hasn’t had the balls to bring it up.
Taehyung shifts where he sits and squeezes Jungkook’s hand in his. “Yeah, sure, I have.” He chuckles nervously. And it’s like the noise of the cafeteria falls silent around Jungkook as he straightens his posture and looks at his boyfriend with a pout.
“You never told me,” He mumbles, and Taehyung pulls him closer to him before nuzzling his neck, releasing his hold on his hand. “Stop that,” He says and squirms when his ear is nibbled on.
“You never asked,” He answers and Jungkook signs because it’s true.
“Where have you applied?” He questions curiously.
Taehyung pauses, “Here and there,” He chooses then to take a bite out of his bread and slowly makes a show of chewing it.
“That’s not an answer, you idiot,” Yugyeom rolls his eyes.
“Are you going to go far?” Jungkook inquiries. There’s a college close by, and it’s one Jungkook is planning of applying to because as much as his relationship with his father is poor, he doesn’t want to be away from him and his brother. And his grades are below average, getting into a higher and popular university is going to be a challenge.
Taehyung’s grades are next to perfect, physical education is the only subject he’s poor at, and it’s the one Jungkook excels in despite it being the most useless one on his list of subjects. But his plan is simple, he’ll join whatever college Taehyung gets into, hopefully the local college, and they’ll pick up from there together. “We’ll talk about this after school, okay? I’ll show you my applications then,” Taehyung promises and Jungkook nods.
The lunch break is over too quickly, and they say their goodbyes before they all head into separate directions with a promise to meet after school (Yugyeom counts himself out).
/
The plans to talk about university or looking at his applications are tossed out the window when they reach his home and notice there’s no one home, it’s an opportunity that they don’t come by often. They’re soon locking lips and touching each other as though they’ve been starving and craving it.
They are stumbling around the apartment and they blindly reach his bedroom, desperately undressing themselves and Jungkook shuts his bedroom door with his foot. They’re naked on his bed in a matter of minutes and Jungkook’s less nervous now and he’s soon got Taehyung’s fingers inside him.
They’re both still clumsy and inexperienced, but it’s even better than the first time in the cabin, and they’re both smiling silly at each other, naked, sticky and uncaring. “Come home with me,” Taehyung presses a long and exaggerated kiss to his forehead.
/
He’s drumming his fingers on Taehyung’s exposed belly as he waits for his turn to play. Taehyung’s engrossed in what’s happening on the screen and he’s aggressively jabbing his fingers on the controller.
“Exams are in less than two months, that’s your last game, young man.” A stern voice comes from behind them and Jungkook jolts where he lays and blinks at Taehyung’s mother. “Oh, nice to see you here again, Jungkook!” The older woman beams at him.
“Hello, Mrs. Kim,” He says with a sheepish smile and sits in a more appropriate position.
“Afternoon, mommy,” Taehyung says dismissively before setting the controller on the coffee table and leaning into Jungkook’s side. “The grands’ went shopping,” he announces before his mother can ask.
“Stop it,” Jungkook says with a laugh as Taehyung chases after his lips, “Your mom can see–” He breaks off his sentences when Taehyung starts tickling him and he’s soon laughing too hard and he forgets that there’s an adult around. He’s always careful around Taehyung’s parents, they know about him and he wants their approval – so far, they haven’t said anything negative that he knows of and Taehyung’s young siblings, that are currently running upstairs in their room after Taehyung shooed them away, seem to enjoy his company.
“Are you staying for dinner?” Taehyung’s mother asks with a giggle, and Jungkook nods before he can even think it over.
/
Seeing Taehyung has become a little difficult these last few weeks with him being a senior. He’s touring to a lot of different universities and colleges around along with the other students in class. He’s got an interest in what seems to be everything, but Jungkook knows he’s torn between Engineering and Medicine.
Taehyung’s absence makes school unbearably boring when he’s got nothing to look forward to at lunch. Yugyeom and a few of his other friends keep him entertained, but it’s not the same without Taehyung around him.
“Are you on a diet?” One of his friends asks and they all go silent. Jungkook shakes his head with a small frown and gives him a questioning look. “You haven’t been eating as much,”
“Can’t seem to hold anything down anymore.” Jungkook says truthfully. He hasn’t been able to keep any of his meals down, and he’s been queasy and nauseous these past few days. Thrown up twice. His brother and cousin have made a comment on it, and his dad keeps giving him these sharp looks when he says he’ll be skipping dinner again.
“Are you sick?” Yugyeom asks, “Is this because you haven’t had lunch with Taehyung in like what, three days? You’re offending us!” He shouts embarrassingly loud catching the attention of those near their table and Jungkook groans.
“I’m sick of your loudmouth that’s for sure,” He responds and snickers at the angry look Yugyeom graces him with. “I’m kidding,” he laughs, “I swear,”
“I think you’re pregnant,” The blunt statement has him faltering in his movements and he drops the box of chocolate milk he was holding in his hand to pass on to Yugyeom in apology.
“I’m not,” He whispers to himself in disbelief. Because it’s not something he has even thought of and hasn’t even bothered to connect the dots. Sure, he and Taehyung have been having more sex when the opportunity arises, but they always keep themselves protected each time. “That’s not possible.” He says firmly, fear settling into his bones as he picks up the box of chocolate milk and passes it on to Yugyeom. He ignores the concerned looks his friends give him during lunch and when it’s over, he sprints back to his class.
It’s not possible.
But it is possible.
/
“…it’s an okay school, a little too far away from you though,” Taehyung says on the other line. Jungkook has been staring at a spot on his bedroom door for the longest time as he listens to Taehyung talk. He has been distracted ever since the word pregnant got thrown into his direction. “You there, Kookie?”
“Y-yeah,” He replies and clears his throat, “It’s getting late,” He blurts out and Taehyung’s silent for a moment.
“So?” His quiet voice comes and Jungkook can picture his confused expression because they often talk past midnight if none of their parents knock on their doors and threaten to snatch their phones away, “Is something going on?” He inquires moments later, and for some reason Jungkook can feel the tears brimming in his eyes.
He shakes his head even though Taehyung can’t see him. “Nothing, nothing,” He lets out a shaky breath, “Just thinking about how we’ll spend the summer,” it’s not a complete lie, but it’s not the whole truth either.
“Summer will be amazin’!” Taehyung exclaims, and Jungkook can’t find it in himself to share the same enthusiasm, not when his mind is running wild over his friends’ speculations.
“I think my dad’s calling for me,” He lies lamely at last.
“Wait, Kook–,” He hangs up before Taehyung can stop him and he puts his phone on mute when the notification sounds come continuously. He needs sometime alone to think this through properly on what actions he should take.
He clasps his hands together to stop their jerky movements before burying his face in his hands and fighting back a frustrated scream.
/
He’s throwing up the contents of his dinner (they both shared a sad looking baguette they bought from the store on their way from Taehyung’s house) on the sidewalk as Taehyung brushes his hair away from his forehead. “Have you got the stomach bug or something?” He asks as he wipes away at Jungkook’s mouth with a tissue he had in his back pocket.
Jungkook shakes his head as Taehyung stares at him intently, “I don’t know,” He swats away Taehyung’s hand with a sigh. Taehyung doesn't ask about him abruptly ending the phone call last night and Jungkook pretends he never happened. They continue making their way along the sidewalk, hand in hand, and swinging their arms. “Don’t kiss me until I brush my teeth,” Jungkook says because the taste of vomit in his mouth is awful and it’s as though something has crawled up and died in there.
“Wouldn’t even touch you with a ten-foot pole,” Taehyung chortles when Jungkook snorts and jabs him in the ribs with his index finger, “I’m just being honest,” He says, but kisses the corner of his lips when he drops off Jungkook at the apartment complex.
They spend a couple of minutes talking about nothing at all in front of the complex. And Jungkook’s heart feels weighty whenever he has to say goodbye to Taehyung. He watches as Taehyung waves at him in a distance and imitates a phone and brings it to his ear before yelling call me!
He’s responding to Taehyung’s text as the elevator takes him home, and he’s entering and locking the door behind him. Junghyun is on the couch snacking on some skittles and Jungkook waves a hello to his dad whose working on something with papers and files scattered about.
He works as a music teacher at the local college. Jungkook wonders how that even came to be because he doubts his dad has a bone of music in his body, and he has never heard him sing before. But he remembers old comments from his grandfather saying his dad was a musical prodigy.
“It’s a school night. Try coming home earlier than nine p.m.,” His dad drones the second Jungkook plants his ass on the couch beside Junghyun, he mumbles something under his breath, “What was that, Jungkook?”
“Nothing!” Jungkook stands from the couch after grabbing a handful of skittles from his protesting brother and stomps to the bathroom. He brushes his teeth, a little irritated at nothing, rinses his mouth before eating the skittles he stole from Junghyun.
He heads over to his bedroom and spares his backpack a quick glance before turning away and jumping on his bed.
/
All the signs and symptoms are there. Jungkook wonders if he’s mind is playing tricks on him, and that maybe he’s spotting the signs now because he can’t help but overthink. But then the smells around the apartment start setting off his nausea and he’s a lot more tired than normal, so tired that he starts to feel sick from the tiredness and it’s confusing and frightening.
The vomiting is excessive the following week and he has weight, but when he lifts his shirt to look at himself in the bathroom mirror he sees the barely visible bump. He has only managed to spot it because he knew what to look for.
He spends the morning sitting on the toilet seat with his head in his hands, shaking nonstop as he tries to hold back the sobs threatening to rip out of him. His phone is on his lap, and through the few tears that slip out– he sees Taehyung’s name and picture flash on his screen indicating an incoming phone call.
It’s still early and he decides to skip school. Junghyun and his dad left minutes after each other. He cancels Taehyung’s call and quickly scrolls for his cousin’s number. Seokjin responds after a few rings, and Jungkook ruins his bubbly mood by asking him to drop everything for him and please, please I feel so scared before breaking down in tears.
By the time he answers the door to let Seokjin in, his tears have already dried up, but the lump in his throat and dread in his chest is still apparent. Seokjin has with him a box of pregnancy tests that they lay on the bathroom’s sink countertop and worry in his eyes.
“You’ll be alright,” Seokjin whispers into his ear as he holds him close before instructing him to take one of the tests. They play the waiting game in the silence, Jungkook doesn’t dare breathe a word as the timer on his phone counts down the seconds.
His phone goes off and he can’t bring himself to look at the test. “What’s it say?” And he’s already got a sinking feeling on what the answer is. Seokjin’s arms circle around him, familiar and comforting and Jungkook buries his face into his neck as he cries noisily.
Seokjin’s hands are sliding gently through his hair, and the gentleness isn’t hoping slow down his racing mind and how afraid he is. “I can’t be,” He sobs, unfiltered and ugly sobbing, and he clutches onto Seokjin's jacket. “I just can’t,” He wheezes out and allows Seokjin to rock him back and forth.
“Take another one, alright? These things aren’t always accurate,” Seokjin tells him. And it takes too long before Jungkook can pull himself together and take another test. All the tests have the two lines on them and Jungkook’s out of tears even before the timer on the last one finishes the countdown.
“Do you want me to call uncle?” Seokjin breaks the silence and Jungkook lifelessly stares at the used test and refuses to respond. He grabs them and tosses them in the trashcan by the counter before tying up the plastic and pulling it out of the can. He tries to leave the bathroom with the trash in his hand, but Seokjin holds his elbow halting his plans. “Jungkook,” He says sternly, “Should I call him?”
“He’ll kill me.” His eyes are stinging again, and he drops the bag of trash to the ground before sliding down against the wall and hugging his knees to his chest.
“He won’t kill you. If anything, he’ll have my head first,” Seokjin slides down next to him and sighs, “I shouldn’t have encouraged this,” He mumbles, “I thought I told you to be careful.” He says, and the disappointment is obvious in his voice. “You promised me you would be careful.” He whispers and Jungkook nods weakly with a shrug.
“We were. Always.” He whispers and staring unseeingly on the carpeted floor he’s sitting on, wondering where to go from here.
/
His dad looks at him in surprise when he walks into the kitchen, “You’re home early.” He comments before he starts packing away the groceries. “What would you like for dinner?” He questions as he rolls up the grocery bag and throws it in the trash.
When his dad finally looks at him properly Jungkook notices how his expression changes. “Jungkook,” He starts carefully, “What’s the matter?”
“It’s nothing,” He mutters pathetically as he leans his head on the doorway and rubs at his hands. Fear and shame running into his veins. He spent the morning crying with Seokjin until he had to leave for his part-time job after helping him call the clinic for an appointment, and he spent the afternoon searching up what steps to take next on the internet.
It’s still too early and fresh, and he’s not ready to make any decisions. He isn’t ready.
He ignores all Taehyung’s messages and calls, and his friends’ nosy, but worried questions. “Had a fight with Tae is all,”
/
“Did I do something wrong or what?” Taehyung corners him in the boy’s toilet during lunch a week later. “You have been avoiding me, Jungkook.” He hates the troubled look on Taehyung’s face because he is the reason it’s there. “Do I upset you or something?”
He has been trying to pull himself together. It has only been a couple of days since he found out and he has been crying himself to sleep ever since. “I’m not avoiding you,” He refuses to meet his eye and attempts to go around him and get out.
“You are!” Taehyung snaps, and Jungkook flinches back in shock. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout.” Taehyung mumbles, “I’m just a little upset and I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages,” He leans against the sinks. “Tell me what’s got you so distant,” He coaxes and the ever-growing lump in Jungkook’s throat worsens by the second and he crosses his arms around his chest.
He doesn’t know how to say it, and he’s sure this isn’t the right place. But it’s a heavy burden knowing something this big and feeling so alone, and it’s slowly eating at him. He’s afraid and this is too much. He feels like he’s going to burst at any given second and he needs someone who isn’t Seokjin to pick up the pieces.
“You haven’t told me about any of the colleges you’ve applied to,” Jungkook finds himself saying instead after he has gathered himself together mentally, and it’s not completely true what he’s saying because Taehyung had mentioned some of the places. But playing ignorant gives him more time before he can say it.
Taehyung raises an eyebrow, “I told you I’m torn between Engineering and Medicine. Leaning towards Veterinary.” He’s not really answering Jungkook’s direct question.
“I looked it up,” Jungkook says gently, “The local college here doesn’t offer any of those programs.” He states, and Taehyung stiffens slightly across from him. And Jungkook stops talking when someone walks into the bathroom, gives them an odd look before entering the stall. This really isn’t the place to be having this conversation, but none of them make a move to leave.
“I know.” Taehyung tells him, “I’ll have to move away if I get in with a scholarship–”
Jungkook takes a step back, heart sinking into his stomach. He’d expected this, he’s not an idiot, but he had hoped it wasn’t the case. The plan had been simple in his head. Taehyung would apply to the local college for whatever degree and Jungkook would follow him after his senior year, and they’d be in college together, rent some crappy apartment and struggle through college together before finding nice jobs and starting a family.
“We’ll still be together, Kookie,” Taehyung says, “We’ll make it work somehow, it won’t be so bad. We’ll have the summer together,” He offers hopefully and Jungkook’s silence is filled by the sound of flashing. The boy that had entered the stall steps out and Taehyung moves away from the sink to let him wash his hands. “Let’s take this outside.”
He follows behind Taehyung in a daze. They walk past a few pupils who barely spare them a glance and soon they’re in the library and entering an empty study room. Taehyung closes the door and leans against it. Jungkook can feel his intense look on him.
He tries not to think of the clinic Seokjin had escorted him to the previous day, he tries to block out the look of pity the nurse and doctor as they informed him of his situation and gave him unenthusiastic congratulations and several booklets that Jungkook threw away into the first bin he spotted before they walked out of the clinic.
He has the sonogram image (five weeks and it’s not much to look at) in his biology text book. He had been staring at it instead of doing his homework last night and when his dad knocked on his door to call him for dinner he hid it in there out of sheer panic.
“I went to the clinic with Seokjin yesterday,” Jungkook bravely starts staring down at his feet before raising his eyes and looking into Taehyung’s troubled stare. Taehyung takes a step away from the door and gets into his personal space carefully, he reaches out and holds his hand in his own and Jungkook smiles weakly.
It almost reminds him of the first few shy attempts at handholding when they’d first started dating.
“That’s a good thing, right? Did you find out what the problem is? You haven’t been looking like yourself lately,” He cups his face with his other hand and rubs his cheek gently, “Tell me what’s wrong,” Jungkook realises he’s crying when Taehyung wipes away the tears under his eyes with his thumbs.
“I’m pregnant,” He whispers so quietly he almost can’t even hear himself. There’s no other way to announce this, and it brings him no joy. Taehyung’s movements take a short pause before they continue wiping his tears, almost as if in a trance, “I’m pregnant,” He repeats, loudly and ashamed of himself and he’s almost hysterical, he grabs at Taehyung’s wrists and keeps his hands on him. He looks at Taehyung through his blurry vision and he can tell his boyfriend is holding back tears too. His eyes are glossy, but his expression is devoid of all emotion.
“What are we going to do?” Taehyung finally cracks, “Kookie, what the fuck are we going to do?” The lunch bell indicating that lunch is over rings and Jungkook barely hears it through his sobs against Taehyung’s chest.