Work Text:
[14/65/20076 — 12:17]
Direct Message to: Lance
1 New Message from: Pidge
Pidge: hey
Lance: i KNOW this is a dream bc my phone Doesn’t Work in space, but i’m gonna appreciate this for what it is
Pidge: not a dream but ok
Lance: stfu dream pidge, you Can’t trick me
Pidge: i totally could trick you if i wanted to
Pidge: also this isn’t a dream
Pidge: i rewired a system in the ship and used some old altean junk to make a router. technically we can only text each other bc of the wifi but no reception would be able to reach another planet anyway so
Lance: pls tell me this is real
Lance: PLS tell me this isn’t a dream
Lance: or else when i wake up i will smack the real pidge for letting dream pidge trick me
Pidge: omfg gimme a sec
Lance: ???
Lance: OW WTF
Lance: YOU DIDN’T NEED TO COME IN HERE AND PINCH ME
Lance: and then run away before i could even say anything??? therefore making me have to text my complaints to you, like a common plot device
Pidge: anyway
Pidge: yeah not a dream
Pidge: so ?? you're welcome???
Lance: well i still don’t understand why u even did this in the first place
Lance: like,,, we’ve got this far without needing to use our phones
Lance: why now
Lance: when we finally became un-addicted, just like all those baby boomers wanted us to
Pidge: i MISSED texting okay
Pidge: like sometimes i don’t want to talk to your face
Pidge: no offense
Lance: hmmm
Lance: none taken
Pidge: plus now i don’t even have to leave my room to talk to anyone
Lance: and by anyone you mean me
Lance: i’m p sure no one else even has their phones anymore
Lance: like ?? didn’t hunk just fuckin,,,, chuck his into space when he realized it wouldn’t work anymore??
Pidge: oh yeah
Pidge: i think that was more from anger than apathy though
Lance: ok but either way his phone is Gone
Lance: and all you have to talk to is ME >:D
Pidge: …
Pidge: i’m gonna make him a phon
Lance: lmaoooo
Lance: even YOU can’t make a phone
Lance: i guarantee it
[14/68/20076 — 9:31]
Direct Message to: Lance
Pidge added: +9 972-888-2022
Group Message to: Lance and +9 972-888-2022
Lance: shut the fuck up
+9 972-888-2022: i haven’t even said anything yet!
+9 972-888-2022: rude
Lance: PIDGE CAN’T MAKE PHONES
Lance: THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE OKAY
Pidge: say that to my face
Lance: if you can make HUNK a PHONE then you can make ME a PROPER FACE LOTION
Pidge: gdi lance lotion isn’t the same as technology
Lance: i fucking hate u
Lance: you CAN’T tell me you can build a phone out of nothing and not even make me a lotion
Pidge: i don’t even know what goes IN lotion
Pidge: i haven’t moisturized a day in my life
Lance: you Take That Back
Pidge: mmmmm dry and flaky!
Pidge: just the way i like it!!!!
+9 972-888-2022: oh god pidge don’t rile him up like that
+9 972-888-2022: i hear someone running down the hall???
+9 972-888-2022: betcha a million gac that it’s lance
Pidge: fjakdf;A’FA’
Pidge: HE ATTACKED ME
+9 972-888-2022: pay UP !
Pidge: HE MOISTURIZED ME
+9 972-888-2022: BAHAHHAHAA
Pidge: IT STINGS
Lance: it’s GOOD for you
Lance: your skin will Thank you
Pidge: i will destroy you lance
Pidge: i could make it so JUST YOUR PHONE couldn’t access the wifi
Lance: never threaten a man’s wifi, pidge
Lance: never
+9 972-888-2022: guys this is nice
+9 972-888-2022: i’ve missed typing!!!
+9 972-888-2022: i think my thumbs are thanking me :’) you’re welcome thumbs :’)))
Lance added ‘+9 972-888-2022’ to Contacts
Lance changed the Conversation Name
Group Message to: kick ass go 2 space
Lance: it is nice to use my phone again ngl
Lance: i’ve had it stuffed in a drawer in here for so long so i wouldn’t have to look at it and feel sad
Hunk: relatable
Lance: OMFG
Lance: okay so like i was staring at these weird dates right?
Lance: side note: they’re uuuuhh rlly fuckin weird
Lance: like,,, the year ??? the MONTH? how many days are in an altean month wtf
Lance: anyway i converted it to earth time bc i’m smart like that
Lance: and apparently we were last on earth SEVEN MONTHS AGO????
Pidge: woah
Lance: i KNOW.
Pidge: i didn’t realize it’d been that long???
Hunk: yeah that’s freaky
Lance: omg
Lance: i missed my mom’s birthday :((((
Hunk: :(((
Lance: i’m a Horrible Son
Pidge: you’re missing in outer space you’re not a horrible son
Lance: i’m not missing! i’m defending the universe!!!
Pidge: to HER you’re missing
Lance: omg :((((((((
Hunk: you want me to come to your room buddy?
Hunk: i’ll bring the last of the chocolate i bought at that space shop
Hunk: and cuddle you
Lance: yes please :(
[14/69/20076 — 4:31]
Group Message to: kick ass go 2 space
Hunk: alright, i’m thinking we’re gonna have to do something nice here pidge
Pidge: i’ve never done anything nice in my life
Hunk: we need to share the Gift Of The Groupchat
Pidge: no
Hunk: wtf come on
Pidge: it took me like a solid,,, three hours to make your phone
Hunk: and with my HELP it could take you half that
Hunk: probably
Pidge: no one else even knows memes :(((
Hunk: you don’t know that
Lance: no no, pidge knows that
Lance: imagine it:
Lance: shiro would just be all ‘no cussing! we shouldn’t be texting in here at 3am because we’ve got to get up in 4 hours to train! zarkon’s bad!’
Hunk: zarkon IS bad
Pidge: and i mean we probably shouldn’t be up rn
Pidge: we DO have to wake up in 4 hours to train
Lance: even without this gc i’d be up rn
Hunk: but your beauty sleep???
Lance: you can’t help it when Insomnia Strikes
Pidge: tru
Hunk: anyway
Hunk: let’s make phones
Lance: NO !!!!
Lance: giving everyone phones will be the downfall of everything good and fun in the world
Lance: IMAGINE IT
Lance: allura will be all “i’m allura, i’m perfect, i can’t do anything wrong!!!” and i’ll be like “hey allura, i’m lance, whatup” and she’ll be like “ew stfu lance i don’t like you!!!”
Hunk: allura likes you lance
Hunk: what are you talking about
Lance: mmm p sure she secretly hates my guts
Pidge: wtf
Lance: pretty sure Everyone secretly hates my guts
Hunk: you’re dumb
Lance: tru
Hunk: NO ugh
Hunk: but you’re BEING dumb
Hunk: no one hates you
Lance: that’s just what someone who Secretly Hates me would say 0.0
Pidge: everyone secretly loves you actually
Pidge: anyway
Pidge: yeah i don’t think we should make everyone phones
Pidge: like, coran would just be confused
Pidge: and who even knows about keith
Pidge: that boy’s probably never even had a phone
Pidge: there’s no way he would get memes
Lance: yeah so we’re agreed then
Lance: no one gets phones but us
Lance: we’re the Exclusive Phone Gang
Lance changed the Conversation Name
Group Message to: the Exclusive Phone Gang
Pidge: and he’d be confused and like never have even taken a selfie or anything
Pidge: and he probably wouldn’t get texting lingo
Pidge: and lance wouldn’t be able to handle having him in the gc
Lance: wait what wtf
Lance: what are you talking about
Pidge: who, me?
Pidge: i’m only talking about your obvious and overwhelming crush on him
Lance: i don’t have a crush on keith wtf
Pidge: mhmmm
Lance: I LITERALLY DON’T
Lance: I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT
Pidge: yeah right
Lance: WTFFFFF
Lance: PIDGE
Lance: I DON’T HAVE A CRUSH ON KEITH
Hunk: hmmm
Lance: hunk WHAT THE FUCK
Lance: i’m serious wtf
Lance: just bc i’m bi doesn’t mean i go around getting crushes on the only available people around me
Pidge: u sure??? bc allura, keith
Lance: you forgot shiro
Pidge: oh right, allura keith and shiro, the three you have crushes on
Lance: WAIT UGH
Lance: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT
Lance: HNnnnngnaksfjd
Pidge: anyway yeah, you wouldn’t be able to handle having him in the chat
Lance: yes i fucking would
Lance: it would make no difference to me
Lance: other than the fact that i’d have to explain every little joke i made to keith
Pidge: which you would gladly do
Lance: stfu
Hunk: so we’re agreed then?
Hunk: make phones for everybody? add them in the gc?
Pidge: eh maybe not everybody
Pidge: we could start small
Lance: wtf guys! what about the Exclusive Phone Gang?
Lance: and PIDGE. i thought you were on MY SIDE?
Pidge: eh
Pidge: i’m fickle
Lance: yeah no kidding
Lance: fuckin traitor
Pidge: ¯\_( ツ )_/¯
[14/70/20076 — 15:02]
Group Message to: the Exclusive Phone Gang
Lance: alright guys i've been doing some thinking
Lance: and i’ve come up with a list of reasons of why we shouldn’t add anyone else to our group chat
Lance: number one:
Pidge added: +9 877-420-6669
Lance: are you fucking kidding me
+9 877-420-6669: What?
+9 877-420-6669: …Did you guys get that?
+9 877-420-6669: Pidge is this working?
Pidge: yeah it’s working
+9 877-420-6669: Oh okay.
+9 877-420-6669: It’s Keith.
Pidge: i love you keith
+9 877-420-6669: What???
Hunk: wahoo!!! the phone works!!!
+9 877-420-6669: Yeah.
Lance added +9 877-420-6669 to Contacts
Lance: well now that we’re all here
Keith: We’re not all here.
Keith: Aren’t there only four of us in here? Which of you guys is which anyway?
Lance: hunk here!
Hunk: no that’s lance
Hunk: don’t believe him
Lance: don’t try to trick keith, lance
Lance: that’s rude
Pidge: omfg
Keith: What???
Hunk: lance is just riling you up buddy
Hunk: I’M hunk
Lance: lance stop you’re being annoying
Lance: seriously dude i’m hunk
Keith: You guys are the worst.
Hunk: I’M NOT THE WORST
Hunk: LANCE is the worst!!!
Lance: playing it very smartly aren’t you lance :/
Keith: I’m gonna leave the group chat.
Pidge: ooooh no you won’t!!!
Pidge: not after all the hard work i put into making your phone!!!!
Keith: Okay so YOU’RE Pidge.
Pidge: yep! that’s me!
Hunk: and i’m hunk
Lance: says lance
Hunk: I’M GONNA KILL YOU LANCE
Keith: …
Pidge: hold on i’ll help you keith
Pidge shared Contacts ‘Stringbean’ and ‘Sir Hugsalot’
Lance: wtf
Lance: am i stringbean???????
Pidge: lmao
Pidge: what do YOU think
Lance: you’re the worst omg
Lance: i’ve just been putting your guys’s normal names as your contacts!!!!
Pidge: that’s your own fault
Lance: i hate you
Lance: i’m gonna change your name to gremlin
Pidge: oh yeah??
Pidge: p sure that would ruin your aesthetic
Lance: fuck off
Keith: It WAS lance tricking me!
Hunk: you didn’t seriously think i would be the one tricking you
Lance: i would do no such thing
Keith: Aren’t we going to add everyone else though?
Lance: patience is key, young padawan
Keith: What???
Lance: SIIIIIIIIIIIIGH
Lance: memeless? more like meaningless
Keith: What are you saying?
Lance: i’m saying that you’ve Tainted the group chat with your lack of modern knowledge
Lance: all jokes will flop
Lance: all memes… MEANINGLESS
Pidge: stfu lance
Pidge: you haven’t tainted the gc keith
Pidge: you’ve only improved it
Lance: SPOILED IT
Lance: SPOILED IT
Lance: SPOILED IT
Lance: (to the tune of spongebob saying “FOILED IT”)
Hunk: anyway
Hunk: yeah we’re gonna add everyone else soon
Hunk: we just have to finish making their phones
Hunk: but i’m glad yours is working okay
Keith: Yeah.
Keith: Thanks for making it for me.
Keith: I’ve never had a phone before.
Pidge: omg called it
Lance: jesus that literally sucks
Lance: rip u
Keith: Well no one wants to spend that much money on a foster kid.
Hunk: omg :(
Hunk: i’m sad now :((
Keith: Why?
Hunk: someone should’ve bought you a phone!!!
Keith: It’s not like I cared.
Keith: I wouldn’t have had anyone to text or anything.
Lance: alright let’s change the topic from keith’s tragic past
Lance: how long until our group chat is ruined with the presence of more people?
Pidge: omg stop acting like you’re not having a great time
Pidge: and not long now
Pidge: i’ll probably have them ready by tomorrow
Pidge: like i could have them ready by tonight but instead of working on them i’m watching this old altean horror movie??? the effects suck but i’m loving it
Lance: omg
Lance: and you didn’t invite me?????
Pidge: i work alone
Lance: i’m your biggest fan!!!!
Pidge: fly home, buddy
Keith: What the fuck is going on?
Hunk: it’s a reference
Lance: srsly i’m coming to watch with you
Pidge: it’s like halfway over you won’t get what’s going on
Lance: as if you get what’s going on!!! there aren’t even subtitles!!!!!!
Lance: i’m in it for the Movie Atmosphere
Lance: plus???? watching just half a movie ??? and the most exciting half of it ???
Lance: Perfect for that adhd life
Hunk: i’d join you but….
Hunk: horror movies
Hunk: *shivers*
Pidge: classic
Pidge: you comin keith?
Keith: Oh am I invited?
Pidge: 1) yes, i just invited you
Pidge: 2) you don’t even need to be invited wtf
Pidge: look at lance for example
Pidge: he just invited himself
Keith: Okay.
Pidge: so are you coming????
Keith: Yeah. I’ll be right there.
Lance: MOVIE NIGHT! MOVIE NIGHT! MOVIE NIGHT! MOVIE NIGHT!
Pidge: omfg
Lance: SNACKS??? DO YOU HAVE SNAKSC???
Pidge: calm tf down
Pidge: and no snacks
Pidge: i’m too lazy for that shit
Lance: BRBRBRBB
Lance: alright so i may have just bowled coran over
Pidge: WHAT
Lance: LISTEN
Lance: i couldn’t help it!!!!
Lance: i was wearing socks!! the floors are slippery!!!
Hunk: is coran okay???
Lance: i mean yeah he’s probably fine
Keith: Probably?
Lance: well i just jumped over him after i knocked him down
Lance: snacks in hand
Pidge: jesus lance
Lance: i said sorry! as i was running away!!!
Lance: anyway i’ll be right ther
Pidge: yeah hurry
Pidge: keith got here like three minutes ago
[14/70/20076 — 10:11]
Group Message to: the Exclusive Phone Gang
Lance: hey voltron fucks
Keith: Lance, what?
Pidge: LOL
Pidge: omg we need a fun team name
Keith: Voltron.
Lance: oMG WE DOOOOOOO
Keith: Our team name is Voltron.
Pidge: :///
Pidge: boooooring
Keith: We practically came with the name Voltron.
Lance: we could at least have individual group names
Pidge: YEAH
Keith: like what??
Lance: i mean me you and hunk could be the primary colors
Lance: that’s obvious
Keith: you want to make team names for every possible combination of us?
Lance: idk maybe
Pidge: oooh i see what you’re saying keith
Lance: he didn’t even say anything!!!
Pidge: well there’s like a million combinations of us, is what he’s saying
Pidge: especially if you’re including combinations of different amounts of people, which could be anywhere from 2 to 7, although i guess all 7 would be called voltron
Pidge: or maybe just the 5 paladins are voltron
Lance: wut
Pidge: think about it
Pidge: even with just you
Pidge: you and hunk, you and me, you and keith, you and me and keith, you and me and hunk, etc
Pidge: there’s a formula to figure out the actual number of combinations, but it’s be too much work to come up with team names for every combination there is. it’d be easier to just say our names at that point
Lance: dream team, meme team, steam team, white christmas, the og three, keep em coming
Pidge: omg
Keith: Are those supposed to be our team names?
Lance: yeah
Keith: they don’t even make sense
Lance: UM they make PERFECT SENSE thank u very much
Lance: me and hunk are just the dream team, it makes sense
Lance: me and pidge are obviously the meme team
Pidge: tru
Lance: fire and ice makes steam, so again, obvious
Pidge: totally the only reason u’d be the steam team
Lance: you and pidge are christmas colors and i’m the snow
Lance: and me hunk and pidge were the first friends
Keith: I mean.
Keith: Okay.
Keith: How’d you even come up with those names so fast?
Lance: i keep my abundance of team names locked and loaded at all time
Lance: i am the Height of preparedness
Pidge: seems fake but ok
Lance: appreciate me!!!!
Lance: speaking of appreciating me
Lance: where the hell is hunk???
Lance: and why on EARTH is he not appreciating me
Keith: More like why in space.
Lance: nuuuu
Lance: let me keep my earth expressions
Hunk: sorry i was in the shower
Lance: how dare you
Hunk: how dare i shower?
Lance: how dare you not be prepared to answer to my every whim at any time
Hunk: oh right, right
Hunk: so sorry about that
Lance: i’ll forgive you
Lance: for a PRICE
Pidge: alright u guys are lame
Pidge: i’m bored
Pidge: let’s do something
Lance: no can do
Lance: i JUST put on a face mask
Lance: i can’t tell if all these work outs shiro’s putting us through is good or bad for my skin
Lance: but i’m taking precautions just in case
Pidge: i can’t believe you hate me
Lance: :/
Pidge: that’s IT
Pidge: i’m making shiro a phone RIGHT NOW
Lance: PIDGE NO
Lance: MY MEMES
Lance: MY JOKES
Lance: MY SWEARS!!!!
Lance: HE’LL YELL AT ME FOR SWEARING PIDGE!!!!!
Keith: Why don’t you want Shiro in the chat?
Keith: That’s mean.
Keith: >:(
Lance: omfg
Hunk: omg
Pidge: omg
Keith: What?
Lance: YOU JUST USED AN EMOTICON
Lance: you never do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lance: who is this Imposter
Keith: It’s Keith.
Lance: exactly what an imposter would say! o.0
Pidge: was that real???
Pidge: i feel like he must’ve fallen on his phone and accidentally sent that angry face
Keith: No I made it myself.
Lance: little keefy’s growing up :’)
Hunk: :’D
Pidge: :OOOOOOOO
Keith: :]
Hunk: omg
Lance: OMGGGGG
Pidge: why the hell is this the cutest thing we’ve ever seen??
Keith: ;D
[14/72/20076 — 16:54]
Group Message to: the Exclusive Phone Gang
Pidge changed the Conversation Name
Group Message to: Respectable and Responsible Young Adults
Pidge: lance
Pidge: don’t be alarmed
Pidge: but it’s time
Lance: huh
Lance: you can’t just say something ominous like that
Lance: time for what??? am i late for something???
Pidge: no lance
Pidge: it’s Time
Pidge: time to Add The Dad
Lance: OH FUCK
Lance: NO
Lance: MY FREEDOM PIDGE
Lance: MY FREDEOM
Keith: Fredeom.
Lance: shut up KEITH
Hunk: Fredeom
Hunk: OW
Hunk: lance just punched me!!
Lance: don’t make fun of me when i’m in your room then :)))
Pidge: get out all your swears now bud
Lance: AAAAAHHHH
Lance: FUCK
Lance: HELL
Pidge added: +9 821-900-8787
Lance: SHIT
Lance: oh no
+9 821-900-8787: What’s with all the cursing Lance?
Lance: what the actual fuck
Lance: how’d you know it was me
+9 821-900-8787: Hunk doesn’t cuss, Pidge doesn’t cuss in front of me, and Keith doesn’t seem the type to text in all caps.
Lance added +9 821-900-8787 to Contacts
Lance: hmm
Lance: those were some great deduction skills
Shiro: Thanks Lance.
Pidge: here shiro
Pidge shared Contacts ‘Stringbean’, ’Sir Hugsalot’, and ‘McMullet’
Keith: Really? McMullet?
Keith: How Lance of you.
Pidge: actually lance really did name u that in my phone
Pidge: he wrestled me to do it
Lance: lmao guilty
Keith: It’s not even a mullet.
Lance: is too
Keith: You should change it.
Pidge: oooo u want me to change it???
Hunk: don’t do it keith, you don't know her power
Pidge: here are your options:
Pidge: Stinky Boi
Pidge: The Hash Slinging Slasher
Pidge: #4
Keith: I can’t even…
Keith: …
Keith: Really?
Keith: My height ranking?
Pidge: us short people have to stick together
Pidge: maybe sit on each other’s shoulders
Pidge: reach the high shelves for once
Keith: I’m not even that short.
Keith: Lance is barely even taller than me.
Lance: lie
Keith: I hate you.
Lance: lie
Pidge: :)
Keith: Shut up Pidge.
Lance: what
Keith: What?
Shiro: What’s going on
Pidge: hahahahhahahahah
Pidge: welcome to the gc shiro :)
[14/73/20076 — 2:14]
Group Message to: Respectable and Responsible Young Adults
Lance: everyone pay attention to me
Lance: immediately
Lance changed the Conversation Name
Group Message to: time to love lance!!!!
Keith: No.
Lance: stfu mullet
Lance: i know where u live
Lance: PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEE
Keith: You just told me to shut up.
Lance: UGH
Lance: i have exciting news to share!!!
Lance: if everybody would just pay me some attention immediately i could share it
Hunk: sorry buddy i’ve been cooking
Hunk: what’s up
Lance: first of all i lov u
Lance: thanks for showing up
Lance: and second i can’t say
Keith: Have I ever told you I hate you?
Lance: hmmm i don’t recall
Hunk: why can’t you tell me :(((
Lance: I can’t tell you YET
Lance: this is Big News
Lance: it’s worthy of everyone’s attention
Keith: Somehow I doubt that.
Lance: remind me to punch keith in the throat the next time i see him
Lance: xoxoxo
Lance: but seriously where is everyone
Lance: come heeeeere pidgey pidgey pidgey!!!!
Shiro: Is it an emergency?
Lance: if it was an emergency i wouldn’t be texting you guys
Lance: duh
Shiro: Just making sure.
Lance: if pidge isn’t here in seven seconds i’m going to commit
Keith: Commit what?
Lance: who knows
Lance: murder
Lance: suicide
Lance: tax fraud
Shiro: Very funny.
Lance: :(((( rude
Shiro: What???
Shiro: I said that was funny.
Hunk: ehh didn’t come across over text very well
Lance: yeah i thought u were being sarcastic
Shiro: Oh.
Shiro: I wasn’t.
Lance: try LOL next time
Lance: or LMAOOOO
Lance: or a good BAHAHAHHA is always good
Shiro: BAHAHAHAHA
Lance: jesus christ never mind
Lance: that’s terrifying
Keith: LOL
Lance: alright everyone cut it out!!!
Lance: act normally
Lance: keith
Lance: go brood somewhere
Lance: shiro
Lance: command us to do something
Lance: and hunk
Hunk: yeah?
Lance: keep doin what u doin
Lance: u perf boo
Hunk: ily
Keith: >:(
Lance: perfect!
Shiro: Tell us what your big news is.
Lance: that’s the spirit !!!
Shiro: No, really. What is it?
Lance: and leave pidge in the dark? i could never
Lance: we must Wait
Pidge: wait no longer!
Pidge: i’m here and i’m queer
Lance: LOL
Lance: rt
Keith: What?
Lance: pidge is queer
Lance: and i mentally retweeted that statement
Lance: bc i’m queer bb
Lance: bi specifically
Keith: Oh.
Pidge: lmao didn’t you know that keith??? :)
Keith: No.
Keith: Shut up.
Shiro: Now what’s your big news?
Lance: OH YEAH MY NEWS!!!!
Lance: WHOOP
Lance: okay so
Lance: as you all know my phone was out of commission until pidge decided to play god and create space wifi
Pidge: you’re welcome
Lance: yes, tyvm
Lance: but anyway
Lance: i hadn’t used my phone in forever until recently
Lance: i mean like it stayed charged bc ?? i think the castle’s magic does weird shit
Lance: in which case maybe that’s an experiment for pidge and hunk like
Lance: IS their electricity in the air?
Keith: There*
Lance: stfu i’m typing fast and not thinking
Lance: also ihy
Lance: but ANYWAY
Lance: i’d like,, shoved my phone away under my bed so i wouldn’t have to see it/think of home/be sad/etc etc
Lance: and i’d forgotten all the things i had on it
Lance: and most importantly, i’d forgotten about PICTURES
Keith: Don’t tell me all this build up is for a picture.
Lance: not just any picture, ol keithy boy
Lance: THIS is a selfie
Keith: Lance.
Pidge: lance.
Hunk: omg lance
Lance: IT’S IMPORTANT
Lance: i need attention and also validation
Lance: did you know i had like ??? almost 2000 instagram followers????
Lance: none of them even know what happened to this pretty face
Lance: and also no one’s even calling it pretty anymore so
Lance: anyway
Lance: [PICTURE SENT]
Hunk: awww you know what
Hunk: i miss instagram
Hunk: i miss all your selfies
Hunk: v cute lance :’)
Lance: THANK U HUNK
Lance: ILYYYYY
Pidge: a peace sign? really?
Lance: :(((
Lance: my brand
Pidge: siiigh
Pidge: although i will admit, you ARE the king of selfies
Pidge: i don’t think i’ve ever seen you take a bad one
Pidge: like, even when you’re trying to be ugly they come out good
Shiro: Very nice, Lance.
Shiro: Although I can’t believe your big news was just a selfie.
Pidge: really? you can’t? bc this is lance
Hunk: yeah dude
Hunk: seems pretty lance-like
Shiro: All right that’s true.
Lance: *angel emoji*
Pidge: did u just type “angel emoji”
Lance: until you figure out how to bring emoji’s back, yes
Lance: bc my emojis are GONE
Lance: space fucking killed them
Lance: rip forever
Pidge: hey wait
Pidge: where’d keith go
Lance: HEY YEAH
Lance: COME BACK HERE
Lance: GIVE ME VALIDATION YOU ASSHOLE
Pidge: yeah keith! validate lance! :))))
Keith: I’m not going to stroke your ego, Lance.
Lance: um rude
Pidge: i can think of another thing for you to stroke
Shiro: PIDGE.
Keith: Pidge what the fuck!
Lance: EW PIDGE!!!
Lance: YOU’RE A CHILD
Lance: YOU CAN’T SAY SHIT LIKE THAT
Pidge: i’m literally two years younger than you
Lance: in other words, a lifetime
Lance: i hope you don’t kiss your mother with that mouth
Pidge: i don’t
Pidge: not anymore lmao :)))
Hunk: oh no
Hunk: too real :(
Lance: yeah
Pidge: sorry
Pidge: let’s get back to keith then
Keith: Why?
Pidge: because you never complimented lance
Pidge: and that’s rude
Lance: yeah that’s rude
Keith: I’m not complimenting you, Lance.
Keith: Plus, would it kill you to wear a shirt?
Keith: Do you really just hang out in your room shirtless all day?
Lance: ummmm, yes????
Lance: it’s comfy
Lance: also idk if you’ve noticed but we’ve got a limited number of shirts out here
Lance: why dirty em when i could Not
Keith: For decency’s sake?
Lance: alright prude
Pidge: yeah, prude
Pidge: you’re the only one that even cares that lance is shirtless
Keith: Whatever.
Lance: uh oh
Lance: the pouty boy is mad
Hunk: LOL
Keith: Wtf.
Keith: I’m not pouty.
Shiro: Keith, you’re a little pouty.
Keith: What the hell, Shiro?!
Keith: Be on MY side.
Shiro: ¯\_( ツ )_/¯
Lance: BAHAHAHHAHA WHAAAAAT
Lance: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK
Lance: AGAHDFASDFHAHAHAHHAHA
Pidge: LOL
Hunk: OMG
Keith: I hate you all.
Lance: SHIROOOOOOOOO
Lance: oh my god this is amazing
Shiro: ¯\_( ツ )_/¯
Lance: god has blessed us on this day
Lance: thank u @ god
Pidge: *praying emoji*
Hunk: *praising emoji*
Lance: *tongue emoji*
Pidge: gross lance
Hunk: yeah ew
Lance: *sad dab emoji*
[14/77/20076 — 10:11]
Group Message to: time to love lance!!!!
Pidge: lance
Lance: whatup
Pidge: i know you’re resistant to change and that’s why i’m warning you beforehand
Pidge: out of the kindness of my heart
Lance: sounds fake but ok
Pidge: i’m giving allura a phone
Lance: ASKFJSH
Pidge: i’m gonna take that as a good thing
Lance: it most certainly is NOT !!!!!
Hunk: why you gotta make a big deal out of this every time lance
Hunk: just let it happen
Lance: because it IS a big deal
Lance: i have had specific reasons for not wanting to give everyone phones since the Beginning
Keith: Wait. Did you not want to give me a phone too?
Lance: of course!
Pidge: liar
Lance: I’M NOT LYING
Lance: the problem with keith was, and i indirectly quote “he won’t get my jokes and i’ll have to explain them all to him”
Keith: Oh.
Lance: yeah
Pidge: smh lance
Lance: what???
Pidge: read the situation
Lance: shit
Lance: look, keith
Lance: it’s really not that bad
Lance: i was just being dramatic
Lance: i actually don’t mind explaining jokes to you
Lance: PLS COME BACK
Lance: I DIDN’T MEAN TO HURT YOUR FEELINGSSSS
Lance: ILLLLYYYYYYY
Keith: What?
Lance: what
Keith: What does that mean?
Lance: ily????
Keith: Yeah.
Lance: oh
Hunk: it means “i love you” ^^
Keith: Oh.
Keith: Um.
Keith: Ily too, I guess.
Pidge: lolololol
Lance: it’s ily2
Lance: but thanks budgy
Lance: hugs all around, no feelings hurt
Shiro: Why are you guys always texting in here?
Shiro: We have training in ten minutes.
Lance: 10 doboshes, actually, which is more like 12 minutes sooo
Shiro: And wait, you didn’t want anyone else in the group chat?
Lance: for good reason
Lance: yours being that you’re our dad
Shiro: I’m like three years older than you.
Lance: yours being that you’ll call me out for anything inappropriate**
Shiro: That’s never stopped you before.
Lance: yours being that even now i’m lowkey Intimidated™ by you****
Shiro: Wait, really?
Lance: MOVING ON.
Lance: there’s an OBVIOUS reason why we shouldn’t add allura
Lance: actually, reasons
Lance: plural
Lance: and you wanna know what those reasons are????
Pidge: i have a feeling you’re about to tell us no matter what we say, so
Lance: ALRIGHT, I’LL TELL YOU.
Lance: numero uno!
Lance: she’s like, literally our boss
Lance: everything we say in here Can And Will be used against us in the court of law
Pidge: wtf
Hunk: i thought shiro was the boss
Lance: he’s more like the manager
Lance: he’s the head of voltron, sure, but allura is the fucking president of the company
Keith: Couldn’t you just say she’s the princess of Altea?
Lance: POINT IS, she’s In Charge
Lance: if any one of us goof off in here or decide to complain about some mission or something, she’ll see it all
Shiro: I’m still stuck on the fact that you didn’t want me in the group chat.
Lance: now ISN’T the time for your hurt feelings you muscular heathen
Hunk: did lance just call shiro a muscular heathen
Pidge: why yes indeed i think he did
Keith: His muscles aren’t even that big.
Pidge: LOLLL
Lance: EVERYONE SHUT UP!
Lance: the other blatant, obvious reason why we Cannot add Allura into the chat….
Lance: ….
Lance: …………….
Lance: …………………………………….
Keith: Please tell me you’re not waiting for us to respond so that you can be dramatic.
Lance: IS BECAUSE
Lance: I’ll never be able to send another selfie again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pidge: aaaaaand of course that’s the reason
Keith: I don’t see why not.
Keith: None of us minded your selfie, I don’t see why she would.
Pidge: omg
Lance: that’s not the point
Lance: the POINT is that allura is like an actual angel and i can’t compete with that shit
Lance: i can’t send my trash selfies when allura is present
Hunk: sure you can!
Hunk: also they’re not trash
Hunk: and also i know she won’t judge you
Hunk: she’ll probably be excited about selfies herself
Pidge: yeah she totally won’t care
Pidge: and trash selfies are part of the fun
Pidge: [IMAGE SENT]
Lance: LOLLLL
Hunk: oh god that’s a new angle
Shiro: I never thought I’d be in a position of looking up at Pidge.
Shiro: Literally straight up your nostrils.
Pidge: thank u
Shiro: [IMAGE SENT]
Lance: OMMGGGG ADSFAJKLK
Pidge: WHAT is that smile omg ily
Hunk: [IMAGE SENT]
Lance: angel
Lance: perfect
Pidge: literally the sun wtf
Hunk: shut up i was being ugly
Lance: LIT
Lance: LIE****
Pidge: LIT
Hunk: LIT
Keith: [IMAGE SENT]
Lance: adflakjsd
Pidge: BAHHA U BROKE LANCE
Shiro: Aw that’s a cute selfie Keith!
Keith: Thanks.
Keith: It’s the first one I’ve ever taken.
Hunk: looks great dude!!!
Lance: FIRST ONE?? ADFIGRHVBW
Keith: What’s wrong with you?
Pidge: i’m fucking dying lmaoooooooo
Lance: i need to sit down
Pidge added: +9 571-880-7453
Lance: i might just die
+9 571-880-7453: oh no!!! are you joking?
Pidge shared Contacts ‘Stringbean’, ‘Sir Hugsalot’, ‘McMullet’, and ‘Captain Obvious’
Lance: AAAH
Lance: ALLURA
+9 571-880-7453: yes!!!
+9 571-880-7453: are you okay?
Lance: yeah i’m fine!
Lance: keith’s just killing me out here
Lance: his selfie game’s too strong
Keith: Wait what?
Hunk: omg
+9 571-880-7453: selfie game?
Pidge: it’s taking a picture of yourself
Pidge: p fun
Pidge: lance does it a lot, show her lance
Lance: ahahaha no the princess doesn’t want to see that
Lance added ‘+9 571-880-7453’ to Contacts
Lance changed the Conversation Name
Group Message to: the gang's all here
Allura: yes i do!
Allura: it sounds fascinating, is this human culture?
Allura: you must teach me how to do it!
Lance: UGH
Lance: FINE
Lance: just remind me to step on pidge’s face later
Allura: i…
Allura: i don’t think i will, if that’s all right
Pidge: fine with me! :)
Lance: [IMAGE SENT]
Lance: sorry lmao idk why i’m making that face
Lance: but like yeah adfadf
Lance: that’s a selfie
Allura: what does ‘adfadf’ mean? is it an acronym?
Allura: and that looks good! it must be hard to get it right so quickly!
Lance: ADJLFSDF
Allura: is that another acronym???
Hunk: they’re not acronyms
Hunk: they’re just key smashes
Hunk: like when you’re feeling too many emotions to just properly express yourself
Hunk: so you smash all over the keyboard
Lance: yep yep yep
Lance: they’re also gay culture ¯\_( ツ )_/¯
Lance: sorry i don’t make the rules
Shiro: key smashing is gay culture?
Lance: ya we claimed it
Keith: sdfsdk
Pidge: omg
Lance: you take that back!!! that’s for gays only!!!
Keith: I know.
Lance: wait what
Lance: keith you’re gay???
Keith: I thought it was obvious.
Shiro: Congratulations Keith! :)
Hunk: yeah it was p obvious
Hunk: unless you’re unobservant
Lance: hey! i’m plenty observant!
Allura: congratulations keith! have fun smashing keys from here on out!
Keith: Thank you princess.
Keith: cxvzb
Keith: Ugh.
Keith: I feel like mine look weird compared to everyone else’s?
Lance: nah dude they’re fine
Lance: they’re supposed to be random
Pidge: adsljfasldf
Lance: sfjsdfasf
Keith: eifqownzxcv
Lance: THIS IS THE BESTEST GAYEST PARTY WAHOOOOO
Lance: OMG THIS CALLS FOR A CHANGE IN TEAM NAME
Allura: you no longer want to be voltron???
Lance: NOT THAT TEAM NAME
Lance: THE WHITE CHRISTMAS TEAM NAME
Lance: ME PIDGE AND KEITH ARE, FROM NOW ON, TEAM GAY
Keith: Oh my god.
Pidge: this is great omf
Allura: you have individual team names? since when?
Lance: oh i was making them a while ago
Shiro: Do I have any?
Lance: you certainly can have some
Lance: name urself a team
Shiro: Me and Keith.
Lance: broganes, done
Lance: bc kogane and shirogane
Lance: keep em coming
Pidge: not this again oml
Shiro: Me and you, me you and Keith, me Hunk and Pidge.
Shiro: Wow there are a lot of possibilities for individual team names.
Pidge: yeah i was talking about this before
Pidge: there’s a formula for it
Pidge: including coran in the option of team making, there’s about 5040 possibilities for pairing us up, as long as we can be in pairs of any number greater than 2
Allura: well then it doesn’t really make sense to create team names for each possibility then
Allura: at that point it’s just easier to say each other’s names
Pidge: exactly what i said
Lance: you’re Too Late
Lance: i already created more team names
Lance: team bruise, team intimidation, and team smartypants
Hunk: alright just go ahead and explain it
Hunk: we know you want to
Lance: thought you’d never ask!
Lance: shiro and my’s team comes from the saying “black and blue like a bruise”
Lance: me keith n shiro are team intimidation bc i’m intimidated by both of them
Lance: and team smartypants is bc u and pidge are geniuses and shiro wears the pants in the relationship, i don’t make the rules
Keith: There is so much to process…
Lance: don’t bother! topic moving along now!
Lance: you ever figure out how to do that selfie princess?
Allura: i think so
Allura: how does this look?
Allura: [IMAGE SENT]
Lance: WOW
Lance: 10/10 amazing
Lance: will u excuse me for a moment
Lance left the conversation
Keith: Woah what the fuck?
Keith: I didn’t know you could actually leave the conversation.
Allura: did i somehow offend him???
Pidge: no he’d just being a dramatic idiot
Pidge added Lance to the conversation
Pidge: welcome back to hell
Lance: perfect thank u
Lance: i’m going to bed
Shiro: We should all go to bed.
Shiro: It’s getting late.
Lance: PIDGE?? HUNK?
Lance: I SO TOLD YOU GUUUUYYYYYSSSSSS
Lance: THAT HE WOULD MAKE US GO TO BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pidge: but you were already planning to go to bed
Lance: DOESN’T MATTER
Lance: STILL COUNTS
Lance: GOOD NIGHT
[15/1/20076 — 23:53]
Group Message to: the gang’s all here
Lance: let’s talk about earth things we miss
Lance: WOOOAH HEY
Lance: IT’S A NEW MONTH!!!!! NEW MONTH GUYS!!!!
Pidge: that sounds like a horrible idea
Hunk: yeah buddy you’re just gonna make yourself sad
Lance: so no one’s gonna pay attention to the new month, huh??
Lance: and fine, i’ll start w/o u guys
Lance: rain
Lance: ….
Lance: ….
Lance: ocean
Lance: not just swimming in it but hearing it too
Lance: and walking on the beach
Keith: The sun.
Keith: And the desert.
Lance: campfires
Keith: Cold nights.
Lance: family
Keith: Privacy.
Lance: home
Keith: Different jackets.
Lance: oh my goooodddd yes
Lance: all my clothes
Lance: my fam’s laundry detergent
Keith: Anything that’s not food goo.
Lance: YES
Lance: bigger beds
Keith: Familiar routines.
Lance: i think i’m getting tired now
Keith: Nice.
Keith: Goodnight Lance.
Lance: night buddy
[15/2/20076 — 1:04]
Group Message to: the gang’s all here
Hunk: well that was sad :(
[15/3/20076 — 4:14]
Group Message to: the gang’s all here
Lance changed the Conversation Name
Group Message to: Exhaustion City
Lance: it should b illegal to attack voltron in the middle of the night
Hunk: rt
Pidge: big mood
Keith: I’m never waking up again.
Lance: me neither bud
Shiro: We should all go back to bed and rest up. You never know when the Galra could find us again.
Allura: shiro’s right. please get some sleep everyone!!!
Lance: zZzzZzZ
[15/4/20076 — 13:45]
Group Message to: Exhaustion City
Keith: Is everyone doing something right now?
Lance: woah keith
Lance: you never initiate conversations in the gc!!!
Lance changed the Conversation Name
Group Message to: bb keith is growing up :’)
Keith: Well I just did.
Keith: And never mind.
Lance: no wait come back
Lance: i’m just joking dude
Lance: what’s up???
Keith: I was just wondering if everyone was busy.
Keith: I’m bored and I can’t just go and train.
Lance: ah yes, that wouldn’t be v good for the billion injuries you obtained last night
Lance: seriously u gotta draw back when you’re bleeding all over the place
Lance: but i’m not doing anything rn
Lance: what’re u tryna do
Keith: I don’t know.
Keith: Something.
Keith: I just think I’m gonna go out of my mind if I have to keep sitting here and doing nothing.
Keith: I’ve already read like two whole books.
Lance: ew
Lance: absolutely disgusting
Lance: hard can’t relate
Lance: but i’ll think of something to do don’t u worry
Lance: i am the king of killing boredom
Lance: you’re in ur room right?
Keith: Yeah.
Lance: alright b right there!!!!
Lance: prepare to have lots o fun!1!!!1
Keith: Why do I feel like I’m going to end up regretting this?
Lance: stfu!!!
Lance: so is everyone else busy then? is it just gonna be me n mullet
Pidge: yeah sorry
Hunk: i’m rlly busy
Allura: i’m helping coran with something
Shiro: Yeah I’m busy too.
Shiro: You two have fun though!
Lance: damn alright losers
Lance: and we totally will
Lance: y’all r gonna feel jealous
Lance changed the Conversation Name
Group Message to: party city
[15/5/20076 — 5:43]
Group Message to: party city
Lance: heeyyy remember when i said i’d never text if it was an actual emergency??
Lance: well
Lance: i lied
Lance: also if any of u haven’t seen me on the castleship recently it’s bc i’ve been uhhh,,, Kidnapped
Lance: paladinnapped
Lance: i shouldn’t have gone out but we’ve been on this planet all night and there was that beach and i couldln’t help it
Lance: they took my helmet and bayard and they were gonna take my phone but they were like ?? “wtf is this primitive object?”
Lance: “whatever it doesn’t matter he can keep his primitive object”
Lance: like they literally kept saying primitive
Lance: i really hope these texts are sending
Lance: ik you guys are asleep but please wake up
Lance: beneath my jokey, humorous exterior i am actually uuuuuuh Scared
Lance: one of them said something about breaking my legs for fun so!!!
Lance: hahahah!!!! :))))))
Lance: pls fucking wake up sskdkfj
Message(s) Failed To Send — Try again?
[15/5/20076 — 8:41]
Group Message to: party city
Pidge: has anyone seen lance???
Pidge: he didn’t sleep in any of your rooms did he?
Hunk: no, but did you check his room?
Pidge: yeah i checked his first
Pidge: he usually always eats breakfast at the same time as me
Pidge: …. where’s keith
Keith: I’m here.
Keith: And whatever you’re thinking, stop it.
Keith: You’re wrong.
Pidge: so lance ISN’T sleeping in your bed tonight?
Allura: what???? why would he be? why would he sleep in anyone else’s bed??
Pidge: oh, different reasons
Keith: Literally shut up.
Keith: He’s not in here.
Keith: Is his lion still here?
Pidge: yeah i checked there right after i checked his room
Pidge: i can’t find him anywhere
Allura: i’ll go call for him over the comm system
Hunk: wait yeah this is really weird
Hunk: lance like, always has his phone on him nowadays
Hunk: he’s always in the gc too
Shiro: Lance, if this is a joke…
Pidge: i don’t think it’s a joke
Pidge: if he seriously doesn’t show up after allura’s announcement…
[15/6/20076 — 21:16]
Group Message to: party city
Lance: i don’t know how long i’ve been here
Lance: it’s really dark in here
Lance: my messages aren’t sending
Lance: my legs hurt
Lance: less now, though
Lance: i think they’re starting to go numb actually so that’s nice
Lance: i miss you guys
Lance: please find me
Message(s) Failed To Send — Try again?
[15/7/20076 — 5:04]
Group Message to: party city
Lance: i think there’s something in the walls
Lance: or maybe i’m hearing things
Message(s) Failed To Send — Try again?
[15/8/20076 — 13:54]
Group Message to: party city
Lance: okay but it’s really fuckin nuts how our phones don’t die out here
Lance: even this galra ship is magic apparently
Lance: an ever-charging phon
Lance: that can’t be good for the battery
Message(s) Failed To Send — Try again?
[15/9/20076 — 17:11]
Group Message to: party city
Lance: the probability of creating wifi in space seems really slim doesn’t it
Lance: like…. i’m not sure it’s even possible
Lance: oh god i didn’t imagine all of this right????
Lance: pidge really did create wifi??? really did make this group chat????
Message(s) Failed To Send — Try again?
[15/10/20076 — 1:01]
Group Message to: party city
Lance: i love you guys
Lance: like really really
Lance: you guys are my family
Lance: i really really love you all
Message(s) Failed To Send — Try again?
[15/11/20076 — 7:32]
Group Message to: party city
Lance: i think i hear something out there but i’m too scared to hope
Lance: but i really want it to be you guys
Lance: please be you guys
Lance: please please please be you guys
Lance: pls
Message(s) Failed To Send — Try again?
[15/11/20076 — 23:40]
Group Message to: party city
Pidge: i think that was the worst week of my entire life
Shiro: It’s okay now.
Shiro: We got him back.
Shiro: He’s going to be okay.
Hunk: he looked so pale…
Shiro: He’s strong. You guys know he is.
Shiro: He’ll make it through this.
Allura: shiro’s right.
Allura: we must not let our hopes get down. we’ll all need to be here and in high spirits when lance awakes
Pidge: is keith still sitting in front of his pod?
Allura: i’d rather not say, seeing as he’s in this group chat
Pidge: trust me, he won’t spare a glance for his phone now that lance is back
Allura: then yes
Allura: he’s still sitting in front of his pod
Hunk: poor keith :((
Shiro: Yes…
Shiro: I’m not sure if he’s slept all week.
Pidge: he for sure hasn’t
Pidge: i’ve caught him pacing the halls
Shiro: Maybe I should check on him.
Pidge: oh yeah i’m sure he’ll like that
Pidge: he’ll just love being caught sitting in front of lance’s pod
Pidge: you should probably make a lot of noise so he knows you’re there too
Shiro: Oh my god, guys.
Hunk: what????
Hunk: is lance okay?
Hunk: is he out of the pod?
Shiro: Lance is fine.
Shiro: He’s still in the pod.
Shiro: It’s Keith.
Allura: what?!? what happened to him???
Shiro: Nothing, nothing!
Shiro: It’s just.
Shiro: He’s sleeping in front of the pod.
Pidge: no way
Shiro: He’s using his jacket as a pillow.
Pidge: nO WAY
Pidge: pics or it didn’t happen
Shiro: I mean, I don’t know if I should…
Pidge: PICS
Pidge: OR
Pidge: IT
Pidge: DIDN’T
Pidge: HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shiro: [IMAGE SENT]
Pidge: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Pidge: this is Almost worth having lance captured for a week over
Hunk: holy shit
Pidge: i’m just joking i don’t mean it at all
Pidge: i’m sorry dfaldf
Pidge: literally just trying to diffuse the tension and stop thinking about it
Pidge: i can’t stop seeing how ragged he looked
Pidge: and his legs…
Hunk: no no you’re okay
Hunk: and he would totally do the same
Hunk: actually i bet he’ll be making jokes about it as soon as he’s awake
Hunk: you know him
Shiro: GUYS.
Shiro: LANC’ES POD ISO PENING
Pidge: incoherent texting shiro omg
Pidge: WAIT WHAT
Pidge: HOLY SHIT I’M COMING
Shiro: NO WAIT DON’T
Shiro: PIDGE DON’T COME
Shiro: NO ONE COME
Pidge: what the fuck??? why not????
Hunk: omg pidge
Hunk: u said the f word to shiro
Hunk: also yeah wth shiro??? I WANT TO SEE LANCE.
Shiro: Everyone shut up!
Shiro: You guys’ll never believe this.
Pidge: TELL US YOU HOE
Allura: i agree with pidge
Allura: aside from calling you a gardening tool
Shiro: Lance got out of the pod and saw Keith laying in front of it.
Shiro: And he JOINED HIM.
Shiro: They’re both just laying in front of the pod right now???
Shiro: Lance just laid down and started cuddling with Keith.
Pidge: what
Pidge: the
Pidge: fuck
Pidge: pics or it didn’t fucking happen
Shiro: [IMAGE SENT]
Pidge: holy shit
Hunk: oh my god
Shiro: [IMAGE SENT]
Shiro: [IMAGE SENT]
Allura: well that’s just adorable!
Pidge: I’M SCREAMING
Pidge: WHAT THE FUUUUUCCKKKKK
Pidge: oh my fucking god we cannot let them see this chat
Hunk: oh crap
Hunk: you’re right you’re so right
Allura: what?? why not??
Pidge: if lance scrolls back and sees this he’ll freak out
Pidge: he’s so in denial about liking keith
Pidge: but it’s rlly fuckin obvious
Pidge: but if he sees this he’ll FREAK OUT and like retreat and deny everything and it’ll be a huge mess
Hunk: pidge is right
Shiro: Oh no.
Shiro: I’m sorry.
Shiro: I shouldn’t have sent those pictures.
Pidge: uuuumm yes u absolutely should have lmao
Pidge: we’re just going to have to destroy this chat
Hunk: :(((
Pidge: i’m sorry hunk
Pidge: but it’s gotta happen
Hunk: i know :(((
Hunk: i just really like texting
Pidge: it won’t be forever dw
Pidge: when we were dragging lance off that ship he was saying something to keith remember?
Pidge: something about none of us answering his texts?
Pidge: well i’ll say our gc’s broken bc of something to do with lance trying to text us when he was on the galra ship
Pidge: say that it corrupted our wifi or something
Hunk: that literally makes no sense
Pidge: doesn’t matter
Pidge: lance’ll buy it
Pidge: i’ll make it sound all technical until he just tunes me out
Allura: aw man
Allura: so i guess this is goodbye :((
Pidge: for now
Pidge: operation Get Those Two Idiots Together begins now
Pidge changed the Conversation Name
Group Message to: Get Those Two Idiots Together
Pidge: uploading a virus now
Pidge: gbye forever
Pidge: 134im.file.open
Pidge: H
Pidge: h — H h — h 134.im.file.open H
Pidge shared Contact ‘STRngben’
Pidge changed the Conversation Name
Group Message to: 28271.grab.0010110.file.open.22822
Delete All Messages?
[15/34/20076 — 10:30]
Direct Message to: Lance
Pidge: hey
Lance: OMG
Lance: PIDGE NO WAY
Lance: NO FUCKING WAY
Lance: YOU UNCORRUPTED OUR WIFI?
Lance: I’M FUCKING SOBBING THANK YOU
Lance: THAN KYOU THANK YOU THANKS YU
Lance: I’M SO SORRY FOR BREATKING IT
Lance: I MISSED TEXTING
Pidge: it’s okay!!!!!!!!
Pidge: seriously it’s okay don’t worry about it
Pidge added: Hunk
Pidge added: Keith
Pidge added: Shiro
Pidge added: Allura
Lance: THE GANG’S ALL HERE
Lance changed the Conversation Name
Group Message to: REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD
Lance: SOB
Hunk: the gc’s back!!!!
Hunk: HALLELUJAH!
Lance: I’M CRYING
Shiro: Oh good!
Shiro: This distraction is back.
Lance: stfu u love it shiro
Lance: you’re a texting fiend i Know It
Allura: oh yay!!!!
Allura: texting really is fun!
Keith: I thought the group chat was broken?
Keith: Pidge said something about Lance’s phone bringing back a virus once it reconnected to our wifi?
Lance: KEITH!!!!
Lance: you’re HERE!!!!
Lance changed ‘Keith’’s Contact Information
Lance: and she got rid of the virus
Lance: :’’’))))))
Lance: that’s why we love our pidgey SOBBBB
Boyf: Well I’m glad she fixed it.
Boyf: I actually really like texting.
Boyf: It’s nice.
Lance: you’re nice ;)
Boyf: Stfu.
Shiro: Yeah I’m gonna go ahead and say no flirting in the group chat.
Shiro: We see enough of that in real life.
Lance: u literally can’t pretend me n keith aren’t the cutest couple you’ve ever seen
Hunk: okay actually i’m siding with lance for once
Lance: HUNK ILY
Lance: THE LOML
Pidge: as much as i hate to admit it,,,
Pidge: you guys are really cute
Pidge: like ???? it’s just obvious how happy u guys make each other
Pidge: and ur just really comfortable and happy now it’s easy to see
Lance: keith is blushing
Pidge: you’re together???
Lance: ya
Lance: i ran in here after u texted me
Lance: had to share the exciting news
Boyf: I’m not blushing.
Lance: he’s lying lmao
Lance: [IMAGE SENT]
Boyf: WTF LANCE.
Lance: WOAH
Hunk: OMG
Pidge: WOW
Lance: I MADE HIM TEXT IN ALL CAPS
Lance: BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Lance: I’M RUBBING OFF ON HIM!!!!!
Pidge: ew
Lance: what?
Lance: oh
Lance: PIDGE
Lance: get ur mind out of the gutter!!!!
Pidge: ¯\_( ツ )_/¯
Pidge: at least we can now finally agree why u and keith are team steam
Pidge: lmao
Pidge: “fire and water make steam uwu”
Lance: SHUT UP
Lance: THAT’S REALLY WHAT I WAS THINKING AT THE TIME
Shiro: Where is everyone?
Shiro: I thought we all agreed to meet in the training room at this time.
Lance: that was b4 pidge played god and created wifi for the second time
Lance: can’t u see that nothing else matters anymore
Boyf: I’ve been trying to go down there Shiro.
Boyf: But Lance won’t let me get up.
Lance: lie
Lance: that’s a lie shiro
Boyf: He’s laying on me.
Lance: LIIIIEEEEEEEEE
Boyf: [IMAGE SENT]
Lance: consider us broken up
Boyf: You would never.
Lance: tru
Pidge: disgusting
Pidge: i didn’t sign up for this ooeygooey crap
Pidge: i’m here for the MEMES
Lance: come for the memes, stay for the ooeygooey crap
Pidge: you wish
Pidge: i’m gonna go train with shiro
Pidge: bye losers
Hunk: i guess i’ll go too
Hunk: don’t want shiro to be mad at me
Shiro: Good choice.
Allura: i’m already on my way!
Lance: you’re all losers!!!
Boyf: Just get off me and we can go train too.
Lance: talk out loud you coward
Boyf: No.
Boyf: I want it on the record that I’m trying to go train.
Lance: FINE
Lance: we can go train
Lance: race u there
Keith: Chearjafa
Keith: DAFNnasdLssdf
Pidge: LOL i guarantee they’re running through the halls rn
Hunk: i just heard them screaming
Hunk: so you’re definitely right
Pidge: lmao classic
Pidge: i’m gonna hide behind the door and trip them
Shiro: Pidge, no.
Pidge: too late i’m already in position *angel emoji*
Shiro: Pidge…
Pidge: can’t hear you!!! turning off my phone!!!!
[15/34/20076 — 17:02]
Group Message to: REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD
Lance: i fucking hate you pidge
Pidge: I’M SO SORRY
Pidge: I REALLY DIDN’T THINK YOU WOULD BREAK YOUR NOSE
Lance: just count yourself lucky i didn’t come out of this pod with a crooked nose
Lance: then ur life would really be over
Boyf: he’s just being dramatic
Boyf: he’s fine guys
Lance: yeah i am ;)
Shiro: Dinner’s ready guys.
Lance: NICE
Lance: goo me up!
Hunk: pls don’t say that
Lance: sorry can’t hear u, about to challenge keith to a race to the kitchen
Hunk: PLEASE be joking
Hunk: oooof course you weren’t
Hunk: you guys are literally the worst
Lance: you love us :)
Lance: also keith totally smashed his phone while we were racing lmao
Lance: so @ pidge
Lance: ur gonna wanna fix that up
Pidge: i fucking hate you guys
Lance: you owe me
Lance: for BREAKING MY NOSE!!!!
Lance: you do realize my nose is an important aspect of this money maker???
Pidge: i think you’re in debt
Lance: um fucking rude
Lance: actually u kno what
Lance left the conversation