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“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Magnus Bane.” A voice called him over as he sat in an old English pub, the bottle of scotch emptying at an alarming rate.
“David!” Magnus replied with a smile as he saw the guy behind the voice, “how are you?”
“I’m great, old friend. How about you?” David asked, sitting down beside Magnus as he ordered a martini.
“I’m getting by.” Magnus replied, “the same old Bombay Sapphire. Never change Bowie.”
“Never will. What brings you to London this time? I haven’t seen you around for years.”
“Just visiting an old friend, tell me, how’s your life? Any new albums I should be on the lookout for?”
“I've been writing songs, not sure if it's an album yet. But my life hasn’t been better Magnus. It never felt this good.” David replied as he sipped on his martini.
“I’m happy for you, last time I saw you this chirpy was after that concert in Glasgow.”
“That was a good one. But last year I met the love of my life, her name is Iman. And let me tell you, there’s no better feeling than to love and to be loved someone who’s made for you.” The entranced smile on his face as he talked about her made Magnus hurt deep in his chest.
“Love of your life? Are you sure it isn’t just in your head? I mean, how can you even discern that?”
“When did you turn into such a non-believer?”
“I haven’t, just questioning.” Magnus replied as he poured the last bit of scotch into his glass.
“Don’t question love, my friend. It is real, so are soulmates.” David replied, before ordering two martinis, “Johnny my boy, pour us two.” he asked, pointing at his empty martini glass.
“Thank you.” Magnus said to the bartender before turning to face David, an apprehension clear in his eyes as he spoke, “What’s it like? Being with the love of your life.”
“It’s... It’s like when you see this person enter the room, nothing else matters other than them, you just feel complete in their presence, like the emptiness you kept hidden for years is finally filled up by their radiance. And when you talk, all the pain in your heart gets lighter. When they smile, you’d want to melt right into them to feel their happiness. And their sadness pains you just as it would your own. It’s nothing like you can imagine, just pure blissful love.”
“That sounds... Impossible.” Magnus replied with a chuckle, just enough to hide away the burden of loneliness.
“How it sounds doesn’t matter when you’ll get to feel it.”
“I doubt that'll ever happen. I’m currently happy with just myself and love doesn't seem like it's worth all the hassle.”
“Magnus, I know there are certain things you haven’t told me, but don’t consider me impotent. I am aware you aren’t exactly like the rest of us. But every breathing human needs love my friend, and you are no exception.”
“I’m not planning on searching for love anytime soon.”
“That’s the beauty of it Magnus, it finds you. When the time is right, it’ll come crashing through the walls of your heart. Sudden and all-consuming.”
“Sounds painful.”
“That it can be. But it’s worth every bit of that pain.” David replied, both settling into an amicable silence after that. David trying to enjoy his quiet night out while waiting for Iman, and Magnus trying to ignore the feeling of emptiness.
“Dave,” Magnus and David turned when they heard a quiet voice, “there you are.”
Iman made her way towards the bar stools, giving a quick peck to David before turning to face Magnus with a raised eyebrow, “Iman, this is an old friend of mine, Magnus.”
“Nice to meet you.” Magnus said, turning to face Iman sitting next to David.
“Likewise.”
“Magnus here has turned into a bit of a non-believer on love.”
“Oh?” Iman stated, walking over to stand close to David, her arm around his waist as she leaned closer, “why’s that Magnus?”
“Oh you know, life keeps making you change perspectives. Sometimes it’s hard to believe there’s someone out there for everyone.” Magnus spoke up after drowning his martini.
It’s not an observation he made in a few years, but rather from centuries of failed and tragic romances. He has loved and lost a lot of people, but not a single person was made just for him, not a single person he could call his own.
“I think I can understand that. But I now believe everyone has a predestined person who’d make your yesterdays less painful and tomorrows much brighter,” David said, before turning to face Iman, giving her a kiss on the cheek, he continued, “a person who’s yours just as much as you are theirs.”
“A person who’s yours just as much as you are theirs.” Magnus muttered, recalling the last time he ever spoke with the tremendous singer. As ‘Starman’ played on his stereo, he couldn’t help but think how he’s outlived yet another wonder.
“Magnus?” Alec’s sleepy voice got him out of his melancholic nostalgia. Magnus turned to see Alec standing near the bedroom door in just a pair of sweatpants, his hair completely messy as he ran his fingers through it.
“I was sure I had contained the music to this room.” Magnus stated as he switched off the stereo with a click of his fingers.
“It was quiet in the bedroom, what’s wrong?” Alec let out a yawn as he walked forward to sit beside Magnus.
“Just thinking.”
Alec remained silent, his gaze fixed on him as he waited for Magnus to speak more, hoping that he’d talk to him and remove the painful distance that accumulates every time one of Alec’s birthday passes.
“An old friend once told me how true love feels like. I know a lot about love, and you’re well aware of that. But true love, it seemed like a myth. He wanted to convince me that it isn’t.” Magnus spoke after a while, almost in a whisper, “I never did believe him until you came into my life.”
“Magnus…” Alec started to speak, a feeling of guilt strong in his heart. Magnus silenced him with a finger to his lips, not wanting to hear a sad reply or even an ‘I love you too.’
“Let me finish,” Magnus said, his eyes filling with unshed tears as he became overwhelmed with the pain of having to lose Alec, “You made my life brighter Alexander. With every word you spoke, every smile you gave, every laugh we shared, every argument we had, you made my long life finally worth living, for myself. And I love you, I love you more than I can comprehend. And I’ll keep loving you even after you’ve left this world, I’ll keep loving you until my very last breath.”
Alec moved to sit closer to Magnus, taking his hand in his he started speaking, “Magnus, don’t say that. I love you too much to even think that if I die, you’ll spend the rest of your life in sadness.”
“I won’t be able to let you go,” Magnus said after a moment of stillness, finally letting himself speak the truth he had been avoiding. He couldn’t hold back his tears anymore as he finally made himself accept the fact that he’ll end up alone all over again. Alec leaned forward to hug him, and Magnus pulled him closer, wanting to find the comfort in the familiar heat and smell.
“You don’t have to.” Alec whispered, pulling away to face him instead, “I didn’t want to say anything in case it doesn’t work out. I didn’t want to bring yours or my hopes up.”
“What are you talking about?” Magnus asked, wiping away the tears. Alec could hear the concern in his voice as he added, “please don’t tell me you’re thinking about turning into one of us, you are doing so well in the shadowhunter community to get condemned now. They’ll erase all the changes you achieved.”
“No, that isn’t it. I want to keep doing good amongst the shadowhunters, and I know I have to remain one to keep making changes.”
“Then?” Magnus asked, all his pain hidden away for now as he tried to recall a way to make a shadowhunter immortal, just to come up blank.
“It’s an old myth that I found in one of the scrolls back in Idris, a spell that can make a shadowhunter immortal. The ingredients required are almost impossible to come across, including a bit of an angel’s grace.”
“What are you saying?” Magnus asked with a bit of hesitation, “even if we could, how long will it take to gather it all?”
“Catarina has been trying to collect it all one by one for the past five years. We have almost all of the ingredients, Clary has agreed to get us the angel’s grace which is the tricky part. It’s real now, and I couldn't wait to tell you after we got the grace.” Alec stated, Magnus was listening intently to every word as if he’s sharing the secrets of the universe, “Before we actually go through with this, I just need to know, do you want me with you forever? It is a very long time to spend with someone.”
“Alexander,” Magnus breathed out as he pulled Alec closer, kissing him with fervor wanting to convey every bit of love he felt for the shadowhunter, “forever wouldn’t be long enough with you.”