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He didn’t mean to look at it, but he did.
He had one of those things too, those devices that could take pictures, but since Keith wasn’t into photography and actually hated to carry things in his pockets (other than his Galra blade, mind you), he rarely even touched it. In fact, now that he was a fulltime Blade, he had left it inside his drawer at the Castleship.
And it was at the Castleship where he was then, waiting for Kolivan to finish discussing with Allura and Shiro one last issue. Allura said she’d wake the rest of team after that, so they wouldn’t miss the rare chance to meet with Keith in person, and while he waited he just jumped right into his favorite couch in the lounge, sighing at how comfy it was. But then, his elbow crushed something small and hard. He grabbed it and his heart skipped a beat.
The small, orange holographic screen was on and a picture appeared on it: it was Lance in his paladin armor, doing finger guns to his own camera. He snorted. It had to be Lance’s device. Just how much of a narcissist did you have to be to have a photo of yourself as your wallpaper, though?
It wasn’t locked, and the small icons showed functions that Keith never bothered to explore, so he tried to find a way to lock it again, pressing buttons at random. One opened a notepad (blank), then the camera, making him panic (what if he took a picture of himself and couldn’t delete it?), and then, trying to close the camera function, he opened the gallery.
It was oddly empty: there were only two pictures in it, apparently. Keith opened the first one, and his world turned upside down, while blood went quickly to his face. It was Lance again, except he was naked. He was doing a reverse peace sign in front of his bathroom mirror, his dark skin in clear view. Keith, with a trembling hand, held the device in front of his exorbitant eyes, trying to reconnect his brain cells, but it was useless: his eyes traveled to Lance’s neck, going down in an adrenalinic free fall to his collarbone, pecs, abdomen, the slim waist and the slight curve that insinuated the start of his hips… in fact, if he only scrolled down a bit, maybe he could even see his…
“DICK! I told you to never approach me from behind like a lurking gremlin again!” Lance’s voice was shouting at someone, on the other side of the door. All blood in his face and, well, navel area went quickly down to his feet, while he tried without success to turn off the device. In panic, as he heard the voices right in front of the door, he only managed to shove it into his pocket. His marmorian suit made an annoying noise, informing him that his blood pressure was abnormally high.
‘I know that already, goddammit,’ he thought, while his heart beat like crazy, and the door opened.
“Can’t help it if you’re crouching like a… HEY! It’s Keith!” Pidge interrupted herself and run to the mullet that could be seen over the cushions. Keith tried to control himself and looked at the team as they walked towards him. Pidge, Hunk and Lance were still in their pajamas and their smiles were big and bright, always welcoming.
“Hey, guys,” he said, avoiding looking at Lance, trying not to look like a criminal caught in fraganti.
“Man, is good to see you! When did you arrive?” Hunk asked, giving him friendly but strong pats in the back, that made the device move in his pocket, reminding him of his sins.
“T-two vargas ago, I guess… Kolivan is with Allura and Shiro. They were going to wake you up after the meeting was over,” Keith answered.
“I see, but-- are you alright Keith? You look a bit red,” said Pidge, looking at him critically. He could catch from the corner of his eye Lance checking him after those words, but then he resumed looking for something around the room.
Shit shit shit…
“Yeah, I’m fine, I just got here and I’m a bit tired, that’s all,” Keith lied, trying to sound innocent.
“Oh man, are the Blades treating you well, at least? You look overworked,” said Hunk, worried.
“Nah… They’re nice. It’s just that we came right after a mission to debrief it, so…”
“What the hell are you looking for, Lance? Sorry Keith, but he’s driving me nuts,” interrupted Pidge, crossing her arms and glaring at Lance, who gave a startled jump.
“N-nothing. I thought I might have forgotten something around here, but-- no matter, must be in my room,” he said, flustered. Keith felt a deep pinch in his abdomen when he looked at his fellow pilot and inevitably thought about the nice lines that his fine blue robe was hiding under its soft fabric…
If he could have slapped himself right there, he would have.
“Hah, good luck finding it in that dump, then,” Pidge mocked him.
“Are you seriously daring to call someone else’s room a dump? Really, Pidge?” Lance asked, cracking his neck with indifference. The cracking sound may as well had been Keith’s own sanity, breaking in two clean pieces and falling into the void. He stood up in a swift move.
“W-well, I need to fetch something from my room. I guess Kolivan will be done soon, so…” he tried to excuse himself.
“No way man, won’t you even stay for breakfast?” asked Hunk, surprised.
“I don’t know, it all depends on--”
“Nonsense, would it kill him to give you ONE free day?” asked Lance, his hands resting on his hips, eyebrow raised. God, if he knew…
“I- uhm. I guess I could ask,” stuttered Keith.
“Don’t worry, if Kolivan comes here we’ll ask him and tell you. Just turn on your comm,” said Pidge, sitting on the couch with her legs crossed under each other, turning on her computer.
“Alright, let’s get to work then! I’ll try to make something nice to tempt Kolivan too,” said Hunk, rolling up his sleeves.
Keith nodded and left the lounge, but then heard soft steps behind his own. He turned and discovered that Lance was following him, scratching his head absentmindedly.
“Wh-wha? Why are you following me?” asked Keith, alarmed. He was obviously overreacting, as Lance’s frown told him.
“Woah, chill dude. I’m just heading to my room too. What the hell has the Blade done to your nerves?” he asked, passing in front of him with his hands behind his head as if showing that he wasn’t the one following.
With a rasp, Keith muttered, “uhm. Sorry.”
Lance turned and looked him directly into his eyes, still frowning.
“You ok, man? You look uneasy. Is something wrong?”
‘Everything is fucking wrong’, Keith thought, imagining himself banging his head in the wall while staying heroically stoic in front of the cause of all his actual throbs, inner and external.
“Yeah, no, just-- tired,” he said. Not convincing at all, but Lance, after a short exam, seemed to dismiss it with a shrug and started walking again.
“Man, believe it or not is good to have you back. If you knew all the shit that’s been happening lately around here… magic rocks, magic planets and all. It’s been crazy, and I blame Lotor for all of it…”
Lance talked the entire time it took them to arrive to their rooms. He made a useful summary of the ‘crazy altean crap’ as he called it, that had happened. Keith was interested, but his attention shifted every thirty ticks or so to Lance’s back, who was still walking ahead of him. Not even the trials of Marmora were as tiring as this short walk, he thought, unable to calm down. His pining heart was being tested in the cruelest way. If only he could lobotomize himself to forget the image that couldn’t be unseen…
When they reached his door, Lance stopped and looked at him.
“Well, this is your stop. See ya in a few minutes, I guess,” he said, waving him goodbye, but Keith could notice, between his wretched nerves, that Lance was swaying a bit in his own feet. It was barely a tick, but he felt an awkward pause until he finally gave him a small crooked smile and disappeared around the corner. Keith, too worried to pay attention to such subtle things, closed the door in a hurry and grabbed his own head with his hands.
“Damn it!!”
He had to give the device back and Lance had given him the perfect chance to do so, but he couldn’t gather enough courage to pass it to him and feign he hadn’t seen anything. Like, asking him casually ‘by the way, is this yours?’ No, he couldn’t do it and now he wouldn’t be able to return it.
And, worse of all… he REALLY wanted to look at the picture again.
This time he really hit the wall with his forehead. That pic wasn't meant for him, he had already crossed the line. And if he looked at it again, he’d just confirm what he already knew, feared and buried in the darkest section of his dry heart: he liked Lance, and it was a serious case of unrequited love, since the guy didn’t even like him enough as a human being, less like… anything else.
Why did this have to happen to him? He knew he had a crush, but now that his eyes had witnessed the sacred body that shall-not-be-seen, he unwillingly had collected new material to fuel his shameful dreams, and as a result, he’d be twice as depressed after confirming that he was, indeed, a sad, lonely, hopeless gay in space.
“Daaaaaamn it!!” the wall resounded again. But this time the crash, apart from making him see a few stars, moved a few ideas inside his head.
Well. The invasion of Lance's privacy was irreversible. But what he didn't know couldn't hurt him, right? And since he was hopeless anyway, maybe… just maybe, this could be a consolation prize. You know, for the cold space nights he had to endure while risking his life. Wasn’t there a way to pass the picture to his own device…?
No. No, no, no, how could he be such a sick, pathetic, desperate worm. He may take a peek again, at most, but keeping it? No, that could kill him. Like, literally, distracting him in a mission or something.
A fierce debate started in his mind, while he proudly ignored the tension built on his lower zone. He wasn’t going to give in to that. No. THAT, here, now? No. So, the fight was between the impulse of looking at the picture again to inflict himself severe brain damage one last time, or passing it to his own device and take it with him forever, until someone retrieved it from his cold, dead body. Which was highly likely, in fact. What would the team say if they found one of Lance’s nudes in his belongings? Ugh… But, would it even matter if he was already dead? ‘Here lies Keith, the sad, thirsty, half-Galra pilot’. His mother would be delighted, he thought, suddenly ashamed.
If only temptation wasn’t that strong. If only Lance wasn’t THAT handsome. Or rather, sexy.
While still deciding, he went to the drawer where he remembered to have tossed his own evil machine a long time ago, but it was empty. Confused, he looked for it in the rest of his drawers, but couldn’t find it. After quickly sweeping the almost empty room, he discovered that it wasn’t there. Well, that sure settled matters… it was weird though, he was sure he had it at some point, but maybe the team confiscated it given the lack of use.
Well then, a quick peek again wouldn’t hurt, he thought, taking out Lance’s device.
The comm beeped in his ear and he almost dropped the orange screen.
“Keith, we’re ready! You’ll stay for breakfast!” said Hunk’s happy voice in his ear.
“Yeah, Kolivan is a tough cookie,” added Pidge, resigned.
“It’s ok guys, thanks. I’ll go right away,” replied Keith.
“Sure, everyone’s here, so hurry up! We gotta seize our time,” said Hunk, in a bitter tone that made Keith think that Kolivan could be there.
He sighed. This was too much for his heart, but he really wanted to enjoy his time with the team…
Wait. Everyone was there?
It was his chance, he thought, and he ran so fast he even slipped in the corners. If only he could reach the lounge and then head right into the kitchen, he could leave the device where he had found it and no one would notice. It would be perfect, and, and…
...And Lance was there. He was still looking for something, as Keith well knew.
“What are you doing here, man?” asked the paladin, startled and blushing a bit again.
“I-uh-I…” Keith was huffing a bit after running.
“Wow, you really ran here? Well, that’s good, you shouldn’t waste time. That Kolivan said you had ‘important matters to attend today’. Meh.” Lance sounded pissed, and that made Keith feel good. If only he hadn’t kidnapped Lance’s beloved phone, he could rejoice in the fact that Lance wanted him to stay a bit longer.
“Yeah, that’s how it is. The Blade, I mean,” said Keith, feeling dumb.
“Yeah…”
Lance was silent for a moment, and opened his mouth to say something, but then seemed to regret it. His lips were pressed in a thin line.
“Well--” Keith thought it was his last chance. He only needed an excuse to not have turned it back right away. It could be anything, but while he clutched it in his pocket, his mind was blank.
“Say, Keith…” Lance suddenly said, and Keith flinched “Are you happy with them?”
That was unexpected. Keith looked at Lance’s eyes and they had a strange expression. It wasn’t proper of the current Red paladin to hide things, but that was how he looked like: as if he was holding something he wanted to say.
“Well, like, ‘happy’... I don’t know,” replied Keith, feeling dumber than ever, because he had absolutely no idea what to say “I just never thought about it, I guess.”
“But you already found her. I mean, your mom, right?” Lance asked. Keith looked at him surprised. He didn’t know that Lance could be that interested in his personal affairs.
“Yeah. I did. But I’m--”
“Then, don’t you want to come back? Don’t you feel lonely away from us… or something?”
Keith was petrified. The sharpshooter had hit a bullseye right in the middle of his heart. Did he feel lonely? Yes. Did he want to come back? Yes. But he knew he had no place there, so he never allowed himself to think about it more than a few fleeting moments before falling asleep. The same moments when he remembered a pair of blue eyes he also missed so much.
It was funny that the only thing that could take his mind out of Lance’s picture could be Lance’s questions. He didn’t dare to believe it, but… didn’t this sound like he actually wanted him back? Was he self-indulging himself in that thought or--
Their coms rattled in their ears at the same time.
“C’mon, dorks, where are you? Keith, is Lance with you? Is he creeping behind a door aga--”
“Shut up, Pidge, we’re on our way!” snapped Lance, his cheeks red.
Keith didn’t know what Pidge meant, but he guessed it was an inside joke, so he ignored it. It was when he sat at the table that he remembered he still had Lance’s device with him. The fact that Lance sat right by his side, brushing their elbows and knees now and then, didn’t help at all. The joy of having a meal with the team (and Kolivan, silently sitting there too) overshadowed his problem for a while, though. He really missed them all so much, that the idea of leaving was starting to hurt.
Maybe Kolivan knew. His eyes were fixed on him, but his expression was softer than usual.
But the panic came back when they were heading towards the hangar and it was time to depart. He still had to give back the damn machine that ruined his visit and his nights from that day onwards, but the whole team was going to be there to say goodbye to them. He nervously looked at Lance who, to his surprise, was staring at him as tense. What was going on?
They were in front of the ship already, and every member was hugging him, wishing him good luck, expressing his desire of having him back. It hurt, but there was no time to suffer: he had to give the thing back, or else he’d be taking it with him for who knows how long.
Shiro let go of his hug and it was Lance’s turn to say goodbye. They both stood there a bit awkwardly, but then Lance grabbed him by his arm and pulled him into a warm hug that melted Keith’s bones.
“Bye, Samurai. Take care out there. And come back if you get bored, ok?”
His heart was beating so fast and his throat hurt… But it was a chance, the last chance. Keith brought a hand to his pocket.
“Alright, team! Come closer, we’re gonna take a selfie,” announced Lance. Keith opened his eyes so wide that his face must have been looking weird: Allura saw him and chuckled.
“Seems like Keith isn’t delighted by the idea,” she said, and Shiro laughed too.
“Well, we MUST commemorate this joyous occasion. Let’s hope it repeats more often from now on,” said Coran, fixing his mustache for the picture.
Keith watched openmouthed how Lance took from his pocket his very own device. The team came closer and he took a pic. Everyone laughed at Keith’s disconcerted face.
“Man, you really hate them, huh?” laughed Hunk, wiping a single tear.
“I’m sending it to everyone. Check yours too, ok?” said Lance to Keith, putting a hand on his shoulder.
“Wha-- Lance?” Keith tried to talk to him, but he was waving goodbye and not turning back. Even from afar, he could see that his ears were red.
Without a single hint of what was happening, shocked, Keith sat by Kolivan’s side and they departed. As soon as they took flight, a new beeping sound came from his pocket, and with a clumsy hand he took out the device, trying to cover it so Kolivan didn’t see. The Galra ignored him, piloting the ship with a stern expression.
He had a message, apparently. Touching the brilliant ‘!’ sign, he opened it.
[HOW U LIKE UR NEW LOCK SCREEN?]
Breathing was hard. He didn’t know what to reply, but new messages came in.
[I WONDER IF U CHECKED THE GALLERY]
[LEFT A LITTLE SOMETHING THERE. WASN’T SURE IF YOU’D APPRECIATE IT, THO]
[…BUT U DO, RIGHT?]
Keith’s hand was trembling. He knew. He always knew. How sly, Keith thought, of Lance to play with his feelings in such a short time span. He entered his room, took it from his drawer. He left it on purpose in his favorite couch. And… right, Pidge saw him creeping around the lounge door! After that, he was just checking if he had taken it. The device was unlocked: he wanted him to see. And the picture… it was meant for him.
His fingers automatically typed a reply.
[YES. I DO.]
A long pause. His whole body was throbbing. His thumb repeatedly hit the side of the machine in uneasy wait. Another message came.
[OF COURSE. WHO WOULDN´T?]
So cocky after that stunned silence. Keith snorted, and then looked at Kolivan with guilty eyes. The Galra wasn’t looking at him, but a weird expression was crossing his face. Keith couldn’t even feel shame, there was no space for that in his fluttering heart. Another beep.
[WHAT ABOUT THE 2ND PHOTO?]
Second? That’s right, there was a second photo there. Keith struggled with the menus a bit, before reaching the gallery again. He opened the second file.
It was a group photo. Everyone was there, smiling and making faces. Over it, a caption in neon letters.
YOU BETTER COME BACK SOON, MULLET. MISS YA A LOT.
(<- emergency kit attached. For ur eyes only!)
His eyes were suddenly stinging, and he pressed the screen to his chest. Laughter was pouring directly from it. Lance was original, at least. And brave… braver than he could ever be. Everything could have gone so horribly wrong.
[WELL?]
He wanted an answer. He couldn’t give an exact time nor moment, but…
[I’LL BE BACK SOON]
Lance’s reply came right away.
[YOU BETTER]
[AND I EXPECT A SIMILAR TREAT FOR THE WAIT, OR ELSE]
Well, that was troubling, but at that moment Kolivan decided to finally speak.
“Are you ready for today? I need you in peak condition for the mission.”
The boy turned off the device, and nodded. Kolivan nodded back, but this time he smiled, as if he knew more than expected.
Well, he’d have to make do for now, because he still was under the Blade's service but, fortunately, Lance was generous enough to give him a nice souvenir for the long, uncertain way ahead, until they met again.