Work Text:
[ 6 ]
Unfeeling words that cut like knives, unseeing eyes that pierce through people, reckless actions that isolated him further from society. All that was the curse his mother had embedded in him.
“I don’t want a child that looks like me.”
The very first memory Taehyung had the person he called his mother was not like the other kids he met at the public park.
Her terrible beauty was that of a demon, not a woman, and her body broke the hearts of men. Those at her feet tended to her every wish. That was the kind of person she was.
He never met his father, but he didn’t have to. From his eyes to his toes, everything was like that woman; he was the mirror image of her.
“Get out of my face,” she clawed her nails at him. Hit him, and he cried. He was four when he learned that the woman only loved one person, and the only person on earth that she loved, the only reason why she had given up her life for, had long perished the living.
He knew that she would never love anyone else but his father, there was no space for him.
She hated him, and he did the same to her.
A mother and a son who abandoned each other. When the aunties of the neighbor tried to take him, he would smile and speak cold words.
“No one said we had to be mother and son,” he said. “She gave birth to me, her duty ends there.”
Since he was the child of that woman, he didn’t understand the words of people well. The only thing he knew was what had been etched on him since birth, the knowledge that he was unwanted.
[ 11.14 ]
“Stay away from him,” the students at the nearby school would say.
Taehyung ignored them, he didn’t need them. He picked on the rocks on the floor with the stick he had gotten along the way as he waited for his friend. His only friend.
“Don’t go today,” someone said.
Taehyung stood up, watching two students from behind the school gate.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Tae is waiting for me.”
“But, hyung, my mom said he’s not a good kid,” the kid said. “His mom is a—”
“Come on, Joon,” the older kid said, meeting Taehyung’s eyes. He waved at him and the kid smiled, “See? Tae is here now. You can play with us if you’d like.”
Joon stared at Taehyung, and then wrinkled his nose. “No, thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow, hyung.”
“Aw, okay,” the older said with a pout on his lips.
Joon grinned, “Next time, Seokjin-hyung.”
Taehyung never looked away from the dimpled kid until he rounded on the corner. He wondered how that Joon knew Seokjin and that if they were close enough for the Joon to talk to Seokjin like that.
He didn’t like that he had to share his friend. Because to be honest, those other kids have other friends beside Seokjin; so they didn’t really have to be friends with Seokjin.
Taehyung only has Seokjin. Why were the other kids so greedy and insistent on taking him away from him?
“Taehyung-ie,” Seokjin said. He was smiling so widely, “Where are we going today?”
Taehyung dropped his stick and wiped his hands on his shirt. When he was convinced that his hands were clean enough, he held hands with Jin.
Taehyung loved holding Jin’s hands.
“It’s a surprise.”
Jin laughed, ruffling Taehyung’s hair. “Okay, while we’re walking, tell me about your day.”
Taehyung grinned, “I got an 89 on my math exam.”
“No way?” Jin gasped in excitement.
“I’ll be taking the entrance exam at your middle school!!” Taehyung added.
Jin smiled at him widely, and Taehyung couldn’t feel any prouder at himself for making Jin happy. “You’re amazing, Kim Taehyung, I knew you could do it if you tried.”
“I can’t wait to be in the same school as you hyung.”
“I’ll look forward to it, Tae.”
[ 8.11 ]
Seokjin was an anomaly in Taehyung’s life.
He who was used to being alone, to fending himself from the world… to be approached by a kid all of a sudden, someone who did not look at him like how the adults would (pity), or like the children of those parents (disgust), was like breathing for the first time.
Taehyung was eight when he first ran far away from home. Instead of the local park in front of their apartment, he ran all the way to the playground in the other district.
It was a lapse of stupid, hasty, judgment. Taehyung forgot to take the coins he hid under his pillow, and he also forgot to wear a better shirt.
Not that he minded what others thought, but he hated being the topic of the weird looks. He ducked down to the side and grabbed a twig, using it to poke ants before he decided to doodle on the floor.
Taehyung stopped mid-way from drawing his flower when a pair of shiny shoes stopped in front of him.
“That looks like poop.”
He didn’t reply.
“I said it looks like poop,” the kid repeated. “Are you really drawing poop?”
Taehyung clicked his tongue… keen on ignoring the kid. What did he want from him anyway?
The kid sat in front of him and Taehyung finally met his eyes. He’s surprised at the cleanliness of the kid, and at the white hand extended (shoved) in front of his face. “I’m Seokjin, from class 5-2.”
Taehyung is afraid to touch his hands and looked down on his own. He hesitated at the contact.
Seokjin seemed to have other ideas as he grabbed Taehyung’s hand without missing a beat.
“So,” Seokjin said when he was satisfied with their handshake. “Will you please tell me what you’re drawing?”
Taehyung bit his lips, “A flower.”
Taehyung was still hesitant when he looked up, but he was glad he did. Because the smile that Seokjin gave him was like a sun.
“It looks amazing!” Seokjin said, “Will you tell me your name?”
“Taehyung,” he said. “Grade 2.”
[ 13.15 ]
Taehyung left the woman 4 years later. He was taken in by a blind grandmother who thought he was her nephew. He found out that same nephew had died in a car accident a month ago and no one told the grandmother.
The grandmother was still paying for the nephew’s tuition, and she still had a lot of money saved up for her dead nephew.
So, he stayed.
And Taehyung had a new friend.
The aunties at the neighborhood didn’t know his past, but they didn’t like him either. They crooned behind his back.
“That poor grandmother, to be haunted by a demon child.”
“Being taken advantage of in her situation, what a poor fate.”
Taehyung called them stupid. If they pitied the grandmother, they should have intervened and told her that Taehyung was an impostor. They never did, so he sneered at them for the fools that they are.
He told Seokjin that the grandmother was his real grandmother, and the grandmother was happy to feed them snacks when Seokjin visited.
He liked the grandmother enough and took care of her.
[ 14.16 ]
There did come a point when Taehyung lost Seokjin.
It happened naturally when Seokjin got into an elite high school and Taehyung failed to follow him there even with Seokjin’s protests.
“I can just enroll at the local high school,” Seokjin said right after announcing his excitement in getting into the elite school. “I just wanted to let—”
“It’s fine hyung,” Taehyung said. He wiped out all the disappointment in his face, Seokjin must have noticed it and change his mind. “I’m sure I can earn enough to get in there too, I have 2 years!”
“Don’t be ridiculous Tae,” Seokjin snorted. “Even I can’t pay the tuition with scholarship discount.”
Taehyung grabbed Seokjin’s hands before they turn in for the night.
“Promise me you’ll go to that school?”
Jin bit his lips, then sighed. “I promise.”
Taehyung watched Seokjin climb back to his window before climbing down the house himself. He buried his face in his palms, what was he thinking? It was impossible to get into that school. He tried to blink away the tears at the thought of not being able to see Seokjin as often.
“It’s okay,” Taehyung nodded. That woman must still have enough money stashed away. Taehyung could still take it.
He was caught before he could take the bankbook, but the woman threw it in his face, together with her stamp. She sneered at him.
“Take it, you look so pitiful.”
He never took it.
What he did was took what was left of the items he still owned at that house and with the coins in his pocket, bought buns for the grandmother.
When he reached his street, there were people flocking all over the place. The blaring red and blue of the siren was loud, but Taehyung’s ears were ringing.
He dropped his plastic and ran past the crowd, pushing and tugging at everything blocking his way until he reached the front.
“Taehyung?” A policeman approached him. “Follow me.”
The grandmother left the house for him. She knew his real name. She knew everything but never told him anything.
He cried for the grandmother.
Taehyung thought it was impossible, but tears stained his cheeks, and he looked at them in foreign interest.
Maybe it was because he was losing Seokjin. Maybe it was because he lost the grandmother. Or maybe because he felt bad for himself.
[ 17.14 ]
Seokjin graduated high school without ever hearing from Taehyung. He tried visiting Taehyung after his first-day orientation, but Taehyung never came even after he waited until sunset.
The auntie next door cooed at him, brought him in for warm tea, and told him the grandmother passed away a month ago, and that they haven’t seen Taehyung after the wake.
The uncle told him that it was a good thing, they were even surprised at the fact that Taehyung paid for a wake.
Seokjin took offense to that.
“Of course he would,” he told them. “His grandmother died, why would he not?”
The couple shared a look as if they knew a secret he didn’t know. The auntie reached for Jin’s hand, “We didn’t mean to insult, son. It’s just that the boy never really had a good reputation to start with.”
Seokjin looked down.
“It’s okay,” Seokjin nodded. “Did he say anything before he left?”
“He hasn’t sold the house,” the auntie took his cup and retreated back to the kitchen. She came back with a Tupperware of kimchi. “Here, I know that uniform, and if that ribbon on your jacket tells me anything, it was your first day today.”
The uncle tapped his shoulder, “You’re a right boy. I wish our son was more like you.”
“I heard that!” A voice called from one of the rooms.
“Hoseok’s aiming for the same school as you,” the auntie said. “If you ever feel lonely, drop in anytime. You’re always welcomed.”
Seokjin thanked them.
Where was Taehyung?
[ 16.19 ]
Taehyung shoved his hands in his pocket, his shirt dirty, his face caked with blood (not his) and covered in bruises. All in all, he stood out among the crowd of prim, clean, (fake) parents watching their children march up the podium.
It was Seokjin’s graduation. He hadn’t seen him for three years.
He didn’t want to bother Seokjin.
The daughter of the policeman, who took him to the station when the grandmother died, told him this a lot of times.
“You always hang around with Kim Seokjin, don’t you?” She said, taking a seat next to him. “He’s in my class, Seokjin. Everyone knows him.”
Taehyung didn’t bother replying. What made the girl think he wanted to talk?
“Everyone knows you too,” the girl continued. “Seokjin got accepted to an elite high school, he deserves to, but he’s thinking twice about enrolling there. No surprise there, everyone knows it’s your fault.”
Taehyung looked at her, eyebrows furrowed.
“Joon says Seokjin didn’t settle well with you being alone. He doesn’t—”
“He’s not my mother,” Taehyung interrupted.
“No, he’s not. That’s why I’m telling you this, live your own life, don’t drag Seokjin down with you.”
Taehyung clenched his fist, “Who are you then, his girlfriend?”
The girl blushed, “N-no. ”
“Fuck off then,” Taehyung glared. He kicked the chair in front of him and left the station, the girl was lucky they were at a police station. He would have scratched that blush in her cheeks if they spoke somewhere else.
Seokjin promised him he will attend that school. Seokjin never breaks his promise.
A clang was heard behind him, he didn’t need to know who that person was.
“Visiting your lover?”
Taehyung scowled, “Shut up, Jungkook.”
Jungkook laughed, rattling the gate behind him as he too climbed over it. Jungkook stood next to him, all bloodied and rumpled as well. “I feel so stupid, coming here with you.”
“You are stupid,” Taehyung said, glancing at the younger boy. “Don’t blame me.”
“I’m not blaming you,” Jungkook said. He was busy looking for someone in the crowd, but he didn’t want to make it obvious. (Taehyung knew it was Min Yoongi, the guy who used to live next door to Jungkook). “Where’s your boy?”
“Where’s yours?” Taehyung snapped. “Mind your own business, Jungkook.”
Jungkook winced at the nudge Taehyung gave him. “Fuck you, I’m still bruising there.”
Taehyung shrugged.
Seokjin was there on the stage. His smile was as bright as he remembered, and he was as beautiful as Taehyung remembered him to be.
He was so far away.
“Is that your guy?”
“Shut up.”
“He’s cute,” Jungkook commented.
Taehyung grabbed Jungkook’s head and lowered it, “Don’t look at him with your dirty eyes.”
Jungkook took a fistful of Taehyung’s shirt and pulled him down as well, they were at eye level and Jungkook smirked, “Don’t forget, hyung, you’re the same as me.”
“Brat.”
[ 19.21 ]
He should run away. He should hide.
They were coming for him.
Taehyung breathed heavily, clutching his bleeding arms. He groaned, leaning on the wall.
“Who’s there?”
Taehyung flinched, Seokjin will be in danger if he stays here.
“Taehyung?”
His breath hitched. He stilled his body, calmed his breathing, and kept as quiet as he could.
“I know you’re there,” Seokjin continued. “Come here or I’ll jump.”
Taehyung called his bluff.
“I swear to God, Taehyung, get out of there before I force you.”
He watched the light in Seokjin’s room go off. He counted to 5 before turning around to leave, he should go home.
Home.
Where was his home? The grandmother wasn’t there anymore, the house felt cold when he returned. He didn’t want to go there.
Was Taehyung lost?
A hand took hold of his wrist before he fell down, a tug, and he was wrapped in warmth. He relaxed in Seokjin’s arms before falling into darkness.
Only one thought rang in his head before he fell.
Seokjin had always been his home.
He wasn’t lost anymore.
[ 23.26 ]
His mother lived only for one person.
And he was the son of that woman.
“Taehyung?”
The droplets of rain he had been watching on the floor had gone away so he lifted his gaze away from the soil.
“What are you doing in the rain? You’ll get sick.” The man said.
Taehyung stood up from the swing he had been sitting on and smiled, “I don’t really mind getting wet.”
“You’re not superman, you will get sick.” He pressed. Taehyung stretched his hand out and the man rolled his eyes but didn’t hesitate in taking his hand.
“I know, I make a more handsome superman.”
He rolled his eyes, “Come on, let’s go home.”
“Seokjin,” Taehyung said.
The man glanced at him before nudging him with his elbow, “I’m older than you.”
“I love you.”
“As if you don’t remind me of that every day,” Seokjin said.
Taehyung smiled, “I know; I just wanted to let you know.”
“Stop it, you sap.” Seokjin laughed, “You’re just waiting to hear it from me.”
“Let’s hear it then,” Taehyung said.
Seokjin glared at him, “No. Nice try, but I’m still mad at you for making me late this morning.”
Taehyung fell into step next to Seokjin and silence fell between them. The kind that was peaceful and serene, all Taehyung wanted was to hug Seokjin, but he was wet and he might make Seokjin sick.
“See, if you didn’t go and shower in the rain, I would have hugged you right now.”
Taehyung sulked, “I was thinking that.”
“I know,” Seokjin squeezed his hand.
They were home.