Archive of Our Own

The trouble starts in Yoongi's third year.

It's freshmen orientation, which frankly he doesn't care about - the whole idea of freshmen gets on his nerves because there are too many new kids running around the dorms, bright eyed and giggling as if the life ahead of them is going to be good at all. Yoongi wants to pop their bubbles, if only to make them shut up, but Hoseok won't let him.

"Let them live a little," Hoseok says, but Yoongi can't, not when there's the sound of fifty thousand footsteps running through the corridors, and shrieks of oh, you live next door, we're going to be best of friends, oh my god, we're doing the same major, oh my god I'm still a blasted teenager so I have to shriek for no blasted reason -

Hoseok looks disturbed. "I'm getting a bit scared of you, honestly."

Yoongi waves him off.

"Want to go eat something?" Hoseok asks, in an attempt to make him forget his killing intent.

"Sure," Yoongi agrees. "Somewhere dark and horrible where no sane freshman would ever step foot in."

"Not sure where you get your ideas of people," Hoseok says, "But freshmen are never very sane."

No one bothers them as they make their way to the elevator. The corridors are messy, full of suitcases and boxes because kids are still trying to move and sort themselves out. Hoseok catches some eyes and smiles cheerfully, getting a few tentative grins in return. Yoongi catches some eyes and glares.

The elevator takes forever to come up. Yoongi presses the button multiple times, as if that will help in any way. Thankfully, when it reaches their floor there's no one inside, and they ride down in relative silence.

When the doors ping open, there's no one waiting except one kid. He's crouched on the ground, tackling the zipper of his suitcase. He looks up once they step up, and later on in his life Yoongi will pin point this as the precise moment the world ends.

He will remember it in slow motion, but in fact it happens too fast. He steps out. The boy looks up. And they recognize each other immediately.

Hoseok stops breathing next to him.

One of them should say something, to break the terrible silence - there shouldn't be a terrible silence in the first place, but Yoongi just stares, and Hoseok just stares, and Jungkook - who neither of them has seen in two years...looks like they've pulled the floor out from under him.

They're only started into action by the elevator doors starting to close. Jungkook is up in a second, a hand darting to hold them open. He looks back at them. They look back at him.

"This is great!" Hoseok says at last, too forced, too wrong. "Jungkook-ah, I haven't seen you in years! You should have said you'd be coming here!"

"I didn't know you'd be here, hyung," and it must be the truth. Jungkook wouldn't have come otherwise.

"Looks like we're never getting rid of you, kid," Yoongi says, and it isn't the best thing to say, not when they've parted on bad terms. Jungkook doesn't even force a smile like he used to back in high school - he only gives him a stiff nod.

"Nice seeing you both," he says politely, and presses the doors closed.

Hoseok's smile fades slowly, revealing itself for the grimace it was underneath. "That was terrible," he says. "I'm terrible."

"It was never your fault," Yoongi says, because it wasn't.

"Maybe it wasn't, but I didn't even talk to him after high school. That at least is my fault."

"He could have tried talking, too," Yoongi says, but the words are empty. He remembers all the texts he'd left on read, all the calls he'd ignored. All the times Jungkook had tried to speak to him - Why are you mad at me, Hoseok hyung is mad at me, is he mad at me, I don't know what I did but I'm sorry - and Yoongi had left him hanging, every time.

Yoongi hopes he doesn't see him around. He can't tell if that's him lying to himself or not.

"I owe him an apology," Hoseok says, running a hand through his hair. All thoughts of getting food have been forgotten. "I owe him that at least."

"You don't owe him a thing," Yoongi says. "Let's go, I'm hungry."

He's lying to himself, he decides later. They go to the sort of cafe no one would want to go to and order cheap sandwiches and bad coffee, and it's only then that he realizes he's lying to himself.

When he first meets Jungkook, Yoongi wasn't having a good day to begin with.

He ditches basketball practice - he isn't up to running in pointless circles today, and his captain will understand, or at least, deal with it. Instead he tags along with Hoseok to his literature club, the one filled with pompous pricks who find a need to say things like woebegone instead of freaking sad.

He hates the club with a passion, but for some reason it makes Hoseok happy.

It's actually a bit therapeutic for Yoongi, because he gets to channel his hatred towards actual living beings instead of at an abstraction of the world. His presence pisses them off, sure, especially when he rolls his eyes or yawns, but that's just it. Therapeutic.

Today, however, there's a new kid here. Jeon Jungkook, first year.

Yoongi has never seen him around before, but Hoseok seems to know him, if his pointed attempts to get the kid to join the discussion are any indication. Jungkook only stares at them all, with a wide, vacant sort of expression, like he has no hell of a clue what's happening. At one point another one of the kids - Jihoon or something, Yoongi doesn't know - tries gently asking him what he thinks about the ending of 'The Setting Sun', and Jungkook looks so completely thrown that Hoseok has to politely redirect the conversation to someone else.

The rest of the meeting goes by like Jungkook isn't even there.

Which is why Yoongi is so, so surprised when, after the club meeting ends and everyone starts to go, and he and Hoseok are getting ready to leave together, Jungkook comes bounding after them.

"Hoseok hyung!"

And he's even more surprised when Hoseok grabs him in a headlock and the kid protests, both of them completely goofy and completely unlike what they'd been for the past hour.

"Yoongi, this is Jungkook," Hoseok says. "He's a first year. Jungkook, this is Yoongi. He's a pest."

Jungkook grins at Yoongi's look of betrayal, but doesn't hold eye contact. He turns back to Hoseok and starts talking so rapidly that Yoongi almost can't follow - is this really the same kid? He's talking about some fantasy novel, is all Yoongi can tell.

"-then she says to run," he's saying, "But she ends up saying it with magic, and Agatha runs away and just keeps running and running and she sees Penelope and Penelope grabs her hand and she ends up running in a full circle around her - " and here he almost demonstrates, catching himself halfway, "and then Penelope sees all the smoke from the distance and she can smell the magic and she realizes what happened - "

He talks all the way back to their lockers, just standing around talking while they pack, until he reaches what Yoongi really hopes is the end of the damn novel. He doesn't have the energy for anything more.

Hoseok, on the other hand, is transfixed. He'd always been a sucker for fantasy. He listens to the whole story wide eyed, ooh-ing and aah-ing in all the right places.

"You should walk home with us, Jungkookie," Hoseok says, when the kid starts saying his goodbyes.

Jungkook shakes his head. "I came by bicycle, hyung," he says. He waves at them both - a bit awkwardly at Yoongi - and dashes off towards the first year lockers.

"What is he," Yoongi deadpans. "A whirlwind?"

Hoseok laughs. "Don't get him started on Iron Man," he says. "He won't stop for days."

Yoongi checks his watch. "Did this not take days?"

Hoseok makes a face at him.

"I haven't seen him in your club before," Yoongi says.

"Yeah, I got him to join recently. Doesn't seem to be working."

"Hm?"

"I thought it would get him to open up a bit to more people. Doesn't seem to be working." Hoseok frowns a bit. "I've never seen him talk to anyone besides me, honestly. That can't be good, can it?"

Jungkook is careful to stay out of their sight. Or maybe their paths just don't cross, but Yoongi suspects the former. Back in high school their paths rarely crossed, and yet Jungkook had been around all the time. Now, they live in the same building, and Yoongi doesn't crash into him in the elevator, doesn't see him in the cafeteria, or find him waiting in the laundromat. It's almost like he'd hallucinated the fact that Jungkook was even here.

It would be easy to track him down. Freshmen are never very discreet about their existences - a short trip to the lower floors and Yoongi would know everything he needs to know. He might even do it if he didn't think that all it would get him was a punch in the face.

There, another lie. He knows Jungkook won't punch him. What he's scared of is...what is he scared of? Maybe the fact that Jungkook won't punch him. Jungkook would probably let them both back into his life, because he's naive and stupid and never learned how to take his trust and shove it in a corner where it wouldn't bother anybody else.

And Yoongi doesn't want that trust anymore. He's stayed two years without it, and he likes it. He likes not having to cart around something they all know he'll break.

He glances to the other side of the room, where Hoseok is spread across his own bed, his laptop resting on his chest. He laughs obnoxiously every now and then at the screen.

He doesn't realize that he's staring until Hoseok hits pause and sits up to look at him.

"What's wrong, Yoongi?"

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just thinking."

"About?"

Yoongi shrugs. "High school."

Hoseok frowns, shifting his laptop off of his lap. "Did you see Jungkook again?"

Yoongi shakes his head. "I think he's avoiding us. And even if he wasn't, I'd avoid him." He doesn't know why he says these things. He still can't decide if he feels them or not, if he's just letting the persona he's built up talk for itself. "Did you see him?"

"Once," Hoseok says. "Just once. I saw him in the cafeteria. He left once he saw me. Not even a smile. I...I really messed up, didn't I."

It sounds hollow. Yoongi doesn't like it. Because it really wasn't Hoseok's fault that Jungkook had liked him, or that he hadn't liked him back. And it really wasn't his fault that Yoongi had given the kid hell over it.

"I'm sure he'd talk to you if you tried," Yoongi says. "He's never really held grudges."

"Yeah, but he's had two years to think over this one."

"You could try, though."

Hoseok thinks for a moment, biting his lip. He's scared too, but not for the same reasons as Yoongi. Yoongi doesn't doubt for a second that Hoseok wants to be friends with Jungkook again, wants that easy camaraderie the two of them had had - that Yoongi had been jealous of.

The thought rolls something unpleasant in his stomach like it always does when he admits it.

"You're right," Hoseok decides. "I should try."

Yoongi raises his phone in a mock toast. "To your success," he says. "And to all successes after."

Hoseok rolls his eyes, but he still looks nervous as he pulls out his phone, presumably to text Jungkook. Yoongi doesn't ask.

Hyung, im sorry if i did something

I can see that you've read these messages you know

I'm really, really sorry

School is so lonely without you guys

Hyung

Yoongi hyung

Hyung please just tell me what I did

I heard you're leaving for college, hyung, good luck! I hope you have an awesome time!

How's college, hyung? Hope you're having fun...

Hyung I need to talk to you about something

Oi blockhead

Oh shit I'm sorry so sorry hyung wrong number

Happy birthday, jungkook

 Thanks, but...who is this?

Hello?

Of course Yoongi's good luck never lasts forever.

It lasts one and a half months. One and a half months go by without him seeing any proof of Jungkook's existence. Hoseok has seen him occasionally - he calls it running into Jungkook but Yoongi knows that he's put enough planning into those carefully calculated encounters to rob an airport. He knows Jungkook's schedule like the back of his hand and all but lies in wait for him. Yoongi is a bit creeped out by it.

None of the encounters have ended well, according to Hoseok, but they are starting to end a bit less miserably. The trouble is getting Jungkook to talk. Hoseok is so used to the kid not shutting up he doesn't know what to do when all he gets is empty stares and fake smiles.

After one and a half months, Yoongi runs into him as well.

He's in the laundromat at an insane hour of night - early morning, he should say - because it's been his turn to do the laundry since three weeks ago and both he and Hoseok have run out of clothes that don't-stink-too-much-and-can-be-worn-again, so his friend had finally kicked him out of the room and told him not to come back until he had some clean shining underwear for him to wear. Any complaints about the time went ignored. Hoseok meant business.

He's the only one in here - some people have left their clothes in the washing machines and disappeared to live their lives, but Yoongi has always been paranoid about the college laundromat. Ever since the time he put in two socks and got out only one that wasn't even his.

Someone enters, and Yoongi glances up. He sees Jungkook before Jungkook sees him and snaps the magazine he's holding higher up, hiding his face from view.

He tries to calm the sudden, abnormal beating of his heart.

Jungkook goes about his work quietly. His footsteps are soft, barely audible, and Yoongi watches over the top of his magazine as he stuffs his clothes into a machine, puts in soap, fumbles and nearly drops it, and finally closes the machine with a slam that's too loud, too out of character.

It's only then that Yoongi realizes that he's been recognized.

"You don't have to hide," Jungkook says, quiet, anger thinly veiled. "I don't want to talk to you either."

That doesn't make things better - it hits him somewhere deep, some place Yoongi can't identify - but he lowers the magazine from his face.

Jungkook doesn't say anything more. He presses a bunch of settings on the washing machine and turns to go. There's a book in his hand, he was probably planning on staying here and reading, but changed his mind once he saw Yoongi.

"Jungkook," Yoongi calls, and to his surprise the boy stops. He doesn't turn, but he stops.

"Yeah?" he says, when Yoongi doesn't say anything after. And he sounds hopeful, of all things, and this is why they can't be friends, because all this shit can happen between them and Jungkook will still be hopeful.

"Hoseok misses you," he manages to say.

"He doesn't," Jungkook says flatly. "He just can't believe I don't look like he hung the moon anymore."

The door shuts a tad bit sharper than it should.

"Do you have three stomachs?" Yoongi asks incredulously, and honest to god expects a positive answer.

"It's ice cream," Jungkook protests. "There's always room for ice cream."

It isn't just ice cream, Yoongi wants to point out. It's three scoops of disturbing colours and even more disturbing sparkly toppings. Hoseok's isn't much better, but at least Hoseok's is mostly gone, so Yoongi doesn't have the evidence staring at him and prompting his concern for his friends' wellbeings.

He isn't sure how Hoseok managed to convince Jungkook to come out with them (probably had something to do with 'ice cream' and 'I'll pay'), since the kid is usually an expert at turning them down. Yoongi doesn't know why he does it - he follows Hoseok around with puppy dog eyes the entire day, and the moment it's time to go home he's half running half flying out of sight to avoid any invites outside.

It's the first time they've gone anywhere together. Much of the conversation swept right by Yoongi (about some comic book or the other - he didn't pay attention) but once in a while Jungkook pauses and looks at him, awkward, like he wants to talk to him but doesn't quite know how.

Hoseok saves them then, by gently veering the conversation towards music. Yoongi has a lot to say about that, and, unsurprisingly, so does Jungkook. There should be a limit to the number of things a kid can talk so passionately about.

"Yoongi raps," Hoseok, the traitor, throws in at one point.

Jungkook looks amazed. "Really?"

"I rap," Yoongi agrees dispassionately.

"And he writes his own songs," Hoseok continues.

"You DO?"

"I do," Yoongi says, even more dead pan. He keeps his eyes up on the heavens, as if they will answer his prayers and kill him off earlier than planned.

"That's so cool, hyung!" the kid says, and Yoongi doesn't know what to do when someone looks at him like that, isn't used to people being amazed by him, so he quickly redirects the conversation.

"Hoseok raps, too."

Jungkook turns his amazed look back towards Hoseok, and that feels better. That's where it should be.

Hoseok laughs, a bit self consciously, scratching the back of his head. "Just sometimes," he says. "There were three of us in our second year - me, Yoongi, and another guy. We wanted to start a band, and we all sucked at vocals, so...we were a rap band, I guess."

They all grow quiet for a moment, lost in thought of those times. To be honest Yoongi misses Namjoon a lot. He wishes the guy wasn't such a bloody genius who had to graduate early.

"What about you?" Hoseok asks, nodding towards Jungkook.

Jungkook looks confused. "I don't rap."

Yoongi snorts. "No, no," Hoseok says. "Anything you wanted to do like that? Start a band, travel the world?"

Jungkook tilts his head, thinking. It takes him too long to answer. "Can't think of anything, hyung," he says, offering them both a cheerful smile. "I just like reading and passing my classes."

It bothers Yoongi then, how someone with so much energy, so much passion, couldn't have something as simple as a dream.

It's many months later that he realizes not everyone's dreams are as selfish as his own.

Jimin is a new existence in his life. Yoongi sort of hates him.

He's always had an irrational hatred of strangers who smile at him. Jimin isn't quite a stranger anymore, not after barging uninvited into their room for two weeks now (okay, not uninvited, Hoseok's made it plenty obvious that he's welcome whenever, but Yoongi has his dorm rights too, damn it), but his smile still sort of gets on his nerves.

He's a first year, too, which is the reason why he started coming. Getting advice for future success and all that. Yoongi told him once that he was asking the wrong person ('like Hoseok-ah knows anything about his own degree'), and to go to Namjoon or someone more useful instead, but Hoseok gave him a nasty look and continued to teach Jimin the ways of the world.

Which, in their case, consists of bad mouthing all the professors they have in common, complaining about the work load, and then playing video games. Go figure.

Yoongi's got used to the sounds of explosions and war cries coming from them. It's annoying sometimes, but they're both very quick to identify when he's pissed and switch things off. Jimin never overstays his welcome, and knows when to tone it down. He's considerate. So maybe Yoongi doesn't fully hate him after all.

He's getting used to having a third party in his small, two person friends group, and that bothers him a bit. It reminds him of how it used to be with Namjoon. More like what it was with Jungkook. Too much like what it was with Jungkook, if the starry eyes Jimin gives Hoseok sometimes are anything to go by.

Yoongi really needs to make more friends.

The next time Jimin comes over, Yoongi stays long enough to get the attention off of him, then escapes the room and calls Namjoon.

"Yoongi?"

"Hey, old friend, old buddy."

There's a snort of amusement at the other end of the line. "What do you want this time?"

Yoongi feigns hurt. "I can't just call up my best friend?"

"You can, and you should, as I've been telling you for years, but do you?"

"Nah," Yoongi says, too cheerfully. "You call enough to make up for it."

Namjoon sighs, exasperated. "Anyway, what do you want?"

"Thought we could go out somewhere," Yoongi says. "I'm kind of hungry."

Namjoon is silent, probably wondering where such an out of character request came from. Yoongi can count on one hand the number of times he's taken Namjoon out. It's always the other boy dragging him out of his room by force. "Sure," he says at last, deciding not to make a big deal of it. Yoongi is glad. "You'll tell me what's wrong eventually, right?"

"Don't I always," Yoongi says dryly.

"Not really, no. How do you feel about pizza?"

Yoongi feels quite good about pizza, and that's where they end up, an hour later, outside campus. They don't see each other very often - Namjoon is in his final year, Yoongi in his third - but they've managed to make do so far. Hoseok is going to be pissed that they're meeting up without him, but with Yoongi in his life, Hoseok is already pretty used to being pissed.

"So?" Namjoon starts, when he's on his fourth slice of pizza. He's eating like he's been starved. Knowing Namjoon, he probably was starving. He always forgot to eat when he was busy.

"So?" Yoongi prompts.

"Here I am," Namjoon says. "Eating pizza. With you."

"Good observation, ten out of ten," Yoongi says.

"Waiting for an explanation," Namjoon continues. "Since I don't know why I'm here yet."

"To eat pizza," Yoongi reminds him, holding a slice up in the air to make his point. Namjoon looks so done.

"If you don't tell me what's wrong, I'll eat all of this and flee."

"I was planning on paying anyway."

"What? No, you can't pay - " he sees Yoongi's smirk and realizes that he's been distracted, mouth turning down to a scowl. "No, no, don't distract me. Tell me why I'm here, Yoongi, or I'll tell everyone you called yourself Gloss in high school."

Yoongi's smirk disappears. Namjoon would. "Okay, okay," he says, placating. "Let's not make hasty decisions."

Namjoon gives him a look of triumph.

"Hoseok has a new friend," Yoongi starts. Namjoon doesn't try to prompt him when he pauses, which is why he's the best listener. Hoseok jumps to conclusions with the first two syllables alone. "A first year. He's a good kid. Stays out of the way, most of the time."

He's put out unrelated thought number one. Now for unrelated thought number two.

"I met Jungkook that day. He was...pretty mad. I mean, I know he has the right to be, but...it was so much easier when I just had to ignore texts. It's harder to see him so hurt in person."

Namjoon, nods. He waits a couple of moments, to see if Yoongi will continue, but he's done. More or less.

"I was just lonely, I guess," he says, in conclusion.

Then Namjoon does what he does best. He puts all of Yoongi's unrelated babbling together into something that makes a bit of sense. "Jimin reminds you of Jungkook," he says, and it's more of a question than a statement. "And...you miss him?"

He remembers what Jungkook had said before he walked out, when Yoongi had told him that Hoseok missed him. He doesn't, he had snapped. He just can't believe I don't look like he hung the moon anymore.

"I don't miss him," he says, and hopes it sounds honest. "I just feel guilty."

Namjoon gives him a contemplative look. He's the only one who knows most of what happened between him and Jungkook. Hoseok still thinks that the fall out was all his fault, that Yoongi was just a peer. But Namjoon knows about all the things he said to Jungkook. How he all but forced him to leave Hoseok alone. How he told Jungkook that he was a nuisance and a bother, because he was angry and jealous of his own best friend.

"I should hope so," Namjoon says lightly. "But, Yoongi, you've been feeling guilty for two years."

What have you done about it? Is what he means. Will you try to change a thing?

"I don't miss him," Yoongi repeats.

It must sound a bit pathetic, because Namjoon gestures to his plate. "Eat," he says, and they leave the conversation at that.

He's not sure when Jungkook started spending time with him without Hoseok around.

It was probably around the time he left the literature club. Hoseok was upset about him leaving, but Jungkook made some very good points. Like how he could never say a single word there anyway. And how it was only making him stressed and anxious. And how not a single person there had the adequate love for superhero comics that made their existence Okay on Jungkook's list.

Whatever the reason was, one day, when Yoongi is sleeping under a tree and ditching basketball practice, Jungkook appears next to him.

"Hi, hyung."

Yoongi takes his elbow off his face to squint up at Jungkook. "You didn't go home?"

Jungkook shakes his head. "Waiting for Hoseok hyung."

Yoongi squints even more, now just confused. "But you don't go home with him."

"Yeah."

"So what are you waiting for?"

Jungkook looks a bit uncomfortable. "Just. To talk, I guess."

Ah, like that. The woes of having a teenage crush.

Yoongi tosses his elbow back over his eyes and tries to go to sleep. He groans in irritation when Jungkook sits next to him.

"I'm not going to bother you," Jungkook says, a bit offended. "Just reading."

Sure enough, he doesn't say a word. Yoongi falls asleep to the sound of pages turning, of Jungkook absently tugging weeds out of the ground because avid reader or not, he could never really sit still.

He only gets up when Hoseok shakes him awake, Jungkook standing over his shoulder, waiting to say his goodbyes and bolt.

Yoongi doesn't say anything when he appears the next day, or the next, always silent, a far cry from the endless chatterbox he is with Hoseok. Soon it becomes a routine. And sometimes Yoongi doesn't fall asleep, sometimes he lies awake and listens to the sound of pages turning, and wonders, in some abstract part of his mind, if this is how it feels to be content.

"It's midnight, you fools," Yoongi says eyeing Hoseok and Jimin in distaste. They're both hunched over their controllers, desperate to beat this one level. This one level that they haven't beat for the past two hours. "Accept defeat and get on with your lives already."

Jimin starts. "It's midnight?" he asks, and his momentary lapse is enough to get his character on screen killed. "Shit."

"Yeah," Yoongi says. "Shoo. Get out of here."

Surprisingly, Jimin actually stands up to leave. "I told Kook I'd be back at eleven," he says, shifting nervously as he looks around for all his stuff. "He needed help with an assignment. He's going to kill me."

"That your roommate?" Yoongi asks, not interested. Hoseok reaches for the remote and turns off the system, making the room go unnaturally quiet without the obnoxious theme music in the background.

"Yeah, my roommate," Jimin says. "Jeon Jungkook. I think you know him?"

Time doesn't stop. It does a crazy back flip and smacks Yoongi right in the face.

Hoseok looks equally horrified. "Jungkook is your roommate?"

Jimin laughs a bit, uncomfortable with their reactions and clearly not understanding at all. "Well, yeah. He said he knew you guys, so...um."

"He knows you've been coming here?" Yoongi asks, and why the hell did he ask that. Maybe a part of him feels like hanging out with Jimin is the ultimate betrayal, when he'd pushed Jungkook away. That part of him doesn't want him to know, wants him to think that Yoongi pushes people away in general, and not Jungkook in particular.

"Of course," Jimin says, sounding even more confused. "Hyung, he was the one who told me to talk to you guys if I needed help."

It's a small consolation that Hoseok looks as floored as Yoongi feels. If I needed help. Jungkook said they'd help his friend. He doesn't know if he should laugh or cry.

But now he can tell for sure that Jungkook knows he pushed him away in particular.

"He didn't seem to hate us?" Hoseok asks, too honestly.

Jimin seems to understand that there's something very wrong going on here. He looks a bit suspicious, eyes darting between them. "He didn't," he says, "but now I'm guessing I should ask him?"

"Please do," Hoseok says, at the same time Yoongi says, "Please don't."

Jimin looks between them again, nods, though to what Yoongi isn't sure, and politely inches towards the door. "I'll see you around then," he says, and is gone.

"His roommate," Hoseok says flatly.

"Maybe he thinks we have a thing for younger kids," Yoongi says, hoping to lighten the mood.

Hoseok gives him such a disgusted look that Yoongi decides not to try again.

The first time Yoongi realizes he has issues with his best friend, he doesn't say a single word about it. The moment goes by unnoticed by anyone but him.

He can't ditch basketball practice every day, his captain was bound to bite his head off some time, and on these days, Jungkook ends up outside the fence, tucked under a tree, reading until Yoongi is done for the day. Yoongi finds this strange, because he could easily wait somewhere more comfortable, and it's not like Yoongi's club activities ever end before Hoseok's, but he doesn't question it. If he questions it Jungkook might realize the lack of logic and leave, and Yoongi doesn't want that.

He's started to like having Jungkook around. God help him.

It's on one such day, when they're having a practice match - half the regulars against the other half with sub regulars to fill in for the rest. Yoongi's team is weaker. He shouldn't admit it but he does. He's got the skinnier kids, the more hesitant ones, while the opponent has the burly captain and his burlier sidekicks. The match is exhausting, but they're holding the score high enough. Barely, but holding it.

Yoongi won't lie. He's the main reason they haven't fallen behind.

He's never looked the type to play basketball - too short, too skinny, too lazy, but he's the team's second best player. He weaves in and out between people, feinting and blocking, and shoots basket after basket. He can hear the rest of the club screaming his name, screaming the names of his teammates - they've always had a thing about rooting for the underdog, and when the whistle blows, when Yoongi collapses on a bench for a drink of water, he catches sight of Jungkook.

His book is forgotten. His face is pressed against the fence, fingers hooked around the wire, as he stares, enthralled, eyes too wide for his face.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow at him, though Jungkook probably can't see. Sweat is getting into his eyes. He's so tired, but still on fire, the way a good match always gets him.

Jungkook pokes his hands through the fence to toss him two thumbs up. Yoongi grins. He still isn't used to people looking at him like this, like Yoongi is truly someone incredible, but on the court it feels more normal. Like he maybe deserves it.

He starts the second half with even more energy, spurred on. He can't afford to glance back at the fence, not in the middle of the game, but he swears he can feel Jungkook watching him. Silently cheering him on.

When the whistle blows again, for another break, he chances a look back again, and it's not just Jungkook anymore. Hoseok is there, saying something rapid, about the match or not, Yoongi doesn't have a clue. Doesn't give a damn. Jungkook is looking at him instead, like Hoseok has done something incredible rather than just appear. Like Hoseok walking the stupid distance from the clubroom to the courts was something to be amazed about.

The amount of disdain that rises in him suddenly is uncalled for. Out of line. It scares him, and he shakes it away, because he could never think cruelly about Hoseok.

Hoseok is his best friend. Jungkook is the odd one out.

Jimin only comes back a week later.

He wasn't avoiding them - he replied to Hoseok's texts, and to Yoongi's, and made that very clear, even though neither of them ask outright. When he finally turns up, he's grinning as per usual, homework tucked under an arm that he'll ask them for help with before they collectively give up on it.

The question is burning in the air, did you talk to Jungkook, did you talk to Jungkook, and surely Jimin can feel it. He must feel as suffocated by the question as Yoongi does.

"So," Jimin starts, "I did ask Jungkook about you guys. He told me...well, a lot, actually, but he also said he didn't want me to repeat any of it to you."

Yoongi doesn't know why he feels relieved. It's a bit like Schrodinger's cat. As long as Jungkook doesn't outright say he hates him, things feel a bit better.

"He also cried a bit," Jimin says, biting his lip. "I just...felt like I should say that."

He still doesn't look accusing, and Yoongi doesn't know how that works. He doesn't know how everyone he knows lives with this endless pot of forgiveness strapped to themselves.

Hoseok looks tired. Endlessly tired. Then suddenly he's standing, and Yoongi panics.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to fix this," he says. "Jimin, what's your room number?"

"Don't," Yoongi says, not sure what he's warning him about. "Hoseok, what, you can't just barge in on him like that - "

"207," Jimin mutters, looking like he has no clue what's happening. "I...I could take you there, I guess? He might freak if you turn up alone."

"He'll freak regardless," Yoongi says. "Hoseok-ah, you have to leave him alone, he doesn't have to deal with all of this shit - "

Yoongi stops, mid sentence. He remembers saying the same thing, years ago, to a different person. The crushed look Jungkook had given him after. The mess that everything became, day after day.

"If you had half a heart, Yoongi," Hoseok says, "You'd be coming with me."

Then he leaves. Jimin goes after him. Yoongi stays frozen, because he doesn't even have half a heart. All he has is fear and boiled anger, and that's been the problem all along.

He squeezes his eyes shut. "Hoseok!" he screams. "Jung Hoseok!"

Hoseok comes bounding back, bless his soul, because as angry as he is he still cares enough. He stands at the doorway, aghast and a bit worried. Yoongi doesn't scream like this. Not where people can hear him.

"Don't go yet," he says, his voice cracking. It's been too long. Two years too long, and he can't keep lying to his friend in the name of keeping them together. "There's something I need to tell you. Jimin, give us some time."

It came down to the fact that he was more scared to lose Hoseok than he was to lose Jungkook.

Namjoon was already gone - Hoseok was all he had left. Yoongi had never had people to love at home, his family couldn't even be called one. Hoseok was all he had, and he wasn't going to lose that because of some petty issues over some dumb first year kid.

What made everything harder was how much Jungkook had come to trust him.

The first time Jungkook had texted him to meet after school, he'd had a mild heart attack. It was a simple message, an are you free, hyung? And an are you hungry? And it ended with them both wandering the market streets, looking for something that might catch their eye. Everything caught Jungkook's eye, which he should have expected with how easily amused the kid was, but he didn't insist on going anywhere, waiting for Yoongi to pick a place. Courtesy and all that.

"Don't you have friends your age?" Yoongi asks, because surely it isn't normal to have to call out a senior to go get dinner.

"Nope," Jungkook says. "None at all."

"You seem pretty sad about it," Yoongi says sarcastically.

Jungkook shrugs. "Why feel bad about things you can't change."

"Because you can't change them," Yoongi deadpans. "That's precisely why."

Jungkook wrinkles his nose. "It means that there's no point, hyung. Not no reason."

"Stupid saying either way," Yoongi declares. "Feeling bad about things is the true way of life."

Jungkook snorts. Then he gets distracted by a strange light-up toy that waddles around and plays music, and Yoongi has to drag him away.

"Still no place you like?" Jungkook asks in disbelief.

In truth, Yoongi has passed several, but he's looking for one place in particular. The shop is a bit worn down, but he's a regular visitor, and the owner knows him by name and pinches his cheek when he goes in. Not that that's why he goes, of course, he goes because the lamb skewers are delicious and to die for.

"Patience," he says, and Jungkook grumbles a bit. "Why didn't you ask Hoseok to come with you, anyway?"

"I'm sorry for genuinely wanting your company," Jungkook says. "I'll think twice next time."

He ignores the strange feeling the words give him. "I liked it better when you were scared of me," he says. "Can we go back to that time?"

Jungkook makes an exaggerated show of falling backwards in fear, which looks even more pathetic because he has to keep walking forward to stay out of the crowds' wrath. Yoongi snorts at him.

It had never occurred to him that Jungkook might like spending time with him of his own accord. Yoongi had always imagined himself with a sign on his head that read 'Hoseok isn't here, I am a somewhat functional replacement.' This - the idea of them being friends, without Hoseok...was something that took him by surprise.

He likes it, but at the same time it scares him. Because Yoongi can't lose Hoseok. Not over this.

Even if 'this' starts feeling a lot less inconsequential as every day passes by.

Namjoon looks surprised when Yoongi slides into the booth, which is stupid because he was the one who called Yoongi out.

"What," he snaps, but it comes out more tired than harsh.

"Nothing," Namjoon says. "I just didn't expect you to look so...uninjured."

A ghost of a smile passes over Yoongi's face. "Hoseok doesn't punch people when he's mad," he says. "Then he'd feel obligated to forgive them. It's much easier to pretend I don't exist."

Namjoon bites the end of his spoon, thinking. A nervous habit. "For what it's worth," he says, "I'm proud of you."

"For what," Yoongi's voice is flat. "For losing all the friends I have? For making everyone I know miserable?"

"For telling him the truth," Namjoon says.

Yoongi is silent. "Sometimes I feel like you're my therapist."

"Is that a good thing?"

"No idea."

They don't speak for a long while, quietly eating. Namjoon seems to have been starving himself again.

"What did you tell him?" Namjoon asks at last.

"He didn't tell you?"

"He did, a bit, but I want to know the full story. From you."

It was supposed to end with Yoongi pretending.

He was supposed to pretend to hate Jungkook, to scare him off a bit, get the kid to return to people his own age. What Yoongi hadn't accounted for was his anger to become real. For the hatred to be real. That had never been the plan, and it made everything more volatile.

Yoongi sits in his classroom, face pressed against the glass. It's raining outside. Not heavily, but not a drizzle. A steady down pour. Basketball practice has been cancelled, and he would have been under his tree if it wouldn't have made him sopping wet.

He stares outside without really seeing, waiting for Hoseok to come back. He doesn't have an umbrella, and neither does Hoseok. They'll have to just make a mad dash home. Not the best end to the day.

His gaze focuses a bit when he notices someone jumping in the puddles outside. It's Jungkook, clothes soaked through, hair plastered to his face. He has an umbrella but is holding it to the side, like it's only a nuisance, while he jumps in and out of puddles, quite forgetting that he's in high school and should have grown out of these things by now.

Yoongi sighs and stands up, deciding to go meet him. Get him out of the rain if he can. Steal his umbrella if he can't - at least Yoongi will use it.

When he's outside, the sound of the rain makes it difficult to hear much else. "Jungkook!" he calls. "Jeon Jungkook!" Like hell he's going out into the rain to catch the kid.

Luckily, Jungkook manages to hear him and hurries over. He looks an absolute mess, muddy and dirty, but his eyes are shining. "Yoongi hyung!"

"The hell are you doing."

"I'm not sure yet," Jungkook says. "You want to join?"

"Do I look crazy?"

"...a bit, I guess?"

Yoongi scowls at him. Then he points to the umbrella. "If you don't use it I'll steal it," he warns.

Jungkook shrugs. "I was saving it for Hoseok hyung, but you guys will both go together anyway, so..." he hands it over. Yoongi doesn't take it.

"That's why you're still here?" Yoongi asks slowly. "To give Hoseok an umbrella?"

"...I guess?"

It shouldn't annoy him so much - far worse things have happened and they've only left Yoongi feeling a bit amused, a bit fond, and a lot exasperated, but this time...maybe it has something to do with the rain. Darkening mood and all that. 

Maybe it has to do with how, when he saw Jungkook near the tree they usually hang out by, he'd dared to hope that the kid was waiting for him.

"You really like him, huh," Yoongi starts, tone too dark to hide.

Jungkook blinks. "Hyung?"

"You really think you have a chance with him?"

Jungkook doesn't get it at first, blinking rapidly, the hand that with the umbrella curling towards himself in confusion. He doesn't get it because he doesn't know, doesn't know that Yoongi knows. That Yoongi has known from the very beginning; how Jungkook's intentions were never very subtle.

"You think he'll like you back? You? He's a third year, the idea of college is already stressing him out, and you think he'll care about your stupid crush? Because you brought him a freaking umbrella? Just - just leave him alone. He can't deal with your shit now."

Jungkook takes a step back. "I don't - " he starts, and doesn't get anywhere. He blinks some more, looking  one step away from crying. Yoongi wants to push him, to make him cry, let him feel the frustration he's had building in his chest for a year.

"You know what he told me?" Yoongi spits darkly. "On the first day I met you? He said he wanted you to join the literature club to get you to talk to someone else. To get you off of his tail. But it's been a year now, and you're still annoying him just as much as you were then."

It isn't true. Hoseok had never meant it that way - he loved having Jungkook around and Yoongi knew it. But he twists his words, keeps twisting, and feels a horrible satisfaction when the tears start down Jungkook's face.

"Leave him alone," he says at last. "You're so annoying. Leave him alone. Leave me alone."

He doesn't wait for Hoseok. He pushes past Jungkook, into the pouring rain, pulling his jacket closer around him as he starts home.

When he turns back, Jungkook is in the same spot, head hung low. The anger is already disappearing, overcome by a need to cry his eyes out, and Yoongi almost goes back and hugs the kid and tells him that he's sorry, so sorry, so stupid. It's him who doesn't know how to deal with a crush, not Jungkook.

Leave me alone, he'd said.

He bites his tongue and doesn't go back.

The next time he meets Jungkook, neither of them are alone.

He isn't used to seeing Jungkook around friends - it has literally never happened as long as Yoongi had known him. Jungkook had always been the kid at the back of the line, edge of the crowd, fiddling with the straps of his backpack and standing on his toes to find Hoseok. Yoongi had never even seen him interact with his own class.

Now, though, there are two kids with him. He recognizes Jimin, obviously, but the other one he hasn't seen before. They're laughing together, so absurdly carefree. Yoongi almost forgets to stop staring.

They're in the shopping street right outside the campus. Yoongi doesn't come here often - too far a walk, too much energy requirement - but Hoseok had asked, and they aren't back at the stage where Yoongi feels it's okay to say no to him yet. At the moment, Yoongi would probably chop off his legs and sacrifice his soul to the underworld if it meant Hoseok would talk to him, even this tentatively.

He doesn't have a family. He doesn't have friends. Hoseok and Namjoon are all he's ever had.

Hoseok is poking through a vegetable cart propped at the side of the road, making easy conversation with the vendor. He doesn't seem to notice Jungkook and his friends. It's probably something that it's Jungkook Yoongi notices first, and not Jimin.

The three of them have paused in front of a shady looking stall selling charms. Jungkook's eyes are wide in awe. At least some things never change.

"Yoongi, do you have any change?" Hoseok asks, rummaging in his pockets. Yoongi procures it instantly, because he'd come prepared. Out of character, but he's a bit desperate at this point.

After what seems like an eternity, Jungkook spots him. Jimin jerks his head towards them immediately, and waves cheerfully. He doesn't seem to notice the impromptu staring contest Yoongi and Jungkook have pulled.

Jungkook looks away. Yoongi waves back at Jimin. Then, of course, having zero tact, the kid grabs Jungkook and the other poor soul with them by the arms and drags them towards Yoongi.

Yoongi's eyes flit between Jungkook, and Hoseok, and the vegetables - he's not sure why he's looking at the vegetables, but they're the only part of the triangle that isn't making him want to scream - until he ends up, face to face, with Jungkook himself.

Not quite, because the younger is mostly hiding behind the other boy, but they're still closer than either of them really want to be.

"Jungkook-ah?" Hoseok asks, turning suddenly. His face brightens, and it's natural. Yoongi doesn't know when it became natural again - he'd been forcing smiles at Jungkook all semester. "Jimin! And..."

"Taehyung," the other kid says, nodding politely.

"Taehyung," Hoseok repeats. "What brings the three of you here?"

"Needed some stuff for a project," Jimin explains. "What about you, hyung?"

"Vegetables," Yoongi explains, and wishes he sounded like a functional human being.

"Vegetables," Hoseok agrees.

"Vegetables," Taehyung repeats, out of nowhere, looking somewhere else entirely. Jimin pokes him, hard.

"You guys should come by some time, we'll cook for you," Hoseok says. "How about it, Jungkook?"

Jungkook looks like he's been cornered for a moment. "Sure, hyung," he gets out.

"Good," Hoseok says. "How about tomorrow?"

What the heck is happening.

"Tomorrow's good!" Jimin says. "Tomorrow's great."

They wave their goodbyes and part ways, and Hoseok is so happy, humming as he picks even more vegetables. Yoongi wants to tell him not to get his hopes up, but he can't, because they aren't on good enough terms yet.

So Yoongi lets him buy stuff, and the next day lets him cook. When the time for dinner comes, and only Jimin and Taehyung appear, wearing apologetic smiles on their faces, Yoongi isn't the slightest bit surprised.

"He isn't feeling well," Jimin lies, terribly.

Hoseok gives him a look.

When he returns to school the next day, Jungkook's umbrella is on the ground, right where they'd had their argument. Yoongi tries not to think about it.

He spots Jungkook later, in the cafeteria. Jungkook gets up a bit, to come to him, maybe say something, but Yoongi turns away.

His first instinct is that he needs to see Namjoon. He can't tell Hoseok about this - Hoseok will strangle him and bury him inside out. But Namjoon - Namjoon doesn't know Jungkook. And he knows how messed up Yoongi is.

But Namjoon is living on campus across the city, because he had to be a genius and graduate early.

Namjoon,  he sends that night, knowing the other boy won't be up.

Namjoon, I really ruin everything

I'm so scared

A week later, it rains.

Yoongi presses his face against the window, trying to see outside. Hoseok is out somewhere with Namjoon, taking a break from Yoongi's constant existence. Namjoon had been polite enough to offer that he join them, but Yoongi can tell when he's not welcome. He has a tiny bit of consideration still.

He watches dark shadows shift by the window, lighting striking every now and then.

It feels like deja-vu, honestly, when he spots Jungkook outside. Not jumping in puddles, not as carefree as he'd been back then, but still kicking at the water. He has his shoes and socks in his hands, jeans rolled up to his calves while he sloshes through the water, waving his feet around and splashing across the street.

He looks almost as small as he did back then, completely hidden in his jacket, his clothes wet and hanging to his frame. Something hurts a bit. Yoongi can't tell what.

He doesn't know what possesses him to do it - he isn't really up to thinking at the moment, his body is running on autopilot - just trying to fix something he knows he got wrong last time. He feels like he's in a time loop. He's back on that day that he got the chance to ruin it all, and didn't turn around and take it all back when his whole being had screamed for him to do so.

The elevator doors ping open, and Yoongi walks swiftly through the lobby. He's forgotten his umbrella. Of course.

When he makes it outside, it's hard to hear anything. The whole scene is just as he remembers it. It's darker, but just as cold, and Jungkook hasn't spotted him yet. He's doing this weird hop in and out of the puddles now, barefoot, and is probably going to end up with some horrible infection or rash or whatever it is people get when they soak their feet in dirty water.

"Jungkook!" he calls out. "Jeon Jungkook!"

Jungkook doesn't hear him. He slips a bit when he hops, nearly crashes, and ends up dropping his shoes instead. A sock gets lost in the puddle and he curses, crouching to pat a hand in the water and see if he can find it. This kid. No sense of self preservation.

"Jeon Jungkook!" he calls again, and it sounds almost hysterical.

I'm sorry, he thinks. I'm sorry, I was so stupid, you can hate me forever but please don't, I really like you, I'm so sorry -

Jungkook finally spots him, eyes widening almost comically as he nearly drops his shoe again. He holds a hand above his eyes to get a better look, and then he's hurrying towards him, just like all those years ago, but now unsmiling.

"Yoongi hyung?" he asks, curious, a bit lost. He's a bit taller than Yoongi now, something he hadn't noticed before. Yoongi pretends he doesn't hear the hope in his voice. It might make him change his mind.

"We need to talk," Yoongi says, and it comes out a bit choked.

"Jungkook-ah," Yoongi groans, long suffering. "Jungkook-ah, I really don't care."

"But hyung, you should have seen it! Like, they're all just sitting around, and the world is ending, and then there's this sudden REALISATION that they've been after the wrong robot, and the real villain is literally controlling everything - "

"I don't care," Yoongi repeats, rubbing at his face. "Please just let me sleep."

He's stretched out on the grass, all ready for a nap, and was even drifting off before Jungkook appeared. The kid is perched on his bicycle, stand thrown open haphazardly. He was on his way home when he spotted Yoongi and felt the absolute need to shorten his lifespan.

"So the thing is that the robot realizes that there's only one way to stop humans killing each other," he says, and pauses dramatically. "And that's to kill all of them off by itself."

He waits, eyes shining, for Yoongi to ooh or aah or something. Yoongi squints up at him.

"Cool story," he says. "Still don't care."

"I just told you the most revolutionary plot line in the world."

"Most revolutionary plot line is the episode of Oswald where the penguin only gets one marshmallow instead of two."

There's an awkward pause. "I don't know if I'm more horrified that you watch that show, or that you emotionally bond with the penguin."

"I don't bond with the penguin."

"You basically are the penguin."

"Shoo, kid. Let me sleep."

Jungkook grins, eyes crinkling, as he shifts to pull up his bicycle stand again. "What do you even talk about with Hoseok hyung?" he asks.

"I don't need to read books to talk to him."

"Yeah, yeah, but what do you talk about?"

What does Yoongi talk about to anyone, really? Now that he thinks about it, he can't come up with a topic. It's mostly just people telling him stuff and him offering his unwelcome and unfriendly sarcasm.

"Life, the universe, and everything," he says, just to see Jungkook's jaw drop.

"Did you just make a hitchhiker's guide reference?"

"What can I say, I'm an educated man."

Jungkook makes a face at him. "You've literally just read the title."

"Sheesh, let me sleep, kid."

When Yoongi says that they need to talk, he'd imagined a cafe, or a park, or at the very least dry shelter. He doesn't expect to be seated on the curb of the sidewalk, holding Jungkook's jacket above his head ("I don't need it, hyung, I like the rain"), his shoes slowly getting soaked through.

"I want to apologize," Yoongi says. He's holding the jacket far enough over his head to not have to see Jungkook's face.

"It's okay," Jungkook says simply.

"What the hell, Kook, it's not okay."

"It's not," Jungkook agrees. He lets his fingers run through the stagnant water. Yoongi almost slaps his hand away by reflex. "But, it happened a long time ago. You don't have to think about it anymore."

Yoongi doesn't know how to respond to that.

"You didn't mean it, did you?" Jungkook asks, voice oddly light. "You said a lot of things, but you didn't mean them, right?"

"No," Yoongi forces out. "I didn't."

"That's what I thought. You wanted me gone, but it wasn't because I was annoying you both. I'd done something else wrong, and I still don't know what."

Yoongi shakes his head. "You'd done nothing wrong," he says. Jungkook gives him a snort of disbelief, and Yoongi leans forward to look at him properly. "Seriously, kid. You'd done nothing wrong. It was all on me."

"Okay, hyung," Jungkook says, like nothing Yoongi says makes a difference to him.

Yoongi sighs heavily. "I was jealous," he says at last. "Of you and Hoseok. I didn't know how to deal with it."

There's a long, long silence. Jungkook doesn't understand. He swirls his fingers in the water, over and over, while he thinks.

"What was there to be jealous of?" he asks finally, a bit bitter. "He spent his whole life with you. I saw him for five minutes a day."

Yoongi's next words die in his throat. Jungkook had misunderstood. Yoongi wasn't jealous over Hoseok, what the hell. But...he doesn't want to correct him.

The entire truth, he remembers Namjoon telling him, over and over, but he can't do it. Jungkook doesn't need it. Everything will be better off if Yoongi buries his feelings somewhere and sets them on fire.

"Yeah, well," he says, brushing his words away. "Don't avoid us anymore, okay? Hoseok wasn't kidding when he said he missed you. He has a literature club here, too, you know? You could join it."

Jungkook tilts his head, considering. "It depends," he says. "Are the kids there as bad as the ones in school?"

"They're ten times worse," Yoongi tells him. "They even understand foreign languages."

"Then I'll pass."

They sit there, on the curb, getting drenched and soggy, for what seems like an hour afterwards. The silence isn't okay yet, there's still tension hanging in the air, but if Yoongi breathes a bit, and lets himself fantasize, he can almost imagine it being like those days they spent under the tree in high school.

"Read any good books lately?" Yoongi asks, and Jungkook laughs a bit. The tension seems to lessen.

"You wouldn't want to hear about it," he says, which isn't true.

Someday, someday Yoongi will get around to telling him the truth. Someday when it doesn't matter so much anymore.