Chapter Text
Life has a funny way of presenting itself, sometimes it's calm and reassuring and sometimes it's just not, meaning that sometimes it hits so fast and so hard that it's like a punch to the groin. And for Kanan; it was unfortunately the latter. Having just recently got into an argument with some fellow at a local cantina in a dump planet of Lothal, he whipped the blood dripped from his nose, absentmindedly. Only to wince from pain a few seconds later when he realized that his nose was definitely broken.
He let out a hollow laugh, chalk that up to his damaged hearing aid and Kanan was having the absolute shittiest day ever.
Why did I come to Lothal? He thought to himself annoyingly, such a backwater planet on the edge of the galaxy. All coming here caused was more trouble then he needed, and for what? A "simple" job for a few measly credits that will maybe only last him a couple of days at the least before he ran out again?
What was the point?
The point in any of this, in his life, in existing in the first place?
If he just suddenly passed on, gave up and went to be with Master Billaba; the world, the entire galaxy would still continue to go on, in fact it wouldn't even blink if he faded away. So with that knowledge what was the point in fighting? 10 years he's been nothing but a wanderer, taking odd jobs and accepting credits whenever they were given to him.
And having spent years doing this tends to take it's toll on a person, especially with the life and the trauma that Kanan has faced.
As he lay on his back, in the dirt, as rain started falling all around him, soaking him to the bone, Kanan decided right then that he didn't want to fight anymore. He was tired and he just wanted some peace for a damn change. He thinks that after all he's gone through, he deserves it. Or maybe he didn't— maybe that was also a sign, why his life was just another shit show after another, maybe he didn’t deserve any peace.
Maybe this was his punishment?
To suffer?
Taking out his blaster from the holster, Kanan studied it, his arm held it above his head. Flipping it over in his hand as if it was the first time he had seen such a object. He watched as the rain water accumulated on it, how the liquid pooled and then dripped off the gun and fell on his face, mixing with his tears. Taking in a slow breathe Kanan brought it closer to himself, right up to his temple—
Only for a loud buzzing to practically erupt within his ears. Gasping out loud, the sudden noised caused his body to jump and the gun fell from his hand and hit him square on his broken nose, and fell to the ground. He groaned, "Dammit..."
His body stiffened when a scream suddenly rang out but what Kanan found odd, haunting even was that it wasn't coming from down the alleyway or within the streets of Lothal. But within Kanan's own mind. The scream itself was packed with so much force that if he had been standing, would have knocked him to his knees. It was so raw, frantic and broken, that Kanan felt it hit him straight in the heart, and left him shaking.
He froze with that thought.
Because he realized with sudden dread what was happening.
This was the work of the Force or more so; this was someone who was Force Sensitive right here on Lothal, someone who was in some very deep trouble. Was this person a Padawan perhaps? Like he had been before the Purge? Kanan always in the back on his mind, the one that still held on to the culture he was raised under, always believed that their had to be more Padawans besides himself that made it.
It's all entirely possible.
And that thought, that knowledge should have brought him some form of comfort, knowing he wasn't alone. But it didn't, Kanan merely clinched his jaw so tightly his teeth ached, he stood up, picked up his blaster and shoved it into his holster. Anger rose within his bitter heart, after all this time, after suppressing it for literally ten years— after all he lost, why would he put his trust in the Force now? The anger dissipated into sadness and his heart ached. Oh, how disappointed Master Billaba would be in him, thinking such things. Because a Jedi's purpose in life was to protect, to help people when they needed it and to keep the balance in all things.
I'm not a Jedi, just a coward. He thought, whoever needed his help would probably be better off on their own— Then that Force Signature seemed to grab onto his, his own that still connected him to the Force no matter how much he denied it and latched on like a leach to it's prey. The desperation and terror slammed into him once again as tiny hands grabbed at his tether pulling at him so hard that Kanan actually stumbled forward a bit, it was then that Kanan realized that the person calling out to him, wasn't a former Padawan of the Republic, but a kid.
And by the raw emotions being sent his way, it was a young kid.
For a moment Kanan could only stand there, rooted to the spot as the kid kept calling out to him for help, before those pleas went silent altogether. Leaving Kanan a trembling mess, leaning against the wall for support, his heart beating faster then a TIE fighter engine.
He was at a complete loss at what to do, his mind going numb as he pressed his back against the cool stone wall.
What was he suppose to do? Go find him? Help the kid? And then what? Kanan couldn't take care of a child, he can barely take care of himself, let alone someone that would need ten times the care a broken adult needs on a daily.
Then abruptly, like someone poking him on the head, he remember something Billaba had told him once; a vision that she had before the events of the Purge, "Sometime in the future, Caleb, I sense dark and difficult time ahead. Soon we all, including you and I, must make a choice between what is right and what is easy.
Going to help this kid, was the right choice, however. One that all his Masters, including Billaba, would encourage him to do so.
But Kanan also knew that by doing so meant he would have to deal with the Force one last time, something he was still very bitter against after all this time.
Walking away from this child that needed his help would be easy, his one and only way out of never having to do anything with the Force ever again. His ticket to being relatively free from the guilt he carried where he can just go to another cantina and drink himself until there was nothing left inside him except alcohol, or maybe finish what he started before he was interrupted.
Then a broken cry rang out within the Force, as the tugging persisted.
Clinging his teeth together, fingernails digging into his palms, Kanan ran out of the alleyway and into the streets of Lothal. He guessed, if anything, he could just drop the kid off at an orphanage where he'd be well cared for. If he remembered correctly there was one over on the outskirts of Lothal.
Making his way down the streets, Kanan found that it wasn't as packed as it had been that morning with everyone celebrating Empire Day, a local tradition, the local bartender said to him, or more so the Empire's tradition that they forced them to celebrate.
Pushing past various people, to where things were a bit more quiet and away from the festivities, Kanan listened for the sound of any crying, refusing to use the Force if only when he had no choice. But just when he was about to give up, he heard it. A shrill scream that, for the first time, wasn't in his head. But echoed down another alleyway to his left, a sound that no one seemed to notice at all.
Turning left, Kanan's heart pounded in his chest, knowing that he was getting closer and closer to the kid that was calling out for help.
Fear
Pain
Desperation
Feeling everything this kid was experiencing made Kanan run all the faster.
Making a hard right, Kanan came to a halting stop when his eyes fell on a small boy being lifted off the ground, pinned against the wall by a large Shistavanen laughing in the poor kid's face and for a second, Kanan froze, his feet remained rooted to the spot, the overall severity of the scene catching him off guard. But when the Shistavanen threw the kid against the wall, Kanan felt his heart skip a beat when the boy cried out in pain.
"HEY!" He called out his brows narrowing, and his eyes dangerous.
The Shistavanen stopped what it was doing and looked over at Kanan, and even though Kanan had only been on Lothal a week, he could immediately tell that this wolf was not local of Lothal's residents. "Eh? What are yer lookin' at? This ain't none of you business. Kriff off, ya toss." The Shistavanen words slurred when he spoke, and if the smell was anything to go by, this man was heavily drunk.
And by the way it was treating this kid, he was and abusive drunk.
"Normally, I would." Kanan began, trying to remain as casual as possible. He didn't want to risk of the wolf making a run for it not with the kid still in it's claws. His hand inched towards his blaster ever so slightly, and thank the stars to the night of Lothal, the Shistavanen were unaware. Perfect. "However, I am going to make an acceptation this time because that is a child." He snarled out, barring his teeth, trying to look intimidating.
The wolf simply laughed at him, stepping forward slightly. "You think yerself a hero, eh? You don't know what he's done. 'Sides this kid's a piece of trash, cowboy. I own him."
"No other life form in the galaxy has the right to own another being even with the Empire running things now, there's still rules. And whatever he did doesn't excuse the fact that that—" He gestured towards the boy on the ground, curled into a ball. "Is child abuse."
Shistavanen laughed yet again. "Really? And what are you going to do about it? Fight me? I guarantee, mate, that you'll be flat on the ground in seconds."
Kanan couldn't help but chuckle to himself, boy if this wolf knew he had once been a Padawan for the Galactic Republic, he'd probably singing a different tune. "No, but I do think the Empire would find it interesting that you are here illegally."
And just like that, the wolf's face went from cocky, to shock in second. "How do you know—"
Kanan smirked. "I didn't, you told me, just now."
"Why you skinny son of a—" The Shistavanen growled out, barring his sharp teeth, it's yellow eyes turning a deep red, filled with rage.
But just as he was getting ready to pounce, Kanan drew his blaster, pointing it straight at wolf's heart, the Shistavanen's eyes widened in shock, freezing in place. "Now, here's what we're gonna do; you're going to put the kid down, slowly walk away and leave. And if I catch you coming anywhere near him or any other child again, I guarantee you that the Empire will have a nice cozy cell waiting for you."
A second passed by
Then three as they stared at one another, a battle of will and wits happened silently between them, and which Kanan remained, unwavering.
Giving Kanan one last snarl, the Shistavanen's finally turned back to their bright yellow and with a grunt of frustration, Kanan watched as the wolf dropped the kid to the ground, and walked away, hilariously enough, with it's tail between its legs. And only when he was sure that the wolf was gone, Kanan let out the breathe he hadn't realized he had been holding and made his way towards the boy.
Kneeling on the ground, he made sure to keep his voice low and gentle. "Hey kid, are you okay? Did he hurt you?" Kanan had never dealt with children before, so he honestly didn't know what to do from here, so he did what he thought was the best approach, slowly he reached out a hand to the small child and attempted to offer him a help up.
Upon sensing his hand drawing near, the boy let out a broken whimper and tried to back further into the stone wall.
Immediately Kanan let his hand fall limp, sensing his fear and trauma. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you, kiddo." He really was at a complete loss of what to do, he racked his brain of any knowledge he had about comforting kids and remember a trick that Billaba use on him, and it work wonders. Starting off slowly, Kanan did his best to send the kid calming waves of reassurance through the Force, telling the boy that he meant him no harm and he only wanted to help
It's okay, your okay. I'm here to help
Eventually, after a few moments, the kid lifted his head from underneath his arms and looked up at Kanan; dark blue eyes meeting bright teal.
They stared at each other for a minute before Kanan gently reached out his hand again for the boy to take. And to Kanan's relief, the kid slowly reached his hand out, their fingers barely brushing before an electric shock traveled from Kanan's finger tips and straight into his chest.
His entire body stiffened at this feeling and by the look of it, the kid was in the same exact state.
Abruptly, as he knelt there on the ground looking at this lost and lonely boy, Kanan had this newfound urge to protect this child, to comfort and reassure that it was all going to be alright, it was an instinct that he never experienced before, and one he didn't know how to deal with.
He then recalled his younger years as a Padawan, how in one of his training sessions with Master Billaba that she gently put her hand on his shoulder and smiled at him.
"Even though you've only been my Padawan for a few months, yet your progress is astounding. One day I hope I get to see you become a great Jedi Knight and see you get a Padawan of your own."
"But Master, how will I know? I stumbled upon you by mere chance."
"Do you remember when the Jedi Temple went under attack? And I protected you from that Kage Warrior's bombs? Do you recall that there was a moment just a moment where you felt a slight shock? That, dear Caleb is Force Link. A rare find within a Master and Padawan but certainly not unheard of. Because of such a bond; the Master and Padawan becomes much more then just that, they become family. I believe that one day you will have that with your own Padawan, of that I am sure."
Billaba's words echoed within his mind as he realized what this feeling was: A Force Bond, something that only happened in really rare cases among the Jedi. With that information he realized very quickly just who this kid was to him, was going to be to him.
This was his Padawan, or who would have been his Padawan had Kanan actually been able to make it to the rank of Jedi Knight back before the Purge. He also realized what this meant now, it meant that he wasn't going to be able to ever distance himself from the Force, wasn't going to just turn a blind eye and drop this kid off at the orphanage.
Because this child was rich within it and he is going to need someone to help him, for his own safety against the Empire. Kanan couldn't abandon him now, like he planned to before, not now, not with Bond, that was already thrumming, practically singing within the Force.
But right now he couldn't worry about that, right now he needed to get this kid to a doctor for his injuries. Gently, he closed his fingers around the boy's hand, feeling that same electric shock. "My name is Kanan." He introduced himself, softly. "What's yours?"
The kid opened his mouth, closed it a few seconds later then using his hand, Kanan watched as the boy started drawing in the sand with his index finger. When he was done, Kanan noticed that it wasn't a drawing but a word, more so it was a name, a word. "Ezra."
Two simple words written in the sand was enough for dread to encase Kanan's chest, like someone yank his heart out of his chest and squeezed.
Ezra, this child, his Padawan, was mute.