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"I'm sorry!"
Kanji blinked. "...huh?"
"What's with that reaction?"
"Uh... are you for real?"
Yosuke immediately turned red. "Wha- why- yes! I'm for real! I really am sorry!"
"Okay, okay, I got it! Geez..."
There was a long pause as Kanji stopped to consider what just happened. Yosuke, after avoiding him all week, had asked to meet him alone at the Junes food court after school. They sat on opposite sides of a corner table- not one that the team normally used for meetings, but still out of earshot of most of the customers- and Kanji hadn't even been able to take a bite of his hamburger before Yosuke suddenly blurted out his apology.
"...so, uh, do you forgive me?"
No matter how hard Kanji tried, it wasn't computing. Yosuke, saying sorry? With complete seriousness? For what, exactly? They'd been getting along recently, both in and outside of the TV World so... wait, maybe it was about that stuff? Probably? Was he just imagining things? Was he assuming too much?
"I mean- not that you have to, I know the shit I said wasn't cool."
Maybe he should talk to Senpai about this. He'd know for sure what was going on. Or even Naoto, this was the kind of stuff detectives dealt with, right? Figuring out weird, out of nowhere apologies that might or might not be related to shit that went down in the past?
"...crap, that was really bad to ask wasn't it? Ignore that, you don't have to forgive me or anything, we don't even have to be friends anymore if you don't want to-"
Wait, shit, Yosuke was still talking. "Yosuke-senpai, dude. chill. I'm just thinking."
Yosuke jumped at the interruption and somehow turned even redder, looking like an overripe tomato. "Oh! Okay, yeah that's... that's cool. Take your time, I can wait. unless you wanted me to-"
This was starting to give Kanji a headache. "Senpai, seriously, shut up. I'm thinking."
"Okay. Shutting up."
Their attempted silence was ruined somewhat by the clamor of the Junes food court, but neither of them really noticed.
"So like..." Kanji started again, slowly. "Just to be clear, this is you apologizing for saying all that homophobic crap, right?
Yosuke coughed. "Didn't know you knew that many big words, Kanji."
"Dude."
"Shit, sorry, that was another stupid..." Yosuke looked away, drumming his fingers on the table. "Yeah, I'm trying to apologize for... all that."
Well, at least he knew he wasn't imagining things anymore. "It's just..."
Yosuke furrowed his brows. "Just...?"
"...it's weird, okay? It's really weird to hear you actually saying sorry." Kanji paused again, ignoring Yosuke's increasingly obvious fidgeting. He needed time to find the right words, and hell if he going to let Yosuke's discomfort with the situation distract him.
"It feels like some shit I dreamed up, honestly," he started, and the rest came out in a rush. "I always thought you'd say 'it's just a couple of dumb jokes,' or 'he's taking it too seriously, i'm just messing with him' or 'it's not like he’s really gay so what's the big deal?' Something like that, you know?" He stopped to catch his breath, and to uncurl the hands he'd unconsciously clenched into fists under the table. "Didn't think you'd ever actually own up to it."
More fidgeting. "I'm so-"
Kanji quickly held up a hand and shook his head. "Dude, no, don't do it again, you're just making it weirder."
"S- I mean, uh, okay then." Yosuke looked at him from out of the corner of his eye. “So, you’re really…?”
“Really what?”
“You’re... y’know…”
“Just spit it out already, geez.”
“Gay!”
Kanji reflexively clenched his fists again. “...yeah. Probably. What, you gonna take back what you said now?”
Yosuke held up his hands, shaking his head rapidly. “No no, that’s not why I asked, I swear.”
“Uh huh.”
“I was just, y’know, wondering. That’s all.”
The rickety pace of the conversation was starting to irritate Kanji even more, but he still had questions to ask. "How'd you even figure out you had to apologize anyway? Did Senpai yell at you or something?"
Yosuke shook his head. "No, it wasn't- I mean technically yes, it was Yukiko."
Yukiko-senpai picked up on it, of all people? "...Huh."
"She heard about what I said to you during the camping trip and she got super pissed. I don't think I've ever seen her that upset before. It was kinda hard to tell if she was more mad at me for saying it, or if she was more mad at Partner for not doing anything about it."
Kanji snorted at that. "He's probably heard worse back home."
"Yeah, well, she didn't really give a shit. Yukiko's ruthless like that." Yosuke scratched the back of his neck with a grimace. "Anyways, she smacked some sense into my head so... that's why I'm here now."
"...okay then."
There was another pause, and Yosuke sighed. "Look, I know you said not to apologize again, but I just... I know I hurt you, when I acted the way I did around your Shadow. It's not easy accepting something that makes you feel weak, even without some jackass throwing a tantrum over it and making you feel more like a failure."
Kanji had nothing to say to that, so he didn't.
Yosuke continued. "You were right, about what I was thinking. I did think it was just harmless jokes. But... I never joke about Chie's Shadow, or Yukiko's or Rise's, or even my own. Because it still hurts to remember how helpless I felt facing that thing, even after so many months." He took a deep breath and looked Kanji in the eye for the first time all day. "So for me to keep making fun of you, when it had to have hurt worse every time... that was wrong of me. And I'm really sorry."
Yosuke cut himself off at the last few words, immediately breaking eye contact.
Kanji was glad for the long silence that followed. Hearing a genuine apology for having to endure Yosuke's bullshit was more cathartic than he could have imagined, and his head was a mess of resentment, gratitude, and confusion. He knew he should probably take more time to think about his words before he said anything, maybe even drop the issue until later. But slowly going over everything all cold and logical just wasn't Kanji's style- he already knew in his gut what his answer would be.
He sighed. "Never thought I'd have to say this, but... I forgive you."
Yosuke's head whipped up in shock, shaking back and forth rapidly. "No no no, it's okay, I swear, you really don't have to-"
"But-"
"I know I hurt you a lot, you don't have to blow it off like it's not a big deal, I'd totally understand if you never forgave me-"
"I-"
"I didn't come here to make you say that, honest, you don't have to do anything you don't want to-"
"But I do want to!" Kanji finally broke in.
"Why?"
"Because you saved me, you and everyone else!" Kanji shouted, not caring if anyone else heard. "You all saved me, from the part of myself that i didn't want to face. And even through all the bullshit you said about people 'like that'... I still thought of you as my friend. No matter what you might have said, I knew you had my back! I ain't gonna throw that away!"
"Kanji," Yosuke looked guilt-stricken. "Dude, you don't have to keep holding yourself to that, you deserve better-"
"Christ senpai, just let me make that decision, dammit!"
Yosuke stared wordlessly, eyes wide.
Kanji didn't stop. "Yeah, I don't have to forgive you! I know that! I don't care if it's stupid, I just want to be friends! Real friends, not this half-assed bullshit where we're both afraid of each other for stupid reasons. And maybe now that you finally wised the fuck up, we can be!"
"Kanji..."
"We're cool now, okay? As long as you don't say shit like that again! Not to me or anyone else."
Yosuke still looked rattled but nodded firmly. "I won't. I promise, I know better now."
"Good." With his piece done, Kanji swiped up his soda and took a large gulp. His outburst had drawn a few curious eyes, but it seemed most of the onlookers had decided to mind their own business rather than get involved with an angry teenage punk, which suited him just fine.
There was another long pause before Yosuke spoke again. "...thanks, Kanji."
"Dude, I already said we're cool, don't worry about it."
"I feel like I need to, though. Like... you're a really good guy, you know?"
He paused halfway through his burger and looked closer at Yosuke. "Senpai, are you crying?"
"N-no!"
"You're sniffling."
"...maybe." Yosuke wiped at his runny nose with the back of his hand, and Kanji wrinkled his own in response. "It's just- you're really nice, okay? Seriously, you're being way nicer than I deserve."
"That ain't true," he attempted to say mid-chew, but Yosuke just let out a sigh.
"It kinda is, though. I was such an asshole. God, if it were me I'd drop a friend like that in a flash."
Kanji shook his head. "That's your problem, senpai- you give up on things too quick. I'd just be more mad at myself if I let you become someone else's problem."
"...oh."
"I don't really care about that 'deserving' crap. You said you were sorry, promised to change, and meant it. That's deserving enough in my book." He took another gulp of soda and set his cup down with resolute finality. "Got it?"
Yosuke nodded again, much less stiffly than the first time. "I... yeah. yeah, I got it."
"Good." Kanji took another look and started to reach for the napkin dispenser. "Uh, so do you want something to wipe your face with now? You're looking kinda snotty-"
"Just eat your hamburger, Kanji."