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Dust settles and darkness stretches. Chest heaving, the air eludes his lungs. His chest is tight, anguish and pain are nothing but anchors from the screaming rage coming from above. But the rage slows and quietens.
“Say something.” Dean whispers.
The fallen angel's shoulders shake as his composure falls and he slides down to the ground, back resting against the wooden wall. Hair dances in his vision and he pushes it away with a clumsy hand. His fingers ache and half-moons are etched into his palms. Breathe, he tells himself, just let it go.
The rage starts again.
“Day after day Cas, you sit there, staring at that fucking blank wall. While I’m out there trying to fix everything, but I can’t, and I know you’re hurting Cas, god I know, but I need you now, I need you out there with me.”
"Just look at me.” he screams.
But the fallen angel's head does not move.
“I would do anything for you, Cas, I would put a bullet through my own head, you know that. Cas do you know how fast I would pull that god damned trigger. If it meant I could save you I would do it a hundred, a thousand times over. But you, you just need to get up.” His voice cracks. But still Castiel does not move.
“God damnit, Cas just look at me!”
Castiel's knees are pulled up to his chest as the hunter looms over.
“You can’t just give up.” he screams from above, voice broken and cloaked in tears.
“Can’t you see,” his voice is high and the pain shines through. Castiel's eyes remain downcast and his arms seep warmth into his shivering legs.
“Can’t you see how much it breaks me to see you like this? Can’t you see how hard it is for me? Because, I can’t help you? ” his voice breaks off into silent sobs and a sniffle breaks the silence.
His voice is only a whisper now.
“I tried Cas, I tried so hard. Can’t you see?”
“I loved you Cas, ” the whispered words echo, settling with the dust on the shelves.
Promises mouthed against skin, a million years ago cease to matter. Rushed kisses and slow passion in the early morning cease to matter. Everything is there and everything is final.
“Why couldn’t you just love me too?”
Castiel's breathing becomes erratic, his heart beats loud in his ears and he feels his throat close. Panic floods his mind and all he can think is; I never wanted this to happen. He has to understand. Why doesn’t he understand?
“Just say anything…” the voice of a broken man cries.
And as Castiel's lips remained sealed, the man with a hole in his heart slams the door and there is nothing left for Castiel to do other than let go, break. Curling into himself; the broken angel, whose words escaped his lips too soon for him to be able to tell Dean Winchester what he needed to hear.
I love you too.