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Brad returns home from work with a small hope in his heart. Brian has been very busy with wedding plans and preparations and the drow’s stress levels have been steadily rising as the date gets closer.
The wedding is still months away but Brad is starting to hope they’d chosen to elope instead. Not that Brian would have ever agreed to something like that. He would never miss the chance of being the centerpiece of a grand spectacle.
But Brad still dares to hope that he will be able to spend some time alone with his husband-to-be, without all the lists and plans for seating arrangement and whatnot.
Brad unlocks the door and steps inside. He removes his shoes by the door, setting them neatly next to each other despite the avalanche of Brian’s heels that is taking over most of the space.
“I’m home,” he calls carefully as he enters the living room, unsure what the mood is for today. Brian is sitting on the sofa and at Brad’s voice his head snaps up and towards Brad, silver hair flying around his head.
“Brad!” He yells, a bit shrill and Brad notices with worry that he looks distressed.
“What’s-” He’s cut off by Brian quickly crossing the space between them and shoving something at his face.
“LOOK AT ZIS!” The drow howls, shaking his hand. Brad leans back a bit and grabs Brian’s wrist to still him and to make better sense of the object. It’s a serviette.
“It’s.. purple?” Brad says because he has no idea what’s going on but he knows to consider his words carefully. But judging by the way Brian’s face falls, he wasn’t careful enough.
“Ja, und?” Brian says. He leans closer, eyes wide and looking frantic, as he clutches the piece of cloth in his fist.
“I- I’m sorry darling, I have no idea what the problem is.”
Brian visibly deflates, like a cat that’s fallen in water. He moans miserably and stomps away to collapse dramatically onto the sofa, sending the boxfuls of folded, purple napkins flying all over. “Zis ist ein Desaster!” he wails, shaking his fist at the ceiling.
“Brian, calm down, please. This isn’t-”
“Calm down?!” The drow shrieks, finally letting go of the crumpled napkin to pull on his hair instead. “Das ist schrecklich! Everyzing ist RUINED!!”
Brad understands with sudden clarity that he is not equipped to deal with this particular meltdown and he makes a strategic retreat into the bedroom to make a phone call. He scrolls through his contacts and listens to the dial tone while Brian rages on the background.
“Cancel ze vedding! Call everyone ve already sent ze invitations to! No need to RSVP! ARSCHLÖCHER!”
“Nyello?” Comes Taako’s drawling voice through the receiver and Brad almost melts in relief.
“Taako. It’s Brad, I need help, there’s an emergency.”
“How’s the sitch?”
“Brian is, uh,” Brad says, opening the door a sliver and peeking into the living room. Brian has fallen off the sofa onto the floor and is burying himself in the purple pieces of cloth, crying all the while. “He’s sobbing in a pile of napkins.”
“Geez. I’ll be there in ten.”
Brad spends ten minutes sitting on the sofa with his chin in his hands, watching quietly as Brian piles more napkins on himself. Eventually, Taako arrives and lets himself into the apartment. “Alrighty, cha’boy’s here to save the day!”
“Taako!” Brian wails, tears still streaming down his face. “LOOK!” He raises up the handfuls of napkins he had been burying himself in.
“What the heck?” Taako says, grabbing one of the things from Brian’s hand and holding it up to the light to scrutinize it. He cringes and holds the napkin at an arm’s length as if it’s something nasty. “This is a warm shade!”
“I KNOW!” Brian collapses back into the pile of cloth with a hiccup.
Taako takes a moment to look at all the boxes, now mostly empty, and the mess of napkins all over the living room. He considers the situation before he breaks into a grin and Brad feels immediately wary.
“My dude, I have the perfect solution,“ Taako says. “Maybe we take a page outta my dear sister’s book.” He steeples his fingers together and brings them to his mouth, a diabolical glint in his eyes. “Maybe we just disappear this little problem.”
“Ach, Taako you are a genius!” Brian sniffles, wiping at his cheeks with his palms.
“Natch. Now, where are your matches?”
It is at this moment that Brad realizes he’s made a terrible mistake.