Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Virgil was never interested in the hype that came with the Fanders shipping him with the other sides.

Yes, he was fully aware of the meaning of "OTPs", thanks to numerous scrolling through Tumblr and a peek at the Urban Dictionary.

He knows Thomas does not mind the Fanders shipping him with his own personality facets.

However, it would be easier for him to tolerate if it was not for his extreme disinterest in romantic relationships.

His philosophy on romantic relationships, gained from watching sappy rom-coms and cheesy soap operas, is that dating complicates a person’s life and deprives him of precious time that can be used to scroll through Tumblr.

Not only that, the other sides have been making romantic and sexual advances towards him despite his consistent and harsh refusals at any possible romantic entanglements.

To summarize, Roman had donned the commons with a shitload of mistletoes hoping to catch the emo trait under one of them, Patton had been leaving heart-shaped food in front of his room, Logan has been subtly touching him more than usual, and Deceit has been not so subtly touching him more than usual.

He is determined to change that. He is now currently snooping around Logan’s room to find the love potion that the nerd has been tinkering around with last week.  

The nerd’s room was an OCD’s wet dream. Everything was so creepily organized and in place.

He finally found the bottle behind a bulky book placed at a bookshelf. Virgil rolled his eyes. Damn, he watches too many mystery movies.

He puts the bottle in his hoodie pocket and sank out of the room.

When he appeared in his own room, his face broke out into a sinister grin and rubbed his palms together looking like an impression of Mr. Burns.

Goodbye Prinxiety, Analogical, Moxiety, and Anxceit. The other sides can be shipped to each other for all he cares.

An unexpected guest ruined his little bubble of sadistic happiness however.

“Oh, come on, do you really think you could get away with a prank by not involving moi?” Said a voice from behind him, scaring the shit out of him.

Virgil whipped around to see Remy, in all his leather-clad glory, holding his usual Starbucks cup.

The emo trait rolled his eyes. “You could have at least warned the guy that you were coming, you know!”

“Where’s the fun in that? You know I have a flair for the dramatics too.” Remy grinned and sat down on one of Virgil’s black beanbag chairs. “So, do spill about your little scheme. Is this because the Fanders get thirstier for more interactions between you and the other sides? Or is it because the other sides couldn’t take the hint that you don’t like them in the romantic way?”

Virgil groaned. “Ugh, both actually.” He rubbed his temples. “Look, I love the Fanders as much as Thomas does but I really don’t see me being in a relationship with any of the other sides. They’re like, my dysfunctional family and that’s all they’ll ever be to me.” He plopped down on his bed and took out the bottle from his pocket. “One teaspoon to any beverage for one hour result.” He read from the label.

“I think it needs to be longer than that.” Remy muttered as he sipped his drink. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well, it’s a big bottle, maybe if we put tablespoons of it, it could last a week and you could conjure up some Starbucks beverages to serve them downstairs.” Virgil said thoughtfully.

The leather-clad trait gaped. Then he snickered but tried to cover it with his mouth, which proved to be useless because in a second, both of them were on the floor, laughing their asses off. “They would form a really big cuddle pile!” Remy shrieked.

“And I could only imagine what will happen in their bedrooms!” Virgil howled. They began to calm down and Virgil finally said, “Let’s get it on already!”

Remy conjured up four Starbucks mocha lattes and snickered as Virgil opened them and added a tablespoon to each of them. “Let’s take these drinks downstairs and try not to laugh, okay!” He told the leather-clad trait.

They each took two cups and went downstairs. All the other sides are sitting by the kitchen table. “Hey there kiddos! Whatcha got there?” asked Patton.

“Um, Remy just bought some drinks and he wanted to share them with you guys.” Virgil said as he tried to ignore the heated gazes the other sides were giving him. He and Remy set down the cups on the table and the other sides began to reach for the drinks. Remy and Virgil shared a wary look and started to back away to run up the stairs. The leather-clad trait grabbed Virgil’s hand and began dragging the emo trait up the stairs.

One would say that they have successfully completed the prank, but karma would not let them go that easily.

Remy’s bag been caught in one of the staircase poles, thereby causing him to lose his balance and he immediately grabbed the banister. Fortunately, for him, even with that miscalculation, he was still out of sight.

However, unfortunately for Virgil, who lost his balance, screamed as he slipped down to the bottom of the stairs, grabbing the attention of each side in the kitchen.

Chapter Text

“Oh shit.” Virgil muttered to himself as his mind wrapped around what just happened. All the other sides were staring at him. Their expressions changed from concern for him falling down the stairs to pure love and lust for him.

“C’mon, gurl! We have to abort the mission!” Remy helped him up and both of them sprinted up the stairs until they reached the leather-clad trait’s room.

Virgil immediately locked the door. “Goddamn it! They fucking saw me!” The pure horror on his face was evident. “I’m fucking screwed!” He wailed.

Remy immediately bounded up to Virgil and tried to soothe him. “Oh baby, don’t worry!” He cupped the emo trait’s face in his hands. “It’s probably just a dud. It might just be platonic love that you saw in their eyes a while ago.”

“Maybe.” Yeah. Yeah, it’s probably one of Logan’s many failed experiments. No big deal. They’ll come back to normal later.

But even Virgil knows those are shitload of lies.

-

Someday my prince will come

Someday I'll find my love

And how thrilling that moment will be

When the prince of my dreams comes to me

Virgil was startled awake when he felt a hand caressing his cheek and heard a melodic voice serenading him. 

He slapped the hand away and opened his eyes to see Roman, lying down beside him and smiling at him lovingly.

The emo trait fell out of his bed in shock and hastily stood up again, holding a pillow to his chest.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM ROMAN!” He glared at the regal trait.

Roman chuckled. “Can’t I serenade my wife awake?”

Virgil gaped. What? Wife? Did I miss something?

“EXCUSE ME BUT I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING WIFE!” The emo trait yelled. “GET OUT OF MY FUCKING ROOM!” He threw his pillow at the regal trait.

The regal trait bounded up to Virgil and cupped his face in his hands, which made the emo trait blush. “What’s wrong darling? I thought we agreed that we would be sleeping together in the same room?” He asked worriedly.

The action annoyed the emo trait and he shoved Roman away from him. “Would you just stop it! I’m not in the mood for your theatrics, Princey!" 

He stomped out of the room and went downstairs to the kitchen to grab a bite, hopefully food will take away his irritation with the regal trait.

Ugh! It does not mean anything, Roman always grabs the opportunity to irritate me in any way. Yeah. Nothing to be worried about.

When he reached the kitchen, Patton was already seated by the kitchen table, cutting a pie into slices. His face immediately brightened when he saw Virgil.

“Hey there, honey! I made some pie for us to share!” The dad trait patted the seat beside him.

Oh come on, Virgil. Patton’s always sweet, it’s perfectly normal. No biggie.

Virgil walked over and hesistantly sat down beside Patton. “What’s up, dad? What’s the special – “

He was immediately cut off when the dad trait shoved a huge chunk of apple pie in his mouth.

“I made it just for you, honey! Because you’re warm like freshly baked apple pie!” Patton grinned a little bit too innocently.

The emo trait swallowed nervously. “Ye-eah, um sure.” I don’t have good feeling about this.

He flinched when Patton rested a hand dangerously close to his  private region and leaned close to whisper in his ear. “And you know what they say, third base feels like warm apple pie.” He smirked mischieviously.

Virgil was shocked. “Wha-what do yo-you mean by tha-that?” He stuttered out. Oh no, not Patton too!

The dad trait chuckled evilly. “Don’t play dumb, Mommy.” He took one of the emo trait’s hands and placed it on the bulge in his pants. “Playing house includes sexual actions, remember? My cock wants a turn in your tighthole baby.” He winked.

The emo trait blushed a deep red. OMG, Patton is hiding a monster in his pants? Fuck no.

He removed his hand from the bulge and quickly stood up, making the chair fall on the floor.

“U-um, I-I’m go-going to ta-take a shower.” He quickly sprinted up the stairs and went inside his bathroom, locking the door.

He stripped out of his clothes and hopped into the shower.

As hot water cascaded down his body, he tried to recollect his thoughts.

What was that all about! They’re messing with me that’s for sure! Ugh! They could have at least said something about it, I would have played along for the Fanders! Although, Roman was really sweet and Patton was really hot and- Virgil shook his head. No! What are you thinking! They’re just messing with you remember, they’re probably laughing about it right now!

As doubts continue to plague his mind, he didn’t hear someone pick the lock on the door and clothes drop to the ground.

He hummed as he reached to grab the bar of soap when a pair of arms wrapped around his waist.

“Salutations, my beloved.” A voice whispered in his ear.

Virgil turned around to see Logan, smiling down at him. OMG, no. I have to deal with this shit again.

“Hey Logan.” He squeaked out as the logical trait pulled him more closer to his naked body. Oh god, are those abs? And-omg, he’s definitely not small.

The emo trait blushed as Logan nuzzled his neck. “Why weren’t you in bed when I woke up, my dear?” He asked huskily.

“U-um, I-I got hungry.” Virgil moaned as the logical trait nipped at his neck. “S-so I went do-downstairs to eat.”

Logan chuckled. “Really, now?” He backed the emo trait up against the shower wall. “Because all I want to eat now is you.” He grinned wolfishly.

Virgil visibly gulped. Damn, he’s hot. Wait, no! You’re gonna take advantage of him! Bad Virgil, bad!

He put a hand on the logical trait’s chest. “Ma-maybe la-later, Logan. Um, co-could you ha-hand me that towel?” He asked nervously.

“Of course, my beloved.” Logan chuckled again and reached over from behind the curtain to grab the towel. Instead of handing it to Virgil though, he hid it behind his back.  “But on one condition. I want a kiss for it.” He puckered his lips.

The emo trait’s face grew redder. Damn, that’s cute!

He closed his eyes and leaned closer, pressing his lips firmly on the logical trait’s ones. He tastes like peppermint gum!

When he pulled away, Logan handed him the towel, gave him another kiss on the cheek, and sank out of the bathroom.

Virgil suddenly realized he was breathing heavily. He leaned on the shower wall while he calmed his rapidly beating heart.

Damn that was hot. Logan was so cute but also sexy and did he just call me his beloved- OMG VIRGIL YOU’RE DOING IT AGAIN, CUT IT OUT WOULD YOU!

The emo trait wiped himself dry and wrapped himself with the towel. He came out of the bathroom and opened his closet.

It was full of girl clothes. Sexy girl clothes.

Virgil has had enough of this shit and he let out a scream of frustration.

“GOD FUCKING DAMMNIT! CAN’T I HAVE A MINUTE OF PEACE! FOE THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD!” He rubbed his temples.

He gingerly picked up a cropped purple sweater that says ‘DIE BITCH’ and black button-up high waisted shorts.

The emo trait sighed. This will have to do.

After he finished changing, he accidentally dropped his phone and bent down to retrieve it when he heard a low whistle from behind him.

He spun around and saw Deceit, leaning against the doorway, wearing his trademark smirk.

“What now?” The emo trait said, annoyed.

The serpentine trait tutted. “Is that how you talk to your husband?” He said teasingly.

Virgil threw his hands up in the air. “FOR FUCK’S SAKE! Stop messing with me!” He glared at Deceit. “Yeah yeah! You got me guys, now will you cut it out already!"

Deceit sighed and walked towards Virgil. He wrapped an arm around the younger trait’s waist and lowered him into a dip. The emo trait clung to the serpentine trait’s cape with both hands as he let out a gasp.

The serpentine trait leaned down and caressed the younger trait’s cheek. “Darling, you’re just stressed out. If you are concerned about your looks, you always look pretty to me.” Virgil blushed at that statement. “I was the one who changed your wardrobe because you told me one time that you wanted to dress up as a girl to see if you would look good being a girl, remember?” He smiled knowingly.

Virgil felt like he was going to be sick. Really? Deceit too! Oh god, help me.

He broke away from Deceit’s embrace and practically sprinted to the only room in the mindscape where he is free from sexual advances or whatnot.

When he reached his destination, he frantically knocked at the door and it opened to reveal Remy, an annoyed look at his face that melted at the sight of Virgil’s frightened state.

He quickly stepped aside to let the emo trait in, locked the door, and opened his arms for a hug, which Virgil immediately accepted.

“Oh darling, what’s wrong? Why do you look as if you’ve seen a ghost?” Remy asked worriedly, rubbing the emo trait’s back comfortingly.

“It’s not a dud, Remy! It’s not! They have been harassing me since morning! Roman freaked the fuck out of me when I found him in my bed this morning, Patton made me touch his bulge, Logan joined me in the shower, and Deceit is being annoyingly sweet! And they all think that I’m their wife or something!” Virgil wailed.

Remy looked shocked. “What! Gurl, we better get an antidote done!”

Virgil groaned. “I wish it’s that easy! I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t fucking do anything because they are always breathing down my neck! It’s like I’m on lockdown or something!”

He grabbed the lapels of Remy’s jacket and leaned close to his face. “Please, please let me stay in your room until this shit blows over.” Virgil begged.

The leather-clad trait gently took Virgil’s hands away from his jacket. “Of course!” He smiled. “But what will your husbands say?” He said teasingly.

“Stop it, Remy!” Virgil whined making Remy laugh.

“Okay! Okay! I’ll just go downstairs to get us some food, then we’ll watch some Netflix.” Remy left the room, leaving emo trait alone with his thoughts.

The emo trait walked up to a mirror, trying to calm himself down.

Okay you piece of shit! Stop responding to their advances, would you? I mean, you’re basically taking advantage of them! In normal circumstances, not one of them will like you in that way, okay? Yeah sure, they’re total husband material, but clearly, they’re not meant for you, okay? Keep it together!

But are those shitload of lies, too?

Chapter Text

“Are you sure that beast can help? She isn’t exactly the nicest creature in the imagination you know.” Virgil asked as he walked carefully inside a cave with Remy.

‘”Of course she can! She’s into witchcraft and those kind of shit, she’ll know what to do!” Remy stated as he avoided stepping on a puddle. “Plus, me and her get along better than she does with Roman.”

Ugh, I should have carefully thought out the prank. God fucking damn it. Now, I’m stuck with tolerating their ridiculousness until god knows when. Next time, I’ll just put whoopee cushions on their seats. Virgil scowled.

Remy threw a rock at the dark part of the cave in front of him. “Hey! Wake up, Scaley! We need to talk to you!” He called out.

A deep dark growl resonated all over the cave, making the hairs on Virgil’s back stand.

Soon, he was faced with a 100 feet tall spiked dragon, an annoyed expression on her scaly face.

“How dare you interrupt my sleep, you heathen! This better be good!” The Dragon Witch snapped.

Remy rolled his eyes. “We need an antidote for the unfortunate recipients of a love potion.”

“Can I see that love potion?” The Dragon Witch demanded.

Virgil shakily placed the bottle on one of the creature’s giant, sharp talons.

The two dark sides shared nervous glances as the creature’s reptillian eyes looked critically at the bottle label.

The Dragon Witch clucked her forked tongue. “Can’t reverse the effect, sorry.” She shrugged her spiked shoulders.

Virgil was outraged. “What do you mean you can’t reverse it?” He demanded.

“Did any of you read the warning on the label?” The Dragon Witch asked exasperatedly. Both of the dark sides shook their heads.

“Typical stupidity of mortals.” The Dragon Witch rolled her eyes. “Anyway, it says that the effect of the potion is irreversible if the one who consumed it already has romantic interest on the person he saw after he drank it.” She stated.

Virgil laughed. “Seriously?” He wiped a tear from his eye. “That won’t be problem since they only think of me as their family member, right Remy?” He turned to look expectantly at the leather-clad trait.

“Um, Virgil?” Remy inquired nervously. “They, um, each told me about their affections for you and asked if I could somehow convince you to let them share you among themselves until you pick one of them? And I might have agreed? Hehe.” He squeaked out.

He got even more nervous when the emo trait’s face went blank for a minute then bent down to pick up a handful of pebbles, and began pelting him with them.

“Ow!” The leather-clad trait shrieked as he tried to cover his body from the pebbles being thrown at him. “Stop it, Jason Toddler! Ow!” He cried out in pain as one of the pebbles hit his cheek.

“You.”

“Ow!”

“Went.”

“Ow!”

“Behind.”

“Ow!”

“My.”

“Ow!”

“Back!”

With no more stone ammunition, Virgil resorted to chasing Remy, who was flapping his arms like a bird, all around the cave.

“Get back here, you traitor!” The emo trait growled, making the leather-clad trait squeal.

The Dragon Witch rolled her eyes at their antics and stomped her giant, razor-sharp clawed hind leg, making Virgil and Remy lose their balance and fall as the cave quaked.

“Would both of you stop acting like children!” The creature roared which made both of the dark sides back away into a corner, cowering in fear.

“Both of you messed up big time, you idiots! You failed to take the necessary precautions in handling that potion, and now, you will suffer the consequences!” The Dragon Witch scowled.

“You.” She pointed one of her razor sharp talons at Virgil, who whimpered in fear. “No need to feel guilty, because technically, even without the love potion, they’re in love with you so just tolerate it until the effects wear off, capiche?” The emo trait nodded.

“And as for you,” Remy squeaked as the piercing gaze of the dragon landed on him. “…keep him out of trouble, okay?”

The leather-clad trait saluted. “Yes, Ma’am!”

“Everything is settled. Now, fly away little birds.” The Dragon Witch shooed them out and used her long prehensile tail to cover the opening of the cave with a giant circular rock, leaving them outside.

Remy was about to sneakily scamper off, but Virgil grabbed his jacket collar.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Virgil growled, making Remy gulp.

The emo trait dragged the struggling leather-clad trait on top of a rock.

“Explain your ‘little plan’ and don’t you dare leave out any of the lucrid details.” Virgil said scathingly.

Remy raised his arms in surrender. “Okay, okay!” He huffed. “I agreed to do it because I really think you could use some love in your life!”

“Love?” The emo trait laughed humorlessly. “I have intimacy issues, remember? I don’t want invest my emotions on someone who will probably leave me for someone else!” His eyes started to water. “Emotional ties will only lead to attachment, which I’m trying not to have because I don’t want to get hurt if they don’t feel the same way about me, okay!” He finished his outburst, breathing heavily.

Soon, he was sobbing into Remy’s shirt, gripping the other dark trait for dear life.

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry. I should have asked you first before I did anything drastic.” The leather-clad trait apologized while rubbing small circles on the emo trait’s back but the latter only sobbed harder.

Remy cupped Virgil’s face in his hands and wiped the tears with his thumbs. “Don’t think for a second that no one loves you, okay? I love you. Roman loves you. Patton loves you. Logan loves you. Heck, even that Deceit loves you. Not even your rejection to their advances can change their love for you. Remember that.” He said firmly while gazing intensely into the emo trait’s eyes.

The emo trait nodded understandingly and hugged Remy even tighter.

“Your Highness!” They immediately pulled away from their embrace when a royal servant came rushing up to them.

“Your Highness, thank the gods! I have found you!” The servant panted heavily and bowed.

Virgil and Remy looked at each other, skeptical looks on their faces.

“Are you talking to me?” The emo trait pointed at himself.

The royal servant gave him a confused look. “Why of course, your Highness! Aren’t you Prince Roman’s consort?”

“No-Ow!” Virgil gritted his teeth in pain as Remy nudged him hard in the ribs. “I-I mean, yeah, I am.” He grinned half-heartedly.

“Your Highness, Prince Roman gave me the task to look for you and escort you back to the castle. You must meet with the lord of the neighboring kingdom to discuss political alliances.” The servant bowed his head.

“Why can’t Roman do it instead of me?” Virgil said, irritatedly.

“It is because he is out on a quest, Your Highness. But he said he will be able to join you in your chambers for the night.” The servant answered politely.

The emo trait looked at the leather-clad trait helplessly.

“Don’t worry, just holler for me when something happens, okay?” Remy assured him.

He gave the emo trait a quick hug and sank out of the imagination.

Virgil hesitantly let the royal servant lead him back to the castle.

Upon arriving inside the castle, the servant and him climbed up a flight of stairs and stopped outside a gold-encrusted door.

“The lord is in this chamber waiting for your arrival, Your Highness.” The servant bowed and stepped back from the door.

The emo trait went inside the chamber and saw a figure sitting on a chair by the fireplace.

The figure turned his head to see who arrived and smiled charmingly when he saw Virgil.

Virgil was stunned. Wow, this lord is really handsome. Total daddy material.

The lord stood up to reveal a tall and toned body. He walked towards Virgil and took his hand into his, making the emo trait blush.

“Good evening, Your Majesty.” The lord bows low and places a kiss on Virgil’s knuckles, the blush on his face turning more red by the gesture.

The lord grinned, showing off his dimples. “You look divine as always, Your Majesty.” He said in a smooth, deep voice. Virgil is sure he stopped functioning properly.

“O-oh, um, thanks.” Virgil managed to stutter out. “S-so, how a-about tha-that discussion?” He cringed on how lame he sounded.

The lord chuckled deeply. “Your naiveity amuses me. It was simply an excuse to see your alluring face.”

“O-oh! Tha-thanks, I don’t kn-know wha-what to say-ah!” The emo trait let out a gasp as the the lord lowered him into a dip. “Ple-please, Ro-Roman might see us!” Virgil pleaded.

The lord leaned down so that their faces were only inches apart. “Oh my lovely queen, this could have been our kingdom if you chose me.” He purred while caressing Virgil’s cheek. “It’s not too late yet, run away with me right now and I’ll make all your wildest fantasies come true.”

The emo trait was about to open his mouth to retort when the door opened.

“Am I interrupting something?” An irritated voice asked.

Both Virgil and the lord turned their heads to see Roman by the door, looking livid while eyeing their current position.

“Oh, Your Majesty! How was your quest?” The lord grinned teasingly.

The emo trait pulled away from the lord’s embrace. “Roman, this is not what it looks like.” He grasped the regal trait’s arm pleadingly.

Virgil’s face fell when the Roman shrugged off his hand. “Go to your chambers, Virgil.” He said gruffly. “I’ll handle this.” He shoved the emo trait outside of the chambers.

The emo trait had no choice but to comply as the door shut behind him.

He climbed upstairs to his chambers, feeling dejected.

Hope Roman doesn’t slay the guy or something. His face though when he saw me in that guy’s arms. He looked….hurt. I feel so guilty for hurting my friend.

When he went inside his chambers, he blushed when he realized it was actually their conjugal chamber.

He took a minute to admire the beauty of the room. It had a gothic/medieval mix feel to it. It was as if the Emperor of Rome and Tim Burton had a sleepover.

Virgil approached the king-sized canopy bed and saw there was a bouquet of purple roses with a piece of parchment tied to it.

The note said:

For you my Chemically Imbalanced Romance~

From your handsome husband,

Roman.

The emo trait felt a small smile tug at his lips. He isn’t the romantic side for nothing. He thought as he took the bouquet in his hands and began searching for a flower vase to put the flowers in.

After finding one and placing the flowers, he plopped down on the bed and relished the feel of the soft, silken sheets.

However, his temporary happiness was immediately replaced with guilt as he remembered Roman’s crestfallen face when he saw him encased in the lord’s arms.

He took it the wrong way, unfortunately. Stupid Virgil! Why did you let that guy seduce you like that! Word might spread that Roman isn’t a good ruler because he lets his wife be seduced by handsome lords. You piece of shit, you basically bruised his ego and reputation. OMG, I bet he hates me now. He DOES hate me. I basically destroyed the sanctity of our marriage-wait a minute, since when did I identify myself as his wife? OMG, don’t tell me, you’re actually falling in love with him? No, it’s not possible. Maybe I’m just affection-starved. Yeah. Maybe.  

Before more doubts could plague his mind, it was interrupted when the door opened.

He immediately threw the covers over him and saw a glimpse of Roman entering, a murderous look in the regal trait’s eyes.

“Who does that smug heathen think he is?” Virgil heard the regal trait mutter angrily as he set down his sword and started removing his armor.

“My political alliance with his kingdom is the only thing keeping me from rearranging his pretty face.” Roman growled as he remembered that fucker’s smug face when he held Virgil in his arms.

“Roman?” Roman’s anger soon disappeared when he heard Virgil’s voice call out to him from the bed.

The regal trait’s face broke out into a grin once he laid eyes on Virgil.

How can he not get excited when his wife is looking so cute peeking with his onyx doe-eyes from under the bed covers.

Virgil squeaked as he felt the bed dip beside him and a pair of arms wrap around him, pulling him to a hard and warm chest.

“Hello, darling.” Roman said as he nuzzled the emo trait’s neck, making him blush. “I missed you today.”

“Yo-you did?” Virgil stuttered. He lost his ability to function again.

The regal trait chuckled. He took one of Virgil’s hands and kissed his knuckles, flustering the emo trait even further. “Why wouldn’t I miss my beautiful wife?”

“In fact,” In a swift motion, Roman was suddenly on top of Virgil. “I think I need to release some stress after my quest, hm?” He grinned down seductively at the emo trait.

The action made Virgil’s fight or flight reflexes suddenly go haywire and before he knew it, he managed to squirm out of the regal trait’s grasp and bolted out the door.

HELL YOU WON’T! I’M NOT GOING TO PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT ANYMORE! Virgil thought as he sprinted down the stairs, with the intention of avoiding any possible encounter with the regal trait.

The emo trait was halfway down the stairs when he heard hurried footsteps echoing from above the staircase.

“My love! I’m sorry!” Roman’s voice sounded from above. “I didn’t mean to overstep my boundaries!” He called out while desperately trying to catch up with the emo trait.

Despite the regal trait’s apologies, it only made Virgil sprint even faster towards the castle gates.

Once he reached the gates, he managed to sprint past the guards without being seen and head towards the enchanted forest.

He ducked behind a bush and when he was sure that he was concealed from sight, he sat down on the grass, curling up into a fetal position.

Will there be a time that they won’t try to grope or kiss me out of nowhere? They’re pissing me off. Virgil thought, scowling.

After a minute, he felt something nuzzling his ankle and he looked up to see a cute fluffy rabbit looking back at him.

Virgil’s cold heart melted at the creature’s cuteness.

“Aww, come here you little guy.” He gently picked up the rabbit and cradled it in his arms, his face rubbing with the soft fur.

The rabbit nuzzled against the dark trait’s skin, calming him as if it sensed his ever-growing nervousness.

“My love, where are you?” Virgil was startled to hear Roman’s voice calling out for him, a few feet away from his position.

“Please come out, I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable, my love.” The regal trait begged while rummaging through the bushes. “It was a reckless move in my part, I’m sorry.”

Virgil’s trust issues kept him rooted in his spot as he hugged the rabbit even closer.

He kept his eyes trailed on the ground until a pair of boots came into view.

“What do you want, Roman?” Virgil snapped as he glared up at the regal trait. “Came here to finish the job?”

As much as Roman wanted to hug the emo trait in relief, he knew it would just piss off the dark trait even further. “No, Virgil. I came here to apologize for my actions earlier.”

The emo trait rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah sure. It’s just so nice when I get manhandled two times in a row at the same day.” He said sarcastically.

Roman dropped to his knees in front of Virgil and took one of the emo trait’s hands, interwining it with his. The emo trait showed no sign of resistance.

“I understand why you would detest me, but please come home, I promise you I won’t try anything reckless.” He pleaded while gazing at the emo trait’s hurt eyes. “I won’t even sleep in the same bed, I promise.”

Virgil huffed and blew the bangs out of his eyes. “Okay, fine. Whatever. I’ll fucking go with you, just stop with the puppy dog eyes, you look disgusting.” Roman almost cried in happiness.

The regal trait grinned. “You won’t regret it, my love!”

-

Roman was beginning to regret his decision as he glared at the scene in front of him.

He sat on the loveseat, green with envy as his emo wife fussed over the rabbit he found in the forest a while ago.

He gritted his teeth as he heard Virgil coo at the blasted creature and boop the rabbit’s black button nose.

How dare that creature steal my wife’s attention from me! Me, his husband! I should be Virgil’s center of attention! The regal trait scowled.

“You’re so cute! I just wanna eat you up!” Virgil said as he stroked the animal’s soft fur.

Roman clenched his fists and tried to keep his breathing in check. Now, now, Roman, you’re better than this. One wrong move and it will risk any chances you have of patching things up with Virgil. The thought calmed him down.

Well, almost. His line of patience was finally cut when Virgil kissed the rabbit’s furry cheek.

“Okay, that is it!” The regal trait threw his hands up in the air in exasperation as the emo trait looked at him weirdly.

“I need some fresh air.” He muttered angrily and stomped over to the balcony, closing the door roughly behind him.

What’s wrong with him? Virgil thought, confused.

Maybe he’s jealous. A voice murmured in his head.

Really? He does look hot when he’s mad. Virgil smirked mischieviously. I should go comfort my ‘husband’.

Meanwhile, Roman is pacing back and forth in the balcony, worry evident on his handsome face.

Maybe he found comfort in someone else. Maybe I’m no longer good enough for him. Maybe I have gotten uglier. Maybe I have gotten fat. Maybe he likes that no-good lord better than me. Maybe he doesn’t love me anymore. Maybe-

“Roman.”

“What?!” The regal trait snapped as he glared at the emo trait when his eyes shot open and his mind went fuzzy as a pair of lips pressed onto his.

Virgil cupped his face and pressed himself closer to Roman as the regal trait wrapped his arms around the emo trait’s waist and deepened the kiss.

Virgil moaned as the kiss got a bit more heated and pulled away to stare into Roman’s piercing gaze.

“Don’t be jealous of a rabbit for god’s sake.” The emo trait chuckled as the regal trait blushed in embarassment.

“I married you, remember? Basically, I’m yours for the remainder of our lives. No need to feel insecure.” He grinned at Roman, who reciprocated the action.

“Let’s go to bed, it’s getting late.” Virgil tugged at Roman’s hand and led him back to the bedroom.

Both of them flopped down on the bed and much to the emo trait’s delight, Roman kissed the rabbit goodnight.

Virgil smiled as he felt himself being pulled against a warm chest and succumbed to sleep just seconds after.

Chapter Text

“C’mon, Emo Nightmare! Tell me all the juicy deets!” Remy bounced excitedly on his seat.

“No way, Josè.” Virgil scoffed as he changed into a pair of black ripped skinny jeans. “It’s not like we had sex, you know.”

“But is his dick big?” The leather-clad trait grinned wolfishly.

“Are you fucking kidding me? How would I know that!” The emo trait spluttered and blushed a deep red. Leave it to Remy to ask such a question.

Remy sipped his drink. “Well, Roman told me that he popped a boner when your ass kept rubbing on his crotch while you were sleeping.”

“Oh my god! I did not need to know that piece of information!” Virgil wailed as he covered his face in embarassment. He threw a pillow at a laughing Remy. “C’mon! Let’s go already!”

They sank out of the room and appeared in the commons.

As Virgil grabbed the keys and they were about to exit the house, when a voice sounded from behind them, stopping their movements.

“And where do you think you’re going?” They turned around to see Patton, arms crossed and a disapproving look on his face.

“Um, to a meet and greet?” The emo trait answered meekly. I’m so fucked.

“You aren’t going anywhere, Mommy.” Patton grinned mischievously. “We’re not done playing house, remember?”

Virgil and Remy looked at each other and gulped. They both knew shit is about to go down if they don’t comply.

The leather-clad trait scratched the back of his head nervously. “Um, I think I’ll just skip the meet and greet and head back to my room.” With that, Remy sank out of the room.

As soon as the two other sides were left alone, Patton immediately pulled Virgil into a bone-crushing hug.

“I missed you, honey! Where have you been yesterday?” The dad-like trait asked, smiling brightly at the emo trait.

Virgil’s heart soared at that smile. “Um, I was helping Remy in picking an outfit for his, um, date. Yeah.” He lied through his teeth. He can’t exactly tell Patton that he got cozy with Roman yesterday.

Luckily, the dad-like trait bought his lie. “That’s so nice of you, kiddo! I’m so lucky to have such a helpful wife!” Patton grinned.

The emo trait felt like a complete asshole. He was technically cheating on his so-called other husbands with one of his husbands. He just hoped that his predicament would end quickly, his conscience was eating him alive.

“Um, thanks.” Virgil scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “Hey, um, what can I help you with right now?” He grinned nervously.

Patton pointed at the baking ingredients placed on top of the kitchen counter. “We’re going to bake chocolate chip cookies and make some milkshakes!” He clapped his hands in delight.

The emo trait felt the dad-like trait tug him behind the kitchen counter and handed him an apron.

Virgil felt his anxiety kick in. What if I mess up and the cookies won’t turn out good? What if I accidentally burn down the house? What if I make a mess and disappoint Dad?

When he was about to come up with a lame ass excuse, Patton had already poured the dry ingredients in a mixing bowl. “Here ya go, kiddo! I’m going to start making the milkshakes now!” He started to hum the tune of the Winnie the Pooh theme song while taking a container of ice cream from the refrigerator.

The emo trait took a deep breath and took the mixing bowl, putting the butter, sugar, and brown sugar inside. He carefully measured the amount of vanilla extract needed and poured it into the mixture.

He grabbed an electric hand mixer and turned it on, mixing the ingredients together.

Once the ingredients were combined, Virgil cracked two eggs and added them to the mixture. He mixed them again, while slowly pouring in the flour.

The emo trait let out a sigh of relief when the mixture that he made had a nice texture and smelled great.

Patton peeked over his shoulder to survey his work. “Great job, kiddo! I’ll take it from here. You can cut the strawberries.” He kissed Virgil’s cheek, making the emo trait blush.

The emo trait was so flustered by the action that he didn’t notice that he grabbed a sashimi knife instead of the standard one. He tried his best to focus on cutting the strawberries, trying not to think about the other places of his body that he wants the dad-like trait to kiss.

To make the matter worse, Patton dropped the wooden spoon he was using to fold the chocolate chips into the cookie dough and bent over to pick it up, exposing his cute bubble butt to the emo trait.

His head whipped around when he heard Virgil swore loudly and was about to reprimand him for inappropriate language when his gaze zeroed in the emo trait’s palm, which was bleeding.

Patton quickly sprang into action. He gently grabbed the bleeding hand and put it under the sink, washing it with soap.

When the wound was cleaned, he grabbed a first aid kit from the kitchen drawer and made Virgil sit down on the couch.

Patton pulled out an antibiotic ointment and a sterile bandage from the kit. He rubbed the oinment on the wound, his heart aching as he heard Virigl hiss loudly in pain.

After that, he wrapped the bandage several times on the wound, making sure the bandage is not too tight or loose. Patton looked up to see Virgil looking at him with an unreadable stare.

The dad-like trait brought the wounded hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly, gaze still locked on the emo trait’s. They sat there, just looking at each other, warmness filling up their insides.

Virgil, using his good hand, took one of Patton’s hands, planning to reciprocate the sweet action earlier when he had a glimpse of the crescent shaped scars on Patton’s palm.

“Dad? Can you please explain this?” Virgil asked shakily as Patton paled when he realized that the emo trait won’t let this go anytime soon.

“It’s no-nothing kiddo.” The dad-like trait tried to pull his hand back but the emo trait only gripped it tighter. “It’s nothing, Virgil, let’s just go back to baking.”

He felt his heart get stabbed when he saw hurt flash in the emo trait’s eyes. “Virgil, please, I’m okay.” Patton said shakily.

“No, you’re not okay. When did this start? Tell me please.” The emo trait pleaded. “Why did you hurt yourself? TELL ME WHY DAD!” He growled.

Virgil felt sick inside when the dad-like trait started to sob. He didn’t mean to scare the other side. He wanted to kick himself for being such a jerk to his sweet husband.

He tugged on the hand firmly but gently, capturing Patton in his arms. The dad-like trait sobbed into his shirt, shaking violently.

The emo trait buried his face into Patton’s hair and rubbed his back soothingly. Patton held on to him like he was his only lifeline.

Virgil let him cry in his arms until his sobs has ceased into small hiccups. The emo trait stroked his hair to help calm him down and kissed the top of his head.

It seemed like ages when Patton finally looked up, eyes red and glasses askew. “D-do you lo-love me Virgil?” He asked, lips trembling.

“Of course, I do Dad! Why wouldn’t I?” Virgil was shocked that the dad-like trait even asked that kind of question.

His heart started to crumble even more when Patton wrenched himself away from his grasp, turning his back on him and crossing his arms.

“Why don’t you ask the other sides? You’re always sluttied up for them, anyways.” The dad-like trait spat, seething with anger.

Virgil tried to open his mouth, but no words came out. He felt more like an asshole than ever before. He mentally facepalmed himself for not paying more attention to Patton.

“You never pay attention to me anymore! You’re always so busy opening your legs for the other sides!” Patton remarked angrily. “But yeah sure, it’s because I’m not fit like them, right? I’m a fucking potato compared to them!”

“That’s not true, Dad!” Virgil tried to start but the dad-like cut him off again.

“It’s because I’m short, right? Heck, you’re even taller than me!”

“Dad, please!”

“Is it because I’m not as fit and confident as Roman?”

“Dad, stop!”

“Is it because I’m not as smart and witty as Logan?”

“Dad, I said you can stop!”

“Is it because I’m not as dark and alluring as Deceit?”

“I SAID, STOP IT DAD!”

Patton felt the emo trait hug him tightly, keeping him place as if he was afraid he would disappear.

“Let go, Virgil.” The dad-like trait tried to shrug him off but Virgil only held on to him tighter. “It’s okay if you were unfaithful, it’s fine.” He said monotonously.

“No, Dad. It’s clearly not fine.” Virgil said firmly. “Please talk to me, I’m sorry if I made you feel that way but I need to know what’s wrong so I can fix it.” He pleaded.

After what felt like ages, Patton finally turned around to face him. Emotions of anger, sadness, betrayal were swimming in his eyes which made the emo trait feel more worse.

“It’s…it’s just that…I feel like you are never happy with me.” Patton started. “I feel like…I feel like I’m too vanilla and boring for you and the other sides give you so much excitement and adventure that I could never give you that I feel left out.” He dropped his gaze to his lap, fiddling nervously with his fingers.

It finally clicked in Virgil’s head. Patton is feeling insecure and unloved  because he didn’t show his gratitude and love to the dad-like trait more. Because of the lack of appreciation shown to him, Patton started questioning his self-worth as a husband.

You had one job, Virgil! You had one job and you fucking messed it up! Virgil thought to himself angrily in his head. Fix it, you piece of shit!

Patton felt fingers lift his chin and saw the emo trait staring at him lovingly which made him feel butterflies in his stomach.

“Dear,” The dad-like trait blushed at the pet name. “…you’re a lot of things but boring isn’t one of them.” Patton got even more flustered when Virgil took one of his hands and kissed his knuckles tenderly. He wanted to die of happiness right there and then.

“It’s never a dull moment with you, okay? I love the way you get excited over little things. I love the way your eyes sparkle whenever you laugh. I love how…” Virgil poked the sides of Patton’s belly, causing the dad-like trait to giggle. “…how chubby your stomach is, it’s so fluffy! And I absoutely love how short you are, you are the perfect size for me to cuddle always.” He pulled Patton into his lap and lifted him up several times like a baby.

Patton giggled in delight with the action, making Virgil’s heart swell up seeing the stars in the dad-like trait’s eyes.

Virgil gently placed Patton back on the couch and stood up. “C’mon, let’s finish baking!” He offered his hand to the dad-like trait, who accepted it and tugged him back to the kitchen.

Patton placed spoonfuls of cookie dough on the baking sheet and placed it in the baking oven, making sure the right temperature is set for the cookies.

He turned his attention back to the emo trait and giggled to himself, seeing how cute his wife was when he was concentrating on placing scoops of ice cream in the blender.

A mischievious idea suddenly popped into his head. Patton took one of the eggs and crept up sneakily beside the emo trait.

“Heya, wifey.” Virgil turned to the dad-like trait and was met with a cracked egg on his hair.

Patton bit his lip to keep himself from laughing as the emo trait took a handful of flour and sprinkled it on the dad-like trait’s face.

It soon escalated into a full-fledged food fight and by the time they were done, the kitchen looked like Strawberry Shortcake puked all over the ceiling and floor.

The two sides were panting heavily and facing one another, trying to catch their breath.

Virgil pushed back a fringe of hair from Patton’s face and his heart soared even faster when the dad-like trait stared at him lovingly and batted his eyelashes at him.

Fuck it, I want to kiss him for all eternity! The emo trait decided to fuck all shit and pressed his lips on Patton’s plump ones.

The dad-like trait was startled by the sudden action, but soon melted into it.

The kiss turned pretty heated quickly as Patton wrapped his legs around Virgil’s waist and grinded against him, making the emo trait growl into the kiss.

Virgil gripped the dad-like trait’s hips and using a hand, he sweeped away all the contents of the kitchen table, scattering them on the already messy floor and pinning Patton on the table, ravaging his neck with rough kisses.

Patton moaned as the emo trait sucked on a spot on his neck. He started to tug Virgil’s hoodie off while the emo trait was trying to unbutton his khaki pants.

The two were so engaged in their makeout session that they didn’t hear the oven come off and notice someone appear in the room.

“HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF STARBUCKS! GET A ROOM WOULD YOU!”

The two immediately broke apart, with Patton nearly falling off the kitchen counter. Virgil cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Hey there Remy! Um, what are you doing here, kiddo?” Patton laughed nervously while trying to hide his boner from view. “We were just baking!”

Remy only raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced. “Riiight.” He said sarcastically. “Anyways, do you mind handing me a pop tart?”

The emo trait opened the fridge and took out a strawberry pop tart. “Here ya go.” He threw it at the leather-clad trait, who caught it easily and sank out of the room, leaving the two alone again.

There was an awkward silence before Patton broke it. “Um, we should get to cleaning the kitchen, kiddo.” He flopped down from the counter and grabbed the oven mitts from the floor.

He popped the open the oven and placed the cookies carefully on the kitchen counter.

Virgil broke out of his reverie and grabbed a mop, starting to clean the floor. He made a mental note of actually getting a room instead of fucking on the kitchen counter, next time when he and Patton want to jump on each other.

Ugh. This is going to be a long day. Virgil thought, annoyed as he surveyed the mess that they had made.

“Hey, kiddo?” He turned to look at Patton, who had wiggled his way

“Yeah?”

He was surprised again that day when a pair of lips pressed against his cheek.

“Thank you for everything.” Patton grinned brightly at him and went back to scrubbing the kitchen counter, leaving Virgil on cloud nine.

Nah, maybe making a mess was worth it.

Chapter Text

“Ow! What the fuck was that for!” Virgil was rudely awakened by a box being thrown at his head.

Remy just grinned like the little shit he was. “It’s a present from one of your loving husbands~!” He sang teasingly. “He left it on your doorstep!”

The emo trait angrily threw away the covers and inspected the black box tied with a big purple ribbon. “What’s inside it, anyway?”

“Maybe a dildo?” The leather-clad trait dodged the pillow that the emo trait threw at him and sank out of the room.

Virgil huffed and rolled his eyes at Remy’s antics. He slowly untied the ribbon and lifted the lid off.

He blushed a deep red when he saw a neatly folded black lacy nightdress and a matching silk robe and lingerie.

He look at this surroundings and realized that this must be a room that he shared with one of his husbands. He must have been so tired yesterday from cleaning the kitchen that he crashed in a different room. 

He grabbed the note that was on top of the article of clothing. The contents were written in a familiar neat handwriting.

My Beloved,

I was scrolling through the world wide web and I learned that they are the most popular nuptial gifts that husbands can give to their wives. I have a matching one myself and I sincerely hope you will wear that when we spend time together today.

Your significant other,

Logan

Virgil buried his face in his hands. It gets harder and harder to resist their advances. He groaned.

He reluctantly got out of bed and took of his current sleepwear. He slipped on the lingerie and nightdress, blushing when he realized how skimpy it was.

The silky material of his clothing felt nice on his skin and the black color contrasted greatly with his pale skin.

He looked at himself in the mirror and stared at his reflection, wondering why someone like Logan would like him to wear something as daring as this. His body wasn’t even anything special, he was sickly thin with thick ass thighs littered with stretchmarks.

Why would anybody want you anyway? He probably just married you because he pitied you.

His dark thoughts were immediately pushed away when the door opened, revealing Logan, wearing flannel pajamas that matched Virgil’s nightdress.

The logical trait’s face brightened when he saw the emo trait, looking absolutely lovely in the nightdress that he gave him earlier.

“Virgil, my beloved, you look aesthetically pleasing in that dress.” Virgil’s face went red from the compliment.

“T-thanks, um, you look handsome too.” How is it that nerd looks hot in pajamas? The world is fucking unfair.

Logan grinned, showing off his pearly white teeth, making the emo trait’s heart flutter in his chest.

Virgil watched as the logical trait closed the door behind him and walked to stand in front of him. He felt naked under the scrutinizing gaze of Logan.

The logical trait cleared his throat awkwardly. “I would like your assistance today.” He started, his confident persona earlier gone. “I seem to have trouble retaining information lately and I have tried every scientifically proven effective study tip but I have made no progress. I was wondering if you would have any idea on how to help me, my significant other.”

Logan having trouble retaining information? That’s something new. I have to help him though, it might affect Thomas if his mental capacity falls short. But how? Hmmm…

A figurative lightbulb appeared on top of the emo trait’s head.

“How about flashcards?” Virgil suggested. “You remember slangs better when you have your vocab cards, right? I think that might help.”

Logan’s eyes widened in realization. “Of course! Why didn’t it occur to me before!” His eyes lit up at the newfound information. “Flashcards help utilize a person’s metacognitive faculties!” He started to ramble on and on about the importance of repetition in retaining information.

The emo trait tried his best to listen to the logical trait’s lecture but his mind drifted off to daydream mode as he stared at Logan’s lips, wanting him to just press him up against the wall and kiss the fuck out of him.

“Are you alright, my significant other? You seem to be distracted.” Logan’s worried voice snapped him out of his not-so-chaste daydream.

“I’m fine.” Virgil forced a smile on his face, hoping that the other trait doesn’t notice that he was thinking of both of them in compromising positions.

Logan wasn’t the least bit convinced by his lie but didn’t question him any further. “If you say so, my beloved.”

He leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss on the emo trait’s forehead. “Just tell me if you want to talk about it.” He smiled when Virgil blushed and frantically nodded.

The logical trait conjured up a set of flash cards and sat down on the bed, cross-legged.

He raised a questioning eyebrow when the emo trait was suddenly holding a jar of Crofter’s jam.

“Each time you get a question right, you get a spoonful of jam. How about that?” The emo trait suggested. “I read something about positive reinforcement the other day. I think it might help.”

Logan nodded in agreement, internally squealing on how smart his wife is. He secretly thinks that Virgil is the only one among the sides that is his equal when it comes to intelligence.

“Alright, let’s get started.”

-

“What is the chemical name of chloroform?” Virgil asks, reading the question from the card.

“Trichloromethane.” Logan answered, not missing a beat.

The emo trait grinned. “You’re doing well so far. Your answers are always on point.” He tells the logical trait, dipping the spoon inside the jam jar.

“O-oh! I’m glad to hear that.” The logical trait blushed and cleared his throat awkwardly, stumbling over his words.

He’s so cute when he’s flustered! Virgil thought, spoon scraping the insides of the jar, feeling nothing but cold hard metal.

“Logan? I think we’re out of jam.” Virgil says, putting the empty jam jar on top of the dresser.

“Well, how do you suppose we continue?” Logan asks. “What else can we use to reward me?”

Virgil’s palms gets sweaty as a crazy idea forms in his head.

“You could,” The emo trait started as he grabbed Logan’s hand and placed it on his thigh. “…have me as your reward.” He whispered huskily as he brought up a finger, tracing it across the logical trait’s jawline.

His heart pounded with excitement when he saw the logical trait’s jaw clench tightly and eyes become dark with lust.

“Ask your question then.” Logan growled, leaning dangerously close.

Virgil’s heart pounded even faster. “Name the process of becoming an adult.” He bit his lip and looked at the logical trait with hooded eyes.

“Adulthood.” Before Virgil could blink, he was grabbed roughly by the hips and was on top of Logan, straddling him.

He leaned down and presed his lips roughly against the logical trait’s ones. He grinded his hips, causing Logan to growl into the kiss and grip his hips tighter.

The emo trait felt the logical trait tug at his dress. “This needs to go.” He grunted.

Virgil lifted his head and brought his hands to the hem of his dress, slowly tugging it upwards, giving the logical trait a show.

Logan watches him with dark eyes, as the emo trait slowly removes his dress, eventually revealing the lingerie set he was wearing underneath.

“Beautiful.” Logan whispered, loving how Virgil’s cheeks went red at the compliment.

The logical trait reached up and cupped the emo trait’s cheeks, pulling him for a tender kiss.

Virgil wrapped his arms around Logan’s neck as he deepened the kiss.

It seemed like ages when they broke away from the kiss, panting heavily.

“That was hot.” Virgil said in a hoarse voice as Logan nodded in agreement, still woozy from their heated makeout session.

The logical trait cleared his throat. “Um, Virgil,” He started, making the emo trait look at him. “Would you like to go swimming with me?” He asked hesitantly. “If it’s alright with you.” He added.

Virgil thought about it for a minute. “Sure, why not.” He replied, grinning.

-

“Here we are, my beloved.” Logan says as they appear in swimming pool area of the mindscape, carrying Virgil in his arms.

Virgil looked at Logan questioningly. “I enjoy swimming. It takes away stress.” Logan shrugged nonchalantly.

The logical trait walked over to the edge of the pool and gently set the emo trait down on it.

Virgil shivered as his feet dipped inside the cold water, he was only wearing the lingerie he put on earlier.

He watched as Logan removed his shirt and pajamas, exposing his boxer-clad body.

The emo trait’s face heated up as he quickly turned his gaze back to the water. His body is lean and toned! How can someone nerdy be that hot!

The logical trait chuckled at his wife’s cuteness. The emo trait still gets flustered whenever he exposes his body.

Virgil watched as Logan broke into a run and cannonballed in the pool, splashing water everywhere. He squealed when the water hit his skin.

He continued watching his husband, who treaded through the water gracefully. He was at awe at the effortless backstrokes and breaststrokes Logan performed in the swimming pool.

I could only wish I was that coordinated. The emo trait sighed in disappointment.

Logan swam towards him and hoisted himself up to sit beside Virgil.

“You’re a good swimmer.” The emo trait commented.

The logical trait beamed at his comment. “Thank you my beloved, I always make sure to be in shape for you.” He grinned.

Virgil was stunned. Did he just say he does this all for me? “Um, for me?” He asked, confused.

“Why of course, this is all for you.” Logan stated, clearly confused too. He reached up and cupped Virgil’s cheek, caressing it with his thumb. “I take great notice of your validation, my significant other. I always take pride in myself when you take notice of my achievements. I value your opinion.”

The emo trait could die of happiness right there and then. What he was feeling right now was indescribable. He always felt unwanted and questioned his self-worth most of the time until now, this utterly handsome man in front of him told him that he values his opinion and presence.

He was snapped out of his reverie again he saw the logical trait leaning in for a kiss.

His fight or flight reflexes kicked in and on instinct, he pushed the logical trait inside the pool.

Unfortunately for him, the logical trait gripped his wrist, thereby making him fall into the pool with him.

Virgil squealed as Logan splashed some water on his face. “Hey, stop it!” He tried to dodge the logical trait’s water attacks on his face.

Logan stopped splashing water and resorted to gripping Virgil’s waist and lifting him in the air several times.

“Higher, Logan! Higher!” Virgil giggled in delight making Logan smirk.

After several more tries, the logical trait gently set the emo trait down in the water.

He let the emo trait cling to him like a koala. “I can’t swim.” Virgil said quietly.

Logan saw the worry and fear in his eyes. “Don’t worry, I won’t let you drown.” He assured Virgil which seemed to calm him down.

There was tension that enveloped the two of them as they stared into each other’s eyes.

The special thing about their relationship is that actions speak louder than words even way back when they were still “friends”. They don’t need to tell each other what they want, they just know with a simple brush on the arm or a quirk of an eyebrow.

The tension was broken by Virgil, who leaned in and pressed his lips on Logan, who eagerly responded to the kiss.

The two of them did not part until they were out of breath.

Both broke away from the kiss and leaned their foreheads together.

“We should probably get dried already, my significant other.” Logan said, looking at the night sky by the glass window.

“Or…we could cuddle at one of the lounge chairs and make out all night?” Virgil’s lips curled up into a mischievious smile.

Logan smiled. “I’d like that very much.”

Chapter Text

Virgil was scrolling through Tumblr in his own bed, yes, his own bed, his nerdy husband carried him this morning to his own room when a notification banner appeared, signaling a message from his groupchat with his fellow dark sides.

Yeah, he and the other dark sides have a groupchat. They hold no ill feelings against him for leaving the Dark Mind Palace and wanted to keep in contact with him so they made a groupchat.

He tapped on the notification banner and groaned when he saw that he had 100+ unread messages.

Damn, I have to fucking backread. This is going to take a while.

Anxietas is now online.

Anxietas has now joined the groupchat.

Pride thought it would be a great idea to have the Latin meaning of their names as their usernames.

3:00 AM  

Somnus: Guys guess what I found

Superbia: What

Gula: Food?

Luxuria: You’re always hungry Gluttony. Figures.

Somnus: I found the wedding pictures bitches!

Ira: HOLY FUCK LEMME SEE

Acedia: ugh loud noises

Avaritia: Wrath, could you fucking keep it down with the caps lock button

Ira: NO CAN DO FUCKERS! I’M TOTALLY DOING IT ON PURPOSE JUST TO RILE YOU ALL UP!

Avaritia: Why you son of a bitch!

Invidia: I wanna see those wedding pictures too!

Luxuria: I totally remember when Gluttony passed the fuck out on the chocolate fountain! It was hilarious!

Gula: That chocolate was good tho

Superbia: I slayed in a tux that night, motherfuckers!

Ira: YOUR EGO IS THE SIZE OF TEXAS

Superbia: Who the fuck do you think you are

Acedia: Guys stop let’s just go to sleep

Invidia: You’re lazy piece of shit

Acedia: I know right

Invidia: Where are those photos!

Dolos: Calm down my children, what the fuck is going on here?

Luxuria: Daddy!

Superbia: Dude calm yourself, the guy has a wife already

Luxuria: Oops sorry you know me when I’m horny

Avaritia: Which is 24/7 of the time

Acedia: LOL

Ira: REMY FOUND THE WEDDING PHOTOS DAD

Dolos: Oh good, I was looking for those the other day. Where did you find it, by the way?

Somnus: I found it in Greed’s drawer. You little kleptomaniac, you’re in trouble!

Avaritia: I can explain

Superbia: You’re in trouble now!

Somnus: Also, I found one of Wrath’s leather jackets in Greed’s closet.

Ira: YOU LITTLE FUCK HOW DARE YOU STEAL FROM ME, YOU’RE SO DEAD YOU FUCKER!

Avaritia: Eep!

Acedia: Guys stop yelling please

Gula: Dad, do we still have leftovers from the last night?

Dolos: Yes, in the fridge. Remy, just give me the photos later when we eat dinner together.

Somnus: Sure thing dad.

Luxuria: By the way, where’s Mommy?

Superbia: Yeah, where’s Mommy!

Acedia: Mommy where are you

Gula: I need Mommy!

Avaritia: Mommy, I need you more!

Invidia: No way! I’m hogging Mommy all to myself!

Ira: MOMMY LOVES ME THE MOST SO THERE HA!

Dolos: QUIET DOWN YOU BRATS! Mommy is busy.

Acedia: Daddy is such a meanie!

Gula: Mean daddy

Luxuria: Daddy needs to be punished

Invidia: Mommy is nicer!

Avaritia: I like Mommy better!

Superbia: Mommy is bae <3

Ira: WE LOVE MOMMY BETTER THAN YOU!

Dolos: SHUT UP YOU BRATS! I GET IT ALREADY!

Superbia: Damn right you should

Dolos: Ugh, why do I even put up with you brats?

Somnus: Because you love us <3

Dolos: ……..

Am I the Mommy? Virgil was dumbfounded as he tapped on another chatbox labeled ‘Serpent Daddy’.

5:00 AM

Serpent Daddy: Kitten, where are you right now?

Serpent Daddy: Are you going home?

Serpent Daddy: Are you at your room right now?

Serpent Daddy: Are you having a panic attack?

Serpent Daddy: Do you need some time alone?

Serpent Daddy: Do you want me to come over?

Serpent Daddy: Just call me if you see this message.

Serpent Daddy: I miss you already.

Serpent Daddy: I love you.

Virgil blushed a deep red as he read the last message. How does he have the guts to say those kind of things!

With sweaty palms, he quickly typed out a message.

2:00 PM  

Serpent Mommy: Hey sorry for the late reply, I was at my room and I was already sleeping when you messaged me. I’m coming over right now to the Dark Mind Palace.

The emo trait instantly felt nervous. How am I going to hide my infidelity from him? He would know instantly if I was lying. Oh god, I need some help.

His phone lit up again, signaling a message from Remy. He opened his phone and tapped on the message icon.

2:05 PM  

BAMF_Remy: Hey babe, you actually have a wedding ring from slimy boi, I left it on your dresser when you were asleep this morning. He’ll flip his shit if he sees you not wearing it.

Virgil turned towards his dresser and a shiny object caught his eye. He reached over and felt cool metal as he grabbed the object.

Wow, it’s such a pretty ring. Virgil thought as he inspected the ring. He really went all out.

The band and setting of the ring was color black, designed to look like a cobra, with silver gemstones decorating the upper half of the band and under gallery of the ring. There was also a shiny purple diamond on top of the ring.

The emo trait thought it was the most prettiest thing anyone had ever given him. He immediately wore it on his right ring finger, liking how it sparkled when it hit the light.

He sank out of the room and appeared in the hallway of the Dark Mind Palace. It has no substantial difference from the Mind Palace except that it’s dimmer and colder.

As he walked through the hallways, he heard voices downstairs and became louder as he got nearer to the staircase.

“Dad, what are you and Mom going as to the costume party?” Envy asked.

“Oh! I know! You and Mom should totally go as Victor and Emily from the Corpse Bride!” Lust squealed.

“But they already did that on their wedding!” Pride pointed out.

“How about Mickey and Minnie Mouse?” Greed butted in.

Wrath rolled his eyes. “That’s childish as fuck.”

“Do you have a better idea?” Envy remarked, irritated.

“Ugh, can’t I ever have a break from you brats?” Deceit rubbed his temples, annoyed. “We’ll ask your mom first if he wants to come.”

“Hey guys.” Every person in the commons whipped their head to the sound of Virgil’s voice, who has reached the bottom of staircase.

“MOMMY!” The emo trait was now crushed into a big group hug by the other dark sides.

“We missed you Mommy dark side!” Lust gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

“Daddy was being mean to us.” Pride was hugging his waist tightly.

“Are you coming with us to the costume party?” Sloth asked quietly.

Virgil felt overwhelmed by the close proximity, making his anxiousness grow.

“Behave my children,” Deceit tutted as he pulled Virgil out of their clutches. “You do know how Mommy feels about his personal space being invaded, hm?” He scolded them.

“Sorry Mommy.” They chorused, looking down in shame.

“Good. Now, all of you back to your rooms, me and Mommy need to spend some quality time together.” There was a collective groan from the other dark sides.

“Now.” There was a dark edge in the serpentine trait’s voice that made the emo trait shiver in fear.

That seemed to do the trick as the other dark sides grumbled under their breaths but nevertheless complied, sinking out of the commons.

“Kitten,” Deceit cooed as soon as they were left alone. “I missed you last night.” He cupped Virgil’s cheek and leaned down to kiss him.

The emo trait allowed him access to his mouth, feeling the older side’s forked tongue probe the insides of his mouth.

He moved his tongue in sync with the serpentine trait’s, feeling the air in room grow more heavy and hot.

Virgil’s eyes quickly flew open as he realized he had done it again. Wait, what the fuck am I doing! I’m cheating again! I better douse myself in holy water after this.

He pulled away from the kiss, immediately feeling guilty when hurt flashed in the serpentine trait’s face.

“Um…I need some fresh air.” The emo trait quickly sank out of the room so he doesn’t have to look at the older side’s crestfallen face.

He appeared a minute later at the balcony and gripped the railings as he hurled everything he ate for the last 24 hours.

“Girl! Why the fuck did you just ran off like that? You just made the guy feel bad!” Remy shrieked as he appeared beside Virgil.

Virgil wiped his mouth, leaned on the railings and slid down to the floor.

“I can’t do it, Remy. I can’t cheat anymore, it would break their hearts.” He buried his face in his hands.

The leather-clad trait’s face softened. “Oh baby, the week is almost finished, just push through it as long as you can, okay? We’ll explain everything to them when the potion wears off, they’ll understand.” He rubbed the emo trait’s back soothingly.

“How am I going to explain this to Deceit?” Virgil rested his head on arms, looking at Remy. “He gives me the cold treatment whenever he’s mad at me, he wouldn’t cast a glance at me even if I tried.” He sighed in disappointment.

An idea suddenly popped into Remy’s head. “Hey, we’re going to a costume party later, right? How about I give you a makeover?” He squealed in excitement. “He won’t be able to take his eyes off you!”

The emo trait raised an eyebrow questioningly. “How are sure are you about that?” He asked.

Remy winked. “Just trust me on this.”

-

Virgil smoothed down the frayed edges of his dress as he inspected his costume in the mirror.

Remy insisted he dressed up as Emily from the Corpse Bride as it will trigger “sentimental” feelings inside Deceit and soften him up so it would be easy for Virgil to be forgiven.

He picked up the bouquet that went with the outfit and slowly went downstairs, careful not to trip because of the pumps he was wearing.

When he reached the commons and he peeked out the window saw the car parked outside and the other dark sides talking amongst themselves, all decked in awesome costumes.

He took a deep breath and opened the door, revealing himself to the other dark sides.

“Look, there’s Mommy!” Lust called out, wearing a Playboy bunny costume.

“You look pretty, Mommy!” Greed gushed, his Cleopatra costume glinting in the moonlight.

Pride, who was going as the Phantom of the Opera, took off his mask to get a better look at Virgil. “Look, Dad!” He called out loudly. “You and Mommy match!” He winked.

“I can very well see that, Pride.” Virgil’s heart sped faster as he turned around to see Deceit, dressed up like Victor Van Dort, looking devilishly handsome.

He’s such an asshole sometimes and part-snake for crying out loud, how the fuck can he pull off being hot!

However, the emo trait’s spirit immediately deflated when the serpentine trait passed him without much of a second glance.

The other dark sides noticed and look concerned, but they knew it was no use to question anything right now.

All of them finally went inside the car, after squeezing Gluttony in, given his size and the pumpkin costume he wore wasn’t a big help either.

Virgil awkwardly went inside the passenger seat, making sure the train of his dress wasn’t in the way of the car door and closed it.

Deceit went inside the driver’s seat soon after and turned on the ignition, revving the car to life.

The first 30 minutes of the trip was quiet, except for Wrath’s sudden angry outbursts and Sloth’s snoring.

Halfway through the venue, the emo trait felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, reached down and pulled it out, seeing unread messages from their group chat.

10:00 PM

Invidia: Mommy, why are you and Daddy not talking?

Avaritia: Is Daddy mad at Mommy? :’(

Luxuria: I think some makeup sex is in order. ;)

Superbia: You’re not helping, Lust.

Ira: HOLY SHIT MY OTP IS NOT SAILING!

Acedia: You should talk to Daddy later, Mommy

Gula: And probably bring him his comfort food too.

Virgil was about to type in a message when the car halted into a stop in front of a mansion.

Holy moly, how many friends does Remy have? The emo trait thought, starstruck.

The other dark sides immediately went outside of the car and ran to the house, excited to party.

He was left alone with the serpentine trait, who was still sitting on the driver’s seat, scowling.

Okay, maybe the scowl is kind of an understatement as all the dark sides had resting bitch faces, including Virgil.

He looked over at Deceit, who was gripping the steering wheel tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

Virgil cautiously reached over and gently grabbed one of the hands of the serpentine trait, interlacing it with his.

He looked at the wedding ring on the serpentine trait’s finger, which was the exact same replica as his with the exception that it was yellow in color, decorated with black gemstones and a shiny gold diamond placed on top.

Deceit stiffened at the physical contact but thankfully didn’t pull his hand away.

They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, blankly looking ahead of them.

“I’m sorry,” Virgil started, breaking the silence between them. “I shouldn’t have ran off like that without giving an explanation. It was such dick move on my part, I’m really sorry.

The serpentine trait didn’t say anything but the scowl left his face, leaving his expression unreadable.

“I understand if you hate me, just…call me if you want to talk again.” The emo trait quickly kissed the older side’s scaled cheek and sank out of the car, leaving the other with his thoughts.

Virgil appeared inside the house, confident no one can see him because the party was already on full-scale chaos.

People puking inside the toilets, couples making out in secluded corners, and don’t forget the loud hollers from the guys playing beer pong.

The emo trait felt a headache coming because of the loud bass of the music. He sat on the couch, where a couple was sucking each other’s face off and opened his phone.

10:30 PM

Anxietas: Hey guys, your Daddy is still mad at me.

Gula: Aww shit really  

Acedia: Damn

Invidia: :’(

Avaritia: How can we get Daddy to talk?

Luxuria: WHAT! Really? I guess we have to resort to Plan B. Guys, are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Superbia: OMG guys, you don’t mean…?

Ira: YES THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT WE’RE THINKING.

Anxietas: Guys it’s okay really

Luxuria: No it isn’t Mommy! We want you and Daddy to be lovey dovey again!

Superbia: Even if it is gross sometimes

Acedia: You got that right

Invidia: Mommy, we have a plan

Ira: DON’T WORRY MOMMY WE’LL MAKE SURE EVERYTHING GOES SMOOTHLY.

Gula: Come upstairs Mommy, we’ll sort everything there, first bedroom on the right.

Anxietas: Okay I’m omw

Virgil had a bad feeling about this.

-

Deceit was walking around the house, casually sipping his beer.

In his first few minutes in the house, he had already rejected numerous offers for dates and blowjobs.

He already had a wife, for heaven’s sake. He may be mad at him now, but he would never have the heart to cheat on his wife.

And besides, he was more into gothic beauties like his own wife.

He felt a pang of guilt as he remembered giving Virgil the cold shoulder earlier. He knew it hurt the emo trait but he too was hurt by the younger side’s lack of love and affection.

He was already thinking of ways on how to apologize to his wife when the mini-stage suddenly lit up with lights, revealing a slim figure to the audience behind a curtain.

They heard someone whispering something to the DJ, who nodded and turned on the music.

The first few beats of The Weeknd’s Earned It sounded from the speakers as the figure began to sway seductively, earning hoots and hollers from the audience.

It began dancing, movements fluid like water and emitted a seductive aura, captivating the audience.

The serpentine trait was entranced by the graceful and sensual movements of the mysterious figure. There was something about its moves that reminded him of a certain someone.

Most of the audience was in awe and started to cheer louder when the curtain was pulled back, revealing the person behind it.

Deceit nearly spat out the beer he was drinking when the person revealed was his own emo trait wife, Virgil.

His wife, his supposedly shy and introverted wife, was wearing a white lace and mesh bustier, looking like the stripper version of Emily from the Corpse Bride.

He watched in horror as Virgil gripped a pole and began grinding on it teasingly, receiving wolf-whistles from all of the partygoers.

There was a guy who has the same costume as him, hoisted himself up to the stage, grabbed Virgil and kissed him ferociously, making the serpentine trait flare up with anger.

He held the emo trait tightly, who in return, pounded his fists on the man’s chest, trying to push the man away.

Before Deceit could control himself, he found himself running towards the emo trait, wrenching the son of a bitch away from his wife, and beating that asshole into a pulp.

Gasps were heard from the audience but he took no notice of them as he continued pummeling the guy who tried to harass his wife.

He felt hands grab him and pull him away, keeping him from killing the already half-dead guy. He trashed wildly, wanting nothing more than to bring the guy who harassed Virgil to hell.

“Dad, stop! You’re scaring Mom!” Pride said, gripping him tightly.

The serpentine trait immediately stopped trashing around at the mere mention of his wife.

Wrath gestured him over to Virgil, who look shaken and was whimpering loudly.

Deceit wasted no minute in pulling the emo trait for a tight hug, who immediately flung himself into his arms, shivering in fear.

“P-please don’t b-be mad at m-me anymore…” Virgil looked at him with his big dark eyes, clinging on to him tightly.

The serpentine trait melted at the sight, he could never resist his wife when he looked at him with those dark doe eyes.

He caressed the emo trait’s cheek, who leaned in to his touch. “I could never stay mad at you, kitten.” He said lovingly, heart racing when the emo trait gave him a cute watery smile.

While the couple were having their heartfelt moment, their “children” were sighing in happiness at the sight of their parents being lovey-dovey once again.

“They look so cute!” Envy gushed, hugging the fur coat of his Cruella De Vil costume while the rest just grinned in agreement.

Sloth smiled his usual sleepy smile while hugging the Scooby-Doo plushie that came with his Shaggy costume.

Deceit turned to them and said, “Me and Mommy will be on our way, you guys can stay and bring back the car in one piece when you go home.” He ordered while taking the emo trait again in his arms and sinking out of the venue.

“Makeup sex?” Wrath asked while Lust smiled knowingly.

-

“No touchy, Serpent Daddy!” Virgil playfully slapped away Deceit’s hand that pinched his backside. “We’re outside!” He giggled.

The serpentine trait just smirked and grabbed the emo trait’s hand, giving his knuckles a gentle kiss.

They were on their way to a playground, Virgil said he wanted to play on the swings and who was Deceit to deny his beautiful wife?

Upon seeing the swings, the emo trait squealed in delight and practically ran to the swings, making the serpentine trait chuckle.

Virgil took his place on double swing set with Deceit following suit, seating beside him. The serpentine trait lightly rocked the seat, starting a slow swinging motion.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, just looking at the stars in the night sky.

The emo trait turned his head to look at Deceit, admiring his husband’s side profile.

He liked how tall the serpentine trait was, he was the tallest out of all the sides, even beating Roman, who was practically a giant and how sharp his jawline is, which looked like it could cut through glass.

Deceit noticed him staring and smirked, making Virgil look away quickly and grow red in the face.

“Cute.” The emo trait’s face grew even redder if that’s possible.

There was a burst of wind which made Virgil shiver as the cold air hit his exposed skin. He was still wearing his bustier from earlier.

The serpentine trait took off his coat and placed it on his wife’s shoulders.

“Thank you.” The emo trait said quietly, kissing the older trait’s scaled cheek and snuggled to his side.

Virgil watched as the serpentine trait pulled out his phone and opened it, eyeballs nearly popping out when he saw himself as the wallpaper.

“Hey! Why did you put my ugly face in your phone!” The emo trait whined while trying to grab the phone.

Deceit put the phone out of his reach. “Well, that ugly face is one of the reasons why I married you.” He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Virgil scowled. He decided to get even by also pulling out his phone and opening it, making sure the serpentine trait saw his wallpaper of Cole Sprouse.

“Serpent Mommy, who the fuck is that on your wallpaper?” Deceit hissed, jealousy seeping from his tone.

“It’s Cole Sprouse! He’s totally daddy material.” Virgil exaggeratedly gushed, batting his eyelashes for dramatic effect. “I wonder how he is like in bed.” He grinned seductively.

A growl was heard and the emo trait found himself on Deceit’s lap, in a crushing embrace.

“Mine!” Virgil smirked in victory.