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Toni couldn’t do it anymore. It was a well worn fight at this stage but Toni did not like Nessa in the bed with them. She was nine months old at this stage, she is big enough to sleep in a crib by herself. She takes up a lot of room too, even if she is small. She sleeps like a starfish. Except most starfish don’t punch and kick in their sleep. Plus Toni hated worrying about her suffocating on the pillows and duvet. It isn’t safe for their daughter to be sleeping in a choking hazard. She wasn’t being unreasonable in her request here. None of her friend co-sleep with their kids and none of their kids turned out messed up.
So Toni took it upon herself to reassemble the crib. They had it assembled before Nessa came along, before Cheryl decided that she could sleep in the bed with them making the crib a redundant waste of space. It stayed there for a month before Toni realised it was just in the way. So she put it in storage.
But she couldn’t do it again. She will not stand for a foot in her kidney for another night. She had to put her foot down, albeit after giving in for nine months. Cheryl was working late that evening so Toni had plenty of time to put together her project. Nessa seemed content to tag along.
“Mamamamama.” She babbled as Toni fastened buckled her into her car seat. She had finally gotten Mama down. Though she does like to add a few extra ma’s. Toni found it endearing. Nessa continued to talk as they drove down to the storage locker and collected the crib. Thankfully the traffic was light so they got everything pretty quickly.
“Are you excited for your own bed?” Toni asked the baby as she loaded up the crib into the back of the car in seperate parts. The parking lot clerk helping her seeing as she had to keep an eye on the baby in the back of the car. Maybe bringing Nessa with her wasn’t the best plan but she had no other alternative.
“Abbadabba.” Nessa said to herself, Toni spotted her pulling off the tiny little moccasins she wears. Toni loves them on her, she thinks they are the cutest shoes going. Nessa owns six different pairs which is a little extreme for a baby that can’t even crawl yet. (She’s getting there though she gets into position to and has gone backwards once. She stopped after she spooked herself by hitting off the coffee table and knocking off a book)
“I’m talking that as a yes.” Toni told her as she loaded the last of the frame into the car. “You gotta tell your Mommy that.”
“Mo.” Nessa mumbled. Toni rolled her eyes. She thanked the clerk and was back on the road in no time at all.
“Mo.” Nessa repeated a little angrier this time. Toni smirked seeing her scrunched up face in the baby mirror.
“I don’t have those. Wait until tonight.” Toni told her. Nessa groaned a bit and arched her back. “No, we are not doing that. I am driving.” Toni ordered her, sensing the temper tantrum about to erupt.
It was no use though, Nessa’s top burst. She wailed loudly, fists flying and legs kicking. Her face growing redder and redder.
Toni sighed and kept her eyes on the road. When they stopped at the lights she gave Nessa a pacifier which seemed to tied her other. Cheryl hated pacifiers, Toni doesn’t think she has seen her give Nessa one ever. Cheryl gave her some spiel about how self comfort at such a young age was wrong when she asked her about it. Toni blames Cheryl for Nessa’s short temper. Cheryl coddles her.
When they got home Nessa insisted on being held which derailed Toni’s plan by an hour until thankfully she got Nessa to nap. Toni lay her on the bed and placed two pillows on either side of her to prevent her from rolling of the bed.
Toni began to assemble the crib which was thankfully a hell of a lot easier to do a second time around. She also didn’t have to use a power drill on any of it since it was all made with those hexagonal screws. So Nessa could nap peacefully(ish) whilst Toni tried to assemble the crib as quietly as possible.
It was a nice crib, it was white and brand new. Toni would not put that big an investment to waste. When they splurged on it Cheryl insisted that they had to buy a good quality one since her daughter would not sleep in a “termite infested second-hand crib” which Toni somewhat agreed with but only under the pretense that their daughter would actually sleep in her crib.
They had all this cute crib bedding gathering dust, still in it’s packaging at the back of Nessa’s closet that Toni had been dying to open. It was duck printed and Toni thought it was the sweetest thing going.
Toni put the mattress protector and sheet onto the crib and admired her handywork. She also thanked whatever being out there kept Nessa asleep throughout that entire process. She knew she had to brace herself for the all out war that would happen when her wife came home.
Cheryl came in the door at 7:00, exhausted. She threw her heels off her feet as soon as she came in and stripped her jacket off, leaving it draped over the kitchen counter. She seemed stressed. Toni’s revelation would not help that at all. Still Toni had to stick to her guns. This was the right plan.
“Do you want to order something in?” Cheryl asked walking into the living room where her wife sat. Toni had some cooking show on that she wasn’t paying any attention to. Cheryl quirked an eyebrow at it as it is definitely not a Toni show.
“What do you have in mind?” Toni asked turning around to face Cheryl. Sitting up in the sofa, tucking her legs under her body.
“I was thinking like a big pizza, we could eat it in bed. I’m ready to crash.” She told her as she sat down on the sofa next to her.
“I’ll order on the app.” Toni told her. Cheryl smiled.
“I love you.” Cheryl told her, puckering her lips for a kiss. Toni pecked her.
“I love you too.” Toni reciprocated. “So I took the crib out of storage today.” She revealed slowly, watching Cheryl’s face for her reaction.
Her gaze hardened. “I don’t love you.”
“Wow. Let’s not go to extremes here.” Toni proclaimed, raising her hands. Cheryl glared at her. She hated when Toni made it seem like she was insane.
“You know I want her to sleep with us.” Cheryl moaned at her. She was tired of this fight, she wanted Toni to give it up.
“And you know that I don’t want her to sleep there.” Toni countered. Cheryl rolled her eyes. Toni glared at her, she hated when Cheryl diminished her points like this. “Plus it isn’t even safe, I know she’s bigger now but every doctor we’ve seen has advised against it.”
“She’s fine. She isn’t choking on anything.” Cheryl said angrily.
“Not yet! Look I let you have it your way for nine months but I am not letting her in the bed tonight. She is big enough for a crib. Let her sleep in the crib.”
“Why are you being so insensitive!” Cheryl barked. “She doesn’t know any different. She won’t sleep if you move her.”
“You don’t know that. Please, we’ll see how it goes tonight.” Toni compromised.
“I wish you talked to me about this. I don’t like that you sprung a whole ass crib on me.” Cheryl mumbled folding her arms across her chest.
“Look I’m sorry but you weren’t listening to me.” Toni apologised.
Cheryl hmmfed and went into the bedroom to change out of her work clothes.
Toni never felt good after arguing with her wife, that would be horrible but a little bit of her was glad that she finally won this one.
Toni ordered the pizza and it came at 8:30. The couple ate it in bed as requested although Cheryl was more distant than normal, checking her social media feeds. Nessa was resting on Cheryl’s chest, she had just been fed.
“You’ll have to move her over to the crib soon Cher or she’ll be off schedule.” Toni told her after finishing her third slice of pizza.
“She always falls asleep on me.” Cheryl grumbled. “Once she’s asleep I’ll put her over.”
Toni sighed, letting Cheryl have her way on that point. Nessa played tiredly with the strap of Cheryl’s top. She would pass out soon.
“It’ll be good for her.” Toni reassured.
“Hmm.” Cheryl mused sarcastically. She raised her brows exaggeratedly high to emphasise that she wasn’t buying into Toni’s idea.
They finished off the pizza, Toni put some sitcom on in the background to help deal with the dead air between them. Eventually Nessa fell into a deep sleep, drooling onto Cheryl’s chest. Her hands drooped loosely by Cheryl’s sides. She looked adorable but Toni felt that this moment may not be the best time to take a photo.
“Can she not just sleep with us one more night?” Cheryl asked with a pout. She ran a hand through Nessa’s short black curls.
“Please Cher. We haven’t had a decent night sleep in months.” Toni begged.
Cheryl sighed. She moved her phone to the dresser and carefully stood up from the bed, holding Nessa tight against her chest to stop her head from falling back. She zipped and fastened her into the yellow sleep sack. She didn’t wake. She stirred a bit when Cheryl lay her down. She rolled her head to the side a bit and her hands shot up over her head.
Cheryl thought she looked so much bigger by herself in the crib. She was afraid she would be cold tonight. She was used to having the heat of two other people on either side of her.
“I’m proud of you.” Toni told her when Cheryl came back to the bed after staring at the crib for an uncomfortably long time.
“Shut up.” Cheryl growled. She did however sit closer to Toni that she did before Nessa was evicted (Cheryl’s words) from their bed. Toni chanced her luck and put an arm around Cheryl and Cheryl leaned into her embrace, wrapping another arm around her front. “You’re making her grow up too fast.” She complained.
“She isn’t growing up any faster, she’s still in the room with us.” Toni countered. Cheryl nodded but she didn’t really believe any of what Toni said. She wanted to hold Nessa and never put her down for fear her little legs will run away.
“I’m still mad at you.” Cheryl grumbled playing with Toni’s hand, the one that wasn’t holding her tight. Toni squeezed her that bit tighter.
“I know.” Toni whispered.
They sat like that for a while until Toni felt Cheryl start shaking. Toni knew she was crying. “Hey, hey. She is right there.” Toni reassured.
She felt Cheryl shaked her head. “But what if she wakes up and gets scared?” Cheryl asked staring at the crib.
“Then she’ll know that we’re only a few steps away.” Toni told her. Cheryl nodded.
“I just like to hold her close.” Cheryl mumbled. “I want her to know that I love her.”
“She knows that.” Toni told her.
Toni knows that this stems from Cheryl’s strained relationship with her mother. Probably her father too but Cheryl doesn’t like to mention him which Toni understands. Cheryl told her once that her mother never liked to hold her and Jason when they were babies. It surprised Cheryl when her mother did hold her granddaughter since she never did with Cheryl. Whenever the twins cried she would pass them off to one of the nannies. They rotated a lot so Cheryl never even properly bonded with any of them either.
“I don’t want her to forget.” Cheryl sniffled.
“Trust me, she won’t forget you anytime soon. You were her primary food source up until 3 months ago.” Toni joked.
It just made Cheryl cry that little bit harder. She thankfully did it all silently, afraid of waking the baby in the crib.
“Oh, baby.” Toni whispered wrapping her other arm around her wife, enveloping her with her body.
“Am I being dramatic?” Cheryl asked her with a strained laugh.
“You’re alway a little dramatic. It’s part of your charm.”
Cheryl wiped her eyes and sat up a little straighter. Toni let her out of the hug, keeping one hand on the small of her back.
“I’m sorry for screaming at you earlier.” Cheryl apologised.
“I’m sorry for doing this behind your back.”
“I think I needed the push.” She admitted with a sigh. “I’m not ready for her to grow up, make the same mistakes we did.”
“We still have plenty of time before she starts to rebel.” She teased as a hand ruffled Cheryl’s hair.
“That is so not true, yesterday she threw her shoe out of the stroller three times.” Cheryl argued with a huff and Toni gave a small laugh.
“I think we’re doing a good job, I don’t think we should worry.” Toni admitted with a yawn. Cheryl nodded a little unconvinced.
She was worried that she would end up like her mother. Even though her and her mother’s relationship is a lot better now than it was she doesn’t want to be like her. She want’s Nessa to know that. Toni thinks she already does.
Cheryl ended up falling asleep against Toni at 9:30 and Toni managed to get a night sleep that didn’t involve getting a foot to the kidney. She considered it a win.