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year one.
Working late on a Friday is not Jaehyun’s idea of a good start to the weekend, but at least his boyfriend is waiting for him when he gets back, legs curled up under him on the sofa, laughing at some video on his phone. He puts his phone down when Jaehyun approaches and looks up, like he wants to say something but - for once - is holding his tongue and Jaehyun is intrigued - life is never boring with Doyoung and that is one of the countless reasons that Jaehyun loves him.
Doyoung straddles him almost as soon as Jaehyun sits down, like he’s been waiting to do this for hours, and there’s a glint in his eye that makes Jaehyun suspicious, but also stupidly turned on. Sometimes being Kim Doyoung’s boyfriend is a curse, but a great curse, one that always ends well. Maybe it’s actually a blessing.
Doyoung smiles as Jaehyun slides his hands up over his thighs and says, “So, we’ve been together almost a year and I’ve been thinking that--”
“You want to break up too? Thank goodness it’s not just me.” He grins then, watching Doyoung’s eyes narrow.
“Shut up and let me speak,” Doyoung scolds him and slaps at his roaming hands. “As I was saying, we’ve been together almost a year and I think that we should celebrate it.”
“I think so too.” Jaehyun places his hands back on Doyoung’s thighs, tentative, wary of another scolding, but this time Doyoung just slips his own hands over Jaehyun’s shoulders, clasping his hands together behind Jaehyun’s neck. “With dinner?” Jaehyun asks.
Doyoung nods and replies, “And with sex.”
This makes Jaehyun smile. He’s tired: it’s late and he only got home from work thirty minutes ago even though it’s almost eleven, but there’s something about Doyoung that makes Jaehyun never want to sleep. “We have sex all the time,” he says.
“So what?”
“Great point, very well made.” Jaehyun laughs and Doyoung kisses him approvingly.
On their anniversary, they eat dinner in an overbooked, overcrowded restaurant Doyoung would swear was better last time he ate there, disappointed and resigned. Jaehyun says, “I like it,” but he doesn’t. The food is bland and expensive, and he can hardly hear Doyoung even from just across the table. He’s taken to lip-reading and it’s starting to distract him from anything but what they’re going to do afterwards as he watches Doyoung’s mouth intently. They should have gone for pizza.
“Next year our anniversary will be better,” Doyoung decides as they walk back to Jaehyun’s apartment afterwards.
“It hasn’t ended yet,” Jaehyun points out. “We have an hour and forty minutes until midnight and by then we'll be naked and blissed out and you'll be thanking the heavens that I’m your boyfriend.”
“I’m thanking them already.” Doyoung smiles. “I’m always thanking them.”
“Love you,” Jaehyun whispers as they reach his front door and then he kisses Doyoung before he can manage to say anything back, which is a pretty mean feat.
year two.
On their second anniversary, they save up their paychecks to book a long weekend away. The break starts terribly, with a lost suitcase, a delayed flight and a taxi cab driver who overcharges them shamelessly for their ride from the airport to the hotel.
Doyoung blames Jaehyun for every single event and Jaehyun laughs because each of these things were no one’s fault at all, and also because Doyoung’s glowering and sniping has never phased him. He usually wins their arguments, at least he thinks he does, because they never actually go anywhere. They start with something tiny - a spilled drink or an unmade bed - and they end with kisses and feverous touches and smiles against hot skin, just how they both like them to.
“Don’t laugh at me,” Doyoung pouts at him over dinner. The waiter stands awkwardly at their table, wine bottle in hand, until Doyoung turns to him - smile like a flash of lightning, hair slicked back oh-so-perfectly - and says, “Thank you very much, just half a glass for me.” Jaehyun sits back in his chair, lets the waiter pour him a large glass of red, until it’s almost overflowing, and then raises it.
“To another year of us,” he says, and Doyoung’s crossed arms loosen and his painted on smile turns to a real one, and he holds up his own wine glass and says, “Stop trying to charm the meanness out of me.”
Jaehyun smirks. “That’s impossible,” he says. Dinner tastes good.
“Sorry, It’s been a long day,” Doyoung mumbles into Jaehyun’s ear later, fresh from the shower. His soft hotel bathrobe is loosely tied at the waist as he climbs onto the bed where Jaehyun is lounging sleepily in his underwear, television playing a foreign news channel that he isn’t actually watching. “Next year let’s just stay at home for our anniversary.”
Jaehyun tilts his head and studies his boyfriends face. “Aren’t you having a good time?”
“Of course I am.” Doyoung wears a shocked expression, all eyes and concern. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Jaehyun laughs. “The suitcase, the plane-ride, the taxi...”
“They were minor inconveniences,” Doyoung says. The belt of his robe loosens as he arranges the pillows behind him and sits back. “That I might have made a major fuss over.”
“Hmm.” Jaehyun nods. “You might have done that, yes.”
“And as a result of all of that there is some major tension in my shoulders,” Doyoung continues, sliding the robe off his right shoulder. He’s such a tease, Jaehyun thinks. Not that he’d want him to be any other way.
Jaehyun turns back to the television and says, “That is not seductive,” but he can’t help but look back at him again. It’s hard to keep his eyes on anything else.
“It is,” Doyoung replies, robe half draped over his body. His pale skin is still damp from the shower and Jaehyun wants to touch. “And, anyway, I don’t need to seduce you because you already love me.”
He isn’t wrong.
year three.
Their third anniversary is almost forgotten completely in the move.
After three years of Doyoung slowly moving in to Jaehyun’s apartment (a toothbrush in the bathroom giving way to Jaehyun clearing out a drawer to make Doyoung’s own, which becomes two drawers and space in the closet. And then, more and more clothes and books turning up in Jaehyun’s space until he could swear Doyoung owns more possessions in the apartment than he) they’re finally moving into a brand new place. Their place, together.
The week that they move in is hectic and their apartment is an echo chamber, white and stark in all of its austere, unlived in, glory. There are cardboard boxes for stools, and they sag in the middle, threatening to collapse under Jaehyun’s weight when he sits down. Doyoung laughs every time, no matter what, and Jaehyun feels like he flourishes under his boyfriend’s fondest smile.
There are sheets at the windows, plastic beakers for wine glasses and take-out boxes for plates, and their bedframe isn’t made up yet, so they sleep on blankets in the middle of the empty bedroom. All in all it’s an uncomfortable sort week. It’s humid and they argue over the air conditioning unit that neither of them can master, falling into their makeshift bed irritable and sharp-tongued.
And, then, he remembers. Just like that.
“Doyoung? You awake?” Jaehyun whispers. They usually sleep close together - wrapped up in each other as though they can’t bear to let go - but tonight, in their blanket camp that’s too warm and not soft enough, they’re lying side by side, staring up at the ceiling as though watching the stars, just like they have slept outside on the beach before.
Doyoung stirs next to him. “Yes.”
“It’s our anniversary,” Jaehyun says.
Doyoung rolls over onto his side and stares at him. The sheets at the windows do nothing to keep out the glare of the street lamp outside and Jaehyun is glad because Doyoung’s face is pure art and it deserves to be lit up by spotlights. “What did you say?”
“It’s our anniversary. We forgot.” Jaehyun takes a breath. He feels sad. Doyoung takes his hand. “We didn’t celebrate.”
“Yes we did.” Doyoung smiles, squeezing his hand tightly. “We bought a home together. What’s that if not a celebration?”
Jaehyun thinks, this man, with this mind, is all mine , and he feels a swell of pure happiness inside of his chest, even here, in a stuffy room with no curtains and no bed.
“Now we should sleep,” Doyoung tells him. “And dream about fucking in every room of the apartment. I love you.”
“I love you more,” Jaehyun says, because he can. Because he wants to. “Goodnight.”
He can’t control his dreams (he hasn’t mastered lucid dreaming yet, though he’s definitely tried) so he doesn’t dream about Doyoung naked, but he does dream about rooms filled with furniture, with life - their life - and when he wakes up the next morning, fresh into the start of year four with Doyoung, he can’t wait for what it has in store for them.
The only thing that is sure, Doyoung announces to him as they tackle the air conditioning unit together, is that they need to plan their fourth anniversary well in advance, because it has to be perfect.
“Perfect,” Jaehyun replies. ”Just like us?”
Doyoung’s mouth twitches at the corners. “Just like me, yes.”
“That’s not what I said.” Jaehyun laughs, stepping around a box of plates and cups to pull Doyoung close to him.
Doyoung laughs too, his hands at Jaehyun’s waist. “Are you arguing with me?” He asks, intense stare, tongue at his cheek. His gaze flicks between Jaehyun’s mouth and his eyes.
Jaehyun just shakes his head and smiles. “Why argue with you when I can kiss you?” he says, and Doyoung must agree because that’s exactly what they do.
year four.
For all of their planning, their next anniversary isn’t even spent together. Jaehyun has to go out of town for work, leaving Doyoung alone in a big bed that feels cold.
They have big plans for their fourth anniversary - plans to do every single one of their favourite things, eat their favourite foods, see their favourite people. Plans which they intend to end with fresh bed sheets, candles and maybe a silk blindfold.
Doyoung texts him the obscene things that he has planned and Jaehyun almost dies in a board meeting reading one of them. Jaehyun leaves technology out of it, whispers his responses into Doyoung’s ear after breakfast the next morning and happily watches him squirm as he leaves the apartment.
Except by lunchtime he’s been booked on a redeye flight to London that night for an emergency board meeting, and their perfect anniversary is over before it’s even been allowed to begin.
It’s not like they haven’t spent time apart before, but this time it’s different. The hotel room feels empty and cold, and the WIFI cuts out every fifteen seconds when they try to video chat.
“I miss you,” he tries to tell Doyoung, but Doyoung can’t hear him and his face is a thousand pixels frozen in place. “Can you hear me?”
Doyoung’s voice is tinny and far away as it echos, “Hello? Are you there?” His mouth moves three words behind.
Jaehyun says, “Doyoungie?” but then the call disconnects completely and Jaehyun sighs loudly, not that anyone can hear him do it.
He cell phone rings and when he answers, Doyoung says, “This sucks.”
Jaehyun smiles. It’s so good to hear his voice, even if he sounds grumpy. “I miss you,” he replies. “I was I was at home with you.”
“I miss you too.” Doyoung doesn’t sound grumpy now, just sad, and Jaehyun wishes he could hold him. “A lot.”
Jaehyun holds a lumpy hotel pillow against his chest instead and says, “Happy anniversary."
“Don’t say that,” Doyoung whines from across the world. “I think I might cry.”
Jaehyun says, “If you cry, I’ll cry with you.”
Doyoung laughs, and his voice sounds strained, like maybe he’s already been crying. “That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said,” he says.
Jaehyun snorts. It really isn’t.
“Hey-- Jaehyun?” Doyoung says. “Next year is going to be the best anniversary ever, I can feel it.”
And Jaehyun wants to cry even more now, but the good tears, ones that signal how lucky he feels when he’s with Doyoung. He doesn't, though. Just says, “Me too. I promise you.”
No pressure, then.
year five.
Doyoung is suspiciously quiet in the weeks leading up to their fifth anniversary. He closes every tab on his laptop when Jaehyun enters the room and spends a lot of time whispering with Taeyong on the phone.
Jaehyun hopes desperately that Doyoung hasn’t figured out what he is planning. He also hopes it lives up to Doyoung’s expectations for the perfect anniversary, which he is almost certain that it will - he’s pretty confident that he knows his boyfriend well enough by now to get it right.
Still, the whole idea of proposing is weirdly terrifying and he hasn’t felt this nervous since track championships in high-school, which he knows is no comparison to asking your boyfriend to be your husband , but still, it’s as close to wanting something this badly that he’s gotten before.
Doyoung announces that he’s going to cook them dinner on their anniversary, just something casual and intimate and low-key, and Jaehyun goes along with it, checks the pocket of his suit jacket in the back of their closet for the small velvet box while Doyoung calls his name from the kitchen.
“You smell good,” Doyoung says, when Jaehyun wraps his arms around Doyoung’s waist and puts his chin on Doyoung’s shoulder. Doyoung continues to chop peppers.
“Are we having pizza?” Jaehyun asks him.
“No we are not having a fucking pizza on our anniversary.” Doyoung shrugs him off, but he is in a good mood really, Jaehyun can tell. “And don’t worry, I’m making enough food for at least four people so you can eat well tonight.”
Jaehyun grins and steals a kiss from Doyoung, who kisses him back and then waves him away with the knife he’s holding. “I’ll shout you when I want your help, okay?” He says, and Jaehyun kind of just wants to kiss him again, if only to settle his own nerves.
Jaehyun has never practised saying the words, but there are only four of them, and unless he fucks up the order (“will marry me you?” he dreams of saying two nights before), he knows the drill: get down on one knee, open the box, spend the rest of their lives together.
Except, when he goes back to the kitchen twenty minutes later, dinner is not ready - the peppers are still sitting there raw on the chopping board - but there is a bottle of champagne on the worktop, and Doyoung is wearing a tie and he’s kneeling down in front of Jaehyun, doing that thing where he looks up and wants to speak but is waiting for exactly the right moment.
Doyoung is on one knee, with his own ring box open and he’s about to speak.
Jaehyun panics. “Wait,” he says, and Doyoung suddenly looks nervous. “This isn’t…”
He takes the box out of his jacket and opens it, and Doyoung looks confused, and then amused, and then glorious. And Jaehyun laughs with relief, and shock, and happiness, and does the only thing that he can think of: he gets down on one knee too.
When they say yes - both of them giggling between kisses, Doyoung whining that he can’t believe Jaehyun tried to upstage him - they drink champagne in big gulps, hold hands and say, “fuck, I was so nervous.”
Doyoung says, “I forgot to buy the meat. I couldn’t even cook dinner, all I could think of was making this perfect,” and laughs against Jaehyun’s mouth. "We'll have to get take-out."
“Pizza it is,” Jaehyun says. “Perfect.”
And for once, Doyoung doesn’t disagree.