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Agelast (n.) a person who never laughs
I.
When Taehyung was six, he was in love with the world.
His days were filled with adventures in the park, trips to the bright and colorful marketplace, stealing sweets from his mother as she pretended not to notice, and playing with the other little boys and girls. He already had scrapes and bruises littering his small legs and a gap in his front teeth– all of which he displayed proudly with those boxy grins of his.
Taehyung would sit on the kitchen table, swinging his legs as he complained as to why they would make tables so high if he would surely die if he fell from it. His mother would sigh and kneel in front of him as she applied the creams and other medicines they kept in the pantry. His father would bring them back from work every once in a while, usually on those days he didn’t look as tired. She would smile and seal each one with a kiss, ruffling the soft brown locks on his head, mumbling against his hair how she wished he would stop going so high when he climbed trees. This conversation wasn’t unfamiliar to Taehyung and he would just flash a grin at her and promise her that he would never do it again. When Taehyung was six, he used to go to bed as his mother sung him to sleep before waking up in the middle of the night to his father trying so hard to be quiet when he came home. His attempts were always futile as he would ultimately knock into the coffee table and smile sheepishly at his wife who stayed up to wait for him.
When Taehyung was seven, he decided that the world didn’t love him back.
II.
His breaths disappeared in puffs to the cold air of November, wind seeming to push against him. If he was late to this lecture, would his professor understand if he told him that the wind really didn’t want him to reach class that day? Settling on a no , Taehyung shouldered his bag and bolted across the campus grounds. It was practically routine at this point: Taehyung would wake up late to the alarm he had forgotten to set the night before, praise his roommate Hoseok for cooking breakfast– he would not be here if not for that boy, bless him– and then proceed to cut across campus from the dorms to his lecture that had been conveniently placed on the other side of the college.
Really, it was his own fault. He chose to ignore that detail and curse the fact that his professor just enjoyed seeing him in pain. It was only the first semester of his second year and Taehyung had managed to be late to this specific class almost as many times as he was actually on time. That didn’t really help him develop a good impression with the elderly man who taught the class (Mr. Knight had the eyes of a hawk, might he add. After all this time, he thought he had some semblance of stealthy but apparently not). Finally stepping into the building, he called out a greeting to the nice janitor, who had let him out from late nights in the computer lab too many times, and pulled open the door he should’ve been at fifteen minutes ago.
“Mister Kim!”
Internally wincing, Taehyung turned to face his doom. Didn’t even get passed the door.
▴ ▴ ▴
“So what is it this time?” Hoseok asked the moment he slumped into the seat across from him.
Laying his head on the café’s table, Taehyung mumbled, “Extra assignment from the textbook and an essay on the life of Sigmund Freud.”
The other smiled sympathetically, nudging his arm as he tried for optimism, “It won’t be so bad! You practically wrote Freud’s biography senior year of highschool and you bullshit your way through everything, one textbook assignment is–”
“I do not! I’m a sophisticated part of society thank you very much–”
“Remember when that girl asked you out and you told her you were grieving for your late great uncle twice removed? What the fuck did you mean twice removed –”
He had met Hoseok his first day at the college. At the time, neither of them had been aware that they had been assigned to the same room, so when Taehyung had run straight into someone and tripped over the box the other had been carrying– he hadn’t known that they would be stuck with each other for the whole year. All Hoseok had claimed to see was an asshole not watching where he was going and Taehyung stuck by the fact that the boy with cherry dyed hair had been a pain in his side from the moment they had met. In reality, they had both sprung into a string of curses before barreling into that kind of laughter that made you clutch at your stomach. Hoseok was older than him by a year and so already had a basic grasp of the campus, offering to show him around and help him find his classes. They had become fast friends and there was so much the elder did for him that Taehyung couldn’t pay him back in anything more than ‘thank you’s’. When he tried, he just received a soft smile and a “shut up, you little shit”. Taehyung had been pulled into his group of friends and he didn’t mind that they were almost all older than him, they accepted him and took care of him like brothers.
“Yoongi and I are going to the movies later today.”
Taehyung rolled his eyes, “No, no, I’m stopping you right there, I am not crashing another one of your date nights.”
“You won’t be “crashing” our night, I invited you,” Hoseok insisted.
“Sorry, buddy, but I want to live to see another day. Yoongi’s nice and he puts up with me, but even I could feel him slowly planning your murder for bringing me to your anniversary .”
Hoseok’s ears tinged pink, “Alright, that was a bad move but–”
“No.”
“Really, just–”
“ No.”
“Taehyung,” his friend sighed, “when was the last time you had a girlfriend? Or boyfriend?”
“Is that what this is about?” Taehyung asked, raising an eyebrow, amused.
The boy scowled, “You need to get out more, we love having you around, coddling you is like Jin’s favorite thing, but come on, man.”
“Jin is like all of our mother’s combined– not the point, right, why do I need to get into the dating scheme? I’m still young, I don’t need to rush or anything,” he shifted in his seat. His eyes surveyed the café: stressed college students, business men and women alike in calls, and exactly what he expected. No one who caught his attention. It wasn’t as if he was trying to avoid a relationship– at least he didn’t think so– he was just going with whatever was thrown at him.
He finished the last of his food, tucking his things back into his bag and standing.
“Look, I appreciate it, man, but I’m just gonna focus on getting through this year,” he wrinkled his nose and pouted, “got to finish Mr. Knight’s assignments if I don’t want my ass handed to me tomorrow.”
Taehyung pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Namjoon asking if the English major could meet up and help him with the essay in an hour. Shooting Hoseok his signature grin, he darted out of the café, laughing as he hears his friend’s exasperated groan before he yelled “You’re paying next time, fucker!” after him. The appalled gasp of the young mother in the seat behind them also followed.
III.
Taehyung met Jeon Jungkook in March.
It had been a lazy Saturday for him, the week before spring break. He had joined some of the other boys from the soccer team for a morning run, not a new occurrence but not one he could call a habit yet either. After a shower, Taehyung had pulled on his favorite hoodie and black sweatpants before padding into their living room to see Jimin in the kitchen and Hoseok laying on the couch with a dazed look on his face.
He hummed, settling into the seat across from his roommate, calling to Jimin, “Did he get some?”
Hoseok just threw a pillow at him, “Shut up– Jiminie, don’t answer that.”
Park Jimin was small, two inches shorter than Taehyung, but he was a dance major, so what he lacked in height he made up for in muscle. He wasn’t buff in any sense, more so lean, but the punches he packed whenever Taehyung teased him about his small stature weren’t something to look forward to. The thing about Jimin was that he always had a twinkle in his eye and a knowing grin that made you want to run but simultaneously smile with him. He was the one who forced Yoongi to eat during midterms or exam weeks, held Namjoon when he was sure he had messed everything up with Jin, and talked Taehyung through his breakdown when he realized he was bisexual.
Now, he answered over the clatter of the breakfast he was making, “Definitely. Hobi, do you want eggs or toast?”
Hoseok was quiet for a second before he grumbled, “Eggs,” and succumbed to hiding his face in the couch as Taehyung cackled.
“I knew it! This happens every time you spend the night at his–”
“We are not discussing my sex life at ten in the morning!”
“To hell we’re not–”
He takes a toast to go as he’s chased out the door by his roommate.
▴ ▴ ▴
“Come on, Taehyung, please .”
“You do realize what you’re asking me to do, right?”
“It’s a month, you’ll be fine– Don’t give me that look! You’re the only person I could ask for this–”
“Only person, my ass! Jimin, seriously–”
“Please, Taehyung.”
The puppy dog eyes Taehyung received almost made his resolve crumble. A week prior, Jimin had seemingly gotten the news that his childhood best friend was transferring into his college. Jimin had lived in Korea for the first ten years of his life before his father had gotten a job offer in the States that they couldn’t pass up. The family had relocated, Jimin had lost touch with most all of his friends, and that was that. It wasn’t a tragic story– he had been ten– but the excitement that had lit up his features as he recalled old memories would make anyone seem as though it was a miracle.
Taehyung groaned, tilting his head back against his seat, “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Or– I don’t know– find someone more qualified?”
His friend beamed at him, shame nowhere in his features, “Because there’d be no way you’d agree! And I talked to him about that– he’s not comfortable with it.”
“And he’s fine with me?”
Taehyung didn’t like the sheepish look that took over the other as he paused.
“He doesn’t exactly…. know that–”
“Oh my god–”
Jimin had given him the basic information he needed. His full name was Jeon Jungkook. He was two years younger than Taehyung and a linguistics major. It would be Taehyung’s job to show him around, help him situate into life in the States, and introduce him to his friends. Taehyung knew he was sociable, he took pride in befriending anyone he could, he loved seeing the smiles that spread across people’s faces as he spoke to them naturally, cracking jokes about anything and everything. And he would’ve been fine with it, if that was all. But that wasn’t all.
Jeon Jungkook had lost his sight when he was seventeen years old. The doctor’s had called it temporary blindness at the time, but on the medical papers PERMANENT was written in large, bold print. Jungkook didn’t need to see it to know it was true. He heard it in the pitiful offers to help him across the street, in the laughs when people stuck their foot out in front of him causing him to fall because he couldn’t see it. Jungkook’s world was painted in all shades of black and covered in every coat of darkness there was.
Taehyung was nervous. It wasn’t as if the fact bothered him, he had learned to accept everyone around him at an early age. No, he was nervous because he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t have any experience in this, what if he said something inconsiderate and well, there goes the possibilities of any sort of friendship because Taehyung had to go and fuck it up and make the kid hate him. You’re the only person I could ask, Jimin’s hopeful face said. If anything, at least he would try.
Taehyung met Jungkook in March.
IV.
He hadn’t planned to fall in love.
It hadn’t been a graceful realization, but it hadn’t been as much of a surprise to him as he had been expecting when it came to love. He had been stretched obnoxiously across the couch in his dorm, thumbing through lecture notes he had received from the classes he had missed. Jungkook had insisted he look over them at least once before they went out for their Wednesday boba “dates” (the others teased them endlessly for it and while Jungkook just threw his arm around Taehyung’s neck, it always left him spluttering with a “we’re just friends, assholes”). He had also promised that he would hunt him down and feed Taehyung the papers himself if he found out that he didn’t. Taehyung always found the younger’s threats more amusing than anything, which annoyed the other to no end.
Jungkook was not what he had expected. His dark hair fell in messy almost-curls, complimenting his fair skin and sharp features. He was lean and only slightly shorter than Taehyung, always present with a small smile during days he had practice (he was very well acquainted with his team at this point yet they still seemed slightly afraid of the transfer student, though they all enjoyed his company nonetheless). He spoke sarcastic comments with a deadpan expression and smiled with the slightest twitch of his lips. He stayed up late with Taehyung, whether it be studying or listening with him as he watched reruns of Friends, and hit him with a pillow everytime Taehyung teasingly asked whether he wanted to accompany him to his morning runs rather than sleep (which had now become a habit). He had fit in seamlessly with the others which made Jimin sigh, a relieved and content expression taking over his features.
At that moment, Jungkook was curled next to him, breaths even as he dozed. For the first half an hour, he had been determined to fight it, but had let his drowsiness claim him soon after. Taehyung smiled at the sight, thankful too as the other had pulled an all-nighter in result of an unfinished group project. It hadn’t even been Jungkook’s section to finish and Taehyung bristled every time he thought about the bastards who assumed that his disability automatically made him less than them. It hadn’t been the first time Taehyung had brought it up to the younger boy, but Jungkook had just told him that he’d be finished in an hour and if he could walk him to the research center. An hour had turned to five. They had argued about it before, a futile effort that always ended with Taehyung storming out to the practice field and returning late in the night to find the other still up and waiting for him. Quiet, murmured apologies and long conversations about nothing in particular always followed, easing the fear in Taehyung’s heart that this was it, I finally said too much.
Taehyung knew that that was one of the reasons Jungkook didn’t laugh. Not once in the time he had known him had he heard the sound, it was always an amused smirk or a small smile or a wide grin but never a laugh. Subconsciously, Taehyung had made it his mission to make the other laugh but so far his attempts were unsuccessful. That didn’t deter him though, in fact it strengthened his determination. He wanted to give back what had been taken from him, to give Jungkook color in a world that had none.
With a sigh, Taehyung tossed his notes onto the coffee table, stretching his arms above his head. He turned his head to nudge his friend, already prepared to push the other off the couch with a click of his tongue, but something in that moment made him still.
Jungkook’s dark hair was a mess from sleep, arms tucked under his head to keep him from falling. As he looked, he couldn’t help but notice just how domestic the scene was. Taehyung’s hoodie was splayed around him like a blanket, lips parted and chapped and yet the only thought that ran through his head was about how it would feel to kiss those lips. Wait.
And it was in that moment that Taehyung fell off the couch.
V.
It was raining the night Jungkook found out the truth.
“I can’t believe you let him talk to you like that,” Taehyung seethed as he closed the door behind him.
Jungkook stayed silent, just slipping his shoes off and walking into the living room. If anything, his silence just flared Taehyung’s temper once more, how many times had he stayed silent against them?
▴ ▴ ▴
“And the happy couple arrives,” Hoseok snickered as Taehyung rolled his eyes, giving him a look that had been dubbed the he’s-not-my-boyfriend glare since he’d had to use it so many times.
“We’re going to have to wait an eternity before this piece of shit admits he likes me,” Jungkook teased with a snort. Hoseok’s eyes flicked to Taehyung’s with a gentle expression but also with the silent question. The subtle shake of his head and reddened cheeks were enough of an answer.
“Hey, can you grab our orders? I just want to talk to Jungkook for a second,” Hoseok said.
The hesitation to leave the other is reflexive at this point and his best friend noticed immediately. He smiled softly and repeated, “It’ll only be a second.”
“The anticipation is killing me, wanting to get me alone, Hobi?” Jungkook wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, earning himself a scoff of “you wish”.
Patting him on the back, Taehyung said easily, “Try not to miss me too much.”
“I’d skip your funeral,” the dark haired boy promised after him.
When he returned with the food, nothing seemed different other than the shit-eating grin that had appeared on Hoseok’s face.
“If you gave him anymore blackmail information on me, I’m disowning you,” Taehyung stated flatly as he dropped into the seat besides him.
Jungkook dramatically draped himself over the older boy, whining, “But who else would let me steal food from their fridge at three A.M?”
“Well that’s not my– wait, that was you? I knew I didn’t eat that last pudding, dickwad.”
“Asshat.”
“Shitbag!”
“Alright, kids, settle down now,” Hoseok said calmly before murmuring to Taehyung, “just know that this is why I will say ‘ I told you so’ later.”
“What? What did you talk about?”
“That’s for me to know, and you to find out,” he crooned. Sometimes, Taehyung questioned his choice in friends. They spent the rest of the afternoon just talking, Jimin dropping in for a bit before heading off to dance practice. It was nice to just talk. Midterms had passed the week prior and they all needed a breather, so this was nice.
Abruptly, Jungkook stood up, batting a hand against Taehyung’s shoulder.
“Shit, I forgot,” he hissed under his breath, “my mentor wanted to look over my assignment today.”
Taehyung nodded in understanding, “You want me to walk you over?” He was already pulling on his coat.
“Please,” Jungkook sighed in relief.
“We’ll see you later, Hoseok– no, stop looking at me like that!”
“Like what? Like this?”
“We’ll talk later!” Taehyung yelled over his shoulder as they walked out of the café.
It wasn’t a long walk to the Humanities department and it was mostly quiet except for the occasional mumble of an apology from Jungkook and gentle reassurance from Taehyung. When they reached the level that contained the Linguistics classes, Jungkook stopped in front of him.
“You don’t– You should wait here.”
Taehyung glanced up from searching in his pockets for the guest-ID he always carried with him.
“Huh? No, it’s okay, it’s in here some– Aha!” He displayed his success by pulling out the card with his familiar rectangular grin. He expected one of Jungkook’s hums of amusement, but instead received a hurried not so loud and a nervous tug to the black longsleeve he was sporting that day. Taehyung frowned.
“Just wait here for me, alright? It shouldn’t take long and I know my way around.” A slight curve of his lips and he was gone.
Taehyung waited three fourths of an hour before making his way in the direction the other had gone. He let out a huff of a breath as he looked for the classroom. Jungkook was a perfectionist, of course it would take longer than this, Taehyung was just impatient. As he turned a corner, he picked up on voices in the distance. Finally, he thought as he headed toward the room.
“Worthless, really, why do I even bother–”
“You do know my name is also going on this?–”
“Sir, I–”
“ No ! You do not get to talk until I’m finished–”
Was that Jungkook’s voice? Quickening his pace, Taehyung stopped in front of the source of the harsh words. The clear glass fit into the door allowed him only a restricted view of what was going on but the moment he saw Jungkook flinch, it was enough.
▴ ▴ ▴
“Jungkook,” Taehyung said, voice dangerously low.
Nothing.
“ Jungkook–”
“What do you want me to say?” Jungkook whirled around all at once, catching him off guard. He stood in the center of the room, fists clenched and head down.
“ What,” quieter this time, “do you want me to say?”
Taehyung’s eyes were narrowed, “Is that why you didn’t want me to go with you? Because you knew that– that that would happen.” He sucked in a breath, pressing his palms to his forehead.
“He’s my mentor, Taehyung.”
“He has no right to say those things to you!–”
“Don’t you get it?” Jungkook clutches at his hair, “He has every right! He’s the one who determines if I pass or fail the course, he can say whatever the hell he wants!”
Taehyung grit his teeth, “He was being cruel.”
The younger boy cried out in a strangled voice, “The world is cruel, Taehyung! When are you going to wake up and see that?”
“I know that!” He yelled in a burst of fury. It took them both by surprise, Jungkook stumbling back slightly. Taehyung felt all the anger seep out of him, leaving him with only the dull throb of exhaustion. Allowing his eyes to fall shut, he whispered again, “I know that, Jungkook.”
When Taehyung was seven, the world had taken away both of his parents.
He had been spending the night with his grandparents, sitting in his grandma’s lap when they got the call. Taehyung hadn’t understood the whole situation at that time, confused as to why his grandpa was wiping away the tears that had suddenly started streaking down his grandma’s face. A drunk driver had crashed into his parents car before his father could swerve out of the way. The accident had been fatal for all involved and the police had called immediately once the bodies were identified. Taehyung had lived with his grandparents for a little while before they discovered that they just couldn’t take care of him, money being too scarce and age restricting them from giving him the care he needed. He arrived at his first foster home when he was nine years old. They had been kind to begin with, but that had been before they discovered that the mother was an abusive alcoholic. His second foster home included the perks of ‘if he stayed out of everyone’s way, maybe he would get dinner that night’. Taehyung had lived with six foster families before he reached where he was now: a couple who had tried but failed to deliver their own but willing to give all their love to the boy that Taehyung was proud to call them his home.
Looking up, he realized that Jungkook was crying. He felt a part of his heart crack at the sight, quickly deciding that he never wanted to see the boy cry again. Immediately rushing over, he wrapped him in an embrace. Mumbling quiet ‘I’m sorry’s’ against his dark hair and asking him to talk to him just caused the younger boy to sob harder, so Taehyung just let him cry. He slowly lowered them to the floor and held Jungkook against his chest as he clutched at his shirt.
When sobs turned to hiccups, Taehyung pulled back gently, “Jungkook?”
“It’s just–” He lifted his head in the direction of Taehyung’s voice and whispered, “How c-can you bring yourself to laugh w-with the world w-when it’s taken so much from you?”
Taehyung hummed, “It has, that’s true, but I can’t just ignore everything it’s done for me, Jungkook.
“The world brought me where I am today. There’s so much I haven’t done, so much I haven’t seen yet. I have the rest of my life to figure out whether the world hates me or if it has cherished me till the end. My past was– i-is– something I can’t forget no matter how hard I try, but my parents were the kind of people who wanted me to see life in every color it brings. The world let me meet people more incredible than I think I deserve. I have Hoseok, and Yoongi, and Jimin, a-and–”
His breath caught as he looked down at the boy in his arms. Tears stained his cheeks and his clothes were wrinkled from sitting for so long, but he was absolutely beautiful in Taehyung’s eyes.
“And it brought me you, Jungkook,” he murmured as his thumbs brush the skin under the other’s eyes, “and what more could I ask from it?”
For a moment, Taehyung didn’t know what was happening.
A strange sound bubbled from cherry red lips and Taehyung’s eyes widened because did I make him cry again? Idiot, look at what you–
But then Jungkook’s mouth was against his, and it was a messy clash of lips and teeth but it was perfect.
Later, Taehyung would realize that that was the first time he had heard Jungkook laugh. He would also decide then, that it was his favorite sound in the world and he wanted to hear it again, and again, and again.
And he would.
Fin.