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Once there was a man who couldn’t help but love all those that he met.
He loved all and was kind to many, but he never knew what being in love actually felt like. Because for all that he loved, no one had ever been able to win him over completely and without restrictions.
Junhui knew what love was and he knew how rewarding it was to care for others, but he has never known what it meant to love someone and have them love you back in the same way and with the same intensity.
He left his home in China and came to South Korea to train in the hopes of joining an idol group. He worked as hard as he could and studied the new language until he was confident enough to hold a decent conversation with the boys he trained with. Even though it took some time, Junhui learned to love them all.
It broke his heart when some left, but others were added and he struggled with all the changes, with his own longing to give up and go back home, but he persevered and pushed through. He only ever ate, studied, and trained to make up for all those that had left. If they wouldn't debut, then Junhui would make sure that he got to debut for them.
And then, he met Minghao. A boy, not so much a man when they first met, who had a quick tongue and witty attitude. He was quiet at first and very respectful, but he was from China, from home, so Junhui took a liking to him easily. Junhui soon discovered that Minghao was the roughness to his soft edges, and it came to no one's surprise that Junhui already loved him. Just like he loved all, but when Minghao began returning his swift glances and soft touches, that’s when it really began.
For the very first time, Junhui fell in love. He fell completely and irrevocably in love with Minghao.
But he didn’t know what to do about it. He had zero experience with something this delicate and serious, and not to mention that they were both striving for the same dream and this path they had chosen wouldn't tolerate a real relationship between them. Junhui knew this and he didn't want to ruin anything by letting his feelings get in the way. He didn't want to mess this up for him, but he definitely didn't want to mess this up for Minghao either. So Junhui decided to pretend as if nothing was happening.
Junhui decided to pretend as if he couldn’t feel his heartbeat in his ears whenever Minghao smiled at him, as if his face didn’t flush every time Minghao caught him staring, as if he didn't dream of Minghao at night. As if his brain didn’t turn into a jumbled mess of squishy thoughts whenever Minghao so much as touched him casually on the shoulder or arm. Or as if his fingers didn’t twitch and ache to touch the younger every time Minghao was near.
Junhui thought he was good at pretending. He thought he was so good that no one but Minghao seemed to notice the difference in his behavior whenever the younger was around. Very good in fact because he'd always had a talent for acting, but when it comes to love, Junhui should’ve known that he wasn’t fooling anyone.
They debuted though and Junhui pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind. He focused on practicing and improving, hoping to show their fans his best sides. They grew and grew and sometimes Junhui couldn't walk to his favorite corner store to restock on jelly candies anymore because a group of fans would follow him around until he signed something of theirs and took pictures with them. But this was what he signed up for though so he never complained about it. The idol life was everything he had expected and then some.
But for all the success and the vigor with which Junhui threw himself into becoming better, he knew that Minghao still questioned why they weren't the same anymore. Why Junhui couldn't even be in the same room as him on some days and why Junhui avoided all talks about relationships and crushes whenever Jeonghan tried dragging something out of him.
Minghao cornered him one night after the others had left the practice room and they were left alone with a ribbon linking their wrists. Minghao used his own hips to pin Junhui to one of the mirrors lining the walls and asked why he was avoiding him, why he couldn’t look him in the eye anymore, and why he had started acting so different ever since their trainee days.
But, of course, Junhui denied that nothing was wrong, that he had no idea what Minghao was talking about.
Except, Junhui had forgotten that Minghao wasn’t a boy anymore.
He was almost as tall as Junhui, his shoulders broader, but his frame just as skinny as when they first met. Minghao wasn’t the wide-eyed boy who looked up to Junhui anymore.
Minghao was a man now, a man who wanted to know what was wrong and wanted answers and wasn’t afraid of confrontation like Junhui was. And Junhui didn’t know what to do.
He mumbled an excuse out, tore the ribbon off his wrist, and ducked out from under Minghao’s caging arms before he made a break for it, running as fast as he could. He never once looked back over his shoulder and that was the first of many mistakes Junhui would make.
He should have just said how he felt that night, should have confessed to everything, but he was too afraid. Minghao hasn’t forgiven him for that, much too straightforward to deal with Junhui’s confusing signals and touches for so long. Junhui knows he messed up, he messed up everything by running away, but his heart still jumps into his throat whenever Minghao looks at him and his palms sweat whenever he comes too close.
Junhui is too scared to do anything except look and pine from afar.
Even now as he glances across the practice room to look at Minghao, the same ribbon linking them once more, Minghao doesn’t look back.
And that’s what breaks Junhui’s heart for good.