Archive of Our Own

“Don’t touch him.”

It’s Kageyama’s first year at Kitagawa Daichi, and the first thing that Oikawa Tooru ever says to him is; “Iwa-chan’s mine.”

It doesn’t really come as a surprise, he’s seen the way Oikawa looks at the ace, how touchy-feely and protective he is, but he never expected him to be so forward about it.

“W-what?” He stammers, not because he’s scared, but because he doesn’t know what else to say.

Oikawa narrows his eyes, suddenly not so attractive anymore, his full lips curled in a malignant sneer. “Stay away from Iwa-chan.” He pulls back and laughs maliciously. “Come on genius setter, aren’t you better than this?” His words are harsh, meant to scare him.

Kageyama nervously rubs his arm before nodding timidly. “Al-alright.” Oikawa looks like he’s about to say something else, before someone cuts him off.

“Oikawa! Stop scaring the first years.” Iwaizumi walks over and clips the setter on the shoulder before turning to Kageyama and twitching his lip in apology. “Sorry about that.”

Kageyama stutters out an ‘it’s okay’ and jerks when Iwaizumi’s hand brushes his shoulder, feather light. Behind him, Oikawa’s stare feels like a dagger. Then Iwaizumi is wheeling the two off and Kageyama is left alone again, with nothing but the sound of Iwaizumi’s quiet reprimanding and Oikawa’s whining echoing in the empty gym.

He walks home with a weird feeling in his gut. He doesn’t know if it’s good or bad.

Oikawa doesn’t talk to him after that. Kageyama doesn’t mind, it’s nicer without having to be sneered at every time he messes up a set or his serve goes into the net. He doesn’t really understand why Oikawa doesn’t like him so much. He knows that his skill isn’t all that great, and he tries not to talk to Iwaizumi, so there’s nothing for him to be angry about. Still, it doesn’t stop Oikawa from smacking his hand a little too hard whenever he serves an ace.

He tries and tries to make the star setter grow on him, but nothing works. He avoids Iwaizumi and never talks to the third-year unless he approaches him first, he works hard so he can meet Oikawa’s expectations, but nothing seems to enervate the deep dark look of hatred in his brown eyes. He wants the third year to trust him, but Oikawa himself doesn’t seem like he wants to.

After a while, he gives up and just focuses on himself. He still cares, but nothing he does is good enough. Oikawa’s approval is something that he only gives to Iwaizumi and anyone else that meet’s his near impossible expectations. The pretty setter is an idol that doesn’t care about anyone lower than him.

And after even longer, Kageyama stops caring. Instead, he decides to hide his hurt by picking out all the bad things about Oikawa, which albeit isn’t a lot, but still makes him feel a bit better.

As time goes on, Kageyama’s awe changes into apprehension, then dislike and then a heavy detest that grows, and grows, and grows. It comes to the point where he loathes Oikawa with such deep resentment and bitter recrimination that it’s hard to focus sometimes. He hates Oikawa Tooru, and he’s not the least ashamed about saying so. It’s alright though, whenever Oikawa’s finished with one of his heckling and seemingly sweet diatribes, Iwaizumi’s the one to reassure him that he doesn’t need to worry, and that Oikawa is just hard to deal with.

So Kageyama believes him, and he falls without even knowing it. He rides high on the praise that Iwaizumi gives him, and smiles behind Oikawa’s back when he sees his face fall ever so slightly.

He weaves his way out of Oikawa’s convoluted web and avoids him at all costs, finds ways to escape from his sneers and threats. And he forgets the threat at the beginning of the year, and talks openly to Iwaizumi, even if the conversation is stilted and awkward.

Oikawa always gives him a hard look right afterward, but Kageyama is prideful, confident. Sometimes thinking that if he plays his cards right, he could have a chance.

Even though Kageyama can see the chemistry between the two, even though he knows that he probably doesn’t stand a chance.

Because Oikawa might be more in love than he is.

But it’s priceless, watching Oikawa’s face fall, and he can feel it, like a sixth sense, the ache in his chest, the way his heart drops into stomach. Sometimes he feels ashamed at how prideful it makes him, just seeing Oikawa in pain.

It’s like payback for the times that Oikawa has done the same. Sneering near the back with two other third years that he knows nothing of.

He laughs, and for once, he gets to pull the strings himself.

One day he takes it too far.

The seat next to Iwaizumi is unoccupied, and Oikawa is nowhere in sight, so naturally, the most obvious choice is to change the vacant sign to an occupied one. Kageyama asks, Iwaizumi says yes, and Oikawa has nowhere to sit.

Except Kageyama underestimates how well the two know each other. When he boards the bus, Oikawa doesn’t even bother sugar-coating, he snarls and seethes for Kageyama to get out. For a minute, Kageyama sits and contemplates what to do, before Iwaizumi makes the decision for him.

“Leave him alone Oikawa.”

There’s silence for a minute, and then Kageyama can feel the sinking feeling in his stomach, just from the drop in Oikawa’s facial expression. Then Oikawa whines, not even subtle—quiet, breathy, almost painful to hear, and Kageyama would be laughing if his blood didn’t freeze. Something flashes in Oikawa’s eyes, too quick to comprehend, but still slow enough for Iwaizumi to understand what it means.

He turns. “Hey, sorry, but-uh, I’ve got to talk to Oikawa about something.” He must see how disappointed Kageyama is, because he tries to sugarcoat and apologizes quietly as Oikawa pushes himself between the two and Kageyama is left alone again.

Near the back of the bus, Kageyama watches the two murmur, heads bent together, shoulders pressed against each other, and tries to ignore the drop in his heart when he sees Iwaizumi do something funny with Oikawa’s hand in his peripheral vision.

Kageyama makes a strange observation mid-semester.

Oikawa draws people in, but Iwaizumi’s the one who makes them stay.

Kageyama came here to meet Oikawa, he came here to learn from the deemed star setter, now—ironically—Oikawa’s the reason he would leave.

There’s something in Iwaizumi’s eyes whenever he looks at Oikawa, something too evasive for the common eye, something Kageyama wishes he never noticed. Sometimes he thinks being a genius setter is a curse. Sometimes he wishes he weren’t so perceptive.

Maybe Oikawa and Iwaizumi are both in love, but Kageyama isn’t altruistic enough to enlighten the both of them.

He’s selfish, he wants things to himself, and of course, he swears that he wants Iwaizumi to be happy. But why Oikawa? Why did it have to be Oikawa?

Oikawa, the selfish, egoistic setter who’s even more selfish than Kageyama himself.

Graduation is near, and not many things change. Kageyama has given up by now, decided it isn’t worth messing with Oikawa and watching him win in the end. He watches as Oikawa is crowned best setter and says nothing, even offering him tissues because he’s gotten over his puppy love.

The word someday echoes in the back of his head, whispering relentlessly.

When the two leave the court, Oikawa is the only one who looks back, and the look in his eyes is nothing but pure triumph.

The years go by fast. Kageyama gets progressively better, but the others can’t keep up. He leaves them behind; his setting is better than all of them. He can beat the opposing team by himself. He tries a quick by himself, alone in the gymnasium one day, and the exhilaration is incredible.

Later, he tries it on the court, and the ball falls with a hollowing thud.

The team walks out, and it’s the first time Kageyama’s ever felt so hopeless.

They can’t blame him, they can’t really blame him after he’s worked so hard and done so much. He works harder than any of them, and it’s so unfair that they blame him for their unsatisfying victory. Honestly, any victory should be satisfying, especially one won by so much.

Of course, none of them respect his mentality, and without even realizing it was there, the gap—the crevice between him and the rest of the team widens and cracks until it’s crater size.

It escalates until Kageyama can’t even reach them by his voice. And then he hears the whispers in the locker room.

“King of the court.”

Kageyama wishes it were a nickname, but it’s murmured with such spite, such blatant disparity that he knows, he knows what it means and he clenches his fist at his sides and scowls to himself.

He doesn’t realize that there’s a crater in his heart just as wide as the one between him and the others. Instead of trying to mend the damage, he turns his back and looks forward.

I don’t care. He tells himself. I really don’t care.

The first year of high school is different. No one from his previous team is here, he wouldn’t want them anyways, and when he sees the flyer for the volleyball team on the school board, his heart sings a little.

Maybe, maybe this time will be different.

And it is, but not the way he wants it to be.

First of all, one of his teammates is an orange airhead who can’t control himself. Kageyama is so taken aback, that he almost chokes on his own spit.

The boy, Hinata, he thinks, points a finger at him and screams out an animistic ‘you!’ so loud that it echoes through the hallways.

Kageyama isn’t the teensiest bit embarrassed that he’s forgotten the boy that he’s played before. Instead, he sneers, hopes he won’t make it on the team, and turns his heel and forgets about him again.

He is very surprised when they meet each other at the door again. And Hinata, he remembers this time, is so angry that they get kicked out of the gym.

They’re told that they need to get along, and Kageyama is so frustrated that he actually quells his anger and decides that volleyball is worth so much more than his pride. He huffs, sticks his hand out, and the two shake on it.

The relationship is rocky from the start. Hinata messes up, Kageyama yells at him, then remembers that he shouldn’t be yelling and shuts up, and the cycle repeats.

Until one day, Hinata comes up to him, eyes shining, telling him: “Give me a toss!”

Kageyama is shocked. The two hate each other, he doesn’t understand. But of course, Hinata has seen him toss, heard the nicknames thrown through the school hallways, has played against him. Of course, he wants a toss from the genius setter.

Kageyama scowls before consenting. Decides to give him a mediocre one at best and forget about it altogether, but when Hinata matches himself up with the ball so perfectly, his heart stills for a second.

He doesn’t think, anyone, anyone has ever worked so hard to hit a ball that he’s set before.

When Hinata’s feet touch the floor, he’s beaming, smiling up at Kageyama like he’s just liberated him from the greatest pain in the world.

For a second, Kageyama is so swept up that he almost smiles back.

He can’t sleep that night, thinking about all the possibilities it could entail. What the almost perfect coordination could mean. But he remains silent, even if he wishes he could say something.

One day, Kageyama builds up the courage and tells Hinata; “Jump, and I’ll match with you.”

Hinata blinks once, and Kageyama is scared that he’ll say no, so scared that even the boy who believes he can touch the sun won’t believe in him, and his chest seizes for a second.

Then, Hinata nods and the blank look in his eyes turns into a fire that Kageyama hasn’t seen in such a long time, that for a moment—Kageyama believes that he can touch the sun too.

He expects the ball to fall, miss, careen off to the side. And he closes his eyes for a brief moment, hoping.

And then he hears the satisfying smack of a palm against a ball and he opens his eyes, and oh, the ball is in the court, they’ve just done a quick and the ball is still on the court.

Kageyama cannot believe that someone like Hinata would ever be able to do something that no one else has ever managed to accomplish before.

Hinata smile is so bright Kageyama feels like he’ll go blind, and when he clasp’s Kageyama’s hands with his own, the weird feeling in his gut returns.

This time, he knows it’s definitely good.

They fall into rhythm, and soon they’re unstoppable, untouchable, everything that Oikawa was three years ago and now Kageyama is there too.

He can beat them, Kageyama thinks, his hands twitching at his lap, nervous from too much adrenaline. The bus is quiet as they near Aoba Johsai. Hinata is next to him, looking out the window thinking about things that Kageyama probably wouldn’t understand.

He looks at Hinata’s hand, much smaller compared to his, then he thinks; we can beat them.

Hinata looks at him then, almost like he can read minds before he smiles, cheeks flushed almost like he has something he wants to say.

Kageyama contemplates grabbing his hand for comfort, but opts out at the last second.

He sees Iwaizumi first.

It’s been nearly three years since they last talked, and he’s almost scared that he’s been forgotten. But Iwaizumi sees him, smiles and curse his heart, it seizes again.

He feels like a first year at Kitagawa Daichi again and no, he thought he’d gotten over his empty, hopeless crush. It’s been three years and Kageyama feels so sick that he can’t even attempt to muster a smile.

Next to him, Hinata brushes his hand worriedly, but Kageyama doesn’t even notice.

They don’t beat them. In fact, it hurts even more that they lost by so little. Two points for each set, close enough that Kageyama could almost feel it in his hands.

Losing by a landslide would have been better. Losing by a landslide would have meant that they still had ways to go. But Karasuno had done their best today, and the only thing the score could say was that their best wasn’t enough.

Iwaizumi grabs his hand in the line as he passes, and claps him on the back.

Kageyama wants to think he’s special, wants to relish in the attention, and for a second he almost does before he sees the way Oikawa’s eyes darken.

His smile is fake, eyes asking; “who’s the better setter?” Kageyama hates him so much he wants to retch.

The loss would have been so much less terrible if it weren’t Oikawa he had lost to.

When the clap hands, Kageyama locks eyes with him and Oikawa flinches, because the look he gives him is screaming I will get you next time.

Kageyama steps off the court, head storming with things he wished he’d said.

He stops by the bathroom before they leave. He’s about to leave the stall and open the door when he hears someone enter. It’s Oikawa talking, and the second voice indicates that Iwaizumi’s with him. He’s not ready to listen to the better setter’s fake ‘good job’, ‘you’ve improved by so much’, so he stays and decides to wait it out. He freezes when he hears what they’re talking about.

“-he was so close Iwa-chan, I don’t know how he did it, but he was so close.”

Through the crack in the door, he sees Iwaizumi grab Oikawa’s hand and tip their foreheads together. His voice is hushed. “Hey, Oikawa it’s okay-”

Oikawa cuts him off and Kageyama finds himself stewing with resentment, thinking about how rude it is to cut someone else off.

“He-he almost had it and he’s only a first year. I-what if he does catch up, he has three more years and he’s already so close-” Oikawa’s voice cracks before Kageyama realize he’s crying. He knows that it’s terrible to be happy about Oikawa’s insecurities, especially when he’s the cause, but he smiles internally anyways.

He goes cold when he sees Iwaizumi wrap his arm around the other’s head and Kageyama can’t believe it, won’t believe it. They can’t do this, not when he’s here right in front of them.

Except they don’t know he’s there, and he watches in silence as Iwaizumi melds Oikawa’s lips with his own.

He’s numb when he boards the bus and doesn’t even acknowledge Hinata when he stands up abruptly.

“Are you okay?”

Kageyama ignores him before sitting down and closing his eyes

So, they did figure it out. He thinks. He feels hollow, like he’s lost something. But he hasn’t because Iwaizumi was always Oikawa’s, always there beside him, through thick and thin, no matter what. Kageyama never stood a chance.

And he tells himself he’s not bitter about it, that he should’ve known from the start. After all, he’s spent years living in the shadow of Oikawa Tooru.

The bus’s silence is even worse on the ride home. He assumes that everyone is asleep, and he’s tired, but he has too much to think about to be able to sleep.

Kageyama spends half of the ride buried in his own hands before he finally opens his eyes. He’s surprised to see Hinata’s still awake, staring at him with wide, worried eyes.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” He whispers, narrowing his eyes.

Hinata stumbles on his words before completely dodging the question. “Are you okay?” He asks again.

Kageyama blinks at how stupid the question is. Obviously, he’s not okay. It feels stupid to say that he had his heart broken, but it’s the only phrase that fits. Hinata looks so concerned about his welfare that Kageyama feels obliged to indulge him. So he sighs and says a quiet yes instead.

He’s surprised that he feels a little better, and right before he drifts off, he thinks Hinata might’ve taken his hand.

He gets over it. Slowly, eventually, by drowning himself in practice and coping with little things. Slowly, tediously, he forgets about Iwaizumi, and the hollow vacancy in his heart fills.

Hinata helps. Hinata helps a lot, actually. They smother each other with practice, stay hours after practice has actually ended (they get yelled at a lot later because their grades have gotten so bad it’s almost humanly impossible) and just spend a lot of unnecessary time together. Hinata doesn’t ask about what happened at Aoba Johsai again and Kageyama hopes he never does.

One day after practice, Ennoshita comes up to him and asks him how he’s doing. Hinata is in the bathroom talking to Sugawara. Kageyama blinks, because he usually doesn’t get these questions, he doesn’t know if the person’s genuinely asking or if there’s something else underneath. He might be a genius setter, but he certainly isn’t a genius.

Ennoshita picks up on Kageyama’s cluelessness. “I mean, I’ve noticed that since the Aoba Johsai game, you’ve been a little down.”

Oh. Kageyama scowls and shrugs. “Yeah, I’m okay.” Then remembering that Ennoshita is his elder looks up apologetically and adds a “senpai.”

Ennoshita huffs a smile and pats him on the back. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Hinata haven’t you? That’s good, you two seem to be getting along much better now.”

Kageyama doesn’t know how to react to that, so he tries to pull a smile onto his face. “Yeah everything’s great.” He stops smiling when he realizes that Ennoshita looks a little scared. “But Hinata can still be really stupid sometimes.” He pauses and sees that Ennoshita’s still listening so he keeps on going. “But he works really hard, just as hard as I do, which is really great because no one’s done that before.” His statement takes him aback because he realizes that nobody really has done that before, other than Oikawa, but that wasn’t for him, that was against him.

“He doesn’t get mad whenever I yell at him, he just kind of works harder, I just wish he’d work harder on his serves because he still can’t get any of his serves over the net and that kind of pisses me off. Also, sometimes when we’re walking home, he gets really quiet and gets this really creepy look on his face, like he’s thinking really hard about something which is probably going to kill him because he doesn’t have that brain capacity.”

And Ennoshita still’s listening so Kageyama keeps on talking because why not? “He usually talks a lot when we’re walking home and it’s not even about volleyball, it’s about really stupid things like his sister and the dog he saw while walking down the street—not saying that his sister’s stupid, I mean.” Kageyama scratches the back of his neck awkwardly and wonders if he’s said too much and if Hinata will mind. It’s not like any of the things he told Kageyama were very private, but he could never be too sure.

“Um, I’m sorry if I said anything rude.” He says, just in case he did.

The other laughs, echoing through the gym. “No it’s fine. I don’t think you’ve ever talked about anyone that much.” He pauses, contemplating his words. “I don’t think you’ve ever talked that much.” Ennoshita squeezes his shoulder blade and smiles. “If you ever need to talk to someone, I’ll be around.” He gets up and waves before leaving.

Kageyama stares after him, then wonders why he’s wearing Tanaka’s jacket instead of his own, but by then the dark has already swallowed Ennoshita’s figure whole.

Hinata‘s also done talking because he’s walking over, looking at the floor, beet red. Sugawara shoulders his bag behind him, waves and says a cheerful bye before leaving the gym.

There’s an awkward silence that Kageyama doesn’t know how to break, Hinata won’t look at him. “What’d Suga-san say to you?”

This gets Hinata’s attention, but instead of answering the question like a normal person, he starts sputtering and babbling something incoherent. Then almost as quickly as he started talking, he mutters a quick ‘let’s go’ and starts for the door.

Kageyama frowns internally to himself, wondering why everyone’s acting so weird today, before following.

The confession comes as a surprise, behind the gym doors after volleyball practice. Kageyama has never been confessed to before, maybe because he’s very unapproachable, so when it’s Hinata on the other end, he doesn’t really know how to react.

Hinata is red, spluttering, hands outreached with a bag of seemingly burnt cookies in his hands. It takes a minute for Kageyama to realize what he’s doing.

He’s frozen from shock, and when the numbness leaves his body, all he can feel is guilt, pity for Hinata who he’s going to reject, who he doesn’t like that way, who he cares for too much as a friend. Kageyama runs over all the excuses in his heads over and over again, missing most of Hinata’s heartfelt confession.

He feels worse when Hinata smiles at him sheepish, eyes hopeful. Kageyama just stares at him, mouth set in a straight line because he doesn’t want to hurt Hinata’s feelings. He doesn’t know what to say, and he wants to let Hinata down gently, nicely, still a little incredulous that he’s actually being confessed to. He’s unable to believe that Hinata is into moody people like Kageyama.

Hinata picks up on his silence, starting to look less and less sure and Kageyama has to say something.

“Did you make the cookies?” He blurts, awkward. His voice cracks and he knows immediately that Hinata knows that Kageyama’s rejecting him; that Hinata can hear the apology clear in his voice; that Kageyama doesn’t like him back.

Hinata averts his eyes and his arms come down, feet shuffling. “Suga,” his voice catches before he continues. “Suga helped me make them.” There’s a choked sound in his tone and Kageyama prays that he won’t cry.

Kageyama doesn’t want to reject Hinata, he doesn’t want to reject Hinata because then things will be awkward and they’ll never talk again.

Hinata is hunching over, starting to look very small, and Kageyama knows that he owes an explanation, at least that much, so he touches Hinata’s shoulder, Hinata who still won’t look at him.

“I can’t.” His voice is blunt, and he wishes that his voice was softer, more soothing like Asahi or Kiyoko’s.

Hinata hugs his arms. “Okay.” His voice is small. Kageyama’s chest hurts.

He tries to appease the damage, takes his hand back. “You’re my only friend.” He tries again, a little desperate.

Hinata looks up at this, but only briefly. He’s silent, before he grabs his bike to go. “Okay.” He says again, even quieter than the first time. He hesitates, before pressing the cookies into Kageyama’s hands. “You—you can keep the cookies.”

Kageyama tries one of the cookies when Hinata has disappeared into the dark, crumbled from the grip he had on them.

All he can taste on them is regret.

Hinata doesn’t talk to him for a week afterwards, which Kageyama was expecting but was hoping wouldn’t happen. Now he doesn’t have anyone to sit with at lunch, nobody to walk to school with, and now he has to warm-up with Tanaka because Hinata has run off to practice with Nishinoya.

He doesn’t push because he knows Hinata needs time, maybe forever and then he’ll never talk to Kageyama again and he’ll lose the only friend he’s had since Kitagawa. He almost builds up the nerve to approach Hinata first, but he’s always with someone else, and Kageyama is too nervous to cut into their conversation.

The worst thing that the rift is starting to affect their playing. Hinata misses half his tosses, and it’s not even his fault, it’s Kageyama who’s setting too high or too low and at some point Sugawara has to fill in.

He’s walking home alone one day when he hears someone call his name. It’s Ennoshita, Tanaka following close behind. He flinches, contemplates walking faster and ignoring them because he’s not in the mood to talk, but Ennoshita has always been kind to him, so he stops and waits.

Ennoshita immediately rests his hand on Kageyama’s shoulder. “Are you alright?” He asks. “you’ve been acting strangely during practice; did you get into a fight with Hinata?”

Kageyama blinks at him, then at Tanaka. He shouldn’t tell anyone about the confession, because it’d be embarrassing for Hinata, but Hinata’s not talking to him anyways, so he breathes and tells them. All the regret, the terrible feeling when Hinata wouldn’t look at him, the cookies until he’s wringing his hands, hoping for more words because he hates the silence, especially when there’s nothing filling it but resentment.

Ennoshita and Tanaka keep on glancing at each other while Kageyama talks, narrowing their eyes and blinking like a twisted kind of Morse code, and when he finally does stop talking, they shift towards each other, like they’re being pulled together.

Tanaka stares at him and whistles, low, like he does when he knows someone’s stuck four feet in mud. “He’s ignoring you?”

Kageyama scowls and shrugs.

Ennoshita purses his lips and nudges Tanaka slightly. “Give him time, and space. He’ll start talking to you on his own terms.” He says. He hesitates, before patting Kageyama on the back. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Something unfurls in Kageyama’s chest, a knot that’s been lying there for days, a want to know that things will be okay. He swallows the painful swell in his throat. “Thanks.” His voice cracks when he says it, and Ennoshita smiles.

He squeezes Kageyama’s shoulder as he passes. “You’re a good person Kageyama.”

Tanaka brushes his shoulder and mutters a “good luck,” almost grudgingly.

They’re gone, and Kageyama is left alone with the revelation that he’s good person, and the he didn’t do anything wrong, and that maybe Hinata will forgive him.

Hinata cracks after three weeks. Kageyama saw leaks in the dam he built around himself in the middle of the second week, when he bounded over to ask Kageyama for water than turned on his heel and dashed like mad to the other side of the room. Or when he started to wave hi when he saw him in the hallway then pulled his hand down and tried to keep a steely resolve.

On the first day of week four, Kageyama finds Hinata waiting for him after practice, just like always, and knows that things will be okay again.

Second year comes, the third years leave and not much changes. Well, a lot does change, but they’re things that Kageyama gets over relatively quickly.

For one thing, now that they’re third years, Kageyama doesn’t have to play Oikawa or Iwaizumi anymore. Sometimes they come to games, but Kageyama can’t really bring himself to care.

Suga and Daichi do, a lot. They scream and shout from the bleachers, holler calls and whoops whenever Karasuno scores a point. Kageyama doesn’t think he’d ever be able to yell for that long.

The team has changed, but they’ve assimilated themselves fine. Kageyama gets along much better with the other kids now, mostly because Hinata acts like his buffer, but none of his teammates run away screaming when he smiles anymore.

They’ve forgotten about the confession. Kageyama’s sure that neither of them will really forget it, but all the discomfort has melted away and they’re doing fine now.

Hinata hasn’t changed either, which Kageyama isn’t sure he should be grateful or disappointed about. He stills acts the same around Kageyama, (like an idiot, mostly), and Kageyama gets the feelings, knows that Hinata is still wanting for change but is too cowardly to do it. Kageyama is fine with the steadiness of their friendship and how it’s turned into second nature. He wants to keep it, but he also wants to hold Hinata’s hand sometimes—like his little sister does when the three of them are on walks—and maybe kiss him on the forehead (or even his mouth). On those days, he shoves his hands into his pockets and refuses to budge even if he’s called out on it.

It took him some time to realize that he liked Hinata too. He’s sure he didn’t like him when Hinata confessed, but he does now, and he hopes it’s not obvious.

It was gradual, the realization day by day that even though Hinata might not have been a pretty girl, or very smart, he still made Kageyama happy. It scared him at first, the same hollowing in his gut, creeping up on him, reminiscent of everything he’d ever felt with Iwaizumi. The feeling itself wasn’t bad, but everything it brought was, and some nights Kageyama would wake up in a cold sweat, Oikawa’s laughter echoing after him.

He never tells Hinata any of this, because he always jumps when Kageyama touches him; on the knee, the small of his back, the curve of his wrist, turns beet red and starts talking really fast. It’s funny, except Kageyama thinks that it makes Hinata uncomfortable, so he keeps the contact minimal. He hates it though, he wishes he could touch Hinata as comfortably as the first years and second years do. Hinata never seems to have a problem when it’s with them.

Sometimes Kageyama regrets rejecting him, thinks things would’ve been easier if he’d said yes and waited it out, but he told Ennoshita once when he was visiting, and Ennoshita said that there was a good chance Kageyama would have done much more serious damage.

It goes unsaid that Kageyama likes Hinata, but he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to tell him, especially because of what happened before.

He wants to do stupid things like hold his hand and hug him and sleep on his shoulder, things he doesn’t deserve. None of the pining and pain from rejection, skipping straight from the rain to the rainbow. It wouldn’t be fair to Hinata who deserves much better.

So Kageyama decides to stay quiet, agrees to keep his love a secret because if it’ll help Hinata, then he doesn’t really mind giving up his own happy ending.

He sees Oikawa shopping one day. It’s the open market, and Kageyama tries to duck his head and ignore him, but the pretty setter catches his eye before he can hide behind a display of sunglasses.

“Tobio!” He calls, smile wide but eyes sarcastic. Kageyama glances around, searching for an escape route but finding none. When he looks back towards Oikawa, he’s already walking towards him.

“Oikawa-san.” He nods, dipping his head.

Oikawa narrows his eyes, grin stretching into a tight-lipped smile. “Where’s your little friend?” He asks, cutting his hand next to his waist to emphasize “little”.

“Not here.” Kageyama answers, relishing in the flash of frustration in Oikawa’s eyes from his lack of response. After a second, he asks; “Where’s Iwaizumi?”

He regrets asking when the look in Oikawa’s eyes turn smug. “At the bathroom. You want to wait with me until he comes?”

Kageyama starts shaking his head no, but Oikawa grabs him by the wrist. “Of course you do!” He chirps, before pulling him towards the other direction.

Oikawa babbles as he walks, something about university volleyball and ‘how has Karasuno been doing? Very well I hope.’ Seemingly endless before he stops and grounds Kageyama next to him. Kageyama pulls his hand away and contemplates bolting, but Oikawa either has very uncanny timing or is just very lucky, because Iwaizumi walks out right then.

Oikawa’s eyes flash with something warm and Kageyama has to look towards the floor. “Iwa-chan! You took so long, was it number two?”

Iwaizumi comes up next to him and cuffs his hair. “You’re so fucking loud.” He hisses, glancing around before he notices Kageyama. His eyes widen a fraction before narrowing at Oikawa. “Did you bully him into coming with you?” He whispers, but loud enough for Kageyama to hear.

Kageyama is frozen stiff. Almost scared to look at Iwaizumi who he hasn’t seen in almost a year.

He looks up, berating himself for being so nervous. Oikawa lets out a shrill, high-pitched shriek when Iwaizumi jabs him in the side. “Of course not! Right Tobio-chan?” His smile no longer genuine, the syrupy taste in his tone back again.

Kageyama chooses to ignore him and instead bows his head respectfully towards Iwaizumi. “H-hi.” He stutters.

Iwaizumi is grinning when Kageyama straightens, and he’s relieved that there’s no jump in his chest, the pulse of his heartbeat steady. “How’ve you been?” He claps Kageyama on the back, and he’s swept with a wave of nostalgia.

In answer, he gives a weak smile. Oikawa leans towards Iwaizumi, tilting his head so his hair brushes Iwaizumi’s cheek and chides; “You’ve got such a scary smile, do kids run screaming when they see you?” Iwaizumi shushes him and punches his arm, but Kageyama can see his other arm casually thrown around Oikawa’s waist, hand squeezing into his side. He feels like he’s intruding on something important and looks down again.

He’s surprised there’s no jealousy, and even more surprised that there’s no longer anything animistic to his feelings towards Oikawa, who is now looking at him like he’s a continually growing annoyance.

He looks to Iwaizumi, then to Oikawa who’s resting his head on his shoulder, and blurts out without thinking. “How did you guys do it?”

They look at each other, before Iwaizumi purses his lips, eyes cautious. “What do you mean?”

Kageyama doesn’t have time to call himself stupid, no way to take it back, so he keeps on going, asking the questions he’s wanted to know since the day he saw them kissing. “I saw you.” He says, swallowing, suddenly feeling much more emboldened.

Oikawa glances at Iwaizumi, his condescending façade replaced with something like fear. “Saw what?”

“That day, after our match.” He insists, before realizing how vague he must sound. Karasuno has had countless matches with Aoba Johsai. “I saw you two in the bathroom, after a game, where we lost. And you two—you two-” He cuts off and flushes.

They must realize what he means because Oikawa stiffens before he cackles maliciously. “You were watching us? I didn’t think you were like that.” And even though he looks so tense, there’s a certain arrogance in his countenance, familiar enough for Kageyama to know that Oikawa is gloating.

Kageyama bites his lip. “It wasn’t on purpose.” He mutters, unable to make eye contact.

Iwaizumi crosses his arms. “What did you mean by how we did it?”

Kageyama is reluctant to answer, but neither of them look like they’re going to let up, so he breathes, and tells them. “I meant how you two got together.” He murmurs.

“I just told him.” Oikawa answers. Kageyama looks to him, startled that he would answer so compliantly. He glances at Iwaizumi briefly, and the other nods as if giving consent. “It was easy, I just told him.”

Iwaizumi scoffs before wrapping his arm around Oikawa’s waist again. “It was not easy, you were having a fit.”

Oikawa whips his head around. “Well it worked didn’t it?” His eyes widen, before he turns back towards Kageyama. “Oh, I see what’s going on.” His eyes go dark. “Tobio’s found someone he likes.” He must realize he’s right when Kageyama freezes.

Kageyama can hear the smile in his voice when he starts asking questions. “Is it that pretty girl who helps out the team? The blonde? Or someone we don’t know? Are you asking for advice because you know you wouldn’t have a chance either way?” He opens his mouth to continue before Iwaizumi slaps his hand over it.

“Stop, you’re making him uncomfortable.” He releases when Oikawa let’s out a muffled yelp. “What do you need help with?”

Kageyama shifts awkwardly. “It’s complicated.” He says, moving to leave.

Oikawa grabs his arm and pulls him back. “We can handle complicated.”

He looks to Iwaizumi who looks puzzled for a moment. “Kageyama,” he looks at Oikawa. “we can help, let—let us help.” Kageyama wants to leave, wants to go, but the malicious glint in Oikawa’s eyes is gone, and there’s nothing but honesty in Iwaizumi’s voice. He stops trying to get away and stills, pausing to look for ill-will but finds none.

And then he tells them.

He doesn’t tell them that it’s about Hinata, for obvious reasons, but he tells them about the confession, how he rejected them, how he didn’t like them then but he does like them now, and how he’s scared that they’ll no longer like him, how it doesn’t seem fair that they had go through the pain and he might not have to, everything until he’s running out of breath and his face is flushing from talking so much.

They’re both silent when he finishes.

Iwaizumi looks to the side thoughtfully. “Do you think they still like you?”         

Kageyama thinks probably not, and shrugs his no. He looks at Iwaizumi, and he sees the uncertainty, knows that he’ll tell Kageyama to leave it be and try to get over it. And it’s a good enough answer, but he’s still not satisfied.

“Tell them.”

Kageyama jerks and looks at Oikawa who’s staring at him so intensely he feels like he’s trying to burn a hole through him.

Oikawa blinks once. “Tell them.” He repeats. Iwaizumi turns to him but Oikawa doesn’t even spare him a glance. “Or you’ll regret it later.”

Kageyama searches his eyes, looks for any signs of malice that he so often sees, but for once, Oikawa’s eyes are clouded with nothing but determination. For once, Oikawa is genuinely trying to help him. He rubs his arm, still a little uncertain. “I—”

Oikawa’s eyes blaze. “Go tell them!” Cutting Kageyama off. “Tell them now!” He pushes at Kageyama who stumbles.

“N-now?” He widens his eyes incredulously.

“Yes! Now before you lose the courage.” Oikawa hisses, pushing at him again and Kageyama starts walking back.

He looks at Iwaizumi to who nods at him, and that’s all the assurance he needs.

Kageyama turns, and runs.

Unfortunately, Kageyama runs for about five minutes before he starts to have second thoughts, and it takes him no more than two minutes after that to stop running altogether.

Oikawa was right, he did run out of courage.

He’s stopped by the influx of doubt and the repeating words in his head of you don’t deserve it, until he can barely breathe and all he can do is bend over and try to regain his composure.

He thinks back to Iwaizumi who nodded at him, like it was going to work, like it would be okay. Kageyama straightens, his head hurts, and then walks the rest of the way home. It’s late when he gets back, so he mumbles a goodnight to his mother before going to bed.

He closes his eyes and hopes that the next time he opens them, the pounding in the back of his skull will have dulled to nothing.

He sees Hinata the next day. Eyes bright, grinning like it’s another great day.

He stares at him for a minute, until Hinata stills his talking and stops walking to blink at him, puzzled. When he asks, Kageyama scowls and shoves his hands in his pockets, tells him to keep walking.

Hinata does, but it doesn’t go unnoticed when he keeps looking back towards Kageyama who keeps on falling behind.

They get to school and wave goodbye, separating to go to class. When he gets there, he sits down and buries his face in his hands, furiously contemplating what he should do. Part of him wants to take Oikawa’s advice, run to Hinata and tell him everything, while the other part knows that if he’s rejected, things will probably fall apart. And Hinata will probably be laughing at him from the sidelines.

He stares at his shoes, the stains on the floor tiles and shuts his eyes because his head is starting to hurt. He should tell Hinata, he wants to. He isn’t even scared of rejection, he just wants to give Hinata everything that he’s given Kageyama. Would it be fair? To tell Hinata he likes him and get his happily ever after when Hinata’s been waiting for nearly three years?

He looks up when class starts, and even though he usually has trouble concentrating without anything else to think about, he finds himself even more distracted than usual.

Kageyama gets sent to the nurses office because his teacher told him that he looked ‘sickeningly pale’.

He lies in a cot, pulling the curtains closed to block out the and tries to ignore the thudding in his head, the way his sweat collects at his brow. The bell rings and an influx of students pour into the hallways, chattering and laughing together. He’s too busy thinking about how awkward he was this morning to notice that lunch has started, and Hinata will be looking for him.

Kageyama blinks at the ceiling, once, twice, before shutting his eyes.

He must have fallen asleep, because when he wakes, the sun has dipped low enough that the sky is now red instead of blue.

He groans, groggy and decoherent, turning his head before he jolts at the sight of Hinata’s face inches from his own.

Hinata lets out a small shriek and reels backward. “You’re up!” He squeaks, flushing a deep scarlet.

Kageyama looks around, bewildered. “What are you doing here?”

Hinata goes even redder. “I was, you weren’t there at lunch, so I, I was looking for you, and you didn’t show up to school-I mean practice and I went looking for you.” He sinks inwards and looks at his hands miserably.

Kageyama doesn’t know what else to say, so he just goes: “oh.”

Hinata jumps up like he’s been shot at the sound of his voice. “But I didn’t do anything! Nothing! At all!” He laughs awkwardly and scratches his neck. “I was just picking you up for practice! We’re late for practice and we should go! Anyways, I’m glad you’re feeling better.” He grabs his bag and bolts for the door.

Kageyama stares after him, wondering what’s going on as the door shuts and Hinata’s footsteps recede.

After a minute of sitting, confused with all that’s been going on, he gets up and follows suit.

When he enters the gym, changed and ready to go, he’s greeted with giggles and stares. Yachi is beet red in the face, and Hinata is nowhere to be seen. He vaguely hears Tsukishima snicker in the background and shoots him a glare.

“What’s so funny?” He says venomously.

Tsukishima just smiles and pushes his glasses up his nose. “Had fun at the nurse?” Tadashi siddles up next to him and looks like he’s about to say something but shuts his mouth when Kageyama glares at him.

“What?” He asks, some of the first years suddenly seem very preoccupied with tying their shoes. “Why’re you all laughing?” Something anxious crawls its way into the pit of his stomach, so like the feeling he had back at Kitagawa, when everyone had turned their backs, excluded him from their jokes. He’s suddenly aware how cold his hands are, how quiet the gym is, the way everyone’s eyes flit around nervously.

“What?” He says again, through gritted teeth.

Yachi rests a hand on his arm and Kageyama jerks his head to glance at her.

“It’s nothing,” she says, laughing nervously as she chews on her lip. “Nothing you should be worried about.”

This doesn’t appease his worries. Something must have happened, bad enough that they can’t tell him, bad enough that it might embarrass him. The knot in his stomach starts to grow. “I wanna know.” He says quietly, his voice small. His hands curl into fists at his side.

Yachi exhales, her shoulders drooping. “Oh, Kageyama it’s really nothing. They’re just being immature.” She whips her head around. “Get back to warmup!” She barks, her voice filling the gym as the first and second years scramble back to their positions.

She turns back to Kageyama who hasn’t moved, looking at the floor, feeling excluded and childish. He tilts his head towards her, uneasy. “Were,” he swallows, “were they laughing at me?”

Yachi blinks, before breaking out in a smile. “No, no they weren’t laughing at you.” She giggles. “They were actually laughing at Hinata for, you know-” She cuts off abruptly, freezing. “Uh, I mean, they were laughing at Hinata for, uh, tripping over the ball.” She smiles sheepishly. “Nothing for you to worry about.” She pushes at him gently. “Now go practice.”

Kageyama let’s himself go—but not without forcing himself to unclench his fists first.

Kageyama is still thinking about it when he leaves the gym, Hinata walking faster than usual, pushing his bike at a furious pace.

He wants an explanation and nobody is giving him one. Hinata will though, Hinata tells him everything even when he doesn’t mean to.

“Hinata!” He barks, harsher than he means it to be, but he’s been in a bad mood since the day started and at this point, Hinata is easily forgiving of Kageyama’s mood swings.

Usually, he turns around and replies with an aggressive “what?”, but he doesn’t this time. Hinata slows down before twisting his head to Kageyama, looking sheepish and guilty. “Yeah?” he says, voice to quiet for someone so exuberant.

“What was everyone laughing about?” He says, closing the gap between them.

Hinata looks at the floor and goes beet red. “Nothing, just me being stupid.” He mutters.

“What’d you do?” They’re standing next to each other now, and Hinata refuses to meet his eyes.

He stiffens, getting defensive. “Just something stupid, okay? Don’t worry about it.” He twists his bike handles to turn to go but Kageyama’s hand stops it.

“Did it have to do with me?”

And Hinata freezes, his breathing stilling and even with his hair obscuring most of his face, Kageyama sees his cheeks pale. “Stop worrying about it okay? It wasn’t anything big.” He says, feigning nonchalance but not denying it, and that’s enough leeway for Kageyama to work with.

Hinata’s always been bad at lying, and three years of being close friends has only sharpened Kageyama’s senses. So he thinks; he thinks back to the nurses office, the way Tsukishima had sneered, Hinata’s face inches from his own, the way he looks now—so similar to the one Kageyama saw the day Hinata confessed.

And there’s a possibility there, and Kageyama may be oblivious, and his theory might be completely unfounded, but Kageyama takes the risk anyways. Because he needs to, something forces him to, Oikawa’s voice ringing in his head.

“Did you kiss me?” He asks quietly, breathless as Hinata jerks his head up, eyes wide, flushed red. Not from surprise but embarrassment and Kageyama knows.

Hinata won’t lie, can’t lie for his life, and he knows nothing he says will convince Kageyama. His face scrunches like it does when he’s about to cry, knuckles white as they grip his bike. He takes a shuddering breath and everything is so, so still. Then finally, he swallows, voice cracking as he opens his mouth. “Sorry.” He says.

But he doesn’t get to continue because Kageyama’s got his hand on his shoulders, face breaking into one of his rare, genuine smiles that only come out when he’s around Hinata.

And with a sort of assurance, a feeling of finally, Kageyama leans down and seals Hinata’s mouth with his own.

It’s a nice day outside when Kageyama goes to pick Hinata up. They both got into the same university with a lot of help from Yachi, Tadashi, and yes, after vehement imploring, Tsukishima.

Mid-terms were recent, and today’ll be the first day they get to spend together in a while. They’re on break currently, both returning home to spend the week of tranquility. (They had to be separated because they couldn’t concentrate around each other during exams.)

Kageyama is excited to see him, even after almost a year of dating. When he arrives at the house, Hinata flings open the door before he can even ring on the doorbell, Natsu bouncing next to him.

“I’m going mom!” He calls before throwing his arms around a startled Kageyama. Natsu waves bye to them gleefully as they set off.

They’d started dating after Kageyama had confessed. When everyone else had heard, there’d been utter pandemonium. Somewhere in the mayhem, Yachi had contacted Kiyoko and everyone else who’d left for university, and they’d all shown up within minutes.

Kageyama has no idea how Sugawara managed, his university is hours away.

Hinata is talking very rapidly as they walk along the street to the marketplace. Kageyama thinks they’ll get lunch, then they’ll do whatever Hinata wants, he never has very good ideas for these kinds of things. He’s too busy looking at Hinata, hands in his pockets from the chill of fall, to notice the people walking ahead.

He looks up when Hinata stops, eyes going wide.

“Tobio!” A voice says, and as if on reflex, Kageyama stiffens.

They’re silent as Hinata gives him a panicked look.

Oikawa smile-sneers, shoulder brushing against Iwaizumi’s, hand safely tucked in the other’s jacket pocket. Kageyama, unsure of what to say, takes Hinata’s and does the same. He meets Oikawa’s eyes and watches the surprise on the other’s face settle in.

Next to him, Hinata chokes, starts sputtering, eventually going quiet and turns his head the other way. From Kageyama’s peripheral vision, he can make out the exact shade of Hinata’s cheeks and knows it isn’t from the cold.

Oikawa looks like he’s about to say something. A Tobio-chan, my you’ve grown, how are you, but it seems like the words die on his tongue and he decides to remain silent.

And then even more surprisingly, it’s Kageyama who starts first. “How are you two?”

He still stutters because his awkwardness is still there, but it’s much stronger than before, the strongest he’s ever been able to speak with Oikawa.

Iwaizumi glances at Kageyama, then to Hinata and a smile breaks his face. Once, that smile would’ve sent Kageyama’s heart careening off the edge, sporadically trying to keep itself together, but now all it does is leave a warm feeling in his gut; no longer yearnful, but satisfied instead.

“We’re good, it’s good to see that you’ve grown.” Iwaizumi laughs, dips his head in a courteous nod than starts to make their way around the two, rooted to the ground. “We’ll see you around.” As they leave, he hears Oikawa’s incredulous: “Tobio and Chibi-chan?” and Iwaizumi shushes him, telling him to shut up and mind his own business.

Kageyama looks after them and Hinata gives him a worried look. He sees Oikawa turn too, and when their eyes meet again, Oikawa sticks out his tongue. Then just as quickly, turns back to Iwaizumi and leans his head on the other’s shoulder.

Kageyama breathes, before he starts the opposite way, fingers laced with Hinata.

Hinata follows wordlessly, a smile blooming on his face as he grins at Kageyama and squeezes his hand. “Where do you want to go?”

“Wherever.” There’s a smile at his lip.

He knows what the look Oikawa gave him meant, has seen it so many times over the years, the triumphant gaze that’s always condescending and boastful.

I win, it says.

Oikawa thinks that it matters, but it’s not Iwaizumi that he wants anymore. Oikawa can’t wave his own requited love in Kageyama’s face because he’s found his own.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi don’t hurt anymore.

Hinata says something next to him, breath puffing out into the air, and Kageyama knows that Oikawa’s probably watching, laughing at the two of them.

Kageyama can’t bring himself to care, because he’s won too.