Chapter Text
John, Sherlock
I'm going grocery shopping. All that's in the fridge is mayonnaise and rotten cherry tomatoes. And the toes.
Oh forgot to add. Do you want anything?
Probably not. Wouldn't kill you to eat once in awhile. Three cups of tea does not count as breakfast.
Graham called. Triple homicide. I've sent a cab. SH
It's Greg, you cock.
Semantics. Coming? SH
I'm in the back of a speeding taxi holding onto a paper bag filled with food. I do not appreciate being abducted.
Irrelevant. I'll see you in seven minutes. Donovan is antagonizing me: tiresome. She and Anderson are having an affair. SH
The corpses have matching bruises. This is getting interesting. Hurry up. SH
Here.
Where are you? SH
Took a look at the severed feet, smelled the fumes in the kitchen, fled. I'm having a pint with Lestrade.
You're supposed to be home. You're always home at half six. SH
Why Gavin? SH
Greg. And he's a normal bloke. Reminds me that those still exist.
Come home. SH
I had a shit day. I need a drink.
Have a drink here. SH
Sherlock.
Don't act like a two year old. You're being immature and stroppy.
I need someone to turn the telly on. SH
I'm shutting off my mobile. Goodbye.
Wait! SH
WHAT
You'll be home tonight. No later than 1am. We need to get to a crime scene by 6 tomorrow morning. SH
Bye.
Sherlckoa
I mwan sjerloqh
Sherlocjkk
My fifners dont wrk propeerlyp
Where are yu
Sherlosk I need t otell yuo smrhgnd
Somethi
Simethand
You are absurdly inebriated. Get a cab immediately. SH
noooooooooooo
Sherly
Immediately, John. SH
This s seepus
Sweious
I mean it
Can we tlka
Come home. Garrett should not have allowed this. You cannot afford to be hungover tomorrow. SH
Why do you caee so mush about ur work
I finds the micropgo ne on my pkognw when I talk it recrods it lookjk
lemmeeee show tou
Sure lark can't boo hare may
Ooooops it didnt work:((((((
John, come home. For gods sake. SH
Shore lock ken way talk
[[picture msg]]
It's a selfiee
You have the intelligence of a goldfish. SH
[[picture msg]]
Where are you? SH
not wi th yu
:( aad face
That's a gay club. You are at a gay bar. SH
Woah I guess I am di d you nkwo I think I got hit on ooo
I dunno hwo I got here
You got 'hit on'? That's it. I'm coming. SH
Nope
I thnk Greg liks ur beither mycaoft
Kill me. SH
But I liek you
Is Mycroft at the club as well? This is absurd. Getting my coat on now. SH
I Luke tour coat
I lume you
I luke ur face Sherlock helms
Luke yu
You are beyond inebriated. Send me the address now. SH
luuuuuek ywou
Never mind. I recognize it. Lucky for you, the owner owes me a favor. SH
Did yo u shag hiim
Got him off a murder charge. Obvious. I'm in the cab. SH
but fid u do teh sex
Have u sex
You're being ridiculous now. SH
Sherlock I luke tou
Ten minutes away. Why did Lestrade take you there in the first place? SH
And is my brother there? SH
I don't want to know. Don't tell me. SH
Hes nit but Greg is pininf. Pinning away
For Mycroft? SH
yaaaaaaaas
Make that eleven minutes. I need time to vomit. SH
Dont b a prood
Excuse me, a what? SH
prooood
I luke tou
No you don't. I'm an arrogant bastard. SH
Besides, you've no idea what you're saying right now. SH
I do too and I luke tou I do
I am not going to endorse this conversation. Eight minutes. SH
I LIEK the way u tlak and I liek yuor face
Y dont u feel the same
Sherlock
I wven spelt it righhhhttr
Sherlock
You have a noce name
I qannaa sshag
You
Four minutes, John. SH
But I wanr to say I lo
...you what? SH
Ve. You. Lobe
I'm almost there. Where is Gerald? SH
Why ru takinf me away frm the gay
Because you are intoxicated and people will want to take advantage. I will not allow that. SH
no
No what? SH
Sherkockkkkk do u care do u lobe me too
Say yes
Here. SH