Chapter Text
You hadn't thought it'd turn out like this. One minute you'd had the villain of the day - who called himself Zane, which was not fear-inspiring at all, what happened to a good old-fashioned evil-sounding name? - surrounded, you and Perry the Platypus and everyone else. The next, he pushes a bright red self-destruct button and the whole cliffside lair explodes.
Seriously, who does that? It's not usable afterwards, and the repair bills are practically highway robbery- you know, you could do something with that... if you were still an evil scientist. Which you're not.
The things you think about when you're falling to your doom.
Something collides with your stomach and you wheeze, curling around... Perry the Platypus? He swings you both around to a small ledge halfway down the cliff with his oh-so-fancy grappling hook he's refused to let you touch. You just want to improve it, you're not going to install a self-destruct button! Well, you might. You never know. Anyway. He saved you.
"You saved me," you say, to fill the silence. Even though it isn't really silence with rocks still falling past you, but it was a space that needed filling and you're good at doing something about those. Possibly too good.
All he does is stare at you with those gorgeous brown eyes of his, ignoring the dust in his fur like the badass he is. If you had to guess, which you do because he's good at the whole silence thing, you'd say he's going "yes, yes I did", like it's obvious. Which you suppose it is.
You huff, leaning back against the cliff and folding your arms. "You didn't have to, I was perfectly capable of saving myself-"
He hits your mouth and it takes you a second to realise what with. Not his fist but his bill, smooth and rubbery and why is he kissing you, you didn't expect this at all, not to mention his technique's all wrong. Not that you've thought about it, of course, nor have you drawn diagrams and made models to figure out just how a kiss would work with his bill, and it doesn't matter when he's right here so you bring your hands up to curl around his jaw, showing him how it's done.
In the list of things you'd thought could happen today, this would be right down the bottom, right next to "taking over the Tri-State Area". That goal's not dead, just... put on the backburner for now. You'll get there someday, you're sure of it.
This one, on the other hand... you take your time, kissing him gently, running your tongue across his... on a human you'd call it the top lip but he doesn't have one of those, really, but he likes it when you brush your tongue against it so you keep going, learning all the things that make him gasp into you.
His fur is so soft under your hands, softening his firm muscles, and you're aware, in the back of your mind, how sharp and bony you are. How does he find you attractive? Him, Perry the Platypus. He's out of your league. But no, here he is, kissing you.
If it wasn't for the rocks under your butt slowly making their displeasure known, you'd think it was a dream. You almost wish it was, because then you wouldn't have to pull away to breathe.
Or... feel him pull away. Not far, his breaths gust against your lips from how close he still is, but enough to ache.
You open your eyes, slowly. He's still here, all two foot nothing of semiaquatic perfection, staring at you like you're the only thing that matters in the world. It's flattering, even though it's not true - it can't be - and you swallow. How do you tell him... well, anything? There's so much you want to say, and it's all getting stuck in your throat, so you kiss him instead because at least that makes sense.
He's much better at it this time, nipping at your lip until you open your mouth for him, tongue flicking against yours. Quick learner. You can't help but smile at that, because of course he is, he's Perry the Platypus.
"Found them!" Maggie squawks from behind him, and you both - you and Perry the Platypus - break apart to look at her... and at Harry abseiling down the cliff with Karen on his shoulder. Busted.
Perry the Platypus takes a deep breath, paw slipping from your shirt, and you can see the exact moment he's Agent P again. All business, focusing solely on the mission. No room for you.
Somehow it doesn't hurt as much as it used to.
Maggie grins at you both, ruffling her feathers in what you've come to recognise as a sense of satisfaction. "All done!"
"You hear that, Perry the Platypus?" you say as he relaxes. "We did it! Well, they did most of it, but we're a team so it's really all of us anyway-"
He hits your mouth, with a paw this time, but he's smiling so it's not like he minds, really. Especially not when he tugs your hand loose and holds onto it, tiny teal fingers curling around your own.
Heat rises in your cheeks as you glance down at them, then up to meet his beautiful eyes. You could get lost in them, counting every fleck of gold amongst the brown...
"Get a room!" Maggie yells, and Harry - who's finally made it to the ledge, you notice - doubles over laughing.
Rolling his eyes at them, Perry the Platypus tugs you to your feet. He's still smiling, only faintly but you've known him long enough to recognise it. It's the one he gets when he's watching soap operas with you, knowing he doesn't have to leave and letting himself enjoy the show.
That's what you'd thought at the time, anyway. Times. It's happened a lot, actually. But after this, you think maybe it's not the soap operas causing that smile.
Without warning, he pulls you down and kisses you again, clearly not caring about your audience, and why would he? They're just as much his as you are. Just without the kissing. Only you get the kissing, and you don't share.
He's gentle this time, and thorough, resting his free paw against your cheek to tilt your head in just the right way to let his tongue dance with yours. Or fight, really. There's never been all that much difference, he defeats you either way. Too good. But then again he's Perry the Platypus. It's his job to be the best.
"We have got to work on your kissing technique, Perry the Platypus," you murmur into him when he pulls away for air. And by work on you mean give him the means to destroy you. Your own personal self-destruct button. "Once we get home. We are going home, right?"
The glare he gives you for that clearly states you're lucky he doesn't kick you off the side of the cliff. Which you are. Falling to your doom - again - is not your idea of a good time.
Although it did work out well last time, you think, glancing back down at where he's still holding your hand. Maybe you should do it more often-
Or not. His eyes narrow, telling you he knows exactly what you're thinking and he doesn't like it one bit. But what does he know? Other than, well, everything about you. Including the things you don't share with anyone else, like your deepest insecurities and your fears. And your hopes, buried deeper than either. He's your nemesis, your best friend, technically your boss now but you don't care about that part and you don't think he does either, and now... whatever's coming from this. Which is exciting. You can't wait to find out where it leads.
Just as soon as you make it back to Danville. Near-death experiences really take a lot out of you - you should know, you've had a lot of them - and all you want to do is curl up on your couch and watch a movie. Or, if Perry the Platypus agrees to join you, ignore a movie in favour of kissing some more. That sounds like a far better plan. One of your best.
A way better plan than your idea to teleport you all out here to fight... Zane... Seriously, what kind of evil scientist calls himself "Zane"? Doesn't inspire fear in the slightest, not like your name. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, now there's a name that screams "evil". Literally. Because you scream... Anyway. "No, really, how are we getting home?"