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In the eight years of his life that Chuuya could consciously remember, he had always hated mirrors.
They gave him the creeps. Always had. He never could shake the feeling that if he stared at his reflection for too long, something else would start to stare back at him. That if he looked hard enough, the shadow of Arahabaki would appear over his shoulder, grinning back at him as it spread itself over his skin and curled around his arms and face until there was nothing left of him but the monster. Sure, it wasn’t logical. But fear didn’t have to be.
There was nothing to suggest that something like that might happen. He didn’t even know what it looked like, not really. How could he? All he had to go on were the whispered stories of the monster he heard passed around sometimes, normally on the anniversary of the explosion it had been responsible for, and his own imagination. Unfortunately for him, it was a pretty vivid one. Add that to the crawling feeling that there was always something lurking, either just behind him or under his skin, and well…
He just didn’t think it was a good idea to look at himself for too long. That was all.
It never really became a problem when he was with the Sheep, because they were all pretty messy anyway and it didn’t matter if they spent a little time covered in smudges of blood or dirt. What good would a mirror do a bunch of street kids anyway? It’d either be broken or pawned off in a matter of minutes. In the mafia though? The need for presentation suddenly became A Thing. Which meant mirrors.
Kouyou was very fond of them, and had an overlarge ornate one she sat at every morning to style her hair. Chuuya knew that because she sometimes asked him to come visit her first thing to collect his orders, deliver mission reports, that kind of thing… He kept his gaze lowered to the floor the entire time he was close to it. Hopefully she thought he was just being respectful and not weird. It wasn’t something he wanted to explain, and he wasn’t sure how much she knew about his background anyway. As an Executive, she must have had access to the documents, but… It all depended on how much Mori wanted other people to know.
Of course, there was a mirror in his own rooms too. He’d refuse to meet his own eyes in it, spending the bare minimum amount of time needed to get ready and then rush off. If that meant a few crooked collars or the odd missed spot of toothpaste on his cheek, then so what? It wasn’t like he was an Executive yet, he could still get away with being a little sloppy from time to time. He’d cope.
The problem, as it always did, came when Dazai decided to get involved.
Dazai had dragged him out shopping, because… Chuuya wasn’t even sure why. Dazai hated him too, right? All they ever seemed to do when they ran into each other was fight, and yet they seemed to be spending more and more time with each other. It was, to be honest, a worrying development.
The day had been as frustrating as ever, Dazai dragging him all over and flitting between each store like a demented hummingbird. Nothing seemed to hold his attention for very long, and Chuuya couldn’t be sure if it was because he was doing it on purpose to piss him off or because he was just that flighty. Some days it was very hard to tell.
Chuuya followed after him, idly picking up and looking at the odd thing as they drifted from store to store. Having a regular paycheck, or money to throw around of any kind, was still relatively new to him and he wasn’t used to spending large amounts on anything other than the essentials. Y’know, food, clothes, that kind of thing. Maybe that motorbike he’d been eyeing up for the past few months…
Bikes were essential, right?
He’d officially had enough and was contemplating how best to either go get some food or sneak off completely when Dazai let out a loud cry and pointed at something. What it was, Chuuya didn’t really care, Dazai had been doing that kind of thing all day, but Dazai just had to come grab his arm and try and drag him over…
“Will you look at that? I’d been meaning to buy a new one. And just the right size too!”
Chuuya finally started paying attention long enough to see what Dazai was talking about. It was a mirror. A big one. What the hell was Dazai planning on doing with something like that? He shook Dazai’s arm off as nonchalantly as he could manage and walked a couple of steps away, just far enough to not catch any glimpse of his reflection.
“I’ll wait over there.”
“Oh?” Dazai grinned at him, that weird one he always used when he was plotting something. “You could do with a new one yourself, there’s toothpaste on your face again. What’s the matter, too short to see yourself? Or do you just not know how to use one?”
Chuuya’s hand strayed to his chin, unconsciously trying to cover the mark, wherever it could be. The bastard would notice something like that, wouldn’t he? “I said I’ll wait over here, so I’ll wait over here.”
“Now, now, Chuuya, don’t be rude.” Before Chuuya could really react, Dazai was behind him, one hand firmly wrapped around Chuuya’s wrist. He moved in close enough to lean down and murmur in a low voice only Chuuya could hear. “You really think I hadn’t noticed how you always hurry past them? What’s the big deal, scared of seeing how hideous you look?”
Of course Dazai had noticed that too… Despite his rising panic, Chuuya tried to keep his voice calm, if a little angry. “None of your business.”
Dazai’s other hand found the small of Chuuya’s back and started pushing him forwards. “Really? Well, a good dog always obeys his master, and I’m ordering you to come look in this mirror with me.”
He should have been able to get out of Dazai’s hold easily. The guy was a lightweight, barely capable at martial arts, and yet Chuuya’s limbs felt like they’d turned to lead as he was pushed inexorably forward. He barely resisted as Dazai manhandled him, not stopping until they were both directly in front of the mirror.
It was definitely a big mirror. The damn thing took up half the wall, reflecting the customers as they passed by. Chuuya let his gaze meet his reflection’s briefly before it and looking away. “It’s great. You can let go of me now.”
Dazai’s grip on him remained as firm as ever, meaning Chuuya couldn’t use his Ability to escape even if he’d wanted to. Not that doing that would have been a good idea anyway – they were getting enough weird looks as it was, and he didn’t really want to create enough of a commotion to attract the other customers. That would just make things worse.
“You’ve barely looked at it, how can you tell?”
Why was Dazai even doing this? It wasn’t like he could know Chuuya was scared… could he?
What was he talking about – it was Dazai, of course he could.
Still, he kept his head turned away defiantly until Dazai’s hand found his chin and tilted it upwards, forcing Chuuya to look directly in front of him. As he looked at himself, Chuuya felt the same old anxiety creeping up on him, his eyes darting from side to side, trying to spot the slightest change. Did that shadow look a look a little darker? Had that mark on his arm always been there? All the while, Dazai kept a firm hold on him. With no other option and heart pounding, Chuuya squeezed his eyes shut. He half expected Dazai to try and pry them open too, but several long moments passed until Chuuya heard Dazai’s low voice in his ear again.
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall… Well, what do we have here?”
Chuuya opened his eyes again, expecting the worst.
“Looks like the same old Chuuya to me. Same stupid hair, same stupid eyes, same stupid hat and gloves… I can see why you didn’t want to look, your taste in everything is awful.”
Nothing had happened.
It was just the two of them reflected in the mirror. No hellish black beast spewing out flames, nothing crawling over his skin or leaning over his shoulder. Just them.
And damn it, was Dazai’s grin punchable.
“And there’s that toothpaste. Although I suppose I should just be grateful you actually brush your teeth.”
Making sure Chuuya was watching, Dazai licked his thumb and used it wipe away the white smudge at the corner of Chuuya’s mouth. The sensation of wet skin rubbing against his own made Chuuya jump and his heart start pounding again for an entirely different reason. Even more so when Dazai decided that his first attempt hadn’t been good enough and rewet his thumb and tried again, rubbing slow circles into Chuuya’s skin and keeping their gazes firmly locked in the mirror.
The effect he was having wasn’t lost on Dazai, and his grin took on a decidedly smug edge as went to lick his thumb one last time. He repeated the same pattern, only this time accidentally brushing against Chuuya’s cheek as he found the spot and then rubbing against his lip as the now non-existent stain was wiped away.
“There, all better.”
All interest suddenly lost, Dazai abruptly dropped his hold and Chuuya found himself unceremoniously released.
“It is a little big. Maybe I don’t need one after all…”
Then Dazai was gone, walking out of the store to wherever his weird impulses took him. Chuuya made to follow, but then paused and looked back at the mirror once again.
What, exactly, was the point of all that? Chuuya adjusted his hat as his heart rate returned to normal and the blush slowly faded from his cheeks. Was Dazai actually trying to help him? That didn’t seem right, Dazai lived to mess with other people. It was more likely that he just wanted to see if something entertaining would happen. Sorry to disappoint him then. Feeling a little more confident, he let his eyes stray back to his reflection. Still just him. The toothpaste now officially gone. Only…
Chuuya peered intently into the glass for a moment before turning on his heel and running after Dazai as fast as he could.
Maybe… Maybe Dazai wasn’t right all the time. As he’d looked at himself that last time, for barely a fraction of a second, Chuuya could have sworn he’d seen his reflection grin back at him.