Chapter Text
Jimin has always loved Jeongguk.
Either when they are still a bunch of nervous wreck, waiting for their first live performance or when they are worldwide superstar, right now.
It’s ridiculous, really. His heart goes snap the moment Jeongguk laugh shyly at their first encounter. And said heart falls instantly for the maknae.
It’s been 7 years of stupid crush no one but Jimin need to know. And frankly, Jimin enjoys those 7 years genuinely, he doesn’t need anything more, albeit at some night, he does wish for Jeongguk to think of him as more than brother.
Not one time Jimin ever thought that the 7 years of longing will finally take tolls on his body.
So the moment Jimin coughs strange blue petals that leave dizzyingly sweet taste in his mouth, Jimin feels his tears streak. Realization gnaws at him like his tight grip in their dorm sink.
It begins with him constantly thinking something struck in his throat. Nothing he couldn’t handle. And if Taehyung or Yoongi keep throwing him curious look when Jimin’s voice wavers at their practice, Jimin just need to brush it off.
At one night, they’re stuck together, no schedule yet thunderstorm engulf the whole city, in the living room and Jeongguk laughing freely at something Jimin said, crescent eyes and scrunching nose, tone light and sweet and Jimin can’t breath. He ends up hovering over the toilet, ignoring Namjoon panic knocks at the door. Using a stupid “I eat too much,” as a reason.
Then it all happens, he is in the middle of practicing his line when Jeongguk pouts at him, whining about some dance I can’t get it right, please help me Jimin-hyung. Jimin’s lungs explode, it feels too tight and he sprints through the door, breath hitching and chest heavy with every breath stings for him.
“Jimin? What happens? You okay? ,”
Jimin exhales as hard as he can. His knees are still trembling so he grips the sink tighter.
“Jimin?”
He tries to cough an answer but the petals won’t stop. Aware that Taehyung sounds upset and impatient at the door. Jimin turns the taps louder. Hoping the sounds of water covers his pained hitch.
“Jimin, I am opening the door,”
Before Jimin could mumble something coherent, the door swing with loud whoosh. He uselessly gathers the petals, body shaking and tears streaming down his face, feeling himself breaking when Taehyung gasps loudly at the sight.
“Tae – Taehyung, no, you don’t understand,”
Taehyung halts his step, angrily stares at Jimin. One could see tears pooling in his eyes corner. “You’re right, I don’t understand,”
Jimin stumbles hard and let Taehyung catches him. Breathing like its impossible for him. “It’s just – It’s – I,”
Taehyung growls, frustrated. Hands still securely frame Jimin’s body. “See? You obviously don’t understand either. This is fatal, Jimin. I don’t care what are you thinking, I am telling the others, “ Upon his harsh tone, Taehyung looks sad and his beautiful features lace with worry.
Jimin bits his lip, careless of the taste of blood in his tongue. The whole dorm feels unfamiliar and all he wants to do is curling up in his bed back in Busan, yet in the back of his head, his last part of common sense screaming that he needs to get back practice.
So Jimin forces his lips to smile and fakes his laugh, swatting weakly at the confused Taehyung and chirping a cheerful, “Stop overreacting you silly, I am fine,” and with tight smile pulling Taehyung sleeves to practice room. Praying for his life Taehyung will let this one off.
It takes years of unrequited feeling to turns into a disease, means that one with hanahaki is too stupid to move on, spends years yearning for the same person. It’s a rare disease since no one really falls one-sidely too long, their either move on or get their happy ending with said person.
The truth is Jimin is ashamed. That no one loves him yet he falls hard for one.
All those 7 years he spend adoring Jeongguk from far, 7 years of longing his own best friend alone, the warm secret and stupid blush he always get whenever Jeongguk nears. All of those privacy he owns has to ripped open by stupid blue petals, showing the world how pathetic Park Jimin is, boasting about how silly and stupid his heart is,
It’s shameful how he manages to falling in love for seven years unrequitedly.
They’re curled in the couch. Taehyung presses his cheek on Jimin’s shoulder, careful not to crush Jimin. These days Jimin grateful that Taehyung orbiting around him, because he needs an escape route from Jeongguk’s disappointed stare at him when he refuses to spend time with the maknae.
“Will you at least tell me who?”
Jimin stares at the ceiling, imagining that it will be very easy to falling for Taehyung. How it will make everything less complicated and easier. “Do you really have to ask?” He hears himself muttering. “I think you know exactly who,”
Taehyung sighs loudly, burying his face in Jimin’s shoulder. Voice hoarse when whispers , “I wish it’s not Jeongguk,”
Jimin couldn’t find it in him to say, Me too.
“Jiminie you look pale these days,”
Jimin shakes his head, stops himself from spacing out. Namjoon hands him a bottle and he takes it gratefully. He doesn’t realize how thirsty he is until the glob of water slide smoothly through his throat.
“True, are you okay, Jiminie? You lost lot of weight,”
On their brighter day, when they are not drained from the last performance, Jimin will chirp a “Isn’t that good?” at Hoseok while laughing freely. On their brighter day, Jimin isn’t so afraid when Jeongguk leaning towards them to join the conversation. He eyed Taehyung for help.
“He’s fine, Hyung, Jimin just tired probably,”
Thank the deity for Kim Taehyung.
“You sure, Hyung? You doesn’t sound good these days,”
Jimin bits his lip again, familiar sting as the wound reopened greet him. He glances at Taehyung hopelessly. His best friend shrugs his shoulder, apologizing silently that he can’t help Jimin any further. They both know exactly whose response Jeongguk tries to bail.
Jimin is a carefree person, he isn’t afraid to speak what on his mind, never had any problem on stating his opinion.
Yet today, for the first time, Jimin is terrified to open his mouth. Afraid that the petals jump out from his throat. Telling everyone else about how not fine he is these days.
He manages to coldly spits, “I said I am fine,” before turning around and finding the closest sink to coughs the petals.
It’s Seokjin who catches him at 2 am next day.
Jimin feels restless and decides to drink something. But what really happens is him gagging at the sink in the kitchen, clutching the empty glass so hard. The glassful water he has gulped pouring back out –through his mouth, through his nose- and Jimin can’t hold his exhaustion at the train of thought. Will I spend the rest of my life like this?
“Jiminie?”
He hops and drops the glass at the sink. Hands hastily picking up the mess he made and shoves the petal to the glass. However the cough is not stopping. If anything, Jimin feels like his whole throat will torn at this point.
“Hyu –k , Hyung?”
Jin walks slowly towards the smaller band mate. Eyes tracing carefully at the scattered blue petals, some of them tainted with dark red color because Jimin coughs it too hard. Heart clenching achingly.
Jimin steadies himself, ready for the high pitch screaming of Angry Seokjin. He is ready for the whole ‘why didn’t you tell me?’ thing.
Surprisingly, Seokjin taps gently his shoulder, guides Jimin carefully to sit, pretends that he doesn’t see the glass full of petals and blood.
“How long?”, His voice soothing and calm.
Jimin sees the soulful eyes Seokjin has. How his oldest brother gently rubs his back as if they have the all time in the world.
“3 weeks,”
Seokjin stops. Hands clenching as if it hurts him as much as it hurts Jimin. He doesn’t ask who is it, nor demands Jimin to tell the others, he doesn’t look like he’s about to cry.
He only whispers, “It must hurt so much,”
Jimin could feel the hanging words, I am sorry you have to go through this.
That day, Jimin spend the dawn crying in kitchen, hands clutching Seokjin for his dear life.